Jane L.

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I miss journaling...so I will recommit to journaling and I'll do it here. 

Saw an article on here not long ago about revision surgery and re-vision.  Got me thinking.  Not much in my band right now, maybe 2ccs...been this way for about a year, maybe more.  I really don't remember.  I've been thinking I need to seriously consider revision surgery, maybe to VSG.  I don't know.  I don't throw up  much anymore, but I did tonight out to dinner.  I didn't chew a piece of steak good enough.  After almost 4 years...I still do this.

I keep telling myself 2011 is my year.  To recommit to this stupid band and a healthier lifestyle, I've decided that each Saturday, I will quit something that is not consistent with band success.  Or to put a positive spin on it...I don't do these things:

1/2:   quit bread
1/9:   quit soda, even diet
1/15: quit candy
1/22: quit white rice
1/29: quit putting sugar in my coffee
2/5:   quit...TBD lol

My sweet husband just ordered P90X so we will work through it together.  Hopefully it will help us get into great shape.

I also just ordered a Vita Mix and I'm super excited to get that. 
I will weigh myself and take before pics when I start the P90X exercise program.

I've not had time to jump on the scale (which is good).  Lots going on with the fiscal year closeout and activities at the kids school, flu shots, etc.  Feels like I'm going 100 MPH from the time I wake up till I crash at night.  We ended up in town at dinnertime after flu shots on Thursday so we went to Applebees.  I didn't bring a shake because I wasn't planning ahead so I ended up having a cup of tomato soup.  It was good, but I felt guilty.  All is well know.  Adjusting to my new bifocals.  Yuck it's the pits to get old!  It's going to take some time to adjust to these new lenses.

Did some shopping today which is always fun.

Weigh in tomorrow.  Kinda concerned because its that ToM....we'll see what the scale says.  I feel bloated and icky thanks to just being a girl. 

Still going strong, the cravings are over and my body feels just great!  It has been such a busy week that I haven't even been journaling, and I haven't stepped on the scale even once in the last couple of days...woo hoo!  I found a way to get more liquids in:  I brought a 2 quart pitcher to work with some of those sugar free crystal light iced teas...two days in a row now I've finished all of it by 3:00!  LOTS and LOTS of trips to the bathroom but hey it gets me up and away from my desk :)

Going to see my regular doc on Oct 12 and then I'll make an appointment to see the lapband doc.  I want to make sure my thyroid medication is correct and everything is A-OK before going to see the lapband doc.  I've never really established a relationship here with the lapband doc...when I've gone in for an adjustments, it's just wham-o there you go, see ya by the PA.  She's a sweetie, but still....

That's all to post...just drinking my shakes, drinking my crystal light, and finally, finally feeling good!

made it through week one, not a lick of exercise.  Need to start this week, just walking 2 miles a day.  I'm being gentle on myself... 

Today I feel sick to my stomach...like I could vomit at any time.  Staying on schedule with my shakes tho...wonder if I have a bug or it's just the stress of closeout and not sleeping well for weeks getting to me. Tired and gonna go take a nap.  Even had to leave work early today...very unlike me.

Well, day three and I'm so much more comfortable that I've been the last 2 days.  I wasn't STARTING today.  Sure, I could've eaten, but I didn't feel like I HAD to.  

Work went well today too.  Not much in the way of stress.

All in all, a very good day so far!  Sticking to it...look out day 4!! 

 there.  it's in writing now.

this sucks...I'm hungry and bored.  I know the first week is the hardest so I know this is normal.  I am weak and irritable.  Tomorrow I go back to work after a three day weekend.  I hope it goes ok.  Right now I'm not feeling very strong. 

Well, today is Sept. 6, 2009.  Wondering why I am such a colossal yo-yo dieter.  Today I started Optifast again.  When I lose 20 lbs I'm going to go to my lapband doctor and have a little chat.  I throw up a lot so the Optifast program is really exciting to me right now  as there's nothing to throw up!  no solids, yay!  I don't know if it's that my bad is tight -- I haven't had a fill in, oh I can't remember 4-9 months ago maybe.  I work so much and I just don't remember.  I'm not managing my tool very well.  I think I will ask for a complete unfill so that I can do some physical and emotional healing, then recommit myself to my band.  Even though Optifast is expensive and there's no support group around, I'm going to try to do it for the full 12 weeks.  I was so successful in 2004 when I did the full 12 weeks, lost 63 lbs!  I walked every day and as the weight kept coming off, i upped my workouts to include going to the gym at least three nights a week.  I WANT this for me.  I WANT to be a better wife, a better mommy, a better friend.  

Here are some problems I'm having that I hope will go away:

--poor sleeping
--ringing in my ears
--hard to breathe
--feeling like I'm being suffocated
--feel like I have one of those turkey things hanging off my neck, but mine is fat.
--don't feel worthy of love
--my clothes do not fit me! 

Promise to myself:  
Optifast @ 5/day = 800 calories (allotted 960 so I can add one if I need to).
Walk every single night
Vitamins every day
Weigh on Sundays only
Water, water, water -- at least 10 glasses a day
limit diet sodas to 1-2 a day
wanna chew something?  All the SF gum you want :)

Day 1 - going great, with one Optifast left to go!