gigemgarcia
My life until now.
Dec 01, 2014
At the beginning of 2014, I decided I was going to swallow my pride and talk to my doctor about weight loss surgery. My husband was hesitant at first, but he was soon on board. I went to the doctor, and he agreed that I was a good candidate, and I should look into it right away. My heart sunk, and I wasn't sure why. I think I wanted him to tell me that it wasn't that bad. That I all I needed to do was try a little harder. I was beating myself up, telling myself I was a failure. I felt like my doctor was basically telling me he didn't trust me to have a normal stomach. I think I remember feeling like some sort of pervert or criminal.
I have a long and complicated journey with weight loss. I have been overweight since I was a young child. I have been on extreme diets since I was 12 years old. Pills, shakes, shots, programs... you name it, I've done it and failed. I used to eat secretly. I would eat more than I needed to anytime I was alone/ away from my mom. I was tired of being hungry and tired of my family keeping track of my weight. When I started high school, I was weighed every Friday. If I hadn't lost two pounds, I was grounded for the next week. I was not given dinner until I walked/jogged two miles, sometimes I wasn't given dinner at all. Often, I wouldn't get lunch money and instead given a can of tuna and diet Sprite for my lunch. I would be served special meals on a diet plan and sent to my room while my family ate a different meal. Once I moved out of my parents, I really started putting on weight. I went crazy! Fast food and giant meals, snacking on all the foods I was never allowed to eat. I gained 100 pounds in four years, and another 100 pounds six years after that.
I knew something needed to be different this time. I needed this surgery to be all positive. I needed to work out all my negative feelings about it. So I took my time. I was not in a rush to get surgery. I knew I had to confront my mom about some of ways she tried to manage my weight. When I confronted her, she denied a majority of the uglier things she did. I was heartbroken. Was this the end of the line for me? I love my mom so much, and it is important for me to maintain that relationship. So I needed to find a way to forgive her without an apology. Then, she did, in her own way, sort of apologize. She called me out of the blue after an early morning church service telling me that God convicted her about some of the ways she handled me as a kid (she didn't specify what she was talking about) and she asked Him for forgiveness. She said she was sorry if she wasn't a great mother, but she was doing what she thought was right at the time. Not exactly what I wanted, but enough to work with. So I went to my informational meeting, and I told my parents I was considering Weight Loss Surgery. Much crying and hugging later, I scheduled my first appointment with my nurse practitioner.
Of course, as all of us know, there are various hoops to jump through to get your surgeon and insurance to play nicely. I had various tests I had to take, a lifestyle class to attend, and support group. I needed to get my sleep apnea diagnosed and be compliant with my CPAP for 60 days. I also had to get a psych eval. I took my time, as not to get overwhelmed. I finally went to get blood work and came back with dangerously low Thyroid hormones and a severe Vitamin D, calcium and B12 deficiency. I met with my nurse practitioner who put me on a course of vitamins to get my vitamin levels up. I went back for blood work. When I met with the nurse practitioner again, they were concerned that I had gained 15 pounds over the course of the year and insisted that I lose it before they would clear me for surgery. No sweat. I lost the weight and finally, I was cleared for surgery. I just had to wait on the insurance company. I finally got the call offering me a surgery date of Nov. 18. Unfortunately, it was right around the time of a big event that I was playing music for, and I had to ask for a later date. He then offered December 8th, and my boss was cool with that date.
So here I am. I've completed all my pre-op appointments and am on week three of my pre-op diet (liquids and veggies). I'm almost 40 lbs. down from my highest weight (September). I'm a mere seven days away from my life-changing surgery. I don't feel excited or nervous so much as determined. I still can't believe it's been almost a year since I started down this path. I'm just ready for something to be different.
