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not freaking about the hair thing as much anymore - with most people it comes back- if it doesnt i will tatoo my head- no really i am serious-protein is becoming easier to handle-but of course it is the last week of the month so i am stuck in starch mode which will probably slow mw down a bit- but i am not going to go all insane about it like some folks- just is what it is-

had quite a few tumbles down some steep stairs-blackouts-from low blood pressure and lack of iron- so now i have to play catch-up and take more iron than most wls folks- how many of you have had your doctor actually suggest more salt in your diet- so i guess i can look at it as a blessing-should take me 2-3 months to straighten out my labs- 

i am joining the ymca here in town in 2 weeks-so that will be very good-

i would post new photos of me as a sexy sucubus for a halloween dance this last weekend but i had to pawn my camera for gas money- oh well- maybe later-
love rebeckah
GET THAT PROTEIN!!

lost 56 lbs so far
loosing some hair
cant get my protein down too well without gagging but i am working on it
under my pannis or apron is infected so i need to get it checked
marriage is falling apart
counseling is ongoing
had quite a stint of oral fixation things- smoking sex ect. i have gotten some help for that - but it is true what they say about your head playing games with you- nothing to sooth myself orally with and plenty of time during mealtimes with others to trip on negative things
going to return to church soon
thats it for now kiddies- you can see the myspace blog for more- it got much worse but it seems to be turnning around now
thanks be to god i am still alive i had contenplated on suicide several time over the course of the last month-
you cant be too prepared for this surgery

here is a link to my myspace site- it is also the best way to get a hold of me and converse as i can really only handle one site once the kids are home

myspace.com/phoenixgrrrl

warning i dont edit myself on this site so well you have been warned

so i am wiggin out a little- having all sorts of emotions about surgery and life after- -my therapist says this is normal- 11 days to go

so i am now scheduled for surgery- it is just under a month away- and suprisingly i am somewhat terrified-

i am a bit aprehensive about  possible death during surgery because i have 2 children- i realize that  my fears are blown out of porportion -however there is no getting around the risk- i will have to prepare a will just in case- strangely enough this will actually make me feel better- maybe giving structure to the unknown variable helps me settle things within my heart-

last year  we moved 18 miles outside of spokane proper - this has given me a much needed break from the overly dramatic and co-dependant relationships i was involved in- so i am kind of going through a transition that way- in that i have whittled my friends down quite drastically- which concerns me some for my surgery is on the horizon and my social network has shrunk- so i supose i feel a bit vulnerable-and also a bit like a loner or rebel- as this experience tends to leave me feeling isolated-hence my appreance on this site-

the insurance has gone through the pre surgical tests have been done- now i wait for a call from the doctor for a appointment with the nutritionist -there i will get a surgery date- the nurse says june