My journey into knowing myself and loving me for who I am

Oct 28, 2007

When I first set up this profile I was ashamed to put the actual weight I started with, I was 280lbs+ the last time I dared to weight myself.  I have since lost 110lbs, but recently gained back 10lbs.  This was due to a job loss, sitting at home with not much to do aside from cleaning and cooking and also the fact that my husband and I are splitting up.  Another real factor in my weight gain was the sagging, draping skin and tissue on my face, arms, legs, thighs, stomach etc.  It is really, really ugly, I can not wear a short sleeved top let alone a sleeveless one as the skin hangs and drapes in wrinkles, the same goes for my thighs.  I can not wear shorts at all, can not wear a dress or skirt unless it goes down below my knees because my thighs hang down to my knees.  I loved the weight loss, but hate the way my body looks as a result of it. I can not afford surgery to remove the skin and have been doing weight training and exercises for a year now and it does not do a thing.  So, put all of these factors together and it made me reach for chocolates and potato chips....  Hence the 10lb weight gain, which filled in some of the tissue, but also made me feel guilty and like I am a failure.  But I will triumph over the weight gain, and will loose the remainder to reach my goal.  I must do this for me, my husband did not appreciate me when I was fat as he called me, and when I lost the weight and other men started flirting with me he still did not appreciate me. So, I am glad we are splitting up, he is just a dead weight holding me down and I am better off loosing that weight as well as the weight on my body.  I will have a complete metamorphosis and will learn to care about ME for a change and not everyone else.

I have to learn to not hate myself but love myself and be strong.

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