Wendy M.

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Well my 2nd anniversary is here and I still feel the same as I did a year ago. Worse actually, because I decided to get on the scale, and found out I was 10 pounds heavier. I am so near that 200 pound mark again, that I am freaking out, I am so scared. Yes, I need to get some kind of excercise in, even if it is 15 minutes on the treadmill with ankle weights on. I hope that can make a difference. Because I am so afraid of turning back into my old self. No, I don't SEE the difference, but I do know I got rid of my old wardrobe and can shop, at least for my bottom half, at regular stores. I don't have to spend 60 bucks on 1 pair of jeans, I can get them for 20 at Walmart, and they are cuter. SO I am in terror, and feeling so bad about myself. I just can't handle the thought of the scale tipping into that 2-- mark, I thought I had said goodbye to that.

I celebrated my 1 year anniversary last week. My family took me to Bugaboo's, which was where I had my last big pre-surgery meal. I didn't get to eat much and felt sick after, but it was still a celebration.
 I worry though. At 5 months out, I had someone I know say "this was totally worth it". But I am yet to feel that way. The surgery was such a huge change. y.And hopefully, I'm not done losing yet.
 I just worry why i don't feel that sense of accomplishment I guess. I am really glad I am off all my Diabetes medications. That's the reason my parents presented me with the option, my Diabetes had gotten so out of control, I was put on more and more med's. So I am so glad to be off like 5 pills that I was on, multiple times of day. And, yeah I like that I fit into a lot more clothes.My chest doesn't seem to have gone anywhere unfortunately (though i inherited that apparently from my grandmother), but I get jeans from the misses aisles which after all those years is, well it's just a feeling most people can't understand. So in those ways I am grateful, but I am waiting for what all you fellow out-patients say - So Worth it!! So what's wrong with me?!
 Why do i KNOW I have lost weight, but I don't really see it?!! Why do i feel the same basically?
 And why have i stopped losing?I have been the same for months, and I even then started doing Curves but lost only 2 pounds in the last 4 months!! I really want to have at least lost 100 lbs!! If I could get to losing 105 thats my ideal weight, what I was the last time I didn't feel so horrible about my weight. I so would love to see 175 on a scale again, i cant believe I ever thought that was a bad number!! I want 175!! But it doesnt seem like it will ever happen. I am so depressed...