GypsyGoddess

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I went to my cardiologist appt. on tuessday, her said everything looks fine, but he does want to do a stress test just to cover all bases. Also did the sleep stufy, and was told I have some degree of sleep apnea, and they would contact me in a week about get a CPAP machine. I am actualy looking forward to getting started on that, I need to feel energized after waking up, that way I wont feel so lazy to do my walking. Other than that I lost 9 lbs. since last month , so I guess I must be doing something right.

 

Well...I was at my sisters birthday party last Saturday, let me tell you, I had FUN! I took pics of family and friends, I got some taken of me..... that's the last time I am in ANY pictures until after surgery....well after!

OMG I feel disgusted, ashamed and  just sickened. I look soooo HUGE and horrifying! I did what I had to do around the house today, but after that I just stayed in bed...... under the covers........where no one can see me. I know I should just turn it into a positive and get out and exercise but I just feel sooo  bad. 

My 9 year old son's first opening day is tomorrow, and it's going to take all my will and avoidance of looking at myself full view into a mirror so I am able to go with a happy face.

I am so tired of feeling like this, I mean I have been watching what I eat & have been doing my walking and I have heard from a few people that I look smaller, but at this point ,it wont make much of a difference because I am so far gone from being seen as an " acceptable" fat person.


I pray to God that he give me strength and a positive attitude through this whole surgery process.

Ok so  had my first app. on March 25th. I weighed in at 349.
I was about 360 last October. Now its April and several appts.  I fit better into my jeans.   I am really trying here . I don't want anything to delay setting a surgery date!