Dexter D.
Hubby who would like to help if he can.
Nov 05, 2008
I met Dawn in 1981, 27 years ago. SHe was young and had been married for just months, I was also married and had been for 15 years. My first wife and I had 2 daughters, one was 10 and the other was 6. We became best friends, to the point of getting together all the time. 3 years later in 84, my first wife was in a car accident, she was pronounced dead on arrival at the hospital. They saved her life, but she was never the same, most friends said she was nuts, crazy. In 85 she sued me for a divorce and took the girls and most of the valuable things in 86 but that is a story in itself. I needed my close friends even more and saw Dawn and her hubby alot along with a couple of other close friends. In 1987, dawn and I were talking on the phone and to my surprise, she was planning on leaving her husband. She told me what had been going on and I said I was behind her decision all the way as her husband was a really bad husband for many reasons. She left him and we started dating, although as we both reflect back, we fell in love on the first date. She moved in with me just before Christmas of 1987, and we lived together for 2 1/2 years. We were married on september 2 of 1990 in Tahoe Ca. When we first lived together she weighed about 145, by the time we married she was up to about 150. She gave birth to our son 14 months after we were married. She didn't get below about 165 after giving birth and from then on and she slowly gained weight. By 2006 she was up to almost 240, our sex life was effected over these years, and her health was dwindling. She decited to look into weight loss surgery, and came to the conclusion the RNY was the best for her. At first I was leary having heard of some deaths due to this procedure. After the first meeting with her surgeon, I was more confident but still not completely sold on the idea. Then we went to another meeting with the Doctor and many other hopeful people. After that 2 hour meeting,and having met and talked to the surgeon, I was sure this was for her. I was there during all the meetings, I was with her in the hospital during and after the surgery, I never left her side except to eat. She got out less than 24 hours after the surgery. No one had told us about the ride home and it was terrible for her, she could feel every bump in the road, and it was a 120 mile drive. I stopped once to give her a break. She was miserable for about 2 days, then started to feel better and better. She returned to work in less than 2 weeks and felt really good. Her recovery was short, her weight loss was steady, and she felt better with each passing day. She was 224 on surgery day, and her goal according to the doctor was 125. We both felt he was crazy, but 11 1/ 2 months later she was there and beyond. She has become a nutritional expert and found ways to completely control her weight up or down.The one thing I must say is that her determination to overcome her bad eating habits is the real clue to her success. She says she will never be overweight again and I know she means it.
Now for me.
What I experienced was awful during the next 2+ years. At a couple of the pre op meetings they explained what I might expect to have happen but they just scratched the surface. At first I thought she was loosing weight too fast, this lasted for a couple of months. Then as she got down to 140, I thought she had gotten frail, and I was afraid she was weak and getting weaker. At this point I was afraid of hurting her so anything physical was pretty much out of the question as far as I was concerned. She then went below her goal of 125, I was now afraid she would not be able to stop the weight loss and that I was going to lose her, a recurring thought again. It took her a couple of months but she managed to get back to her goal of 125 and keep it. This was when I started going balistic. We have an age difference of 15 1/2 years. I now felt she was looking to do better than me, an old guy, for someone more her age. This has always been in the back of my mind, but to me it was becoming reality as she was looking good and I was just getting older. This happened about 1 year 10 months post op. She started getting more exersize and her body was now reshaping itself an she traded fat for muscle. Her shape became more pronounced than I had ever seen her, even better that when I first met her. This just comfirmed my beliefs that I would soon be replaced by a new model. The jealousy raged in my mind all the time, and I was accusing her of things she is incapable of doing. This lasted for about 4 months, all the time I found myself making her sad, crying, upset and mad at me, while all the time I knew deep inside I knew better, but I was unable to get that feeling to surface. I now know better, alot better. She loves me as much as I love her, I am not so demanding, I don't need to know where she is every moment, and that she will be back with me as soon as she can every day. I now see that her getting attention form others is a big complement to me as she and I are one, and she only dresses up to look good because she can for the first time in many years. She never looked so good in her life until the last 8 months. We are doing fine now, experiencing each other in a way we haven't in some years. She is very healthy and strong, and the woman of my dreams, I love her so.
Now for me.
What I experienced was awful during the next 2+ years. At a couple of the pre op meetings they explained what I might expect to have happen but they just scratched the surface. At first I thought she was loosing weight too fast, this lasted for a couple of months. Then as she got down to 140, I thought she had gotten frail, and I was afraid she was weak and getting weaker. At this point I was afraid of hurting her so anything physical was pretty much out of the question as far as I was concerned. She then went below her goal of 125, I was now afraid she would not be able to stop the weight loss and that I was going to lose her, a recurring thought again. It took her a couple of months but she managed to get back to her goal of 125 and keep it. This was when I started going balistic. We have an age difference of 15 1/2 years. I now felt she was looking to do better than me, an old guy, for someone more her age. This has always been in the back of my mind, but to me it was becoming reality as she was looking good and I was just getting older. This happened about 1 year 10 months post op. She started getting more exersize and her body was now reshaping itself an she traded fat for muscle. Her shape became more pronounced than I had ever seen her, even better that when I first met her. This just comfirmed my beliefs that I would soon be replaced by a new model. The jealousy raged in my mind all the time, and I was accusing her of things she is incapable of doing. This lasted for about 4 months, all the time I found myself making her sad, crying, upset and mad at me, while all the time I knew deep inside I knew better, but I was unable to get that feeling to surface. I now know better, alot better. She loves me as much as I love her, I am not so demanding, I don't need to know where she is every moment, and that she will be back with me as soon as she can every day. I now see that her getting attention form others is a big complement to me as she and I are one, and she only dresses up to look good because she can for the first time in many years. She never looked so good in her life until the last 8 months. We are doing fine now, experiencing each other in a way we haven't in some years. She is very healthy and strong, and the woman of my dreams, I love her so.
