Linda V.

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Grrrrrrrgrrrrrrrrgrrrrrr......

My paperwork was submitted on Friday, October 26th. STILL Pending Review. GAAAHHHH.....Imma go NUTS.

Rrrrrrr. I am sick. It's from working in a call center with bad ventilation and a bunch of people who come in sick and don't have the sick time left to stay at home (like me). I have razorblades in my eyelids, I swear.

I am cranky. My body has no clue what it's doing. I haven't had a cycle since July and now I think I'm trying to. The whole menopause thing is just crappy. Let's hope I get over this before I get put on the pre-op diet in 6 weeks, or LOOK OUT! LOL

Other than being bitchy, whiney and crabby; I'm ok. I will be calling the surgeon's office tomorrow to make certain that all of my paperwork has been submitted to Tricare and everything is in order. I figured I would give them a few days before I start pestering them again.

I have been an eating MACHINE for the past few days. Hormones suck. I need to get my head in the game and get focused. I don't wanna make it back up to my highest weight of 329. No more good-bye to ice cream moments. I did manage to get 30 minutes of cardio in this evening and will be doing more tomorrow evening. I hid the AA batteries I bought for the Wii where the kids can't find them. I went to use my Golds Gym workout the other night, only to find that the batteries were dying. Wii tells you and won't let you play. So, off to the Evil Empire I went and bought me an 8 pack of Energizers. I give the kids the rechargeable ones, you would think they'd use them.

It's snowing here in the Salt Lake valley. The first snow of the year. I hate winter. Maybe next year I can learn to snowboard.....

I have a "tentative" surgery date. I misquoted myself on the main message board, but who the heck cares? LOL The date WILL be reality, I will have confirmation by Wednesday/Thursday of next week. The date is December 15th. The girl scheduling the surgeries and I got a little over excited and thought December 16th was the Tuesday. They do surgeries on Monday and Tuesday, with consults on Wednesday and Thursday.I'm pretty chuffed.

Tricare is actually one of the easier approvals to get. You just need to get the referral from your PCM to Tricare, get the consult scheduled, get the psyche eval, 3 years of weight charts from your PCM, any pertinent testing/bloodwork from 6 months or less prior to surgery, a complete physical 6 months or less prior to surgery, a referral from your PCM to your surgeon and I also had a tracker for my diet for the past 3 months. That was just cake, though. Everything is in the insurance expert's hands, she will submit it first thing Monday. She says that there will be no problems. Easy, right? Meh, not really. I'm there, though.

The doctor even laughed because I was so prepared and so ready to get this done. He left the exam room and told the staff, "Get this lady a date, she's very ready!" Everyone was really nice and so helpful. They were actually filming a segment for KSL (local TV station) when I was there.

I went to my PCM after the surgery consult for my physical. I'm healthy, I'm just obese. The vampires took 5 tubes of blood. On the way home from work yesterday, Maddy from the doctor's office called and left me a voicemail telling me that there was something she had to talk to me about. I was like, "OMG....please don't tell me I'm pregnant. I am fixed, he is fixed...if I am, we're gonna name him 'Jesus'!" She just called to tell me the beanheads at the lab dropped a vial of blood and I had to come in to give them another vial. *whew*

So, yesterday, I go to the psyche eval. I've been seeing a counselor at the same practice for about 2 years now. I had to see a phd guy this time. I took that 2 hour test on Friday last week, and I came back for the results. I go into the office, he looks at me and says, "I'm sorry, Linda, but there is just something that disturbs me about your results..." I'm like deerintheheadlightsdeerintheheadlights....."Ohhhh?" He tells me, "Yes. You're distubingly normal." I about passed out. Five minutes later, I walked out with his promise to fax over the recommendation. He better, I about had a damned heart attack! Don't tease the fat chick.

I also got bad news yesterday when I went to work. I was all ready for my promotion as were 6 other people from another department. I got pulled into the manager's office yesterday and told that they cancelled the training class. No promotion. I guess I'm lucky I have a job,right? I sat there and CRIED. I've been working my ass off for two years and thought I had finally made it out of the billing department. The Brown Giveth. The Brown Taketh Away. (I work for UPS) Ah, well, karma believes in balance.

It's been a crazy crazy week.

Ok. Guide me, you folks who are post op!

Seminar was last night, I registered for my consult when I came home. There was a problem, and the computer did not issue me a log in ID for the surgeon's site so I e-mailed the point of contact there. She called me this morning. I am scheduled for my consultation on October 21, 2009 at 8:00 am. Nice! While I was at it, I scheduled a complete physical, all the bloodwork and the psyche eval. I just have to take the FMLA paperwork in to the doctor for any appointments having to do with the surgery so I can take time off work and not get in trouble. I also have to take the release letter to the doctor I had from 2006 to 2009 to get all the prior weight loss stuff from him. And breathe, I gotta remember to breathe. I'm hoping that the military can find my 2 volumes of medical records....wish me luck on that one, they've been missing for 3 years. I don't know if I'll need them, but I want to be over prepared. That's how anal retentive I am.

What else do I have to do?

Ok. So I finally went public on Facebook and My Space. I cannot believe how much support I've gotten from my friends and coworkers!

I went out with my BFF for chai tea, which is something we typically do once a week, and really talked to her. I clued her in on the surgery, what would happen during the procedure and what would happen before and after. I told her what I would be able to eat/drink and what the mortality rate is for the surgery. I put to rest all of her fears and answered her questions. She's relieved and is prepared to support me to the fullest. This helps immensely.

My husband is uber excited. LOL He knows it's not gonna be all sunshine, that there is a lot of work to do both physically AND mentally. He cannot wait to see what I look like when all is said and done.

Our video conference last night was amazing. I took photos of myself after my shower yesterday because I have not allowed a full length mirror in the house in about 10 years. I spoke to him about the photos. I had no idea that I looked that bad! I asked him if it bothered him. He says that it doesn't really, and that he accepts that he is partially responsible for my weight gain.

I was like, "Say what??"

He said that it was his wish to have 4 kids. I had my daughter by my first husband, and we had 3 more children. Our family was complete. He WATCHED them do my c-section with the last baby who weighed 10.5 pounds. He said that horror movies didn't have so much blood. My husband said that since I had the three kids and that damaged my body and caused me to put on weight, he feels that he has some fault in this. He also said that since I have raised these kids basically on my own because of the military; he  understands the loneliness that I've felt, the frustration, the anger and the reason why I self-medicate with food.

Considering everything that we've been through over the past 10 years, I was rather astonished by this.

He wants to come home and take care of me after the surgery and is looking forward to retiring in June 2010 so he can come home to rebuild our life together.

I AM SO EXCITED!!! I can't wait for the future that I used to be so afraid of. I will have my husband/best friend and my BFF behind me all the way. Life is good.

II got the PCM approval on Friday. I told them I would call them on Monday to give them the name of the surgeon and the information.  I did that at 10:30 am yesterday morning. I just got e-mail from Tricare. I have the consultation and 3 office visits to the surgeon approved! That quick! I was pretty danged amazed.

I've beentalking to some of the people at work who have had this surgery done. (RNY) One of them got deathly sick after. She started throwing up about 3 months after the surgery. She did not call or go to the doctor right away and almost died from a vitamin deficiency. Another lady has lost 200 pounds, but is out on disability due to health issues. The young man is doing fantastic! He's lost almost 100 pounds and has had no problems as has another young lady who has had the surgery.

I know that not all of this is going to be smooth. However, I want the process to get there to be as painless as possible. The pain will come AFTER the sugery.

I went to the site of the surgeon that I have chosen for the gastric. This is what I found:

Once registered, someone from the Surgical Weight Loss Center of Utah will call you to schedule your initial consultation. At the initial consultation you will spend time with the physician, exercise physiologist, dietician, psychologist as well as the insurance specialist. Usually this first visit will take about 2 ½ hours.

We will continue to work and communicate with you until you are ready for surgery. Once given clearance from the insurance company and clinical clearance, we will call to schedule the surgery and set up a pre-op appointment with the physician. The pre-op appointment is usually set up about 10 to 15 days prior to surgery and will fall on a Wednesday or Thursday at 3:00 pm.

All surgeries are scheduled on a Monday or Tuesday. A clear liquid diet with protein shakes is required one week prior to surgery. This diet will be discussed at the pre-op appointment if not addressed sooner.

The process can take anywhere from 2 months up to 6 months depending on criteria of insurance carrier. Some insurance carriers require a 3 month/6 month supervised diet prior to approving weight loss surgery.

Ok. The timeline could be a reality. Depends on how long I have to wait for the consult. I'm calling them on Monday to check how long it normally takes.

If I am told it cannot be done, you better believe I'm going to find my way over, around or THROUGH. Arrrrr......
 

I saw my new PCM today and he has referred me to the Surgical Weight Loss Center of Utah! He also put me on blood pressure meds because he seems to think that would help my case and I do need them. Not crazy about the guy, but we'll get this done. He asked me what I've tried and chuckled a bit when I told him about the last doc putting me on a glucose blocker.

I'm hoping to get the surgery done as a Christmas gift to not only myself, but my family. It means I will be on disability during UPS peak season, but they will understand.  Woooohooo! I think being off during the month of December when I work at the UPS call center is almost as good as getting the surgery.

I have seriously taken a long look at why I'm doing this. I'm going to list the reasons just to serve as a reminder. Feel free to wander off.....

1.  Health. I have weighed over 200 pounds for 18 years. My health is starting to deteriorate.
2.  To be here for my kids and future grandkids.
3. This is totally superficial, but I wanna look H O T for my husband when he returns from Japan. I want to have him walk by me in the Tokyo aiport when I go pick him up in May because he doesn't recognize me.
4. Face it, the world is not made for women this size. Most of the things I do are awkward because of my size.
5. I don't want my kids to be teased because their mom is so fat. (yes, the "f" word)
6. I want to feel better about being Linda. I want to feel comfortable in my own body.

I have so many things I want to do with my life and I feel like my weight hinders me. I use it as armor, I use it as comfort, I use food to anesthesize myself from pain and loneliness. This must stop.

If the planets align, this will happen. I know this is not the easy way to lose weight, but this is the last possible solution for me. I have not failed at weight loss, I've just found 500 ways it does not work.....

I told my best friend that I had scheduled the seminar. As I expected, she went OFF. Well, she's not trapped inside this body, she has her husband RIGHT HERE, she does not have the worries of  job, kids,  bills, house, cars and all this responsibility. Her husband takes care of all that.  I have to take care of myself and everything else right now. I don't have the option or luxury of having someone here to help me.

I have always supported *her*, even when I didn't agree with her decisions. I don't know why this is such an issue for her. I appreciate the offer of her wanting to help me with changing my lifestyle. However, I know that any lifestyle change will have to be made because I HAVE TO make it. Sure, I've changed my lifestyle before, only to go back to the bad habits. Which is why I weigh 293. I think if I have no other choice, then I will be able to do it and will be able to keep the weight off. Who on Earth would want to go through WSL TWICE???

Just because I'm going to the seminar and exploring all of the surgical options, does not mean that I will be getting the surgery absolutely, either.

She's also not with me 24/7 and I don't like calling and bothering people when I'm having a bad day. That's what food's been for. *sighs*

Oh, well, I cannot count on her support on this issue; I will have to find my support elsewhere. I'm just really frustrated.

I called Salt Lake Regional yesterday and I am scheduled for the information seminar on October 13, 2009 at 6:00 pm. I have so much support from my coworkers, they're my biggest fans.

I have not told my best friend that I'm doing this. I won't until just before I go into the hospital. I have scheduled the seminar previously, and she has talked me out of it. It might be easier for her to loose weight than it is for me. She has lost 100 pojnds this past year, I have lost 55. I have 130 more to go. I can pay attention to all the cliches about baby steps, etc, but if I don't do something and SOON, I'm afraid I'll have a more serious stroke than the last one.

I have the support of my husband, but this has not always been so. We were actually going to divorce in 2007. Our paths were so different and we wanted very different things. (Like he wanted 25 year old girls....) We've moved past that and are now comitted to working this out. I know things are not going to be easy, but nothing worthwhile ever is for me. LOL

I have heard people say that WLS is the easy way out. NOT SO. I have my eyes wide open. I know that this will be one of the most difficult things that I have ever done. I know that I have a major lifestyle change and a major attitude adjustment to go through when it comes to my food addiction. I have absolutely no misconceptions.