IleneRachel
Been a while
Jan 16, 2013
I know a long absence usually means someone's having problems staying on track. Not that I haven't had my ups-and-downs since I last blogged, but I've actually done okay! Since the very end of March of 2012 I've actually lost almost 50-pounds. I've fluctuated within 6 or 7 pounds, but that's better than going up and up and up. I had started the BOB revision process of seeing doctors, etc. But since I have been able to lose the amount of weight I have, I don't think I'll wind up having further surgery (not even sure if my insurance company would say I qualify anymore). Plus, I see how mind-related my problem is.
Since I was able to lose almost 50 pounds, it proves that, even though my pouch is formed strangely and the stoma was made larger than it should have been, the surgery is still working for me. When my mind is on track, my body is, too. So I realize I have to focus on the mental/emotional things that effect my progress. Or lack of progress, as it has been lately. I am scheduled for a BSCI workshop, Success Habits of WLS Patients (or some similar title). I was supposed to go this coming Saturday, but another person who is attending, who I'm friends with from my LIPO group, badly broke her foot and needs me to drive her but she can't go until March, so I won't be going until then. In the meantime, I am still attending the LIPO Support Group meetings. Haven't been to my doctor's group in a while, but will try to go when I can (missed this month's because I'm in PA at the moment). I "attended" an online Bariatric Support Group Meeting of Connie Stapleton and Cari De La Cruz (A Post-Op and a Doc) tonight. It was kind of interesting. I will try to attend it next month, hopefully will be able to hear it better when I can use my head phones. Also hope I'll be more awake! LOL
I am definitely more comfortable at my present weight (around 190) than when I was over 100 pounds heavier. But I don't feel that I'm ready to stay at this weight. It is too frustrating having to wear mostly plus sized clothes. And I don't mean 14s or 16s or even 18s. If I could fit in 14s, I think I might be happy. Not that I wouldn't be absolutely thrilled to fit into 12s or below, but at least a size 14 would feel normal to me and wouldn't necessitate my having to shop in large woman stores and departments. I don't feel totally deformed anymore, but I am not really happy with my body the way it is. I don't expect perfection, but I'm very, very, very far from it!
When I'm back home, I hope I can get myself to find a therapist. I think it may make a big difference. Of course, that's assuming I find a good one. That's the hard part. I need someone who will not just listen to me, but doesn't go totally the opposite direction either. I need someone who will help me find out why I do or don't do things and help push me to do the work I need to do. It's not like I don't know how to eat (although sometimes I could use some help in planning) and how to exercise. I have to find out what's preventing me from keeping my motivation up and doing what I need to do. And "I don't want to" isn't an acceptable excuse!
Well, that's all for this installment! LOL
Keep on keeping on!
~~ Ilene-Rachel ♥
