Karyn E.
I am just beginning this journey, with my "informational session" scheduled for 6/1. I cannot wait to start putting post-op pictures up here!
I do not have any recollection of a time when I did not struggle with my weight, although I look back at pictures, and I wasn't really overweight as a child or teen. I do remember my mother referring to me as her "biggest" even though my sister wore a bigger size than I did (but we're not going to go there, because the blame game doesn't accomplish anything). I'm sure that will get discussed during the psych eval, anyway. 
I have been obese my entire adult life, but with each pregnancy, I jumped it up a bit. I didn't gain during pregnancy like most women. I always kept my pregnancy gain between 20-25lb. But then right after I delivered, I always sort of "blossomed". I have never figured out why. It took a while to get pregnant for my youngest. I was very discouraged, and medicated myself with food, as always. After I had her,, I had in incisional hernia. It took 10 months for my doctor to listen to me ("it's just fat from your pregnancy", "it's just muscles that haven't gone back into shape since your pregnancy") but because I knew there was something wrong with my body, I felt very fragile, and was therefore quite dormant for nearly a year, that was immediately followed by a major abdominal surgery, so all told (trying to conceive, pregnancy, hernia, surgery), there was about 3 years of unhealthy lifestyle. I gained a lot during that time, and it hasn't come off. 
I have done Weight Watchers. A few times, actually. I had success once, for 4 months. I lost 45 lb. This was before my last pregnancy so I felt great with the weight off, but as always, I "fell off the wagon" and gained it all back. This is my biggest problem: staying on task. 
I am tired of having to consider my weight in everything I do... "will I fit?" "will it hold me?" "will there be a chair there that I will be comfortable in?" "will I take up too much room?" "will I look silly doing that?" etc. -- and that doesn't even take the question of endurance level into account. It is a consideration in everything I do, and I'm sick of it! 
I know that WLS is not a cure, but a tool. But it's a strong tool, and one I need. I know the things I need to do to get to surgery day (well, I will know more after my information session, but I've been doing a lot of research, and talking to those around me who have had the surgery) and I'm in - 100%. I also know the life-long changes that will take place after the surgery. And I'm committed. 
I cannot wait to be a normal size, and be able to keep up with my kids, feel good in my own skin, not be self-conscious everywhere I go, and just be able to function in our society! And I hope my changes will be a positive influence on my kids (portion sizes, etc). 
I'm so ready...wish I was already there. But it will be here, soon enough. I welcome the support and community that I will find here.
