isenephthys

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i just found out that my disability claim has been denied because the surgery was not seen as "medically necessary." per a review of my doctor's records by the liberty mutual doctors.  i've been paying the premium for this insurance and i *really* need the payment to make ends meet until i'm getting my regular paychecks. 

i do not have diabetes, sleep apnea or hypertension.  but i did have a bmi around 50; i have pcos and insulin resistance/metabolic syndrome.  my weight was affecting my job, my health and my sanity.  my health insurance deemed it medically necessary, not elective.

i need to fight this and win.  i'm going to try to get all my medical records from 2004 to present (when my health started to decline) to show proof of all the above mentioned conditions and write a letter to the insurance company.  i don't know what else to do.

i know that i have several messages from friends in my inbox; i am so sorry that  i haven't gotten to posting responses yet.  i am just so tired, i don't do much these days.  a full panel of lab tests revealed no anomalies, so i guess it's just a normal fatigue at this point.  anyway, i'm not online much because i don't really have the energy to do the basics, much less get online.  so i am really sorry for being a lameass.

all that aside, i'm doing ok.  i've lost almost 30 pounds in 6 weeks.  i'm sick of protein drinks.  i made it to the "deli meat and fish" phase of the diet, but kept puking them up... i'm back on liquids per my doctor.  well, c'est la vie.  i know that the end result will be worth it.

i am a little bummed b/c the hair thinning is beginning.  i'm having a hard time reaching 85 gms/protein daily.  i'm averaging 65-70 gms.  if anyone has any suggestions, i'm all ears!

feeling better today.  it's my 2 week surgiversary!  yay!!! i've lost 15.5 pounds since my surgery.  wow! 

on the downside, i'm feeling a little tired still and my incisicions hurt.  grr.

this comes as a bit of a surprise to me, but my mood is much lower than i expected it to be at this stage.  today was tough.  i spent all day yesterday traipsing through the golden gate renaissance faire.  it wasa  lot of fun!  i then made the mistake of falling asleep without taking my vicodin.  this morning, i woke up with some definite abdominal sore spots.  that just set the tone for the rest of my day.  i am trying so hard to be positive and compliant with the post-op instructions... i feel like i should be progressing more quickly and feeling like a million bucks by now!  having pain to the level that i can't lie down comfortably or need to splint my abdomen at times to walk/breathe is a bit of a downer.

today i went for a walk along the beach.  it was gorgeous weather; grey and misty.  the breeze coming from the water was invigorating.  still, those dang pesky incisions were sore and temperamental... i only managed a 25 minute walk before i had to drag myself home, sore and more than a little cranky.

i feel like i have to push myself ultra-hard just to get up and get dressed.  then i have to push to get up and go for my walks.  is it normal to feel this downturn in mood only 2 weeks post-op?  i am on an antidepressant; should i talk to my psychiatrist about making changes?  i know i worry a lot because my mental and physical well-being are so very important to me; i want to make the right call.  there really isn't a guidebook that has addressed all of these day-to-day questions that come up.

i am averaging 60 mg protein daily; i am still working to find a protein supplement that works for me.  i want to get up to 70 mg protein; i am so scared about my hair falling out.  i've already begun pre-emptive biotin, zinc, coenzyme q10 and evening primrose oil supplementation.  i hope it works!

on a happier note, the scrub pants that were becoming uncomfortably tight at the beginning of the month are now hanging loosely off my body.  although the scale only shows a 14 pound weight loss, my clothes are telling a more optimistic tale!  :)  i know that i have a long way to go, but i am encouraged by the changes so far.

ok, yes, i realize i need to post surgery stories.  and that i never bothered to take pre-op pics.  oops.  ran out of time.  they will all have to be from about a week post-op.  *shrug*  whatever.  see my level of concern?

i suppose between the meds and only sleeping a few hours at a time, i'm going more than a little stir-crazy.  tonight, my usual "animation domination" wasn't on the fox network so i found myself absolutely riveted to hsn.  really?  seriously?  hsn?  *sigh*  yes, i broke down and bought the susan lucci microdermabrasion kit.  could have been worse, but i don't want to start a precedent.  geez. 

i just need to get back on my sips of h20 and take more beach walks... and turn the idiot box off when i'm feeling vulnerable!  :P

it has been a while since i have posted.  a lot has transpired since i last updated here.  my surgery got postponed at the last minute.  i was in total preparation mode, at the salon getting a last minute touch-up when i got "the call" from my surgeon's office: due to a contract renegotiation between blue cross and good samaritan, surgery is off indefinitely.  i felt like i was hit in the chest.  i had a mini-panic attack, went with my bff to the saloon across the street to mull things over.

i spent all day (literally) on the phone with the doctor's office, the hospital and the insurance company trying to get some answers.  it was an exercise in futility.  i didn't get anywhere, except a few more panic attacks and a general foul mood.  ugh! 

the good news is that i got a call on tuesday evening (or was it wednesday? it's all blurring together now.) from my doctor's office stating that the conflict has been resolved and now all that needs to happen is getting a new date.  it will most likely be august 5.  i am still waiting to hear back with a new "carved in stone" surgery day. 

i'm having a hard time getting back on track.  i got off my diet and am in a generally depressed funk.  i'm trying to tell myself that if this is my only "surgery complication" then i am a very lucky girl indeed.  still, it's been an emotional ride.

i talked to my manager at work, who seems sympathetic to the situation.  i go back on sunday for 2 weeks and then (hopefully) go out again for surgery for real this time.  i made myself exercise, start getting back on the diet, journal my activity/food intake in fitday.com.  i'll get over this depression, but d@mn it's hard. 

i even bought some small sippy cups and baby flatware on the advice of my new case manager to get into the habit of sipping my water.  (i'm really a bad gulper.  it's going to be hard to work on small sips!) 

anyway, i'm starting all over again!

well, i suppose awareness is the first step in the process to correct one's shortcomings.

i've realized 2 of my overeating triggers:

1.  i wake up in the middle of that day and feel like i "have to" eat something in order to go back to sleep.

2.  when i'm up late at night, i get anxious and bored.  food alleviates both.  

:/  not the best behaviors in the world.  i need to figure a way to replace the actions with something more healthy.

i am officially down one whole pound.  

geez, this dieting thing stinks!

more slimfast and grilled chicken. 

i just got onto fitday.com.  it's definitely making me more aware of my intake.  and i like that i can track my activity and intake all in one spot.  i don't like that you can't add custom activity.  (i played wii fit for one hour.)

i think that's it.  i'm going to drink one more shake, then go to bed. 

ok, i'm doing all right on this preop diet.  i kind of feel like it's a half-ass diet b/c it's just slimfast, one "sensible" meal and a snack.  but it is a diet nonetheless.  i hope to see some weight loss results soon though.

the weird thing with this dieting attempt (which i've never experienced on all my myriad other diets) is that i've got a lot of weird emotional sh!t coming to the surface for processing.  i dreamed all day long (i'm a daytime sleeper- work night shift) about my family and realized when i woke up that i am still carrying around a lot of the resentment that they generated.  i was treated very unfairly growing up while my brothers were given everything.  it hit me like a ton of bricks when i woke up with the realization that i might still be just a *little* bit bitter.  i guess i get points for not turning to food to switch off the internal voices.  yay for me, i guess.