Frustrated

Nov 22, 2013

22 more lbs to go. Yes, I have 22 lbs to go reach my pre op weight loss goal. This process is so long. Nobody said it would be easy or short. I'm frustrated. Mad. With myself? Most definitely. I get mad with myself because I got myself into this shape. I know that if I knew then what I know now I would have taken better care of myself and its not too late because I'm here and I can do something about it. I am doing something about it. "Keep working at it". "You're doing good". Can't you just hear it in their voices when they say those words? I tell you what I hear when that is said to me. You can do better. What aren't you telling me? You should be losing more than this? I expected much more weight loss especially someone of your body type. And the one that I get all the time from my exercise support leader, "Well, the numbers don't really matter much as long as its going in the right direction" shorter... You're not working as hard as you should. I sure all this comes from a place of love but I'm in a space now that I take everything to heart. This time two years ago I was so big that I would get short of breath just going to the door to answer it. I have CHF, Diabetes, High Blood Pressure, High Cholesterol, & Sleep Apnea. I'm sure that there are people that are heavier than I and I don't understand this. I have to lose 10% of my Excess weight While I'm sure the same goes for those heavier than I that are considering surgery. If someone heavier than me were to lose weight and their 10% put them at the weight I started at and that is considered goal for them how is that different? I understand about the less pain and ability of the surgeon to reach the area they need to but I guess I'm missing something there. Don't get me wrong I'm thankful to be able to do this. I'm just so tired of being the biggest person in the room, on the bus, not being able to walk around the block without giving out of breath, having to pay twice for clothes and healthy foods. I'm just frustrated at this point. I just had to let that out. It's been building up for awhile. It was time to let go! I'm not mad at anyone but myself for all this. I am grateful for each person that has helped me and will continue to help me throughout. 

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