jantho

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For years I've approached the holiday season with great trepidation. For someone who is struggling with weight issues and doesn't want to be, the smorgasbord of food laid out can be rather daunting. This year is a bit different for me. It's been a year since my weight loss surgery and I've lost 90lbs. I don't want a single fat cell to swell back up in victory, so I must tread lightly around the dinner table this year. I want to be especially leery of the fat content of the foods I'm consuming.

Right now, it's not very hard for me to eat small amounts of food before my tummy is telling my brain that I'm all done, but the choices I make still matter. If I eat the light meat of a roasted turkey, I may only be looking at consuming about 4g of fat and 190 calories. Not too bad. Then I add in some cornbread dressing, broccoli rice casserole, and a sliver of pumpkin pie and I'm looking at consuming about 700 calories and 25g of fat in one meal. Of course, I won't be able to eat an entire serving, but wow! I left out the rolls, smashed potatoes and green bean casserole. 

There really is no wondering why I've had such a hard time with weight. I live in a society that focuses on consumption. Food encompasses all of our holiday traditions and social gatherings. I certainly don't mean to place blame here, only making an observation and coming to realize that I have the power to recognize my surroundings and make the changes necessary to live a healthier life.

This year, instead of focusing on the food and how many calories I'm consuming, I'm going to focus on the ones I'm with. I'm going to eat my protein first and have a fresh fruit snack or glass of water a couple of hours before dinner is ready. I'm going to eat a bit slower and talk a bit more with my family at the table. This year I'm going to say thank you to my new body; not by filling it with a bunch of high calorie, high fat foods but, by recognizing that I have the discipline to ignore the treats. The food is not the reason for the season.

A year ago I looked like this...
It's been exactly a year since I was wheeled into the OR to have my gastric bypass surgery. I can remember that day vividly. It's hard to forget the anxious energy that flowed through my body as I prepared for one of my most life changing experiences. The first few months after my surgery were painful and frustrating. I posted a few blogs about it here at OH. I regret not writing more about my experience. I may try to write more about it in the future.

As I stare at my before picture in amazement, it's hard to believe that it's me with the fat cells swelling around my mid section and making my cheeks plump. The fat consumed so much of me and defined who I was for so long that I don't think I've gotten to the point where I'm comfortable with the new me just yet. But I don't think it's taking long for me or my family to realize that I really have changed and for the better.

Even though I'm down almost 90 pounds and I'm feeling great, I know my journey is far from over. I have to struggle daily with making the right food choices. I have to force myself to exercise because it's not exactly my favorite thing to do.

Before my surgery, I read article after article and testimony after testimony that described weight loss surgery as merely a tool to acheiving your weight loss goals. Now, all those articles and testimonies make sense. While the first few months were rough for me, I'm so glad I went through with the surgery.

Now, I don't shy away from pictures, I can take my children roller skating on skate night at their school, I don't get anxious about eating in front of people, and I smile so much more than I did before.

My experience with weight loss surgery may have started out rocky but a year later has brought about wonderful results and I'd do it all over again.


Today I look more like this....

Well, the endoscopy went as expected. I woke up in the middle. Fortunately, my doctor was kind enough to give me a little more juice so I didn't wake up completely, because that wouldn't have been good. He stretched a hole or something. Had a hard time focusing on all the medical explanations. But I shouldn't have problems with pain. I've been sore, which is to be expected.

If only that were the end. I had some vomiting, if it can be classified as such, the day after my endoscopy. This only made my abdomen more tense and sore. I've also had some major diarrhea, none of which seemed to be a concern. I was told to see my primary doctor, who immediately hooked me up to an IV for fluids and all that jazz. I can't say it helped. I still feel lousy.

I was told to prepare myself for the possibility of feeling lousy long term. Basically, "Honey, you need to deal." So, in my attempt to look on the bright side, I've lost 52lbs. in 2 months. I'm over half way to my goal weight. I stress the my part because I don't think it falls in line with the "charts."

The whole point of having my stomach chopped up was to be healthy, looking good after losing the weight is the bonus. I wanted to get rid of the pain in my hip and the fibromyalgia flare ups. Losing 52lbs has certainly helped that, but I'm not feeling like any of it has been very healthy. I'm told that part will come. The lifestyle change will get better. I should be eating more. I could, minus the pain and diarrhea.

Wah Wah! I know, right. I'm truly jaded right now. I need to work through all this mental stuff. No matter how educated I felt I was before my wls, there is so much that I couldn't prepare for and that is the very stuff I need to work through right now.

If I had it to do all over again, I would have waited until my husband was home from the deployment. I miss him so much. I miss his support and encouragement. Although we talk often, it's not the same as having him here. Sometimes, I just need a hug.

Tomorrow I will be having an upper gastroesophageal endoscopy. I have to admit, I truly don't want to. I've been having some pain in my left side, near the surgery site. X-rays and CT scans aren't showing anything and my doctor feels the endoscopy is the next step.

I've been sick all weekend. At first, I thought it was from the stuff I had to drink on Thursday to have the CT but I'm starting to think it's something else. I would love to throw up right now, but instead it's coming out the other end. I know, I sound like a big baby and lately I have been.

I'm a full-time mom and student that doesn't like my schedule being thrown off by pain and annoyances like diarrhea. With my husband deployed, and friends who truly don't understand what I'm going through or why I chose to do this, it gets a bit overwhelming.

I think my doc thinks I'm depressed. I'm simply suffering from the alone army wife syndrome. I just don't like going through all this stuff alone. I've always been the type of person that has loved being surrounded by family and friends. Right now, I don't have that. I have my children, but crying on their shoulders isn't an option.

I know I'll get through this. I just need to quit over-analyzing and dramatizing my situation. It's time to be a big girl.

I've been trying to adapt my new life with little pieces of my old life. Mainly eating out on a Sunday after church. My children love going to restaurants, and so do I. I just hate having to order.

At first, I wouldn't even order a drink. I figured I wouldn't be able to drink it anyway, so why bother. After having several waiters triple check that I wasn't thirsty, I started ordering water, and I just wouldn't drink it.

The drinking problem could be fixed, but the food part, not so much. At Outback Steakhouse, I order a sweet potato with everything on the side. The waiter makes sure to ask me several times, "Are you sure you don't want anything else?"

Sometimes, I'll order something that has chicken and pick the chicken out of the meal. Inevitably, the manager of the restaurant will stop by and ask if I'm satisfied with my meal. It appears as if I haven't eaten anything, but in actuality, I'm quite full and very satisfied.


Feeling like a social alien doesn't end with an outing, even my friends give me side glances or questioning glares when they don't see me touch any of the things brought to a function.

I have several that understand or have other friends who have had wls, but for the most part, it's just too weird. Too weird to see me go from chowing on the chips and salsa, to me bringing my own snack in a tupperware container. Some just think it's funny that I can survive on less than 1/4 cup of anything. Frankly, so do I.

I suppose being the weird one will pay off down the road. Right now, I just don't want to stick out anymore. I don't want people noticing what I'm eating. It seems that when I was a fat heifer, no one cared that I was killing myself with greasy burgers and milkshakes. Now, everyone is concerned. Funny how that works.