General musings 12/6/09

Dec 06, 2009

I started journaling my  food and exercise on sparkpeople.com.  I have been fascinated by it and how much easier it may make my post surgery dealings with food.  I am trying to make small changes in my lifestyle now to reduce post surgery change anxiety.  I read the posts and blogs of people who have already had surgery and I'm almost envious.  It feels like their is a light at the end of the tunnel.  I will be able to take this weight off and keep it off.

I think about the reasons for having wls.  To be honest, I think the first reason I want surgery is to conquer the battle of losing weight and reaching goal.  Something I have never done.  To think of it, I have never been close enough to even decide on a goal weight.  I am ready to be thin.  I want to feel healthy.  I want to wear size 12's. I want to wear medium scrubs at work.  I don't want to be the biggest person at work anymore.  I'm tired of failing at weight loss.  I want to be thin to help preserve my hips.  I want to shop in any  store I walk into. I don't want to feel self conscious in public or at my kids sporting events.  Sometimes I feel I don't belong.

I am so excited about all the possibilities, but I get nervous about the attention I will receive with weight loss.  I'm not an upfront, outgoing person.  I usually just like to fade into the background. I'm a good worker but not a good leader.  I am very thankful for the love and support from my husband, children, and friends on OH.

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