jen17
Whenever I think about my history of weight gain, I imagine a gradually moving pulley making its way up a mountain. I've been gradually moving up this mountain of weight gain my entire life. Tall, lanky and tomboyish as a child, bubble butt in high school, adorably chubby in my late teens early 20s. Obesity didn't hit until my 30s but I've felt powerless to combat it -- until now.
As of October 2010, I am 300 pounds (at 5'10"). This weight not only causes my congential heart condition (paroxysmal atrial fibrillation) to act up more than it should, but it also has created GERD as well as chronic back pain. And, while I have a hypoactive thyroid, it has been managed with medication for the last seven years so I only have myself to blame for my weight loss.
For me, food is all about tecture. Emotion. Fulfillment. I've been working hard to change this perception but it's been hard to put into practice with the never-ending pit that is currently my stomach. Even in speaking with counselors, the information makes sense but I still eat until I am full. I am hoping that this vertical gastrectomy will help me with the physical part of my weight struggle, while I continue to work on changing the emotional reactions to food.
I'm nervous. I'm scared. I'm excited. I'm thrilled! I first had my consultation with my surgeon on Oct. 6 and I am now scheduled for surgery on Nov. 10. After years of doctors suggesting this approach, when I finally made the decision I wanted it NOW. I want to feel healthy. I want to BE healthy. I want to be active. I want to wear regular clothes. I don't want to be "the fat girl" anymore.
This is the time. I have great supportive friends, a loving family and an amazing boyfriend who is proud of me for taking this step. It's funny.... I thought that once I found a love who loved me for who I was I would be OK with being fat. If anything, that made me want even more to be healthy and active so I could extend my time with him.
And, while I do have a great offline network, I know there are things I can't discuss with them. I am so grateful that this board is here and that people have shared their experiences so the rest of us can learn. I hope to get to know some great people during my time here and also hope to give back and share experiences that can help others, too.
