jen41766
Personal Comments
Starting point the morning of surgery (8/5/02): 440 pounds, 5'10", BMI=64
Hoping to eventually be 180ish, but anything under 200 would THRILL me!!!!!
I am 36 and so excited about "life after surgery". I can't even dream the possibilities of doing so many things that others take for granted. I'm even excited about being able to exercise and eventually call myself a swimmer again after 20 years! Right now my hobbies are reading and my computer -- notice how sedentary -- but I hope to start swimming, biking, dancing, and horseback riding over the next couple of years. (Notice - I did not say walking, running, jogging. I can't imagine EVER liking those!!)
I have an 8 & 9 year old who are nervous and excited about Mom losing weight and being able to do things. They're amazed at seeing the portions I'll be eating and have declared that they'll need their own mini-fridge in their rooms!
My husband is extremely supportive, I can't imagine trying to do this without him although there will be some things he learns about me that have been deep, dark secrets -- my weight, limitations that he hasn't recognized (tying a shoe!), what a baby I expect I'll be after surgery!
My friends and family are also extremely supportive and very excited about the potential results. My friends especially have been encouraging. My family has some fear about undergoing such a major surgery. Mostly people are so proud that I have made this decision!
I am, of course, very concerned about the fact that I am about to significantly alter my insides in some unnatural way, about the adjustment to food that I'll be making - especially emotional eating, about what the actual results will be, about interacting in a world when I'm not obese, about how much weight I'm going to gain before surgery as I enjoy all the "lasts"!
MY JOURNEY:
The Beginning --
I have spent enough time on this site now to really appreciate how quickly my journey has begun, even though I felt like it was moving at glacial speeds! I spent hours on internet research in February looking for weight loss help (drugs, whatever) and kept running into WLS. At that time it wasn't something I had ever considered or could imagine!
In April, I went to a conference in Las Vegas -- if you've been to LV, you know how much WALKING is involved, I couldn't even make it through a casino without having to sit for a bit! Then (HORRORS!), the hotel bed had a full-length mirror at the end of it, so if you sat on the bed, you stared at yourself. It was a revelation - how could I have gotten that big? And a turning point. I went to my PCP the day after I got home and before I said a word she asked, "Have you ever considered weight loss surgery?" I bluntly said no, but that was enough to get me thinking.
I started the research, the thinking, the discussion with my hubby, and within a week had come to the conviction that this was what I needed to do. By mid-May, friends and family were on board - supportive and encouraging. My initial consult was May 28 and we scheduled surgery that day for August 5. Insurance approved immediately and I'm simply in a holding pattern until July 29 & 31 when I have doctor visits, then surgery!
The 2 months between consult and surgery is what's killing me - I wish it was over and I was already losing! But seeing what others are experiencing, I'm thankful! I did not have to do a psych eval or sleep test or any of the other testing that I hear about. I also can eat up until the night before surgery. It seems remarkably easy in comparison - those having troubles are in my prayers!!
A note about pre-surgery eating... Of course, the sane logical advice is not to go crazy. Why gain more weight when you're trying to lose? I, naturally, did not take that advice. I ate like a pig, anything and everything. Especially ice cream! I'm a teacher and it was summer break, so I really had a good opportunity. I also went out to eat A LOT!!!!! 2 months worth of lasts!! Gained 14 pounds between consult and surgery. DON'T REGRET ONE OF THEM. It was very emotionally satisfying for me and I honestly believe it was a form of closure to my old way of life. When you need to lose as much as I do, what's an extra 14 pounds compared to the months of satisfaction? Of course, when I get down to having those last 14 pounds to lose and can't do it, I may have a different tune....
THE HOSPITAL EXPERIENCE
Surgery was scheduled for 7:30am August 5. My husband, Will, was with me. We'd sent the kids to the beach for a week with their grandparents. (My daughter thought that when they got home I'd already be skinny!!)
Monday morning we checked in early (5:30am) and went to pre-op where they send you to the bathroom to undress and get into your gown - yes, they had one to actually fit all the way around! - start an IV, ask a bunch of questions, drink some nasty stuff, etc.. There are about 8 beds in the area. Around 7:00, they call all the waiting families back to the pre-op area to gather up your stuff and wait with you for a bit. The anesthesiologist introduced herself as well as the surgical nursing team, then we just had to wait for my doctor. I had been told to ask the nurses at this stage for a private room, so I did. I didn't have one the first night, but was moved the next day - maybe because I had asked here? It was kind of weird having a little pre-surgery bonding experience with strangers who I would never see again, but we were all quite sympathetic toward one another. Late in the process they brought in a man who appeared to have been in some kind of accident, I heard his doctor tell him, "We'll close those up and you'll go home tomorrow."
Dr. Tillquist finally arrived (only about 10 min. late) and I was off to the operating room, they scootched me onto the operating table and started their prep. I don't remember a single thing beyond that point, not even some of the things they told me I would do. Next thing I knew, I was waking up in the recovery room, still very groggy and out of it - not sure where I was or who the people around me were, then they wheeled me off to my room. In the meantime, Will and all the other family members were waiting in the surgery waiting room. After the first 20 minutes, a doctor came out -- the accident man hadn't made it. Needless to say, this made everyone else waiting a little freaky. Then my surgery went longer than planned - about 4 hours compared to the expected 2 1/2. At least they didn't have to switch to "open". I asked my surgeon about it later, he just said it was hard - I think the bigger you are, the harder it gets, especially to do it laproscopically. Then they didn't tell Will when they moved me to my room. So he was in the waiting room for about 7 hours total that day, a little stressed!
My first clear recollection after surgery was excruciating pain in my BUTT. It took me a minute to diagnose it as a cramp, but I was having a terrible cramp that had apparently been occurring for quite some time. It hurt BAD!!! Will tried a massage that helped, but was obviously a little awkward, so he couldn't do much. He told me to hit the morphine, but I didn't want to, feeling that it would simply prolong it since I'd go to sleep and wake up still cramping. It did finally stop, but left cramped muscle pain, which I STILL have 5 days later. The nurse said it probably started on the operating table. I don't know why they didn't shoot some muscle relaxer in!
I had the nose tube that goes down your throat (it was not comfortable) - it acted as suction and the first day there was quite a bit of blood in the tube, the IV/morphine pump, a catheter, my legs were attached to those binder/massage stockings, and an oxygen mask (it kept my face hot and damp - yuck). All in all, I was very bed bound! I also had a fat lip and some weird sores around my mouth - they said it was from where they hook the ventilator tube during surgery. My lip is still fairly numb even today, though clearly healing. I have 5 incisions (Will likes to refer to them as stabbings!) on my stomach, all above my waistline, 3 kind of in the center and 2 to the left. One of them hurt fairly badly and one is hugely bruised, I asked why the difference and they said some are just used to scope or for saline, while some are where they actually do the work. All are small enough to be covered with normal sized band-aids.
Compared to the cramp, nothing else hurt much at all. By early evening I was sitting on the edge of the bed comfortably and took a short walk with Will. The walking didn't hurt except for the cramped muscle every time I took a step! Will was vital in helping me "heave" myself around, trying to move and find a comfortable position, stuffing pillows under all sides. They rigged a trapeze above my bed to make it easier for me to shift, I really came to rely on that - wish I had one at home! I got a roommate late Monday night, they came in loud, and then she watched TV all night long. I don't really remember much. I do remember around midnight Monday sitting up and trying to clean up some so I didn't feel so gross.
Tuesday Will came in early - I was supposed to have my leak test around 8, then they postponed it to 10, finally did it around 1. I was still pretty out of it, mostly due to the extreme discomfort in my butt and back from the uncomfortable bed positions. Plus I felt greasy (face and hair) and was starting to get stinky!
They FINALLY took me to radiology to do the leak test - x-ray everything, make sure it was all hooked up right. They let Will come with me, thank goodness! Poor Will was having his own pain - a gout flair up, plus sore muscles and bruises on his hand where he'd been helping me so much. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have made it through Monday and Tuesday without him there! Anyway, in radiology I had to drink that NASTY stuff for the x-ray, it's hard enough to drink while prone on your back, but for it to taste so horrible... Fortunately, everything looked good!!
When they took me back up, they moved me to a private room - how nice!! Then took the nose tube out - what an improvement on nose and throat!! Also switched me to the thin little nose tube for oxygen rather than the mask, another huge improvement. Still extreme discomfort in back and butt, minimal pain from incisions. Tuesday night was pretty uneventful. They did start Heparin shots Tues. Two a day in your stomach to help prevent blood clots.
Wednesday morning I got to take a shower - what a difference that makes! They left me by myself, which I thought was a odd time to pick for my first "solo", standing doing shampoo.... Then they took out the IV/morphine pump and started my liquid diet and oral pain meds - vicadin. (Vicadin isn't as good as morphine!) Also took out the catheter and unattached my legs from the massager stockings. I was FREE!!!! Could actually get up and go to the bathroom!! I still had the thin oxygen tube, but could take it off whenever I got up. They were very concerned with the "pulse ox" readings, they're supposed to be in the 90's. If I left the oxygen off for a while, mine would drop a little. Will went to work that day and was surprised when he got there that night at how much better I seemed. Of course, just when things are going well... I started my period! What kind of timing is that!?!?! The nurse said it's really common - some kind of strange side effect of anesthesia. That didn't help the comfort issues! Plus they were so concerned about every bodily function -- had to measure urine, wanted to know if I burped, farted, pooped... No privacy from the nurses! I walked a couple of times that day -- LONG walks!! And was pretty "with-it". Had lots of phone calls. Played cards with Will.
Thursday morning I got discharged! Packed up, headed home around 10:30. The ride home was bumpy and I felt like I was holding my stomach together, pressing a pillow against it. That made my incisions hurt. Lovely to be home!! I still can't find comfortable positions to rest/sleep because of my back/butt soreness. I miss that bar above the bed to help me shift around and get up! But I'm doing/feeling pretty good. My incisions are more sore. I had a long nap Thursday afternoon - best sleep of the week, then a pretty restful day today. In fact, I'm going to the nutritionist support group tonight. I have some food questions now that I'm actually trying to "eat".
All in all, it was probably as positive as a hospital experience could be. I had never been in the hospital before and was really freaking out about the actual stay (more so than the surgery!). Everything went according to the schedule my doctor had laid out for me the previous week. The nurses were not specifically WLS nurses, so weren't always able to answer questions, but they were all very helpful and encouraging.
POST-OP:
The liquids stage was pretty easy and it didn't bother me to just have liquids. Especially once I moved out of just "clear" liquids. Water, crystal light (raspberry ice), sf popsicles, Herb Ox broth, were my mainstays, then moved into skim milk, carnation instant breakfast, creamy soups. Hard to get the protein, but I made sure I had at least 60 oz. of liquids. The weight just flew off to start with -- 33 pounds in the first 10 days home from the hospital!!
Then WHAM!!!! A screeching halt! How can you plateau at 2 weeks during liquids?!?!?!! But I did. NOTHING for 6 days. Not a single pound! During this time I moved into the mushy foods. Let me just say baby food is cruel and unusual punishment - how can we feed that to poor innocent babies? My cat turned up his nose at it!!! I finally just threw those away! Applesauce, sf pudding that I add protein power to, mashed potatoes, refried beans, this stage is a little more tasty! I finally broke the 6-day plateau and am praying that it won't happen again!
It is amazing to me that my first real food craving was for a piece of dry toast. Not chocolate, not ice cream - just dry toast. My second big desire was a meatball. Oh well, those days will come! I am not really ever hungry, though when I eat, I could easily eat more than 2 ounces. I have only had that "full" pouch feeling once and have not had trouble with any foods. No vomiting or nausea. It is sometimes hard for me to watch my family eating something that I really like or that smells wonderful. It's very hard to not drink while eating, though I think I'll be able to get used to it. The hardest thing is to break the bad habits - I sat down to read my book and automatically reached for my (non-existent) M&M's, I made dinner and almost licked the spoon, etc... It definitely makes me conscious of where all those bad habits are!
Exercise is still not where it should be. I've been taking it pretty easy while healing (a good excuse?). I am doing a lot more than pre-op. I love Leslie Sansone's 1-mile Walking Off the Pounds video. You do her 18-minute program and you've walked the equivalent of a mile right in your living room! And she's upbeat without being annoying! I'm planning to add Sweatin to the Oldies soon and water aerobics and swimming. Eventually I'm planning on Curves too. And I'd like to have an exercise bike. I'll keep you posted on the progress!
ONE-MONTH UPDATE:
Well, it's one month since surgery. I'm so tired tonight! I haven't been taking my vitamins like I should, I think that's a big part! Starting tomorrow I switch to my full supplementals instead of the disgusting children's chewables (which have gotten more and more disgusting with each passing day). I have to take a pre-natal (extra iron multi vitamin), a sublingual (under the tongue) dose of B-12, and 1500 mg of calcium CITRATE with extra D every day.
I'm down 49 pounds - when I got so close, I was hoping for 50, but oh well! I still can't see anything noticeable, but I can feel a difference in some of my clothes - it's amazing to me every day that things are longer when they aren't so filled out!!
The hugest improvement so far is the debilitating back pain that kept me from walking more than 25 ft seems to be gone. It's no longer daunting to walk, I'm even intentionally walking further! I can tell when I start to overdue it though, because I start getting abdominal cramps - weird. I want to start swimming, but I have one incision that just won't heal. It was the one that he did the most work through and is also right on my waistband, so it gets rubbed constantly. Two other incisions have already healed so well they're hardly noticeable. I still have a hard lump in my abdomen from the last heparin shot they administered in the hospital (I call it the ping pong ball). My doc is totally unconcerned about it, but I think it's weird.
I got to start soft foods this week, getting in the 60 g of protein a day is much harder than it sounds when you can't eat much at a time! I'm looking for good protein supplements (powders) to add to anything and have tried to find a good protein bar -- tonight was the taste tests: we had 16 different brands/flavors (they're expensive!) and everyone tried little nibbles. Most of them were HORRIBLE. One of them we all had to rush to the sink to spit out! UGH!! I did finally find a couple that I can tolerate. I guess it's worth it for 30g of protein. By the time I eat protein first, I can't have anything else. (Although my favorite lunch at the moment includes Snackwell Cracked Pepper Crackers - they are sooo good!!)
My biggest problem is I can eat too much. I hardly ever feel full even when I eat WAY more than I'm supposed to. I shouldn't be ABLE to, so I'm concerned. I also eat way too fast which contributes to eating too much. I know I should just stop, but it's hard. At least "pigging out" now is 1 1/2 pieces of toast (all those carbs!) instead of 1 1/2 pounds of M&Ms!!
It's still hard mentally. Habits ingrained for 36 years are very hard to break. I frequently want to eat just because... I'm not even hungry. I haven't really felt hungry much - just a couple of times. I don't feel "full" often either, though my "pouch" does make itself known sometimes - a feeling of pressure in my chest. I haven't had any trouble at all with vomiting; so far all foods have been fine for me. I'm not willing to risk "dumping", so I'm staying away from sugar like crazy! Protein can be a little boring. It's easy to get 60 oz. of water, I usually get a lot more -- teaching does make you thirsty!
It's definitely time to pick up the exercise. That's very hard too. Not something I've been terribly fond of for the past couple of decades! But I need to balance out actually getting to eat food now! I am able to walk and stand again - my biggest pre-op problem was back pain. I don't like walking, so I haven't been exercising like I should. I'm planning to start swimming next weekend and probably water aerobics as well. Once I've lost some, I think I'll probably join Curves.
It's nice to be back at work, I went back after 2 1/2 weeks. I'm starting to get into the routine again and missed my friends. I couldn't ask for better people to work with - they've been so supportive!
I'm currently on a hunt for a portable chair that can hold me. My daughter cheers every Saturday and the games don't have bleachers. Today I stood for 1 1/2 hours and thought I might die!!! Of course, one month ago, that would have been literally impossible for me, so I was actually somewhat pleased!
The only night that I can say was really bad so far was at the end of a LONG stressful day (first day back at work, a hearing at my homeowners association about my dogs barking, a $1400 car repair bill, and a dying pet) and I went to the grocery store. When I walked by the Halloween candy display, I had to fight back tears when I saw the Reeses Peanut Butter Pumpkins. When I got back to my car I actually cried over not being able to eat them anymore! (No, Reeses are not more important than my life!) It's funny: pre-op I would not have been able to name my favorite candy, but in the past month it has become so clear! I wish I had overindulged in Reeses before surgery and gotten them out of my system!
Other than that night, this has been a very positive "journey" so far!!
TWO MONTHS POST:
I'm about a week early on my 2 month post, but saw the surgeon yesterday for a follow up, so thought I'd report... In 7 weeks, I'm down 64 pounds! Doc says I'm doing great and keep it up! Needless to say, I'm really happy about it!! At the same time, I have a totally irrational "funk" because now that it's started, I want it gone yesterday! Also, so many people lose 30-40 pounds and start dropping sizes and I haven't changed sizes at all - still can't fit into anything new! Although the old stuff is a bit looser.
I am eating everything now except totally staying away from sugar. There is nothing that I can't tolerate. That's good! For a while it was scaring me because I never felt sick and could eat more than I should be able to. I called my nutritionist in a panic who suggested eating baby carrots and apple slices with my meals (or should I say with my PROTEIN?!) to aid in feeling satisfied and to give my stomach something to work on. That has helped. I pushed it last week because of thinking NOTHING bothered me, leading me to overeat. Surprise - I puked it right back up! It took me 3 experiences (I was actually happy the first time!) to learn that I wasn't special and couldn't eat that much! Not a week I ever intent to repeat! I frequently still want to eat more, but will usually just make myself stop. I'm not hungry, just wanting it.
The hardest thing for me is still the habit breaking. There are so many times that I used to eat without really thinking about it. In the car, while reading, after school, when I gave my students candy.... that all became habits and now when I do those things it's still so automatic to want food. Sometimes I really,really miss it! Forming new habits is hard! I also still eat too quickly/don't chew enough and it's very hard not to drink with a meal. Every day I do my best. Amazingly, I don't miss sweets as much as I anticipated except for specific things - like the Halloween candy corn pumpkins when I pass them at the grocery store!
I still have full support from so many people. I think this would have been so hard without everyone's encouragement and belief. So many people have praised my courage, I've even been called a hero! And now that I'm a "loser" their interest is a continuing extension of their care & concern. I don't always want to tell people what I've lost - mostly because I hope to lose so much and I don't really want everyone to figure out where I started. But they are the ones who confirm and reinforce that progress is being made and it shows! I need to hear it from others because it's so difficult for me to see it myself. My students are also very supportive although they can't comprehend no sugar and no pop. They love to ask, "Can you have...?"
So, I must admit exercise still hasn't made the priority list. My daughter broke her arm this month, prohibiting the start of swimming, though it looks like that's on next week's agenda! I did buy an exercise bike at a garage sale and plan to actually get it out the garage this weekend so I'll start using it. One of my friends told me Curves is running a special this week, so I may go ahead and join, but hadn't really planned to yet. At least I'm going to go check it out tomorrow. "Tomorrow" - it's a dangerous word!
I found some protein bars that I like - Carb Solutions Chocolate Mint and Balance Gold Caramel Nut Blast (of course BG has less protein and more sugar, but they actually taste good). I haven't made them a habit, but it's nice to know they're available. The only thing I've been able to add protein powder to is pudding. My kids have learning to stay out of mom's protein pudding! Getting all the protein is still a problem for me on most days. Though now that I'm eating meats again, it may get easier.
One HUGE benefit to surgery so far - I am sleeping through the night again! I didn't realize how sleep deprived I must have been, but the difference now is astounding! I no longer fall asleep each time I sit still (yes, even in my classroom!), and feel so much more rested. Also, it's easier to get in and out of my car!
One negative (kind of gross..) is that my periods appear to regular again and unbelievably heavy. I know I'm releasing hormones like crazy, but I'm loosing so much blood, I don't see how I can avoid anemia. In fact, I just had my PCP do some blood work to make sure iron was still ok! Everything normal!
Babbled enough for this month, I guess. Life is getting better!
OCTOBER 5, 2002:
Since this is officially my 2 months, I thought I'd add a little whiny note. In the last 3 weeks, I've only lost 7 pounds - pretty depressing really. Although I am still thrilled with the overall loss. I know all the things to do - more water, more protein, exercise, (less popcorn!). It's just so hard to shake those old negative habits of finding reasons to avoid exercise or eat right! My energy level is still not very high, I read about so many others having so much energy - I did during weeks 3-4, but no longer. I'd like to get it back - I think I'd be more motivated to exercise!!
I did wear one of my old outfits today that I haven't worn in a year! It's cute too, I'm glad it fits again! Also, I was able to sit on the ground at my daughter's game and get up on my own (well, ok, I did use the tree for some support)! Something that would have been impossible 2 months ago!
Oct. 11, 2002 -- Finally seemed to have broken that 3 week plateau and updated a friend, so I figured I'd post that update here as well, though some may be repetitive info...
Life does get normal again! I'm at nine weeks and it almost seems like I've never had the surgery! Except for being careful about food choices. I can eat anything, but haven't tried any sugar. I don't want to discover that I can tolerate it, because based on all of my other experiences, I'm pretty sure I could. That would be dangerous. Nothing makes me sick and I can eat a ton at a time (something else I wish I'd never found out!). It's dangerous because if I had will power, I wouldn't have had to resort to surgery! When I start to feel a little down, though, I just compare it to what I used to eat and I realize how far I've come in such a short time!! It's amazing to me that I'm starting to not like some of my old favorites... I don't really like pizza anymore or pasta noodles. Hard to believe. I'm not really missing sugar either.
In my nine weeks, 4 of them have been plateaus. Pretty frustrating, except for I've still lost a lot - 74 so far!! My nutritionist says when you lose fast, your body has to catch up. But when I asked her catch up with what, she couldn't answer! Oh well, I console myself by knowing that even if I don't lose pounds (or inches!), I am making such better choices than I ever have in my whole life.
A head's up -- with all the changes you're making, it's likely that you'll get constipation. I did and wasn't really prepared. I starting taking Colace after reading a lot from the library on AMOS, but it didn't do much. Amazingly, it was just this last Friday when I porked down about 10 sausage/cream cheese baked in crescent rolls (they were soooo good! I didn't even feel tooooo guilty about being so bad!) that it got better - fast! What a relief. I think your body needs a little fat every now and then!
I've slipped in my water, so I'm making a conscious effort to get in all the liquid every day. That probably contributed to both the plateaus and the constipation! I'm also committing to exercise. I got pretty lax after going back to work, but today we join the rec center and start swimming. And I started walking again last week. I like the Leslie Sansone Walk Away the Pounds video - it's 18 minutes and she's not too annoying and when you're done, you've walked the equivalent of a mile.
I have some trouble getting in all the protein as well. I have been searching for a big dose, easy intake, but am finding it hard. After lots of very expensive research on protein bars, I can manage to eat Carb Solutions Chocolate Mint and Balance Gold Caramel Nut Blast. I haven't found any protein shake I like yet, but after puking up a couple, I think I have a mental block against them. I also haven't found a powder I can add to things except for pudding. I make protein pudding regularly. I finally broke down and spent the big bucks to try the SportCookie that everyone says is good, and they are!!! They cost $2 a piece though. Although, they are big and that's about the same as a protein bar.
It's so frustrating to read about all the people who can't eat anything, they act like it's the only "right" way. But I guess it's not right for me, or many of us! The head hunger is a HARD battle, especially for those of us who can still eat! I struggle every day. I'm not sure what the "fix" is for that. I have finally decided that it's OK for me to eat more than 2-4 oz -- even 8-10 is sooo much better than 2 months ago before surgery. I'm trying to establish new, realistic, lifelong habits and having regular meals with my family (just MUCH smaller portions than before) is an important part of that for me. Also, establishing exercise for the family - not just me! Of course, I will still maintain that push for extra protein and enough water!
I'm going to see my whole extended family at Christmas and am hoping to look different than July 4th when I saw them last! I'm trying to psych myself into an extreme effort for the next 2 months. Of course, that's still in the "magic" 6-month window that my nutritionist promised me (HA-HA-HA!!), so it should be easy (HA again!).
Off to the pool!
'10/15/02: 3 days in a row at the pool, I'm on a roll! Feels good! I wanted to take just a second to record health issues that may or may not be connected to weight/surgery... numbness in my right thigh -- an "offshoot of the lateral femoral cutaneous nerve" that has the blood supply blocked, will go away when I lose weight. Painful shins - like the whole front is bruised. Back pain that lasted about 2 weeks, but seems to be going away now. Dry, DRY skin all over with little red dots (rash) all the way up the underside of my arm fairly regularly. And the biggie -- I'm constantly freezing! Don't understand it, don't like it. I used to be Ms. Hot-natured, fans everywhere, throw the covers off, but now... I could have 10 blankets on me at night, shivering in the pool, fingers always cold! It's making my husband CRAZY!!!!! We were always very temperature compatible before!
10/22: Just a short whine -- yet ANOTHER plateau! Broke the last one, lost 13 pounds in a week. Stopped dead again. How can I have so many plateaus?!?!?!?!? Totals report: 83 pounds, 33 inches in 11 weeks.
10/24: The last 2 days, people have FINALLY noticed that I've lost weight! At least people who know I'm losing. People who don't know haven't noticed. Oh well. I also finally see a difference, which is motivating to stick with the program. It's harder now that I'm allowed to eat anything (except sugar!) and larger quantities because it requires self-control and smart choices. It was easier when they said "you can have this, this, or that!" It's still hard to get the required protein. I do get full and stay full though, so that's good. I'm hoping by Christmas everyone will be able to see a difference, especially since last time everyone saw me (July 4) was my biggest point!!
11/6: Yesterday was 3 months. Minus 88!! I'm going to beat my 100 pounds in 6 months goal. I saw my surgeon 4 days ago, he did blood work and said I'm just slightly low on iron and to double up the pre-natals for a couple of weeks. I wonder if I should just take an iron pill. Guess I'll try his method first. (After all, he is the doctor!) I am still depressed about these endless plateaus, but I guess my body will do what it's going to do. Honestly I'd be happier if it was a slow steady loss, rather than a fast loss then a standstill for a while. I feel good, we've been good about getting to the pool and I'm still trying to walk more and do Richard Simmons (though the first time I did it, it kicked my butt!).
I've been having trouble drinking enough lately, which I know contributes to the plateau. I'm trying to force myself, but sometimes it's not easy. I just don't want any more water!
I'm starting to fit all my old clothes - it's like having a whole new wardrobe. I even fit into a pair of jeans! They're huge, but they fit!
11/17/02:
An update because I wanted to share about the WLS Fashion Show! My nutritionist sponsored a fashion show from her support groups - people wore their "before" outfit, then took it off to reveal "now". Most shared how far out, how much lost, size difference, and something they are thankful for. It was really cool! Most of the surgeons were there too. It was really good for me to see the "destination". Sometimes I get in my head that I'll be a stick (ex: Debbie Underwood!), but seeing where all these people are is so much more realistic. Most wound up in the 10-14 range which I would be thrilled with! I also saw what 190 looked like on a lady shorter than me and it made me realize that I think I'm going to look "normal" in the low 200's. That was very encouraging! If I can get to the low 200's, then have plastic surgery.....
A lot of people talk about their losing goals - I thought I'd record mine, so I don't forget....
Mine are backwards benchmarks (I want to note them all on my way down since they were significant on the way up):
Starting weight at surgery = 440
1) First consultation weight = 426
2) Weight a year ago at last major diet effort = 400
3) Bridesmaid weight for Arlene's wedding = 350ish
4) Able to weigh on a regular balance scale = 349
5) Century Club! = 340
6) Wedding weight = 330ish
7) 1/2 way to WL goal = 320
8) Lowest Phen-Fen weight (1997) = 302
9) A new century = 299!
10) Lower than my husband = 280ish
11) Able to go horseback riding = 249
(the stables have a HUGE scale out front and if they question the 250 max weight, they make you get on it!)
12) Julie's purple glitter dress weight = 199
Also a new century AND plastic surgery time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't have much between 200-250 because I honestly don't remember when I weighed that, it's been so long! Perhaps when I get closer to it, I will identify some stepping stones. It gives me a lot of personal satisfaction to be going backwards!! I have currently checked off the first four and am really close to the Century Club!
11/22 WOO-HOO!!!!!!!!! Official member of the Century Club! I was helped along this week by having a really bad cold and not wanting to eat anything, but whatever works! I've lost 101 pounds in 14 1/2 weeks! Amazing, yet still just a drop in the bucket.
4-MONTH UPDATE:
I'm actually 3 days late posting, but close enough. I'm 4 months out now, down 106. The overall loss is awesome and I'm really pleased by it. But, at the same time, I'm so frustrated because I lose really fast for about 5 days, then I plateau for 3 weeks. I've been on that schedule since the beginning. Nothing seems to alter it. Of course, I don't gain during my plateaus which is good. I just bounce back and forth in a 3-4 pound range. Then I have my loss spurt again. Then don't move for the rest of the month. I'd almost rather have constant, slow loss -- I think it would feel more satisfying. Plateauing 3/4 of the time makes me want to scream! I know there are things I can do - more water, more protein, more exercise - but... I do the best I can, everyday.
I think Christmas is going to be hard for me. It's very tied to special treats in my family and I think I'm going to feel deprived. We each contribute a specialty to the platter -- pralines, peanut brittle, english toffee, peanut butter bon-bons, cookies. I believe I'll have to break down and get some sugar-free candy to have. I've stayed away from sugar totally and have tried to stay away from sugar-free treats as well because I don't want to start down that path. But Christmas might have to be an exception.
I hope my family sees a big difference! Because I don't. My clothes fit better, but are still my same ones. There are a lot of things I can do more easily though (walk!!) and I sleep through the night. I didn't realize how sleep deprived I had gotten - I'm pretty sure I had sleep apnea.
So things are going great and much better than 4 months ago! I just hope I can keep it up and start doing everything like I'm supposed to! I've been bad about carbs lately. It's weird, though, that I only like crunchy bread and pasta now. Swimming was de-railed by seemingly constant activities, but we're trying to get back on track. Popcorn is my favorite treat which might be OK if I went the air-popped, no butter route, but I don't. I can still eat too much, but I will feel full now. I haven't thrown up or had trouble with anything.
I'm finally on a real routine with my vitamins, so I hardly ever forget, though weekends throw me off. I take two 315mg Calcium Citrate + D, my pre-natal, & a stool softener on my way to work every morning. I add a 1000mg sublingual B-12 on Mon, Wed, Fri mornings. Then I take 2 more calciums at lunch and the last one on the way home. Can't absorb more than 500-600g of calcium at a time. I asked my nutritionist about taking calcium at the same time as the others since some people say the calcium blocks absorption of the multi, but she said it's fine. The B-12, we're supposed to average 250mg/day, so that's why I only take them MWF.
I had some kind of mental switch this weekend and re-committed to water and protein. It happened after my support group - coincidental? I've kind of started coasting and I need to get back to work!!
I feel good - no major bursts of energy, but just normal. It would help if I got more sleep! No health concerns right now. I see my surgeon again this week.
I've been charting my progress on a graph - it has 4 lines: Current Weight, Goal Weight, Amount Lost, % Toward Goal. I love seeing that Current Weight line moving down toward the Goal Line and the Loss lines climbing. I made the graph really tall and skinny so the losses would look dramatic! I'm also keeping track of measurements. Tomorrow my husband is going to take a progress picture of me in my before outfit. The one I'll keep forever so I always remember where I was the morning of surgery. Hopefully one day I won't be able to believe it! Right now it still fits!
My BMI is dropping!!!
Jan.2,2003
HAPPY NEW YEAR - I hit my half way point on New Year's Day! 120 pounds gone forever in just under 5 months! Now if only the next 120 will go as fast....
5 MONTH UPDATE:
Today is exactly 5 months, I've lost 122 pounds! An average of 24 pounds a month, except really most of it was the 48 in the first month. Still, I'm not complaining about 20 pounds a month with success feeling attainable for the first time ever!
When I look back at 5 months ago, I am surprised by how much I already take for granted again - being able to bend over and pick something up or lean from a chair to pick something up. Being able to walk through the whole grocery store or go shopping. Being able to simply walk to the mailbox! Putting on old clothes and knowing that they'll FIT! It's amazing how quickly it is to make those mental adjustments.
Just this week for the first time, I see a real difference in myself - specifically my face. Others have seen it for a while, but I think my mental image was stuck at this weight and refused to see the "expansion", so this is how I've seen myself for years. I'm hoping as I start dropping below this I'll start to see the differences. I keep my before picture with me so I can look back at it whenever I question my progress!
My New Year's Resolutions sound just like they always do with a couple of additions -- get healthier, exercise, eat protein, drink water! The difference is that this year it's really happening!
I know that things are starting to slow down a little so I'm really going to focus on getting in the protein and exercising each night. We've temporarily given up on the swimming - we can't use the pool until the swim team is done (8:30) and with 8 & 10 year olds who need to be in bed, it just isn't working for us. Instead, we have set aside family time each night after dinner when we will all do some type of exercise for 30 minutes. Mine will center on Leslie Sansone's walking tape, Richard Simmons, and the exercise bike. As I get more capable, I'll extend from there. It has been my biggest obstacle; I just simply do not enjoy exercising! But I am determined to get on track!
The protein continues to be an issue, though I've finally decided to stop worrying about "boring" and just establish a breakfast and lunch routine that supplies most of it and continue to eat supper with my family. If I'm low at the end of the day, I have found a protein shake (pre-made Advant Edge chocolate fudge) that is drinkable and will supplement. Costs a lot though.
I continue to be able to eat anything and larger amounts. In fact, if I don't eat "too much" I stop losing. One of the benefits to having a scale is I can track what my body is really doing and how it reacts. Carbs are an issue, but I feel reasonable with them, so I'm not too concerned.
The holidays with my family were a challenge -- the constant snacking and treats. I fell into old habits quickly. I had taken my own stash of sf candy expecting to be tempted by all the treats and ate too much of it. It caused terrible gas!! I finally was disgusted enough with myself just to throw it all away! That took about 4 days though. I also let a diet coke go flat and drank it -- didn't even taste good! Even with the seemingly constant snacking, I didn't gain!
Everyone liked to see what I ate and how much. There weren't as many comments as I anticipated - my dad didn't try to tell me what to do! Everyone noticed a difference, but only my cousin raved. I think a lot of it is the same perception of me that I have - we're all kind of stuck at a certain image.
I am able to check off the first 7 of the 12 "backwards" goals and am close to the next 2. I still haven't made this an automatic way of thinking. My head is not fully in tune. It's hard to change all those old habits, especially all at once! This is certainly not an "easy way out" - the only long-term benefit of surgery is that it enforces portion control. Everything else is still up to me! I am worth the effort!!
This month's challenge will be our cruise! My husband and I are ditching the kids and going on a weekend cruise. Carnival Ecstasy to Ensenada and a day at sea. Fortunately it's only the weekend, so even if I eat too much it will only be 2 days! If I can avoid snacking, it shouldn't be too bad! I'm looking forward to it sooooo much!
Jan 15
I'm so frustrated with myself! I haven't lost a single pound since Jan 1 - not even my typical 3-4 plateau range bouncing. It's because I've fallen into BAD habits again! When I went home for Christmas, I started eating too much again and junk. Since then I haven't been able to stop snacking/grazing, which I never used to do. On junk! Cheetos! I can't seem to get my head back into the game, I'm rationalizing everything. I even gained!! I believe that next week (can't start today -- going on that cruise!) I'll do liquids again and see if that will get me back into it. I'm so upset!! On the plus side, I have been exercising every night - just walking a mile, but the consistency is more than I've managed in the past. I'll definitely keep that up on the cruise - laps! Aaaargh!
JAN. 21
Cruise was AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I think I would have even handled the food well, except I was/am in such a downward spiral right now. I can't believe I'm letting myself do this to myself! I did get lots of exercise though - walking and stairs!
Just need a place to vent - I am soooooo frustrated with myself. Going back home for Christmas popped me back into BAD habits and this has been a terrible month. I just haven't been able to shake them! Guess I wasn't mentally ready to be back in that environment, but thought things would straighten out when I got back home....
Then came the cruise and I ate like a PIG!!!! Pretty much like anyone else, except no sugary desserts. For example - here was yesterday's breakfast: 1/2 grapefruit, 2-egg omelet with ham and cheese, 2 pancakes with butter and SF syrup, a piece of toast with SF jelly. Ate it all. One night was bread, appetizer, salad, huge steak with potatoes, dessert. No discomfort, not "full", not sick. I shouldn't be ABLE to do that!!
Saw Dr. T today and asked him about it. He has no clue why I can do that, said it should make me sick, and I should just cut back and keep exercising. If it was that easy, I wouldn't have needed surgery!!! Will-power is such an issue! I had already decided (started this morning) that I was going back to liquids for this week to try to get back into the right mindset -- he said that was a good idea. Tonight I'm hungry.
I have noticed a couple of logical patterns -- if I eat carbs, I get more hungry. If I eat dense protein, I get less hungry. If I keep a food journal, it helps. However, none of that helps with the simple fact that I shouldn't be ABLE to eat so much without puking! He assures me that I really do have a pouch and a small stoma. I'm not sure I'm convinced. On the flip side, it's hard to argue with the overall success I've had (though this month has stunk!).
JANUARY 25
Just an update on my stress and trauma: It totally freaked me out to be able to eat so much and WANT to! The liquids are working for me, I think I'm starting to get my mind back on track. It's been hard though. Much harder than after surgery. I'm going to stick with it until I feel in control again. I'm still wanting to eat the bad things, but am able to resist because "I'm only having liquids". I remind myself of the days when I didn't even want the sf candy or Cheetos - it wasn't worth it nutritionally v. calories. Re-breaking habits that weren't really broken yet to start with! I'm drinking protein shakes to keep up the protein, managed to find one that I could at least finish, though it's only 15g - EAS Carb Control (chocolate fudge is my favorite). Helps that they're on sale 1/2 price right now! At least the scale is moving in the right direction again!
11 more days until my 6 months and 8 more pounds to be a "2" (even 299.9 would be OK!). I really hope to get there!!!! That would be 141 in 6 months - doesn't that sound great?!
Some minor celebrations along the way:
the day my slip fell off
space between my stomach and the steering wheel
the day my wedding ring fell off
being able to sit on the floor
knowing that everything in my closet will fit
an amazing WLS support system - thank you!
my son telling me I had lost "one of him"
my daughter noticing the difference
my hubby constantly encouraging me
being able to shop again (walk)
climbing a flight of stairs without dying
sex - missionary style!
bending over in a chair to pick something up off the floor
my husband not able to find me in the grocery store, commenting that I "no longer stood out in the crowd"
6 MONTHS
January was a terrible, terrible month. I had one week where I felt good about things and was losing. The rest of the month has been so hard - a major mental struggle, that I frequently lost which means not only did I stop losing, but GAINED! I am still thrilled with the overall total -- 131 in 6 months is amazing!!! But I feel so down right now. I thought sugar was going to be hard, but it was "a piece of cake" compared to these dang carbs. I am eating way too many "bad" carbs, which just makes me want more. I'm eating whenever I want, I'm usually not even hungry. I'm eating too much and too fast. I'm doing a lot of emotional/stress eating. I'm being BAD! I have done too much and come too far to do this to myself now, but I can't seem to get back on track. I am being really good about protein and exercise. Also good with water, though you can always have more! It's just that *&$^%#*^$ food!!! My graph showed it's first tiny upward slope instead of down. Argh!! It's really starting to get to me -- why can't I do it?!!?? I'm going to look into an eating disorder therapist, I don't know how much it might help, but it can't hurt, right? I really want to make this successful. In my fantasyland, I want to have plastic surgery this summer. But realistically I know it will be NEXT summer. Or never if I don't get back in the game!
Have to report on the new products: Zero Carb Isopure in bottles is awesome - gatorade type drinks, 7 flavors, 40g of protein! I split into 2 drinks and dilute with water so I get twice as much for the $$. Also, Lean Protein Bites is a nice snack. It's like little rice crispies with a little flavor. They aren't really that tasty, but the crunch is nice and they have 14g of protein.
I CAN AND I WILL!
Feb.9
Odd --- I pigged out last night, lots of food, including fatty stuff, and the scale was 5 pounds lighter today. ???????? Could it be that I haven't been eating enough?! What's up?!! Guess we'll see what the scale says tomorrow.....
At support group Friday night, Kelly (the nutritionist) told us an interesting protein fact. It goes against everything we see here so often. However, I thought I'd record the info. She explained that you can only USE protein in relation to amount of fat & carb calories you get. To USE 60g of protein, you have to eat 1440 calories. I don't. So all the extra protein I was trying to get just went in as extra calories, not usable as protein. She gave me the formula to figure out usable protein, but basically if you eat 800-1000 calories a day, 30-40g is as much as you can USE. The rest is just extra calories like anything else.
Feb. 22
Still no movement. I'm becoming more and more convinced that I may have a large stoma. I think I'll ask Dr. T to do a scope and check it out, though rumor has it that doctors aren't too willing to admit that it might be too big. At least I would know and not be so stressed over why I can eat so much.
My pattern has been to lose weight the week I have my period - that would be now, so we'll test it. If I do, I'll break into a new century and be in the 2's!!! I'm also finally going to join Curves. My spring break is 3 weeks away and my goal is start by going every day. Then I hope to like it enough to actually go after school, even when I'm tired and rushed!
A friend of mine mentioned today that when she has lost weight in the past, there have been certain weights that her body has just stuck on and once it got past things moved again until the next stuck point. That actually struck a chord with me - last time I lost a lot, I stuck at this exact weight until I started gaining and gained it all back (plus some!). Maybe I'll be ready to move on soon??
I tried to add a picture to this profile today. If it worked, I'll try to get my before picture on here too!
7 MONTHS
Well, I am thrilled to report that the scale has finally moved off of 302. I was pretty sure that was going to be it! It didn't help that 6 years ago on phen-fen, I also stopped at 302 and then gained steadily. A doctor then said, "This could be your body's set-point." So when I stopped there again for 5 weeks, I was starting to get stressed! No matter what I did, that number wouldn't move! I even made my whole family get on the scale to see if it was broken. My daughter weighed 40. (Darn!) I tried eating more, eating less, drinking more, eating protein, nothing had an impact. Finally last week I went to liquids for the week - NO change. Friday I said "screw it" and had pizza. Saturday I went out for Mexican. Sunday I had lost 6 pounds. Go figure! And, most importantly, it stayed lost. I went back to liquids this week, hoping to promote a continuing decline, but haven't noticed anything yet. But I refuse to go back up - I never want a 3 in front of my weight again!!!!! I'm going out again Saturday for my daughter's b-day, maybe that will work another miracle!
A new milestone - I am 2 pounds less than my husband!!
February was a HARD month - being stuck all that time was tough emotionally. This is a copy of email I sent yesterday when a pre-op had some questions: you'll probably be able to tell what the questions were by my responses, but I'll be happy to clarify anything. It's not all rosy because I'm frustrated right now, but there's no question that this is the best thing I've done. I'd do it again in a second and would recommend it to anyone.
It has been an amazing 7 months for me. The first 5 were easy, these last 2 have been HARD. But I am re-dedicated this month, starting yesterday. I'm going to USE my willpower about food choices and I'm going to join Curves (they're going to run a special in 2 weeks!). I am determined to get back on track. Even though 144 is awesome so far, I still have 100 to go!!!! Then plastic surgery. I have a better mental attitude right now than I have in the last few weeks. I can do this!!! So can you!!
I was never scared about surgery. As soon as I started looking into it, it just felt like it was for me and I never hesitated. In all honesty, I was never even nervous. I told my family as a "decision made" and overcame all their hesitation by saying it was right for me and probably my last chance. My sister was the only one who wasn't supportive. Never worried about dying or scars or anything except (here comes a deep, dark secret...) my facial hair growing during the hospital stay and being unable to shave it!! (I managed to!)
I knew that nothing "normal" would work for me. I began to have serious back pain that was limiting everything I wanted to do. I was becoming a total slug who sat constantly, usually with candy by my side continuously. It was having a negative effect on my family. I also started to worry about my life expectancy if I didn't make changes. And, I looked repulsively huge. Couldn't buy clothes. It was amazing that I didn't really have any co-morbids. I'm sure they were right around the corner, and so was my PCP. Surgery was an answer!
It's not an easy answer - don't let anyone tell you otherwise. You are changing lifelong bad habits and the mind is a stubborn thing. It's very hard to let go of safety and step into the unknown -- new ways to eat, exercise, think, attitude, look. But there is no other way that I had a chance at saving my life so that I can grow old with my hubby.
I share your fear of gaining it all back. I'm not sure yet how to prevent it because I still don't have control. I am going to see a therapist in the hopes that he will help so that as I approach goal, I can make real & lasting changes. Also, to maybe help me with strategies to overcome emotional eating. I just talked to two women who are 3 & 5 years out and they say it isn't easy, but it's worth it. "Nothing tastes as good as being thin feels." I'd like to find out!!
Differently? Easy -- I would NEVER, NEVER, NEVER have told myself it was OK to try a little of something I knew I shouldn't, even for the holidays. I would not have started eating chips (cheetos & bugles) again. I would not have tried sugar free candy. I would not binge on carbs. All meaningless, nutritionless calories. Once I did all of those, I haven't gotten it back in control since. Just NEVER do it!
I have had it pretty easy - no complications, no problems, no sickness. I can eat too much and anything and I never feel full, but to me that's better than the poor people who feel sick all the time. I don't regret any part of it and look forward to my future. For the first time in my life, I believe that I can be successful at losing weight. I can't even imagine what I might look like at a normal size! My ability to participate in life is already so much higher, and will only get better (sex life is better too!). ****End of email.****
Lots of people at school are starting to comment about how good I'm looking. It's nice that they're so supportive. Even though I still have so far to go. I have a lot more pep in my step these days and don't groan about having to walk 10 feet. It's so nice to not dread getting in and out of the car. There are 2 other people at school who are researching surgery now because of my example. I will talk to anybody anytime! This is a whole new chance at life, even if I do (which I won't!) stick around 300 forever! I'm feeling positive about this again, I am determined!
March 9
Recording some of my favorites... My parents visited recently and my dad said, there sure is some strange food in this house!
Favorite protein snacks:
Detour Bar
POWER CRUNCH Wafers by Bio Nutritional
Isopure Zero-Carb in bottles (like gatorade)
EAS Advant Edge Choc. Fudge Pre-made shake
SportCookies - especially peanut butter
nuts
Other protein snacks - OK in a pinch, but not extremely tasty:
Soy Crisps
Lean Protein Bites
Protein Chips by Kay's Naturals
Balance Gold Caramel Nut Blast protein bar
Sources of liquid:
Water
Crystal light - esp.raspberry ice
Isopure (see above)
Propel
Minute Maid diet lemonade in cans (and other diet flavors)
Big K Diet pink lemonade in a can
Diet Snapple - Cran-Rasp ( and other diet flavors)
Sobe Lean - Cran Grapefruit
Swiss Miss Diet Hot Choc
Alpine SF Spiced Cider Mix
Feeling more positive today - 2 weeks in a row of loss has convinced me that the 302 plateau is truly broken! I'm on my way again and am not going to sabotage myself with poor eating! I'm only allowing myself to eat carbs on weekends (real carbs, like toast or pasta or tator tots!). I seem to be able to control myself during the week knowing that I can't have it "yet". Anything to trick my brain!! This is the week I join Curves!
March 14
An update because this has been a month of positive steps --
1. I joined Curves and have gone 3 of the last 5 days. I even think I like it!!
2. I have an appointment with a therapist who specializes in eating disorders and knows about this surgery. I'm hopeful that he'll help me learn how to break bad habits and not want to eat if I'm not hungry.
3. I got rid of all my clothes that are too big because I'm never going to need them again.
4. I have an appointment with a plastic surgeon next month.
I went to a seminar this week by the plastic surgeon. He talked a lot about what he can do after you're at goal. But he also talked about what he can do while you're a "work in progress". He said that depending on your body type and rate of loss, he can do a "simple" panni to "get you over the hump", reset your body's metabolism, and give you impetus into the rest of your loss. I paid a lot of attention to that because it matched what my husband had been saying.
I lost 120 in the first 4 1/2 months and 25 in the next 3. My body is clinging to this range of weight and not letting go! I don't know if the set-point theory is valid or not, but my body seems to believe it! It's been very frustrating that no matter what I do, the ONLY time I've lost in the last 3 months has been when I've resorted to liquids for the week. That "ain't right"!
So, this plastic surgery to "lop off" all the skin on my stomach seems like a possible solution! It's pretty saggybaggy, I have to heave it around if I'm trying to work out or even to roll over in bed! I can't wear normal undies or a bathing suit because it all just hangs down. Pretty gross, really!
I talked to my insurance company - they would require a letter of medical necessity. I don't think that would be a problem because it does impede my ability to exercise and is the most likely cause of my achy back. I've also talked to my nutritionist and doctor. My surgeon reminded me that he had said at the start that I may need 2 plastic surgeries because of the amount I hoped to lose. He seems to think this would be especially beneficial in my case because I carry the bulk of my weight in my stomach/abdomen. My nutritionist verified the "science" behind the "re-setting the body's metabolism" statement the plastic surgeon had made. Everyone seems to think this is a smart move for me.
I spoke with a girl who felt stuck and had the panni (21 pounds of skin gone!), then lost 75 more fairly quickly. She said it was the best thing she's done since weight loss surgery. She had started to feel like she was going to fail, but this was what she needed. She's now trying to get approval for her second plastic surgery, the actual body lift and contouring.
I think it is the move for me! My consultation is April 7, then I hope for quick
