Today is my birthday

Dec 30, 2010

I turn 42 today.  To me, age is just a number, not a state of mind.

A year ago I weighed at LEAST 360.  (probably more)  Today I weigh 230 or less...I haven't weighed myself in a couple weeks so I don't know the actual number.  To me, weight is more than a number...but I'm too tired to get deep at the moment. :)   When I started my weight loss journey, I topped the scales at 400 and my bmi was in the 60's!!!  Now it's 40.  I just can't believe it.  Despite all the bullshit with the endoscopys that I went thru and the pain and suffering etc etc etc...at this point I can say it's worth it.  I mean my skin still needs to clear up and my hair needs to grow back, but it's all part of my process and I know those things will improve with time.

After years of wondering if my mortgage co would work with me, and them giving me false hope, the rug was finally pulled out and my house was foreclosed.  Thanks to my ex putting MY house on his bankruptsy thingie.  Stupid prick.  But karma is getting him good so that makes me happy.  The kids and I are moving to an apartment, which isn't so bad.  It has it's perks...no more yard work or shoveling.  The downside is I have to give up my beloved dog.  I pray she finds a wonderful new family and continues to be a happy girl.  Can't think about it too much tho cuz it makes me very sad.

I had a great Christmas.  I was able to enjoy all sorts of foods like shrimp and beef tenderloin and ham and cheesey potatoes.  I even had a few nibbles of coffee cake.  I'm glad shrimp goes down so well because I LOVE it so much.  I even bought some for myself.  It's probably my favorite seafood.  Tuna is still kinda difficult to eat if I don't chop it up real fine first.  I've been experimenting with different recipies to find what works best for me.  Right now it seems this turkey stew type thing I make agrees with me most.  AND I LOVE the cooked carrots. LOL!  I'm so into flavors these days and trying to find new things to cook up.  I'm still addicted to the food network, but now its mainly so I can learn stuff and not just drool at what I can't have. 

I got myself an icecream cake when i was out yesterday.  I predict I won't eat hardly any of it.  I just hope it's good so the kids eat it up.  (both very skinny people...grrr)  So my plan today is eat shrimp and ice cream cake and toast in the new year with a smidge of bubbly. 

One of my weight loss goals this year is to find a damn protein drink that doesn't make me sick.  You'd think with all the technology today, someone can invent something that doesn't suck.  Or that you have to mess with in order for it to be tolerable.  I'm trying to add more food proteins to my diet but since I really don't eat often, it's difficult to get that done.  SO I really need this protein drink.  blech.  I refuse to give up the search tho.  I really want my hair back!  And some muscle would be nice too.  That's another goal, to start doing some weight training because my arms are so weak these days, that its hard for me to lift things that used to be easy.  I know all this happened because for so many months all I was eating was chicken noodle soup...and when things were really bad, I just drank the broth and gave the chicken and noodles to my dog.  Heck, she didn't complain. LOL!  I try to make sure that everything I eat has some sort of protein in it...which is why I am so happy that the shrimp works so well for me.  I can't imagine getting tired of it.  although i'm sure i will. lol

I need to make a dr appt and get my blood checked.  I think it's been 3 months.  Theres just been so much going on, trying to prepare for our move.  So i'm hoping once we're moved and settled I can get in there and get it taken care of.  And I see a dermatologist in about a week and a half, so hopefully they can give me something to help clear up my skin...besides just steroid cream.  I hate excema with a passion!!!!!  I look like a cross between a dalmation and a leper.  gross.  Can't go out and have casual sex when I look like crap....joking.  Of course I can! ;)

Anyway, the new year is upon us and I predict 2011 is gonna be awesome.  Many positive changes have been happening for me, and now I can finally enjoy them to the fullest. 

I hope whomever reads this has a very blessed 2011.  Whether you're pre-op or post, hang in there.  Time takes care of everything.  And if you read all my blogs from beginning to end, you know that you're not alone in your journey.  And if you ever need to talk to someone, although I don't claim to be an expert in any sense of the word, I will do what I can to help or listen or whatever you may need.

Goodbye 2010...thanks for not sucking too much. :)

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