Jeniferlee

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Sitting here reading posts from way back when and looking at my pictures from my surgery etc all I can say is amazing.  What a roller coaster ride life has been.  Since I last posted I did go up in weight I am around 166-169 depending on the day.  Sux from staying at 145-150 for so long...But I also haven't exercised since last year yes I said last year.  My leg is having issues since my car accident so ya no running for me.  (I did learn to love running with my ipod)
Otherwise food I can eat everything but OJ, sweets make me tired and give me a runny nose, when I am full I still hiccup.  Ahhh thats about it.  Still have issues with life guess I always will....But life is pretty good when you look in from the outside. 
Hope, love and understanding...

From lovin life with lea

Emotional Aftermath of WLS...

Posted: Sun, 14 Jun 2009 09:10:05 PDT

In an interesting post yesterday by Therese (Miss Redd) over at OH, the term "emotional aftermath" was used in reference to the period after WLS when we all have such turbulent emotions as we attempt to get used to living in the "normal" world without so much extra weight to pack around... It was discussed how the journey is more than just a period of weight loss. It is a time of really finding ourself all over again. We were fat for SO long. During that time, we were rejected for various reasons. We were too fat. We were unable to do things. We were unhealthy. We had no self-esteem or confidence. Sometimes it was other doing the rejecting. Sometimes it was just our beating ourselves up.

Now, as we lose the weight and take our lives back, we still beat ourself up! We are still fat in our heads and will probably always feel that way. Once the fat chick, always the fat chick--even if only in our own mind... We still struggle with SO many things. And it is more than just not really feeling comfy shopping in the juniors or misses department at the clothing store!

I related a story about shopping for cars. I looked at cars I would never, ever have even glanced at before solely based upon the proximity of my belly to the steering wheel! Someone else told about skipping a pedicure with friends because of her weight. We can get so depressed even after losing the weight that we stop going out and being with others! How can we get past this? I truly think that the emotional impact of the weight loss journey needs to be addressed more before surgery is performed. They want to know that we can deal with the eating changes that are required before they do the surgery. How about starting to help deal with the thinking changes???

Man today really sux! 
Just thought I would let everyone know that...

Snakes shed their old ski, trees shed their leaves in preparation of a new season and caterpillars go through a process of metamorphosis.

 

We are the only creatures on the Earth who resist change.

 

Yes, change is loss.

 

It’s saying good-bye to the old, but it is also welcoming the new.

 

Change is slow and uncomfortable; and as you change you may have to say good-bye of parts of yourself that may have pulled you through some hard times.

 

Saying good-bye can be sad, it may even make you angry or impatient- but it’s all part of the process of giving up one thing in order to attain something better.

 

Change is uncomfortable, but if you support your growth, it can be bearable.

 

Like the caterpillar, once you emerge from your cocoon, once your transformation is complete- you can use your new wings to fly.

 

Adorn the Earth; spread your beauty as you soar to new heights.

 

Prepare for freedom; freedom from anger, pain, guilt, worry, impatience.

 

Shed the old in preparation for the new- begin your change.

 

Remember that rebirth begins from inside. 

 

This is from Ronda's page-

The Butterfly Transformation: A Perfect Role Model

Why the butterfly? Because it doesn't freak out when it knows it's time to change! It just sees change as the next step. In its caterpillar stage, it creates its little cocoon, goes inside, and when times up, and after quite a work out, it emerges, transformed into a butterfly...

It stretches its newfound wings and flies away to discover its new vistas!

Why can't we do that? First we would complain that we have to sit still. "I'm stagnating! I must be off my path!" and then we'd cry "Oh no it's dark, it (I) must be bad!" Then, when time to come out, "let someone else do the work. I'll be the supportive one." "You want me to fly? I'm still processing!" "I'm not allowed to fly; I fell down in a past life and it's my Karma to stay forever on the ground!" "I can't just take off without knowing where I am going!"..

I remember hearing that when we are stopped, it's because God is busy working out the details. It's just like the down time the caterpillar has to go through in order to be the butterfly. Can you imagine if the caterpillar said, "I can't stop now and just hang out in a cocoon! I still have to climb to the next branch!" If he only knew how much easier it will be when he can fly! We often forget how much easier it is to fly...

It does get dark in the cocoon of Transformation! A major part of our transformation is when we allow ourselves to go in and see our dark side. Jung said that too much light makes very big shadows! Any creation contains duality, Masculine and Feminine, Dark and Light. I won't say Good and Bad, as they are judgments about Dark and Light. The Dark is a necessary figure, without it, we have no balance. There is a wonderful story about the time before Kali took her role of dispersing disease, rot and death. Living was a misery, nobody died. There was no room! There was no food! There was no appreciation for life! Thank Goodness she heard our cries and gave us the gift of time, rot, disease and death. Now a baby grows up, has babies and dies making room for his or her baby's babies. We now appreciate the time that we are given on this plane...

I see the times when we are willing to look at the darker, more destructive side of ourself as that stage when you are cleaning out the closet. Everything is out on the floor and looking a mess! You think it will never look good again! It Looks like you get the same results in transformation! You pull out all parts of yourself (all the parts, not just the light, pretty, spiritual ones!) You throw out or recycle what is no longer useful and reorganize the rest...

Then you know what's in there, and you can reach in and get what ever you need! (and you don't waste energy worrying about what is going to jump or fall out every time the closet of your psyche opens!) Don't throw away all the Dark Parts, sometimes you need the Destroyer within to help get rid of a situation that has outgrown itself, or the Angry One who, once recognized as an important part of the crew, has learned the appropriate times and ways to express anger!

Once you have been in the Dark of the Cocoon long enough, it is time to get out! "Uh oh! You want me to leave the safety of this nice warm beautiful cocoon?" "If it's time to leave, I WANT A REALLY BIG SIGN!" Sometimes it's scary to leave that time of inner reflection and get back into the outer world. Sometimes we get lost in helping others and never get around to finishing our own transformation. Everyone knows that if your help the butterfly out of his cocoon, his wings will be too weak and he dies. The butterfly needs to go through the struggle to be strong enough to fly away and so do we! (Are all of us well meaning, helpful co-dependents listening????)..

Once we have emerged into the outer world, we find our new found strength and beauty that we had hidden away also emerged. We aren't so prone to excuses. We are now ready to take the next step and put what we have learned into action. We take that Leap of Faith, and begin to fly the highs and the lows of the next stage in our soul's evolution...

I am sure most of us can relate to at least one of the stages of the little caterpillar journey of transformation! Its spring and next time you see a butterfly go by, take a moment to remember the message it brings you. Ask yourself where you are on the journey of your transformation...

Then send that butterfly lots of love, YOU went through a lot to get here!

 

 

 

I remember be telling my doc that when I ate more I lost more, he told me that wasn't the fact.  But I knew it was a fact more calories for me meant a decrease in pounds.  

Here is my proof---facts copied from somewhere:

We hear a lot about our bodies going into "starvation mode" when we are having a stall in our weight loss.  He said there are 3 phases or stages of starvation mode for the average person.
1.  Stage A is a caloric intake of 1000 calories to 1200 calories;
2.  Stage B is a caloric intake of 800-1000 calories; and 
3.  Stage C is a caloric intake of 600-800 calories per day.
Each stage has a list of associated problems that is pretty much the same, but is progressively more damaging as one's caloric intake decreases.  In addition, as calories are decreased, metabolism is decreased comparatively.

 - At any stage, A, B, or C, when a stall in weight loss occurs, one must increase their calories to at least the next level to push the body out of starvation and jump-start metabolism.

 - A person's brain needs 600 calories per day to function properly.  If one is consuming less than 600 calories, serious issues can occur, such as: organ damage, memory loss, loss of motor skills, lethargy, and dizziness.  One day of 600 calories will not cause these problems, but they can occur with continued starvation at this low level.

 - Exercise is an additional ingredient in the mix that affects each individual in different ways.  Typically, during a stall, less exercise is recommended.  Otherwise, one's net calories (calories consumed minus calories burned = net calories) will still be in a starvation mode that is too low to re-start weight loss right away.  Even though eventually one's body may adjust to the lower numbers, it is not a healthy solution and one that may be causing damage that will show up later and be difficult to correct.

 

Perhaps obesity caused feelings of worthlessness, maybe unkindness or abuse from others. Life experiences have a way of bringing us down and there was a day not so long ago that I believed myself worthless. Worthlessness, defined as devoid of worth, use or value, is a terrible place to be.
We need to remember that each and every individual is born of worth and value; all humans are born priceless. Our experiences, our achievements, our mistakes do not change our worth: they build our character. They define our personality. We have wellness and illness but we never lose our worth.
 Consider these two $100 bills on a billiard table:

 

 

 

The bottom one is old and worn, bent, crinkled and tired. The top bill is pristine with nary a blemish or scar. Which piece of currency is worth more? They are both worth the same: $100. Experience and wear does not diminish the value of the worn $100 bill: it tells a story. Perhaps that bill bought a single mother a basket full of groceries. Maybe a grandmother sent it lovingly in a card to a grandchild. Maybe a drug addict traded the bill for a fix.  Maybe a dad gave it to his son for his first date and said, "treat the young lady nicely."

Wear and tear tells a story.
As people recovering from and battling with our bodies they show some wear and tear, battle scars that make us who we are, the shell of our former selves.  Our emotions and our hearts may be blemished and bruised, but our worth is in tack. We only need to recognize it.  If a person has been engaged in living then they have wear and tear: but they still have worth.
And let's not forget the pristine $100 bill. What potential it holds! Perhaps it will travel through a Salvation Army bucket or pay the bill to heat a cold winter home or take a child to Disneyland or buy the elderly a much-needed prescription. I hope it passes hands many times never losing its worth.

Today my friends I ask you to look in the mirror and appreciate the wear and tear. Celebrate it all - it is the journey of your life, it is not a measure of your worth. After all, there is no measure for priceless.

 

From Bel-
Passing through the kitchen

• 4 tablespoons Haagen-Dazs butter pecan ice cream: 155 calories, 11.5g fat, 10.5g carbs.
• 5 Lay's Classic potato chips: 40 calories, 2.5g fat, 3.75g carbs.
• 1 Oreo Double Stuff cookie: 70 calories, 3.5g fat, 9.5g carbs.
• 10 Rold Gold Classic Tiny Twists pretzels: 65 calories, 0.6g fat, 14g carbs.
• A handful of Quaker 100 percent Natural cereal with oats, honey, and raisins: 109 calories, 3.5g fat, 18g carbs.
• A handful of Cheerios: 28 calories, 0.5g fat, 11g carbs.
• A handful of trail mix: 174 calories, 11g fat, 17g carbs.
• 1 Hershey's Kiss from the candy bowl at work: 25 calories, 1.5g fat, 3g carbs.
• A handful of raisins: 86 calories, 0g fat, 23g carbs.

Eating while out and about

• 4 wheat crackers: 76 calories, 3g fat, 10g carbs.
• A slice of brie: 189 calories, 16g fat, 0g carbs.
• 2 heaping handfuls of movie-theater popcorn: 168 calories, 13.5g fat, 9g carbs.
• 1 bite of a hot dog at the ball game: 48 calories, 3g fat, 4g carbs.

While cooking or cleaning

• Crumbs at the bottom of a bag of Pepperidge Farm Nantucket Double Chocolate Chunk cookies: 140 calories, 7g fat, 18g carbs.
• The slices/edges of pie or cake that are trimmed before putting it away so that it looks neat and even: 86 calories, 5g fat, 9g carbs.
• A spoonful of Pillsbury chocolate chip cookie dough while making cookies: 32 calories, 1g fat, 5g carbs.
• One spoon of just the chocolate chips: 80 calories, 4g fat, 10g carbs.
• Peanut butter on a knife while making a sandwich: 95 calories, 8g fat, 3.5g carbs.
• Whipped cream off the beaters: 52 calories, 5g fats, 1g carbs.

Eating off someone else's plate

• Two forks full of chocolate cake that you would never order — but will gladly eat when someone else does the ordering: 117 calories, 5g fat, 17g carbs.
• Leftovers from your kid's Happy Meal at McDonald's, 10 fries: 53 calories, 2.5g fat, 6.5g carbs.
• 2 bites of a McDonald's cheeseburger: 80 calories, 3g fat, 9g carbs.

Leftovers

• 2 bites of cold Pizza Hut hand-tossed cheese pizza: 77 calories, 2g fat, 11g carbs.
• 3 forkfuls of beef chow mien: 68 calories, 4g fat, 3g carbs.

Drinks

• A sip of someone's beer: 24 calories, 0g fat, 2g carbs.
• A sip of Tropicana orange juice from the carton in the fridge: 28 calories, 0g fat, 6.5g carbs.
• A sip of soda: 25 calories, 0g fat, 7g carbs.

Here with a love yet all alone, I wait willing
Alone because I cannot be with you,
Pensive in the press of people filling
Promenades with passions needed
Yet I am happy in my melancholy,
Vested in a love that someday might happen
Arrays itself in dreams that veil me wholly,
Leaving me contented till the light.
Even were I with you, would I wander
Near the things that would, but cannot be,
Taking you with me towards that inner wonder
In which we find the truest ecstasy.
Nor would our love be greater not apart,
Each with each together in the heart.

Had a bad day today, then come online and see Anns quote of the day---

"Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end."
~Unknown

Without a doubt that is true when you think about it, in the end everything will be OK.  No matter what it will work out.

I was reading Melissa M's profile from SBAAWL and this hit me right where it hurts- pretending to be someone I am not or am I.  I am starting to think Sybil and I have something in common.  LOL which part of me will win out in the end...Not sure I even know, I hope the part of me who can laugh, smile at stupid simple things, have fun with the little things in life.  This isn't who I want to be but when you’re in a position when nothing else will give something has to break or give.   I want to be the person who can watch stupid TV all night long and not have to worry about what if's and could have been's.  I want it all and by all I mean nothing about material things!  I don't care what kind of car I drive, what objects I own, I want my kids to be happy & healthy, I want that happily ever feeling.  Sorry but I want the fairy tale that might not exist.  For once I don't think that is all that bad to be wanted, needed, loved flaws and all.  Need to pay off a few bills, raise my boys and then see where life leads me!  There might not be any directional change who knows, guess it is a chance I need to take for me!   If your reading this WLS is really only on your body, your life/body image aka your head has a hard time keeping up- well at least mine does.  I don't know what I want for future.  The only thing I know I don't want is to gain any more of the weight back.  I thought I was done worrying about my weight but now that I have gained like 5 pounds back I am starting to think I need to lose 10-15 more!  I was happy at 149ish......Oh well such is life!!!! If I could only have soak the sheets sex everyday (would settle for a few X’s a week) instead of food I would be the happiest woman alive!

On with Melissas post-
Stand Still, Look Pretty
I want to paint my face
And pretend that I am someone else
Sometimes I get so fed up
I don't even want to look at myself

But people have problems that are worse than mine
I don't want you to think I'm complaining all the time
And I hate the way you look at me I have to say
I wish I could start over

I am slowly falling apart
I wish you'd take a walk in my shoes for a start
You might think it's easy being me
You just stand still, look pretty

Sometimes I find myself shaking
In the middle of the night
And then it hits me and I can't
Even believe this is my life

But people have problems that are worse than mine
I don't want you to think I'm complaining all the time
And I wish that everyone would go and shut their mouths
I'm not strong enough to deal with it

I am slowly falling apart
I wish you'd take a walk in my shoes for a start
You might think it's easy being me
You just stand still, look pretty

I am slowly falling apart
I wish you'd take a walk in my shoes for a start
You might think it's easy being me
You just stand still, look pretty