Jennifer B.

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Been a while since I posted or been on here really at all. Needless to say I have yet to weigh myself since checking in with my dr last and that was in Dec. when a stitch popped out. But I am going through much more than just losing the weight with the surgery now now at this moment I am going through a divorce. My husband has been cheating on me for the last two years and I thought that forgivness was the key because I cherish marriage and the meaning so much. I also did not feel good about myself so I tried to turn a blind eye to a lot of it. Well now he layed more on me today turns out I never knew the man I married.... he has been lying to me from day 1. I just think its time to move on and get myself better and since having this surgery and given the chance to have a new me I need to make the best of it. Crap way to start 2013 but hopefully it will end better than its starting.

Well today was my one week post op check up and I must say that I think I surprised myself completely. I have been having a serious battle with the liquid stuff but I know I chose this route and I know I chose this route. Whoever ever tells me I took the easy way out can be sure they are the first person I tell to kiss my a$$. I saw the dietician and she said I am on the right track as far as my protiens and liquid intake goes. My surgeon then came in to tell me I have lost 12 pounds in a week.....Back up 12 POUNDS?!?!?!?! Seriously I do not remember the last time I was able to lose 12 pounds by myself well yes I do it was when I joined the Army in 2005 before I busted my knee and back up. Holy smokes I am happy that the weight is coming off even though I can not tell yet. I am also glad to get the reaffirmation for doing this because lately I have been asking that question what did I just do to myself. So many things are going on in my life that seem to be bringing me down and I really needed today to show me that I did the right thing for myself. Now to get another week and a half of liquids down and I can start pureed/soft foods on Christmas Day.. another good note! My next checkup is not until March at my 3 month out mark I am excited to see what I lose between now and then.

Well today I am 6 days post-op and have been dreding the scale but have stepped on it every morning....looks like I am gonna be a scale whore lol but I stepped on it this morning and was back down to the weight I went into the hospital as... I was and am so freakin excited. It budgd quite a bit today which was nice but I figured I was not walking enough after weighing in. I seemed to have lost more when I pushed myself walking yesterday. Almost a mile 6 days out from surgery seems pretty good to me. :) I still am having a hard time not eating solid food and I know that is just part of my journey but have gotten better about my bitterness towards others who can eat solid foods in my house, mainly my husband lol. I actually went with them 3 days post-op and they got hungry and decided they wanted Mc Donald's lord know I wanted a fry or a bite but we sat down I had my water and they enjoyed their meals. I don't know why but it didn't bother me too much. I feel as though mine is a sweettooth fix and a homecooking kid of thing. My two downfalls. That good ole southern food and fingerlicking barbeque. I have been on my best behavior and I am glad I have been.... I saw it pay off this morning who would have thought I'd get excited over a couple of pounds..

I had my RNY on Tuesday and got discharged from the hospital last night (Wed. night) I must say that is one of the quickest turnarounds I have experienced. Anyways I have been in some serious gas pain but other than that been doing good walking and sipping. My problem seems to be in my head... Dreamin about food. The night of surgery I dreamt of a pizza, the next night chicken parmesan and today Chinese food. I know darn well I am not where near hungry for any of that but I can not seem to quit dreamin about it nor does it seem like the T.v lets go either.. Every darn commercial seems to be about food. I have never noticed this until now... crazy how many are actually about food. Anyways time to go walk again and sip some more but I shall return later. Hopefully get over this fascination with dreamin about food.

So I have the rest of tonight and tomorrow before I embark on my WLS journey. I still can not believe that I am having surgery on Tuesday De. 4th. Well I can but can't. I have not been sleeping all too well because my nerves are all over the place right now. I am on the 2 day before surgery Pre-Op liquid diet so that my bowels will be prepared for my Roux-en-Y. I never thought that I had an addiction to food until I was being told that I can no longer have that good fatty stuff. Besides just finding out I have an addiction to food I am also the type that hates being told that I can not have something. Boy o Boy it has been one rough day here. Food has been a comfort to me and it felt weird that I could not turn to it when I am having all these anxious feelings towards my surgery. Sounds funny right?? I want the comfort food because of my WLS.. I have struggled most of my life with my weight and am thankful for the opportunity to have a chance to make my life better. My driving force to keep going has not been just for my health reasons but so I can have the opportunity to watch my two daughters grow up into beautiful women. They have always been my saving grace when I felt as though life was getting too hard and things were becoming dark, they are my light. My husband has also expressed concerns about my WLS as far as leaving him once I get it. More so this has to do with his infidelity I believe than with my weight, who knows I could be wrong. He I believe feels like I will become a totally different person than I was when we first met in the Army. I got thrown a guilt trip about my surgery from not only him but his side of the family because since we are military and do not have family near by neither of us gets to see them as much as we like. This year was supposed to be their year for Christmas but since I am having the surgery we canceled because I do not believe that sitting in a car for 14+ hrs is the best thing for me right afterwards. I do not feel like anyone really understands why I am doing this for myself but my parents who just recently has the gastric sleeve done. So my mother-in-law asked him to postpone my surgery, his therapist also told him to tell me I needed to postpone it and I got a guilt trip from him. Granted I am always the one who does give up everything for everyone to make them happy but I decided I was putting my foot down about this. It is time I take time for myself and become health again because my focus needs to solely be on my children, not what is hurting that day. I have a child with Autism and she requires a lot of help to make sure she can live a normal life. I am trying so hard not to feel guilty about this but like I said I am the one who gives up everything because I was raised that way. Anywho only a day left so here is to a new me a healthier me and hopefully the people who disagree will eventually understand.