Jessdoll911

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So a week and a half ago they moved my surgery date from 2/14/07 to 3/28/07.  It sucked ass... I was pissed, I yelled, screamed, threw things, broke things, and slept.  I was really upset at the time, however, since we just had a flipping blizzard I see now why it was post poned because if they had called yesterday morning and told me it was cancelled because of weather I would've killed someone or paid someone to go get the surgeon from his house.  So God has some sympathy for me.  However, I didn't get my medication refilled because I was planning on not to having to take it after the surgery and I swelled up like a flipping balloon over the last 3 days.  I finally dug myself out of the drive way drove my ass to Walgreens and got my meds... Thank goodness because I was so swollen I felt like a walking water balloon.  But the balloon popped last night and I freaking felt like I slept on the toilet, but I feel much better.  All I can say is my poor heart.  it can't keep up.. I'm so thankful that I got approved and I'm having the surgery I just wish that I didn't have to wait another 41 days to start my new life.

I've gained some weight since I decided to have bariatric surgery.  But I was feeling down before that.  I want to feel like me again, I want to be able to go to the club and shake it shake it.  I want to be able to walk down the street and not feel like I'm the one people are staring out and saying "look at her"... I want to feel sexy... is that so bad?  I want to be me.  I feel like I'm me walking around in a fat suit that keeps me from doing anything.  I can't dance, which I love, and when I want to dance a sense of melacholy comes over me because I can't. It hurts my knees.  Does this go away with surgery?  Can I finally be me? 

So, Christmas came and went... It was ok but I'm so tired of being Tired!!! I go up the stairs I'm out of breath, I walk or try to put my socks on and I'm out of breath.  I'm going to start walking soon..

So my family (mom's side)has started in with their negativity.. I knew it was goign to happen i just thought it was going to be closer to my surgery.   My sister thinks I'm going to stretch my pouch back out and gain the weight back and this is a waste of my time.  My grandma said that it's ridiculous that I can't just watch what I eat... Thanks for the support guys!!  Luckily the other side of my family is being supportive, my grandma is actually flying here from Arizona the day before my surgery to take care of me afterwards.  

I am very excited about my surgery, nervous, and I can't wait to start my new life.  I hope everyone has a wonderful new year, and I know i can't wait for it to come.

I found out that I got approved on Monday November 27th... My surgery is scheduled for February 14 (Happy Vday to me!!!  I love myself enough!)  I"M SO EXCITED!! A new me, A new life... I started therapy yesterday.. I know I use food as a drug, I want to get over that so when I have the surgery and my drug is taken away I won't turn to something else.  I'm ready world!! here I come without the blubber suit!! I hope to meet a lot of you in Indiana at the support meetings.. I'm going to start going now that I know I'm having my surgery.

Love in God,
Jessyca