4 years out

Nov 17, 2009

What a year!  Plastic surgery on my arms, not happy with! Tummy tuck, not happy with and breast implants, not happy with.  A lot of money gone and the results are horrible!  Very depressing!  I struggle more now than ever to maintain my weight.  I never got to my goal of 140 but I did reach Dr Udobi's goal of 165.  I want a lower body lift with lipo but am scared that I am going to hate the results of that as well even though I will definatley be going to a different plastic surgeon!  And the money is a huge factor too.  I love the fact that I have lost so much weight and I wouldn't change that for the world, but I do hate the way my clothes fit now.  I have to have a belt with everything cause of my big butt and hips.  My daughter tells me I will never be happy because I am striving to look like I did in high school when I was a size 7.  I do not agree with her though.  I am never going to look like that again and I know it.  I just want to be able to wear shorts and allow my knees to show, I want to buy clothes that fit instead of clothes that fit here but not there so I will but them and take them to be altered for my waist. I am starting counceling next week upon the suggestion from Dr Udobi and I have been doing a lot of thinking the last couple of weeks since he suggested to me that I need to go talk to someone cause I am so anxious.  I really think the main thing that can bring me to tears pretty darn quick is my plastic surgery issues.  The fact that I paid out all this money and the insurance paid for the first round on my arms and stomach and I wasnt happy so I paid the same surgeon to go back and fix them and do breast implants.  I am now having the arms done for a third time by him again and this time I stayed awake because it seems that if he puts me out I do not wake up with what we discussed prior to surgery.  My implants we had agreed to a paticular size and then I wake up and they are much smaller.  I don't get him!!  The bad thing is that the surgeon that I want to do the lower body lift is in the same office with this guy and I don't think he will see me since I am already a patient of the other doctors.  SUCKS!!! 
While trying to maintain my weight I have started on some diet pills prescribed by my family doctor.  I hope it helps me reach my goal.  Remember how you use to think of food before surgery, plan your day of shopping around where you wanted to end up for lunch and while ordering your breakfast your planning where your going to have lunch.  After surgery that is no longer in your head, you dont care, you just dont think like that anymore.  Well I have started thinking like that again and that scares me.  I eat bigger quantities than I think I should be and I am actually more hungry now.  Before I just wasnt very hungry and if I was it was very little and a bite or two of something and I didnt care what, I would be good to go. Never did I order my own plate of food when going out to eat and now I do, not that I eat it all but I want the left overs for lunch the following day.  I have got to get my head screwed back on straight and start getting back into the swing of things.  I go see Dr Udobi every 6 months for blood work and to make sure I am staying on track.  I have lost weight everytime I have gone up until a couple months ago.  I went and had gained like 10 lbs.  He had me cut back my carbs and come back in one month.  I had lost 13 lbs when I went back but it wasn't due to cutting back my carbs, I had just been stressed out and not sleeping and not eating. 
Well I am now trying to figure out how I am going to get my lower body lift without taking out a loan and that is what I am stuck on now.  I want a surgeon that will allow me to make monthly payments and that is impossible to find!  Not giving up yet though.  Still searching and brain storming, I have to come up with something!
Welll I will post again next year and hopefully it will be better than this year.

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