Just_Me_Grandma
I don't think I can ever remember a time when I wasn't heavy. I can't seem to be able to place one time in my life when I was what other's called *normal* (weight wise). I grew up with a Mother who was a model, did plays, and out of four children, I was the only girl. I think I was cursed from the start, lol.
I have VIVID memories of being told how to stand, pose, walk, turn, and act like a lady. Well, when you're surrounded by all brother's it's not easy to be lady like. I have no idea when food became my comforter, it just seems to have always been at my side. My parents had a mean, ugly divorce when I was 13, but for the previous few years they fought ALOT and there was always chaos and embarassment. I remember feeling like the odd one out of all my neighborhood friends because their parents would talk about my parents and the fighting and it seemed everyone around us knew the truth about the divorce long before me. But ...life rolled on. Was I an emotional eater? I suppose I was. Even now, 3 years after surgery, I find myself going right to the kitchen when I'm upset, sad, happy, bored, or ....that little voice in my head telling me if I don't go quick eat it, someone else will and I'll miss out. I talk to that little voice *alot*, lol.
Nerves have a tremendous amount of power over a person and I've had to fight that demon all the way. Ontop of mindless eating, my oldest son was in Iraq and let me tell you, nothing can calm the fears a Mother goes through, not even a ton of food. I may not be able to fit alot in, but the feeling of helplessness and fear will at times over-ride common sense and I have to physically walk out of the house just to escape the familiar habit of grabbing food as a comforter. I've come to the conclusion I will always battle that strange evil thing inside that just tries to break down the walls of strength everyday, but, I'm winning that battle, and hopefully I'll have won the war in this life time. I'm a positive person by nature and I find thats a great help. Its so easy to give in to negativity, but I won't. I have been told all my life I have my Grandmothers *will*.....a blessing from God I'm sure.
