justcuz
Like Most of us here, I too have come to the point where I realize that I need help. This was not an easy decision to come to. I have always prided myself on not needing anyone's help through life. That I am capable of achieving anything I set my mind to. Yet, here is the one area of my life I have failed. Failed at having a healthy lifestyle.
Other than when I was a kid, I have always been heavy. While I have done various things to lose weight, none of them lasted. Only for me to add on even more pounds. While I am blessed not to have many of the health issues people get due to obesity (diabeties, high blood pressure, etc), I do have sleep apnea and over the past year some breathing difficulties.
Several people said I should have the surgery, but I would have nothing to do with it. Partially out of fear of the death scare, partially because of not wanting to spend the rest of my life never again having my favorite foods or meals, and partially out of the desire I spoke of earlier to not feel I needed any help. I felt all this even though my sister had the surgery years ago and is doing very well (she has lost over 200 lbs). Over the past year several people around me also had the surgery and my mind began to open up. But I still said no way jose.
Then in July I took a two week vacation and I couldn't walk down the street with out my feet killing me and my breath short. I'd had it. Enough was enough. I was sick and tired of not being able to walk. Tired of not being able to breath right. Frustrated and pissed off that I did not fit behind the wheel of my truck any more. No more wanting that public embarrassment of not fitting into restaurant seats or having the flight attendant on the plane asking loud enough for all to hear if I needed the extention seatbelt. ENOUGH! I had made up my mind. I was finally ready to do it!
Since I spent so long telling my people, my partner especially, that there was no way in hell I would have the surgery, I kept to myself my new mission. While I didn't think I would change my mind, you never know and I wasn't about to set myself up for the "I told you so". I arranged to go to the seminar and only after the seminar did I come clean. At least to her. No one else knew till recently when I filled my mom in finally. While I know I will not change my mind, it is still a personal decision that I do not want to share with everyone right now. I know I will have all the support I need. Right now I just want me to focus on me and my journey.
I've been through all the fun of tests and right now I just wait the word of the insurance. Hopefully soon I will have a surgery date. I'm ready for the next 40 years of my life. One of activity and even more success than I have had in the past. My mind races with all the possibilities. And I can not wait to see them all come true.
