JustJoi86
I am a 22 year old Master's student getting ready to face the big bad world. I have been overweight for as long as I could remember. Even with that fact I feel like I have been very fortunate. I attended many different grade schools and never had a problem with teasing. That was always a concern of my mom's. The only bully I ever had was a girl who was twice my size in middle school. I never understood that.
Now don't get me wrong I like many others had their own personal problems to face without the help of outsiders. I had many friends that changed a lot. But I never really fit in. I knew I was bigger than everyone else. No one had to tell me that. I would make excuses not to go the pool party the popular girl was having afraid of what the guys might see. I've never had a problem making friends. My biggest problem was my overwhelming insecurities that threatened those friendships. I used to think some people were only my friends so that they looked better by comparison.
I have come a long way since those days but I still fight those feelings everyday. That's probably why for the first time in forever I'm not surrounded by friends to go out with. Part of me doesn't want to think about new friendships and relationships until my weight is a non-issue. I've heard stories of friends being torn because the group dynamic changed. There's no longer that "fat" friend. I don't think I could deal with that when I have so many other things to worry about. I see the good and bad in my decision to keep people at a distance for the time being. It's been a challenge. It makes never having a boyfriend easier because now I don't want one. I don't think about it so much anymore. I guess this is part "My Story" slash first blog. Not the most interesting read but an honest one nonetheless.
