kabates1

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I was running a slight fever, but typing and sipping my water and Sugar Free Minute Made mix is colling me down.  Sitting in my tshirt in clean underwear doesnt hurt either.  Over the last hour I have had 5-6 oz.  Not bad.  But I know my wife will get up and force me to eat CIB which is jsut nasty!  But I need Protein, and Immodium AD :)

I was finally trying to sleep throguh all my nasal drip issues, took a Sudafed knock off that seemed to help.  Knowing that I did not do any CIB (yes this is that hideous concoction they call Carnation Instant Breakfast) I tried IDS Sports New Whey 42, 42g of Protein, 0 Sugar, 0 Fat all in this indestructable test tube of 3.1 oz.  I tied the grape and it was like syrup.  I mixed some of it with water because it was so thick.  Needless to say at midnight, I thought I was going to break wind, pass gas, toot, fart, poot or whatever is appropriate, instead I crapped the enitre bed.  Thanks god my wife is a patient loving creature, cause at first the look in her eyes was out of the Omen, think Damien dark with zero expression.  We changed sheets, and tried to go back to bed.  Evey 45-60 minutes I was running like Carl Lewis to the bathroom.  I only made it once without foulding my boxer briefs.  7 craps later it appears to be letting up some, at 0630.  Not sure what si was, but suspect it may be the IDS Sports New Whey 42.  Will not try my second tube of Orange,  grape left my scarred for life.   As soon as I cna figure this out I will post this question somewhere.  Nothing like a 33 year old man pooping in the bed and all over himself.  I dont even know if they make 3XL Depends diapers for adult men,  do you? 

I get home and immediatleyhave this wierd nasal drip/couighiing/puking thing start.  I have always had bad allergies and cold, acute bronchitis 3-4 times a year, and now this.  I know this was going to happen.  I could feel them flem in my lungs when I was deep breathing for my release from the hospital.  Luckily this was not my Dr, he is in New Orleans remember.  This was his lacky stand in.  It porbably didnt help that i was starting to find out how i could self check out given the nurses got me ready at 0800 to go home.  1400 was taking it tole on me and my wife.  After asking to self check out around 1345, he showed up within minutes, amazing I tell you.  he was not even aware of my near death experince 2 nights ago, or that his boss, Dr. Hutcher was out of town throughout the entire weekend.          

Where was I, yes at the PE or obsturction/perforation.  Off to the CAT scan Larry the mover, a highly efficient dude with amazing abiltiyt tp take me off the war wagon and put my on a surf board with wheels and rails. He mentions him getting in trouble for OT so we fly to the CAT Scan arena, only to get the and have the tech say that she cant do anything until i drink 64 oz of die.  My cuurent rate of consumption was 1-2 oz evey 30 mintutes, so I joking say that we need a plan B, and get lectured that she knows he job and this is what we must do.   All I can say is that I'll be back in 16-32 hours for the test, and thanks!  Larry whizzes me back to ICU using my feet as a battering ram, with my permission, because not all the doors work automatically.  One we get back to ICU, Larry hands the nurse be dye/barium and says good luck.   She freaks on him, but he uses the old OT trick to remove himself from the area.  Finally I ask that they call whomever has call for DR. Hutcher (remember he is in New Orleans eating craw fish etoufe and gambling no doubt) and ask them what Paln B is.  To make a long story short I get a CAT scan whiel getting a dye injected in an IV, and then break all my newly assimilated bariatric protocols and gulp, yes that right, guld through a straw until I puke.  At this point I think I am at DefCon 1 so I have to pull out all the stops to save my human race.  Feeling less a jerk to the CAT Scan expert, I do some field recon to probe for any bad news, like me expiring in the next few hours.  The response was amazing, i cant really read anything, the Dr. does that, i take the images.  Now the little smily face on the machine that say breath, with open mouth, and hold breath with close mouth makes perfect sense.   

I have been taken from the ICU to the plebian ward.  My new roomie, who shows up 30 minutes after I do, tries using a fraudulently obatined health insurance card for what I undertands are kidney stones, and very painful ones at that.  He also mentions after the NAZI insurance woman goes over his information again thta maybe he doesnt really have insurance but he was pretty sure he used to work for DHR Desgns.  You know how it is with small businesses always changing this and that, he just couldnt keep up with it.   Steven Hawking this one was not.  Bye the way, this is a Hospital not a Dennys, you shoulg nit be asking for food for you kid (mac-n-cheese), grandkid (salisbury steak), mother (turkey with mash tators, oops i mean creamed potatoes), and yourself (potroast, i havent eaten me a good old roast in a year).  

Oh bye the way my temp hits 104.7 and my O2 level goes to 70%.  needless to say they freak, and armor up by battle wagon (aka.  modern hospital bed that doest fit into a 1965 room 2 by 2).  the victory was a great one, as my war wagon brushes the Denny crew aside before getting wedged in the door with my rolling cart of meds, ivs, and oxygen,  Now i am no engineer, well come to think of it I am, therefore a few words of wisdom save the day and get us safely back to ICU.  15 minutes later they are coniced I am dying of a blockage/perfororation or much worse, a PE (not a professional engineer, but a pulmonary embolism).  More in a minute.... I need to go release my bowels. 

Excited and Nerverous.  Thought about walking away, but didnt because I made a committment to Dr, family, friends.   St Mary's at 0830 to check in and get get the ball rolling.