Anxiety takes hold...

Jun 19, 2010

The world caves in on itself and I grab onto what is familiar, my wife's beautiful smile and the innocence of my children.

I had a sleep study last night and while trying to sleep with countless wires attached to my body and an uncomfortable mask on my face to help me with my sleep apnea, I thought of my family.

I don't like being away from them in the neighborhood we live in.  I don't like living where we are and having no control of what happens next.   People live with the illusion of control I think most of the time.  I find it empowering to read peoples stories on OH and see them taking control of their food eating habits and using the tools they were given to reach for a dream that many people have told them in their lives was impossible. 

I relive countless moments in my head and I can never seem to be free of the monsters in the shadows.  What amazing strength you all have to try and reach for that goal.

I listened yesterday as my wife reads a letter out loud to me.  It changes nothing and yet, it changes everything...  A cryptic sentence I will probably never explain and a rambling of words I only wrote for myself.

I got home early this morning.. It was 5 AM...  A gun shot in the distance makes me pause for a moment and then I shake my head... We are trapped and yet we will have no choice to leave our prison we call home.  That makes me happy and yet, where do eight people go with no resources to get there?

I quickly unlock my door to check my family and maybe sleep for a few more hours...

Anxiety takes hold...

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