kate789
Thanks for the compliment, but.......
Dec 23, 2011
After loosing weight I feel incredible and accomplished, as I'm sure most people do. With the addition of my lower body lift I feel even happier and more confident because I can finally see the results of my hard work! I've started to encounter a rather strange issue: people who give awkward compliments. I know any compliment is still a compliment and coming from some place good blah blah blah so I shouldn't complain but I can't help it.
I've recently found two forms of this- 1) the people who are so excited about my weight loss they make it sound like I was a mountain troll before and 2) the people who use compliments to avoid discussing your imperfections or those who do it to share their opposing views.
Examples of # 1
- A couple of months ago I took a break from school to get my lbl in NYC where my (sorta) home is/ it's where my dad lives. I came in one night and was greeted by his doorman, who I know pretty well and talk to a lot because he's a cool old dude and a crazy Irish Catholic (so basically we share some dna). He hadn't seen me in a while and when I walked in he enthusiastically complimented me on how great I looked and how he barely even recognized me because (he holds his arms out to animate a stomach) I used to be so heavy I looked "like a monster." I understand this was supposed to be a compliment so I just sort of laughed and nodded my head but it still made me uncomfortable to have attention brought to how I looked before. I didn't rise from the dead- I lost weight.... was I really that terrible looking?
- After weight loss and especially after my lbl I have gotten a lot of really sweet people complimenting me on my figure. What I'm confused about is instead of leaving it at "Wow! You lost so much weight, you look great!" so many people have felt the need to add "Now you can go out and find a boyfriend!" I'm sorry, but was I really so unlovable before? Do I ooze fumes of desperation or is there a sign on my back that reads "Man wanted: apply within." I hope not. To be honest, I guess that in a way I sort of agree with them and maybe that's why the comment bothers me but at the same time I feel like it cheapens my accomplishment. Although, I will admit loosing weight was partially due to self conscious reasons, I didn't do it just because I wanted guys to like me. I lost weight to improve myself, mentally and physically. I want to be healthy and happy and this partially includes having a more appealing physique. A comment like this makes it seem like in order to really achieve anything I have to go find a boyfriend. It's a nice thought but not a priority because I'm still working on myself. In the past few months I have definitely been around guys I've been interested in... it just happens that they don't reciprocate those feelings and the only guys who have shown any active interest are the weird creeps who follow you around bars even after you a have looked them in the eye and explicitly told them "I am not having sex with you!" It will happen when it happens... I'm aware that I'm single and I don't have to be reminded and right now I'm busy enjoying the other benefits of a healthy me.
Examples of # 2
- I hate when I'm talking to a friend, someone I trust to be honest with me, and say "I'm thinking of getting a _________" (insert operation there) and they reply "You don't need that, I think you look fine." Dear people, "Fine" is not a word that holds any true meaning. This is like when pre weight loss) friends would be like "Omg! You're not fat!" ... I mean, I don't expect you to say "Kate, you're fat" but making an effort to completely deny the truth is just awkward for the both of us. I guess you don't completely realize that what you see on the outside of my clothes is not what I look like naked so it's hard to understand where I'm coming from but try to get it. If I say I want a lower body lift, don't tell me I look "fine" because you're basically saying I don't need it while also acknowledging maybe I should get one. Can't you say something like "Wow! That's such a big deal but I'm sure you know more than I do about the topic. If it is something you want to do then I think it's great! I'm so excited to go shopping with you afterward!" I know weight usually such a no no topic amongst girls but I'm not looking for your approval and knowing I have your support would really mean a lot to me. At this point I must note I have had friends show tremendous support and have basically told me some version of what I wrote above.
- Then there are the people who give you the no bullshit reaction where they have no problem sharing their distaste for plastic surgery. My asthma doctor actually said "Wow, are you sure you want to do that? I wouldn't if I were you. I don't know why so many people are obsessed with plastic surgery to achieve these perfect bodies. It's a really big deal and I think you look fine just the way you are." Again, the word fine is NOT an answer. Furthermore, if I've made a decision about something do you really think it's constructive to try and argue with me about something so personal? This is a polite way of saying "Wow, I can't believe you're actually vain enough to get plastic surgery. I think your choice is dumb and wrong."
I think it's pretty obvious that I'm mentally stable and don't have irrational expectations or a desire for perfection and excess. If I want a flat tummy so I can see that I've changed from 100 lbs ago then let me have a flat tummy. If I want a natural looking but improved set of boobs that make me feel my age and comfortable in a bikini then let me have them. I realize I'm never going to be a Victoria's Secret model and I'm not aiming to be Heidi Montag or Pamela Anderson so can you just be supportive?
3 comments
I've recently found two forms of this- 1) the people who are so excited about my weight loss they make it sound like I was a mountain troll before and 2) the people who use compliments to avoid discussing your imperfections or those who do it to share their opposing views.
Examples of # 1
- A couple of months ago I took a break from school to get my lbl in NYC where my (sorta) home is/ it's where my dad lives. I came in one night and was greeted by his doorman, who I know pretty well and talk to a lot because he's a cool old dude and a crazy Irish Catholic (so basically we share some dna). He hadn't seen me in a while and when I walked in he enthusiastically complimented me on how great I looked and how he barely even recognized me because (he holds his arms out to animate a stomach) I used to be so heavy I looked "like a monster." I understand this was supposed to be a compliment so I just sort of laughed and nodded my head but it still made me uncomfortable to have attention brought to how I looked before. I didn't rise from the dead- I lost weight.... was I really that terrible looking?
- After weight loss and especially after my lbl I have gotten a lot of really sweet people complimenting me on my figure. What I'm confused about is instead of leaving it at "Wow! You lost so much weight, you look great!" so many people have felt the need to add "Now you can go out and find a boyfriend!" I'm sorry, but was I really so unlovable before? Do I ooze fumes of desperation or is there a sign on my back that reads "Man wanted: apply within." I hope not. To be honest, I guess that in a way I sort of agree with them and maybe that's why the comment bothers me but at the same time I feel like it cheapens my accomplishment. Although, I will admit loosing weight was partially due to self conscious reasons, I didn't do it just because I wanted guys to like me. I lost weight to improve myself, mentally and physically. I want to be healthy and happy and this partially includes having a more appealing physique. A comment like this makes it seem like in order to really achieve anything I have to go find a boyfriend. It's a nice thought but not a priority because I'm still working on myself. In the past few months I have definitely been around guys I've been interested in... it just happens that they don't reciprocate those feelings and the only guys who have shown any active interest are the weird creeps who follow you around bars even after you a have looked them in the eye and explicitly told them "I am not having sex with you!" It will happen when it happens... I'm aware that I'm single and I don't have to be reminded and right now I'm busy enjoying the other benefits of a healthy me.
Examples of # 2
- I hate when I'm talking to a friend, someone I trust to be honest with me, and say "I'm thinking of getting a _________" (insert operation there) and they reply "You don't need that, I think you look fine." Dear people, "Fine" is not a word that holds any true meaning. This is like when pre weight loss) friends would be like "Omg! You're not fat!" ... I mean, I don't expect you to say "Kate, you're fat" but making an effort to completely deny the truth is just awkward for the both of us. I guess you don't completely realize that what you see on the outside of my clothes is not what I look like naked so it's hard to understand where I'm coming from but try to get it. If I say I want a lower body lift, don't tell me I look "fine" because you're basically saying I don't need it while also acknowledging maybe I should get one. Can't you say something like "Wow! That's such a big deal but I'm sure you know more than I do about the topic. If it is something you want to do then I think it's great! I'm so excited to go shopping with you afterward!" I know weight usually such a no no topic amongst girls but I'm not looking for your approval and knowing I have your support would really mean a lot to me. At this point I must note I have had friends show tremendous support and have basically told me some version of what I wrote above.
- Then there are the people who give you the no bullshit reaction where they have no problem sharing their distaste for plastic surgery. My asthma doctor actually said "Wow, are you sure you want to do that? I wouldn't if I were you. I don't know why so many people are obsessed with plastic surgery to achieve these perfect bodies. It's a really big deal and I think you look fine just the way you are." Again, the word fine is NOT an answer. Furthermore, if I've made a decision about something do you really think it's constructive to try and argue with me about something so personal? This is a polite way of saying "Wow, I can't believe you're actually vain enough to get plastic surgery. I think your choice is dumb and wrong."
I think it's pretty obvious that I'm mentally stable and don't have irrational expectations or a desire for perfection and excess. If I want a flat tummy so I can see that I've changed from 100 lbs ago then let me have a flat tummy. If I want a natural looking but improved set of boobs that make me feel my age and comfortable in a bikini then let me have them. I realize I'm never going to be a Victoria's Secret model and I'm not aiming to be Heidi Montag or Pamela Anderson so can you just be supportive?
"I dance wildly inside myself; I yell within..."
Dec 20, 2011
“I love myself when I am laughing... and then again when I am mean and impressive" - Zora Neale Hurston
In honor of the end of my first semester of senior year with American Literature, I thought I would start this post with some of my favorite quotes from one of the authors we read who most inspired me. Zora Neale Hurston is so incredibly smart and self-aware and humorous that reading her work just made made me feel like I should stand up and yell something extremely profound and artistic. Even though she was part of something larger, more meaningful and more beautiful than I could I ever know or understand, I still feel so connected to her words.
"Sometimes I feel discriminated against, but it does not make me angry. It merely astonishes me. How can any deny themselves the pleasure of my company? It's beyond me."
If only we could all be so poetic, self-aware and intelligent.
How can it almost be that time?
I'm nervous about the next 5 months of my life... I'm nervous because I must learn Signed Exact English so I can start my job as an aide in a deaf elementary program, I must finish this damn paper due in 8 hours, I must clean up the apartment and get myself home for the holidays, I must write the first draft of my thesis, I must interview for my application to the masters program, I must get into the masters program so that I can get my MAT and teaching license, I must reorganize and furnish my apartment because my roommate had to move out when she got a new job, I must deal with living alone and how nervous it makes me while also coming to terms with the fact that I'm lonely without being able to see my best friend every day, I must find a way to finish my final plastic steps even though after this Christmas, I will not have a single break longer than a week until next Christmas (If I get into the masters program), I must remember to sleep, I must start exercising again to work on toning and honor the fact that I have changed my goal to loose an extra 10 pounds, I must graduate college and I must get a dog so that I can have company and not feel so lonely with all my good friends graduated or relocated far away. And additionally, I must get a prescription for Xanax or invest in a wine cellar so I can not be so nervous and just fucking relax and remember to take a deep breath and pace myself.
I found this picture the other day on a blog I read and loved it. See! Why can't I get a dog or kidnap my dog from home, who my father has become too obsessed with to let her stay with me. I just need a friend to go on a hike with, who I can take care of and who can keep me company and keep the sketchy characters and thieves that roam around this neighborhood away from my apartment.
0 comments
In honor of the end of my first semester of senior year with American Literature, I thought I would start this post with some of my favorite quotes from one of the authors we read who most inspired me. Zora Neale Hurston is so incredibly smart and self-aware and humorous that reading her work just made made me feel like I should stand up and yell something extremely profound and artistic. Even though she was part of something larger, more meaningful and more beautiful than I could I ever know or understand, I still feel so connected to her words.
"Sometimes I feel discriminated against, but it does not make me angry. It merely astonishes me. How can any deny themselves the pleasure of my company? It's beyond me."
If only we could all be so poetic, self-aware and intelligent.
How can it almost be that time?
I'm nervous about the next 5 months of my life... I'm nervous because I must learn Signed Exact English so I can start my job as an aide in a deaf elementary program, I must finish this damn paper due in 8 hours, I must clean up the apartment and get myself home for the holidays, I must write the first draft of my thesis, I must interview for my application to the masters program, I must get into the masters program so that I can get my MAT and teaching license, I must reorganize and furnish my apartment because my roommate had to move out when she got a new job, I must deal with living alone and how nervous it makes me while also coming to terms with the fact that I'm lonely without being able to see my best friend every day, I must find a way to finish my final plastic steps even though after this Christmas, I will not have a single break longer than a week until next Christmas (If I get into the masters program), I must remember to sleep, I must start exercising again to work on toning and honor the fact that I have changed my goal to loose an extra 10 pounds, I must graduate college and I must get a dog so that I can have company and not feel so lonely with all my good friends graduated or relocated far away. And additionally, I must get a prescription for Xanax or invest in a wine cellar so I can not be so nervous and just fucking relax and remember to take a deep breath and pace myself.
I found this picture the other day on a blog I read and loved it. See! Why can't I get a dog or kidnap my dog from home, who my father has become too obsessed with to let her stay with me. I just need a friend to go on a hike with, who I can take care of and who can keep me company and keep the sketchy characters and thieves that roam around this neighborhood away from my apartment.
About Me
Colorado &, NY
Location
27.0
BMI
Surgery
04/20/2010
Surgery Date
Dec 06, 2010
Member Since
