Here it is March and I will be 18 years post op on the 11th.  This has been an emotional and rewarding ride, but most of all it has been hard work.  By the grace of God I have come a long way.  I was 28 years old when I started this journey.  I am now 47 and happier and healthier than I have ever been in my life. 

This journey for me has been about making the mind body spirit connection in order to maintain and live my best life.  I  had to develop a system that works for me.   I had to repacked my emotion survival kit so that it does not include food. 

I stay humble and  never think that I have this race won.  I have come to the reality that this is my life long race and I will have to run it until the end.  

So to all my wonderful brothers and sisters that are running your own race.  I pray that your journey to the new you will be as blessed as mines has been. 

Live your best life, being happy, healthy and whole is a wonderful thing.  


 

10 Weeks. 10 Tips. 10 Pounds Lighter.

We're at the time of year when our motivation wanes, and many convenient distractions keep us from eating healthy or exercising.

With a little awareness we can ignite our motivation again. This next series of blasts will help us regain our focus.

M - Mindset — Take time to evaluate what's going on in your mind. What triggers your snack attacks? What distracts you from choosing healthy options? Write these things out in our free Online Journal. Learning what's going on inside can help inspire you to make better, healthier decisions.

O - Organize — Before you go to the grocery store organize a meal plan and create a shopping list. Sticking to a plan and list can help you look forward to the next snack or meal and build some excitement in eating.

T - Time — Make time for creative activities. Whether you take up dancing, run around with your kids, or even go out for a daily walk before work or after dinner. Whatever you come up with, try to make time in your busy schedule to do something fun and active.

I - Inform — Experiment with activity and healthy recipes to learn what you like. Information is a powerful source to keep you going. What's more, sharing what you learn with others helps build your confidence and enthusiasm.

I made a very galant effort to get to work this morning.  I left the house at 5 am and the freeway was completely shut down, so I sat in the middle of the madness unable to get off for 1 hour.  My next step was to get into down town L.A. and pass the Staples Center where the memorial will be held for Michael.  The step after that was to get into the studio because the entrance to my building is on Forest Lawn which is right in front of the Cemetery/Mortuary.   I called my boss from the parking lot I was stuck on and told her I was getting off the freeway and heading back to my home.  I was so stressed by the time I stopped at Starbucks I could have robbed the pastry shelf and scarffed every down.  I did good I got a decaf coffee and came home.  They are saying that this event is bigger for Los Angeles then the 1984 Olympics.  I don't think we will ever see anything like this.  I have no idea about all this but I am clear that I am staying out of the chaos and mayhem. R.I.P. Michael Jackson.

We all know that WLS is not a magic cure and weight can and will be regained if you do not make LIFE changes.  I found a great site if you are a person that goes out to dinner www.thedailyplate.com/.  Before I head out I type in the name of the eattery and the nutrition facts for the menu come up.  I determine my choice before I leave the house and I stick to it. 
The truth is if I go out and have a 1200 calorie burger I am just too old and tired to try and work it off.  Even if I can only consume a 4th of that it is still alot of mainly empty calories.

I was sitting at my desk a about a month ago listening to a conversation 3 of my co workers were having about ordering their blood pressure medicine and talking about the kinds that they take. OH !!! BY THE GRACE OF GOD THERE GO I. 
 That was my wake up call.  I started what I call my 6 in 6 program:  this is my commitment to exercise 6 days per week for 6 weeks.  I must have really gotten comfortable because the first two weeks were tough.   I know I have to do this for life so it helps to set small challenges for myself and test my endurance.   I must say that at 46 this old girl can hang.
 It is funny how God has a way of giving you that boost just when you need it.  He is just awesome like that.  
If I would have missed that conversation I would still just be taking a stroll instead of really putting in work and breaking a sweat.  I thank God for whatever avenue and every opportunity He takes to get a word to me.  This journey has been a long one and a tough one but I am grateful the Lord keeps on keeping me. 

Life is short, Break the rules, Forgive quickly, Kiss slowly, Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably, And never regret anything that made you smile. 

I have learned over all these years that this battle is REAL and it is for LIFE. I finally got in to see Dr. Fobi for my yearly check up.  I guess I had gotten comfortable with feeling good and being happy with my body.  Anyone that knows Dr. Fobi knows that he is a no excuse type of person. He will spend 5 minutes talking about your health and 20 minutes talking about how your life should be progressing since WLS or how as Oprah puts it "LIVING YOUR BEST LIFE". 
I got the "you have got to step up your cardio speech, walking is not enough".  I was so sad when I left his office I went home and went straight to bed.  I layed there and had a conversation with God.  I could hear Him tell my heart "you have come this far by MY grace".  I belly ached and felt sorry for myself for a while and finally I raised my hands and said "Lord I thank you for being my refuge and my strength".  I got up took my bike to get air and I have been riding ever since.  I guess I thought that after 17 years I could sit back and take it easy walk to maintain and that was enough, boy did I get knocked out of that comfort zone.  God wants His very best for us so that we can be a living testimony of just how good HE is. 

  I recently met a nice gentleman (AW SO I THOUGHT)  I did not put any extras on it, I looked at it as two friends meeting.  I was in a relationship for two and a half years that ended last year( by the grace of God).
  This guy was the polar opposite of the last guy. This guy was a promise keeper an avid reader has a great job, tall , handsome with a house over looking the ocean. A big perk for me his child was grown as is mines.  I am 45 years old an (heck! NO I don't want to spend my Saturday at little Billy's baseball game with the ex wife giving me dirty looks)  So this seemed like a great match,  maybe after the 2007 I had it is time to get on with my life and try love again. 
OK so he was a little boring during the phone conversations and he was a corney joke teller (I hate that, you know the kind of jokes that pick fun at disabled people, JUST STUPID !)  He traveled alot so we im'd and talked on the phone. The first phone conversation I went to my daughter after we hung up shaking my head. The conversation  was like milking a dang cow for two hours and getting a thimble full of milk.  On with the story: so he comes home from one of his long trips and I play hookie and we go for a bike ride. The bike ride was cool not much talking involved : but afterward we went to breakfast.  He goes into how great his cell phone is (two year old phone, gee you think it has been improved ..lol) and how this dive he took us to has wi fi connection: now he is checking his email and showing me how the gps works (DAH) and how the phone can give directions to his house (which his address popped up, I work with numbers  and I am a good spy..so this address was cataloged for future use, men can be simple minded!) 
I am sitting there eatting an thinking the whole time he was talking about NOTHING "brotha,your personallity is like watching paint dry" .  I left there weighing out if I could tolerate this brotha that has less flava than a diabetic diet(lol) . I went home pulled up the real estate in his area WOW $1,000,000. property!  Then I thought this is is California this property value is no big deal a card board condo in L.A.is worth $250,000.(lol)  Plus I have my name on the deed to my own house . 
Now I think I will just avoid him (maybe he will just go away and I won't have to hurt his feelings)
  I say a week or so passes and I get a call from him to tell me that he is currently in a long term relationship and has been in it for a while and that he feels bad.  I started to take off on him and curse him out: but I just started laughing I was actually relieved. I handled myself with the dignity and grace of a blessed woman. I thanked him for his friendship and told him to do the right thing by that woman. 
I wished him a good life and blocked him so he could never reach me again.  I remember a time when this would have felt like rejection and would have sent me in search of the biggest coconut cake I could find. 
I was so cool that I think it shocked him, I think he wanted me to yell and do the "you cheater, how could you do this" PLEASE !  I don't do drama or spank the hand of grown folk.  I have learned to illiminate it and walk away with my dignity in check and keep it PUSHIN. 
I slepted like a baby that night woke the next moring, walked in my closet and came out cute in a size 12 with a pair of sexy sandles and when I did my final mirror check I smiled and said you look good girl a little self esteem goes a long way.

OK , I have made the connection with the mind , body and spirit.  I know I am an emotional eater and when I get upset food is my company keeper and best friend.  So when I feel like I am losing it and want that bad something.   I go for a walk to see something that God would want me to notice : flowers, trees the ocean  the joy of a child face when they are playing in the park.  The simple joys in the world.  If He hand crafted the beauties in the world how grateful should I be that He has hand picked me for such a time as this.  The big problem that I am facing is PMS craving .  I had the taste for double stuffed oreo cookies.  I vowed to only eat a few.  I took three out of the package and was delighted.  I remembered the days when I could finish the pack.  I got to that second one and I felt like I was going to die.  My stomach bloated , my heart started racing and I was sweating. Yes my body was dumping. It had been so long I forgot how horrible and terrifying it can be.  I was close to calling 911.  Lucky for me my daughter was home to pump me full of water.  I will never do that again, I guess I can truely say that this journey is never actually complete , you have to work this thing FOREVER.  No more double stuffed anything for me (lol)  .

People ask me all the time what has been my secret to making this journey successful.  This journey for me has been a healing of the mind, body and spirit.  When I first lost weight 16 years ago, it was a shock to everyone, myself included.  I had no idea how to live life outside of that 425lb frame. The biggest thrill was walking past LANE BRYANT and vowing not to ever go back in.  I was like everyone else I loved taking pictures; buying clothes; the whole shabang.Let's face it, you are at celebrity status for a minute. You feel like a super model.  For me the real journey began when life happened after WLS.  It is when the test and trials came and I have to determine how to deal with them , because you might think you can't eat them away.  I am hear to tell you that you can gain weight back if you experience that same level of despair. Be careful because it will creep back up on you.  In this 16 year journey, I lost friends that had encouraged the journey yet became jealous.  My self worth was still so shot I was a magnet for emotionally detached men that didn't love themselves, so that left heartache and disappointment. October 2001 I lost my new home to a house fire.  December 1999 to November 2007 I began to lose loved ones and though they were ill I still could not imagine life without them, picking up the phone to call some one that is not there is not like any pain I could ever describe. During this time I watched my only daughter the one thing in life that I may ever do right weight rise to 415 lbs, I woke up one day and realized that my baby had become me.  I remember dropping her off at college one morning and watching her walk away and my heart felt like it was bleeding.  I began to cry and I cried out to God in that parking lot , to free my child , If it meant that I have to go back into that prison that held my body.   How did I find a way to ease these pains , the pains that I cured with food, nothing specific just anything to chew as long as the pain stopped.  I first began to drink a little wine,  and the buzz was cool but one drink for a WLS patient is like four to a normal sized stomach.  so as fast as the buzz hit it was gone soon after and the sugar made my body dump and that fells like you are dying, heart racing and sweating .   I became a shoeacholic I can't lie I LOVE shoes so that may not be such a bad thing (lol).  But the ONLY thing that has gotten me through is trusting God and ALL His promises.  This journey is not about me being a super model, this journey is about serving Him and being healthy and whole.  God heard my cry and my daughter had surgery and is just as cute as she can be.  I am just learning to really love myself and see myself the way God see's me.  I look back and I wouldn't give nothing for this journey, because it is my testimony.  I went to see "THE COLOR PURPLE" play and the song that Celie sings "IM HERE"  is so powerful , I left there changed , took that deep breath , held my head up high and said "I'M HERE".  This journey, the struggles were hand picked just for me. I thank God for everyday and I stay humble, because God is still in control.