Kelly S.
Hi I am 37 and a happily married mother of 2 wonderful children. I was an obese child but my parents put me on weight watchers when I was in the fourth grade. I lost my weight and kept it off during my high school years. I kept myself in sports and went to aerobics and lived off of slim fast-and still thought I was fat at 130lbs-ha! Well after I got married and busy with life the weight just started piling up. I would diet and lose and then gain back everything plus 5 to 10 lbs-the classic yo yo dieter. I've tried the egg diet the grapefruite diet, slim fast, the heart diet (given to cardiac patient before they have surgery if they are obese) weight watchers over and over, atkins, southbeach, the dreaded ephedra pills-and prescription drugs EVERYTHING! I feel like I've been on a diet all my life.
Well my husband and I went to Charlotte on Tuesday 2.6.06 to go to the weight loss seminar-What a trip!! I had no idea how big Charlotte was we got totally lost-we finally made it though. It was very informative and Dr. V was there so it was nice to see him in person. I have now been to the Duke seminar and this one. They were both good but I am glad I have chosen Dr. V. Duke does not do the DS due to mal-absorption but I really feel that is the surgery for me and I'm glad you have a choice at Dr. V.'s practice. On the way home guess what? We got lost--again and my window on the drivers side would not go up and it started raining and it was very cold. I asked my husband--Why? Why does this type of thing happen to us? So anyway somehow we made it back on track and booked it down the hwy at 70 mph with the window down and the heat blasting-2 1/2 hrs later we were home and I was freezing-it was one of the longest trips of my life!!!! Hopefully when I go back for my consultation on the 23rd things will go more smoothly-pray for me....
Went back to Charlotte and didn't get lost-what a relief!!! It really helps when you have directions-duh. Met w/Dr. Voellinger and his PA and I was really pleased. I am starting to get a little excited. I have to have an upper GI done and get the x-rays done. I also have made my appointment for my psych. eval and exercise eval on the same day-getting things done!!!
Well it's now 3.17.06 and I have everything done except for my "evaluations" I have my nutrition,psychiatric-ick! and exercise evals all scheduled on the same day. They are all in Charlotte so it will all be nice and done in one trip Yea!! I hate traveling by myself but it makes no sense for my hubby to go and sit in waiting rooms all day. The next scary step-submitting it all to ins-I will probably have a heart attack waiting on their response-my hands get cold thinking about it. Oh well I must think positive. I have read so many people's profiles in here and quite frankly they humble me. I'm fat and I hate being fat but as for co-morbitalities -sp? I don't have any. I do suffer from anxiety attacks
which if you have ever had one is a REAL BUMMER. I finally (it took like 4-5 months to find the one for me and it was a long long 4-5 months) was put on some good medicine (Paxil) and feel great. The road to recovery has been long-I never thought I would ever go thru something like that-I was "normal"-HA! Boy does life like to slap you in the face sometimes and bring you down to reality. I kept thinking why is this happining to me? Then God spoke to me in HIS infinitly soft voice "Why not you?" I couldn't believe my own audacity at thinking why me? The Lord trully humbled me and I cried out to Him so much for His help and strength and guidance. Well He brought me out of the darkness and it is a place I never want to visit again. From now on I'm staying on His shoulders and not ever climbing down and trying to go my own way-ever. Anyhoo I am much better and striving for better things. My knees hurt when I stand up. My belly sticks out-oh my goodness I hate my profile from the side. I get tired easily when I walk. My smoker friends can out walk me-what's up with that? Arn't they supposed to be gasping for breath? I wish they would then maybe they would quit smoking-HA! I know it's hard to quit smoking cause I smoked for 10 years on and off. They said I wasn't a true smoker cause I only smoked about a pack and a half a week-HUH? Like it wasn't hard un-huh it was the hardest thing I have ever done the only other thing harder is losing weight. I have so far lost one friend due to the WLS -for some reason I feel like it is jealousy oriented-it's weird though cause she is a beautifully thin woman. I don't get it. She say's she needs to lose 15 lbs-I'm serious she will be skeletal if she loses that much. Anyway she let me know that she is sick and tired of hearing me on the phone making all of my docter appointments-I apologized and told her I have to do it from work because the offices are closed after I get home-and not to mention some of them are 2 hrs. away-anyway she said she didn't need to know all my business and (she dosn't agree with it anyway she told me earlier that I was being lazy and should just stick to a diet-this comming from a 5'7 110 lb person-who thinks they are fat and hates looking at themselves in the mirror) was really rude. I gave up on her-I know I shouldn't but life is just too short and I'm tired of dealing with her. So what eles can I say- oh my bra's are so uncomfortable (sorry guys) I can't wait to get home and just rip that sucker off and put on a big shirt. My ankles swell and I retain a lot of water which make me real fun to be around-Ha!! Yes I am very lovely. I want to feel better. I want to ride a bike with out the seat having to be surgically removed-those things are dangerous! I want to see myself in a mirror and not look away-fast! I want my family to be proud of me and for me to be proud of myself. I want to go shopping and buy normal clothes. I want to go hiking and learn how to scuba dive and ride horses-I want to live the rest of my life in a normal body. I just want to go and do and do and do and live. I have always thought that being skinny meant being happy and I know that's not true but I have always caught myself thinking those thoughts it brings to mind that saying what is it? umm "be careful what you wish for"-I do know that being skinny will not bring me happieness-really I do-but it will sure be nice anyway-plus I'm happy already. Sometimes I think am I being selfish for wanting this-still thinkin--I don't know maybe I am-Maybe I'm asking too much-I dunno. I think of my children who I love with all my heart-what happens to them if something happens to me? They have a great father but how will this affect them? The other day I read the memorials-they killed me-uh bad choice of words but really I just cried and cried-if anything should happen to me just know that this is what I wanted and I would rather die trying than to always wonder "What if?" I am just that type of person don't ever tell me I can't do something cause I will run right out and do it- except if it's like the 7 minute mile or something. Well I'll update after my next appointment which is next week-keep me in your prayers and hey to Kim if your out there-hope your feelin good!!!!
4-25.06 Yeah, it's been a while since my last update-and when you read this you will know why. First I want to ask-Why? Why is life so complicated sometimes? Hmmmmm ...anyway where was I last post? Well I have since had the last of my "evaluations" thank goodness! Me myself and I went to Charlotte and it was a wonderful day and I loved my nutricianist and my exercise personal trainer person and the psych. was very nice too-all went well-until...going home my car broke down on the interstate-fun fun. I didn't get out of my last appointment till around 7:30PM so it was starting to get dark and let me say I don't know my way around Charlotte at all-I know how to get to Presbyterian hospital and back and that is about it. Well I called the hwy patrol and let them know my situation which was--scared and alone in a broken down 14 year old Cadillac on an overpass somewhere near downtown Charlotte-it took them forever to find me-which wasn't their fault-I told them I was on a road that I wasn't on-Opps!! After wait'in for about an hr I called and asked the lady-have you guys forgot about me? The dispatcher told me -honey they have gone all the way to the state line looking for you-are you sure your on 277? I was like-uh well I guess I'm not totally sure-cause I definatly have not seen any state troopers driving by. So they had me dial 911 so they could track me down-embarrassing but they found me-Yea!! He was so nice and took care of me and dropped me off at the Mariott (my choice)-felt I deserved it. Boy did those bell hops look at me funny when they saw a police officer drop me off-Ha! When I went to the front desk they asked me -Wow a police escort-should we be afraid? I told them after the nite I had had (it was now 10:00PM) they could certainly be afraid-lol!! But they were so nice to me-I was starving cause I hadn't eaten since around 10:00am so I ordered dinner at the desk and they brought it up to my suite-yes I did say suite-and it was so nice. Big king bed with flat screen tv and big overstuffed chairs-wish I could have stayed for more than one nite ....Anyway that was my nite-my hubby came and picked me up the next morning-he was so jolly!LOL I don't know why my car picks to break down when I'm two hrs away from home but it did. Well we found out it was the transmission and would cost around $4000.00 to fix so anyway I had to find a another car like fast. My husband drives an hour in the opposite direction from where I have to go so it wasn't like he could take me to work in the mornings. Luckily my managers husband works for a car dealership and he found me a wonderful deal on a nice car-Yea! the Lord does look out for me in spite of myself! So that is why I have sorta been busy this month-lookin for a car and oh yeah we are tryin to sell our house and we have been showing it on the weekends-which is hard work when you have two kids and two dogs and one small house and we are all messy people-sorry but it's true if you come to my house-love me --not my house --is all I ask. Life is too short and I'm definatly not a showboat. Another thing.. my darling son has been having passing out spells which is worrying me to death-so he had an MRI yesterday and he was acting so wierd afterwards real quiet and just would not talk for awhile unless you asked him a direct question and then he would just answer with a yes or no-he laid down for a couple of hours and said he had a headache-but he is back to his normal self today. He has an appointment with a neurologist next month--keep us in your prayers-I know first hand the power of prayer and I know there are alot of wonderful people out here who read these so please pray for my baby (who is 12 years old but will always be my baby ).
I am now in the process of waiting for approval-how long is this supposed to take? I am such an inpatient person-if I call the ins company once a week is that too much? It will be 2 weeks in two days-so I think I'll call them today-I think....Will let you guys know later how things work out. Remember Pray for Us!!! HUGS!
4.26.06-
Okay I called my Ins company (BC/BS Anthem PPO) and asked if they have received all my information for determination of benefits and they have and they have forwarded everything to the nurse for her to review. They said it could be another week or so-Yuck! I am glad it's gotten this far but-you know-double Yuck I wanna know NOW!! Okay I will try to be patient and good but pooey I just hate the wait'in- that really is the hardest part. I guess I just hate it when something I want is so out of my control and depends on the decision of other people. I'm so scared of being DENIED -I know it happens to alot of people and I have tried to cross every T and dot every i but there are always loopholes....So I guess I will do what I have to do.....wait and wait and wait......
5.4.06
You know, I can't believe this process has been going on for 5 months now-and here I am down to the nitty gritty. Well I called Anthem to see how things were proceeding and she told me it is now in Medical review-soooo I guess I'm still waiting-she told me that it can take up to thirty days so I am counting them down. They received everything on 4.21.06 so they have till 5.20.06 maybe it won't take that long--pleeeeaaaazzzzzzzzzz! I soooo scaaaarrrreeeedddd I try not to be a baby but I am. My son is doing well by the way his MRI came back negative and he has an appointment with a neurologist in a couple of weeks. Hopefully they can figure out what is causing these passing out spells. It is so beautiful outside and tomarrow is Friday thank goodness!!!
I just wanna stay home this weekend and clean and cook and play in the flower garden-Hey to Kim if you are out there-I'll be emailing you soon!!!! HUGS!!!!
Well I really didn't want to to write in here again till I heard something and today 6.12.06-finally I found out I am approved. I am so relieved. I am also so thankful for the wonderful people on this board that I can tell my good news too and get wonderful cheerful responses from. No condensation just happieness and joy for someone going thru this very emotional process-I feel so blessed to have all of you guys for support. I love this site!!! I am floating so it's hard for me to type right now-later.....me
6.26.06
Well I found out on Friday 6.23.06 that my date for surgery is 7.24.06-I thought I'd be all nervous but I'm just so relieved...Finally. I feel like I have been on an emotional roller coaster ride and now I'm on that last hill coming down and everything is going just as it should. I feel like everything is just falling into place. Now I don't have to worry except for the well wishers who look over my shoulder and watch everything that goes in my mouth between now and July 24th--I'm trying so hard not to let it bother me and to be patient with "those people". I swear though I hate to be micro managed I'm an adult and I know what I am supposed to eat. Every time I put a bite in my mouth they ask Arn't you supposed to be eating this or are you allowed to eat that-the list goes on.... I guess I just need to put up a list of approved foods that my nutricianist gave me and just point to it when they start hounding me-Ha!! I know they mean well-at least I hope that is true-but who knows? I actually have this one person who looks at everything and picks it up and reads the back label and "approves" what I have-as if!!!!! These people give me a kick though-I guess it's better than no one caring at all-right? Then I would complain about no one paying any attention to me-Ha! Now that the getting approved process is over with and I have gotten my surgery date I just want to enjoy the rest of the ride even the not so pleasant things like the 2 week fast-this has just been so long in coming and I just want to be grateful and happy that it is actually going to happen and to make the very best out of it. I'll keep ya posted!!!! me
7.3.06
Well I have been sampling the protein shakes-I'm really not that thrilled with anything I've tried so far-but ya gotta do what ya gotta do-right? Some taste okay but the consistancy is just off-like too thick and then the other ones are just like drinking a crystal lite drink-am I supposed to feel full? cuz I don't.....I've started drinking them for b'fast and lunch so my body won't go into shock when the 10th gets here and all food comes to a big shrieking halt. Tomarrow is the 4th and I've about decided that I will eat normally but after that back to the protein shakes for morning and noon. I keep going to my account page and looking at all the before and after pictures to keep myself motivated-I keep thinking to myself look at how great they look and they had to do this and so can you!!!! It's so inspiring to see others that have gone down this same path and have come out looking terrifc-- My main goal though is just to feel better-I just can't imagine my feet not being all swollen that will be worth it right there-to not have ugly swollen ankles -I just retain so much fluid in my legs and they ache so bad. Oh well that's all that's going on for now......me
7.5.06
Weeelll here I am back at work tryin to suck down one of these protein drinks OHHHHH it is so gross!!!!-I mean just plain nasty-this is one thing I will definitley have to conquer within the next couple of weeks-I've gotta find somethin I can tolerate!!! Yesterday I ate normally-I didn't eat a lot-- just no protein shakes. The one I'm tryin today is SPIRU-TEIN and it's strawberry flavored and it's just sooo thick-I just about gag with every swallow-I think I'll go back to the Nectar after this at least it's not thick and the taste isn't bad either-maybe I'm just expecting too much from these drinks--I know one thing for sure---I'm definitely going to stock up on some jello and broth-only 4 more days till I have to completely do without all food of substance---for 2 weeks....HELP!!!! This is really gonna be a strength of wills thing...till later.....me
7.10.06
Day 1 of liquid fast
Well I went to a vitamin store and spoke with someone who recommeded Twin Labs protein shake-and I've been sipping on it all mornin-it really isn't that bad-it's strawberry flavored-I think I will put a little ice in it next time cuz it would be better colder-but it's not too thick or anything and quite tolerable and I'm not starving at all. I've also been drinking crystal lite as a chaser-Ha! I must say I'm really getting excited. I really want this. This is part of the journey and it's not bad at all. I am now drinking a designer whey chocolate shake and I added some Davinci gourmet kahlua to it and it's not bad at all. I think the biggest part of this is mental-you just have to stay focused and remember why you are doing this and all of the great things that will come out of it. It's a disiplinary thing too. You have got to be disiplined in an area of your life that you really haven't been before except of course for those diets we have followed and lost weight with then of course go off of and gain it all back plus some. I think the biggest challenge for me today will be when I go home-but hopefully not-I'm just going to keep myself hydrated and not let myself go very long with out some type of nutrition-shake or bullion soup or somthing. Toodles till tomarrow!!!! me
7.11.06
Day 2 of liquid fast
I was right about the hardest part being at nite-but I had a cup of bullion last nite and a chocolate protein shake and just drank gallons of water. Needless to say I was up a lot last nite going to the bathroom. Today is going well-I'm really not too hungry-I occasionally get those queezy feeling in my tummy-but they usually don't last over 10 minutes-it reminds me to drink some more water too. Another thing I'm noticing is I feel deprived-I'm trying to stay positive and when food enters my head I just try to think of something eles-but when I see other people eating it hurts my feelings just a little bit...Yesterday I went to Cold Water Creek after work because I still have a couple of gift certificates from Christmas and let me say that helped out tremendiously with the liquid fast-after looking at all those beautiful clothes-I don't want to eat for a month--ha!! Well I just felt a hunger pain so I'm off to drink some more--can't let myself get hungry or all bets are off!!!Toodles me
7.12.06
Day 3 of liquid fast
Well things didn't go too well today. I had a complete emotional breakdown--who would have thought? I am so excited about this surgery and didn't think I was nervous about it-but I guess with no food to turn to-not that I thought I ever really turned to food to begin with-I just melted-ha!! It started with a real bad anxiety attack and the more I tried to calm down-the worse it got-then the crying started-I was like what in the world is happening to me???? So I did the only thing I knew to do--got on the message board and asked if this is normal or not--sooo many helpful and insightful responses helped me make it through the day--you guys are just terrific--I cried all day and got off work and cried some more and then I just started to feel better!! I still feel emotional but not like I'm going to come through my skin with anxiety--I just had to come to terms with the fact that I am scared and nervous and excited and worried all balled up together--who wouldn't be emotional-plus no food on top of that--I was expecting to go thru the blues after surgery it just threw me a little bit to have this before surgery. Well I got my tissues and if I cry I cry--ha!!!
7.13.06
Day 4 of liquid fast
Feeling much better today after my emotional cry yesterday-still drinking the protein shakes-my daughter Caroline is sooo sweet every day when I get home she serves me a different type of SF jello that she has made for me--I love that baby!!!! Thank the Lord for my wonderful family-who loves me in spite of myself. I had CIB no sugar added this morning with some skim milk--it was soo good!! I still feel emotional today-probably will go thru some ups and downs till surgery day 7.24.06--Oh well I've figured it out and it's all good and normal-I called my Memaw yesterday and cried to her and she just recently had knee surgery and she told me that she had a good cry before her surgery too so that made me feel better knowing I'm not totally losing it-or eles it just runs in the family???LOL Well till tomarrow!!!! me
7.14.06-7.17.06
Day 8 of liquid fast
It's now day 8 of liquid diet--I'm getting there-slowly but surely!!! I had my pre-op surgery appt. on Friday the 14th-and everything went just great--except for them taking blood-I'm sorry needles don't bother me in the least but when they are inserted for the purpose of blood to be let out of my body--I just lose it--I guess it's cause they can never get the blood out anyway and I just start to get nervous on top of nervous and finally I thought she had got it and then she says Nope not this arm either--so she tried getting it out of my hand--I don't know why but this was so much easier and better--even though-don't laugh-tears were streaming down my face- I just get so sick to my stomach and I just feel faint and ...I know I'm a big crybaby-this is the first time I have ever had tears though--I think it's because of my nerves being all rigid right now anyway--but yea it's over with!!!! Went to my mom's this weekend and dropped my munchkins off for a couple of weeks--I miss them already... Well toodles till later ....me
7.18.06
Day 9 of liquid fast
I feel hungry...what can I say-I WANNA EAT--but I'm not gonna-
only what? 6 more days to go-eek!!! I'm starting to get excited again-Yea!!! I can't wait to go home and eat some SF Jello--something besides a shake-ya know? I really enjoy these ISOPURE's protein drinks. I like the fruit punch and the grape the best. bye for now....
7.21.06
Day 12 of liquid fast
Well okay surgery buddies--time is clicking away soon off we go----hopefully on to a healthier happier way of life in a new body. Just know though that if something were to happen and I get to go to Heaven---I'm gonna be a real pissed off dead person for starving myself the last 2 weeks of my life--LOL!!! I'm just saying--Ya know??? Gotta have humor!!! I won't have access to a computer for a while because mine at home is spy wear clogged--so good luck to all of you guys and I wish all of you the very very best. I'll say a prayer for each of you and can't wait to hear from you after the "big day"!!!! Thanks to all of you for the support and encouragement and just for being there thru all of this emotionally charged time. I'm sure I'll be on the message boards pestering all of you guys afterward-with all of the same o'l same o'l questions all surgery newbies ask--I can't wait to start!!!!LOL
Love and God Bless-you guys are truly the BEST!!!! me
8.8.06
This is my second day back at work-it's not as bad as I thought it would be... Last week I was really sweating it cuz I was still soo very weak. I have a sit down position so it's not like I'm running around alot. I was getting real tired of daytime tv too-lol!! The only bad thing is housework-I really can't do that yet-the kids are really helping out as best they can but you know, I really need to get in there and scrub and it's just not gonna happen any time soon. My hospital experience went very well-I went in that morning at 5 am and everything went fast after that. They put me in a room and gave me one of those sexy open back gowns to put on-lol!! They also gave me this real purty hat to put on and some slippers then it was off to the surgery floor. They wheeled me in to this room where there were other people laying on stretchers all hooked up to IV's "getting prepped". My anesth. came in and spoke to me and then they started my IV's and then Dr. Vollienger came and spoke with me and I asked if he got plenty of sleep and was well rested and he said that he did really well and cut the party short at 3am so he was very rested-ha ...ha!!! The next thing I remember was them wheeling me into the OR and that is that-no count back from a hundred or anything-just snap! I was out..
I woke up of course in pain with tubes coming out everywhere. I just wanted to go back to dreamland!! I really don't remember much more about that day. I remember I got up and sat in a chair the next day and started getting up and walking-no one pressured me too though-they told me I needed to walk 3 times a day but no one enforced that so I had to make myself do it. That was hard!!!! I knew it was important because of this site and that in order to get my strength back and not get any blood clots it was important. I stayed till Thurs-so I was in there a total of 4 days. The nurses were nice except for waking me up all hours of the night-lol!!! I couldn't wait to get home so I could sleep! When I first got home I couldn't even sit up for very long- I couldn't even carry on a conversation for very long--I never realized I would be that weak. It's amazing how far I've come in just 2 weeks. The most important thing I believe is getting in your fluids and protein and WALKING even if it's just up and down the hall 3 or 4 times-it has really helped me out so much. I am eating mushy stuff now-mashed potatoes scrambled eggs anything soft. Each week is gonna get better!!! It's an adjustment relearning how to eat but at least I expected this and it's no big surprise. I'm down 20 lbs so far. I can't tell it yet but I'll take it anyway!!! me
Well it's now 9.22.06
My energy level is going up and I'm starting to feel normal again. I have started walking and that has also really helped my energy levels tremendously. I still get nauseated when I eat--don't know what's up with that. I figure it's just because my stomach is taking it's time in healing..I've lost around 30 lbs in all maybe a little more..I now understand other peoples flustration at feeling they are not losing fast enough-but my clothes are really getting loose so that makes me feel good. It's just hard when you feel like you hardly ever eat and you see others loosing at such a greater rate than you are..I know, everyone's different I'm just impatient!!! I've been a little antsy lately--like a smoker who hasn't had a cigarett--I get real unnerved over hardly anything at all--people will just piss me off and they haven't even done anything to deserve my inner wrath--I think I may be having like some type of food withdrawals or something--that's the only reason I believe I should be feeling this way--I feel like I need a fix--and food doesn't do it for me anymore so I'm just out there ya know???? Like an addict!! It's funny I never thought I ran to food but I guess I do--something else I've learned and discovered about myself!!! The walking has really helped me get a hold on it though-I always feel better afterwards. I'm a lot more verbal too--I've gotta watch myself-I don't want to ever hurt anyones feelings especially when they have no idea they are burning a hole in my brain just by being in my general vicinity-heh heh--just joshin it's not that bad--yet...Hey if anyone ever reads my dribble please email me especially if ya know where I'm coming from--or even if ya think I need professional help-ha!!! I'm sure everyone goes thru an adjustment phase and I'm in it right now. I'm very happy I have done this for myself and in no way regret it--I've just gotta learn to deal with the changes that are happening within myself. I'll update later!!!! me
10.12.06
Well nothing much going on-I weighed this morning and now am down about 41 lbs--from 307 down to 266-YAY!!! I am happy with that. I still need to work on that protein-that's my hardest thing right now. My clothes are starting to get real loose and I guess it's going to be time soon to go and buy some new pants--I'm able to get in an extra large now--that's a size I haven't seen in a while--I don't know if it was just that brand or what because I still have a LONG way to go. I don't know how it is for other people but it's like I won't lose any weight and then all of a sudden I'm down another 10 or so pounds-it's very flustrating in the meantime. It's almost been 3 months since surgery-I would love to be down 50 lbs by the 24th--I just want to get rid of this weight soo bad!! I want everyone to notice at Thanksgiving ya know? Not that they -being family-would say anything. My daughter's birthday was last week and my in-laws came in and they just kept telling my husband how WONDERFUL he looked and how much weight he looks like he has lost. Well I love my hubby very much and I plead with him all the time to please watch what he eats and he refuses--if anything he has put on 10 or more pounds. Do they say anything at all to their daughter in law who had lost about 35 pounds and had weight loss surgery--NADA!! Oh well, can't let it bother me. Well that's all that's happening in my corner of the world--God bless you all-till later, me
Well my husband and I went to Charlotte on Tuesday 2.6.06 to go to the weight loss seminar-What a trip!! I had no idea how big Charlotte was we got totally lost-we finally made it though. It was very informative and Dr. V was there so it was nice to see him in person. I have now been to the Duke seminar and this one. They were both good but I am glad I have chosen Dr. V. Duke does not do the DS due to mal-absorption but I really feel that is the surgery for me and I'm glad you have a choice at Dr. V.'s practice. On the way home guess what? We got lost--again and my window on the drivers side would not go up and it started raining and it was very cold. I asked my husband--Why? Why does this type of thing happen to us? So anyway somehow we made it back on track and booked it down the hwy at 70 mph with the window down and the heat blasting-2 1/2 hrs later we were home and I was freezing-it was one of the longest trips of my life!!!! Hopefully when I go back for my consultation on the 23rd things will go more smoothly-pray for me....
Went back to Charlotte and didn't get lost-what a relief!!! It really helps when you have directions-duh. Met w/Dr. Voellinger and his PA and I was really pleased. I am starting to get a little excited. I have to have an upper GI done and get the x-rays done. I also have made my appointment for my psych. eval and exercise eval on the same day-getting things done!!!
Well it's now 3.17.06 and I have everything done except for my "evaluations" I have my nutrition,psychiatric-ick! and exercise evals all scheduled on the same day. They are all in Charlotte so it will all be nice and done in one trip Yea!! I hate traveling by myself but it makes no sense for my hubby to go and sit in waiting rooms all day. The next scary step-submitting it all to ins-I will probably have a heart attack waiting on their response-my hands get cold thinking about it. Oh well I must think positive. I have read so many people's profiles in here and quite frankly they humble me. I'm fat and I hate being fat but as for co-morbitalities -sp? I don't have any. I do suffer from anxiety attacks
which if you have ever had one is a REAL BUMMER. I finally (it took like 4-5 months to find the one for me and it was a long long 4-5 months) was put on some good medicine (Paxil) and feel great. The road to recovery has been long-I never thought I would ever go thru something like that-I was "normal"-HA! Boy does life like to slap you in the face sometimes and bring you down to reality. I kept thinking why is this happining to me? Then God spoke to me in HIS infinitly soft voice "Why not you?" I couldn't believe my own audacity at thinking why me? The Lord trully humbled me and I cried out to Him so much for His help and strength and guidance. Well He brought me out of the darkness and it is a place I never want to visit again. From now on I'm staying on His shoulders and not ever climbing down and trying to go my own way-ever. Anyhoo I am much better and striving for better things. My knees hurt when I stand up. My belly sticks out-oh my goodness I hate my profile from the side. I get tired easily when I walk. My smoker friends can out walk me-what's up with that? Arn't they supposed to be gasping for breath? I wish they would then maybe they would quit smoking-HA! I know it's hard to quit smoking cause I smoked for 10 years on and off. They said I wasn't a true smoker cause I only smoked about a pack and a half a week-HUH? Like it wasn't hard un-huh it was the hardest thing I have ever done the only other thing harder is losing weight. I have so far lost one friend due to the WLS -for some reason I feel like it is jealousy oriented-it's weird though cause she is a beautifully thin woman. I don't get it. She say's she needs to lose 15 lbs-I'm serious she will be skeletal if she loses that much. Anyway she let me know that she is sick and tired of hearing me on the phone making all of my docter appointments-I apologized and told her I have to do it from work because the offices are closed after I get home-and not to mention some of them are 2 hrs. away-anyway she said she didn't need to know all my business and (she dosn't agree with it anyway she told me earlier that I was being lazy and should just stick to a diet-this comming from a 5'7 110 lb person-who thinks they are fat and hates looking at themselves in the mirror) was really rude. I gave up on her-I know I shouldn't but life is just too short and I'm tired of dealing with her. So what eles can I say- oh my bra's are so uncomfortable (sorry guys) I can't wait to get home and just rip that sucker off and put on a big shirt. My ankles swell and I retain a lot of water which make me real fun to be around-Ha!! Yes I am very lovely. I want to feel better. I want to ride a bike with out the seat having to be surgically removed-those things are dangerous! I want to see myself in a mirror and not look away-fast! I want my family to be proud of me and for me to be proud of myself. I want to go shopping and buy normal clothes. I want to go hiking and learn how to scuba dive and ride horses-I want to live the rest of my life in a normal body. I just want to go and do and do and do and live. I have always thought that being skinny meant being happy and I know that's not true but I have always caught myself thinking those thoughts it brings to mind that saying what is it? umm "be careful what you wish for"-I do know that being skinny will not bring me happieness-really I do-but it will sure be nice anyway-plus I'm happy already. Sometimes I think am I being selfish for wanting this-still thinkin--I don't know maybe I am-Maybe I'm asking too much-I dunno. I think of my children who I love with all my heart-what happens to them if something happens to me? They have a great father but how will this affect them? The other day I read the memorials-they killed me-uh bad choice of words but really I just cried and cried-if anything should happen to me just know that this is what I wanted and I would rather die trying than to always wonder "What if?" I am just that type of person don't ever tell me I can't do something cause I will run right out and do it- except if it's like the 7 minute mile or something. Well I'll update after my next appointment which is next week-keep me in your prayers and hey to Kim if your out there-hope your feelin good!!!!
4-25.06 Yeah, it's been a while since my last update-and when you read this you will know why. First I want to ask-Why? Why is life so complicated sometimes? Hmmmmm ...anyway where was I last post? Well I have since had the last of my "evaluations" thank goodness! Me myself and I went to Charlotte and it was a wonderful day and I loved my nutricianist and my exercise personal trainer person and the psych. was very nice too-all went well-until...going home my car broke down on the interstate-fun fun. I didn't get out of my last appointment till around 7:30PM so it was starting to get dark and let me say I don't know my way around Charlotte at all-I know how to get to Presbyterian hospital and back and that is about it. Well I called the hwy patrol and let them know my situation which was--scared and alone in a broken down 14 year old Cadillac on an overpass somewhere near downtown Charlotte-it took them forever to find me-which wasn't their fault-I told them I was on a road that I wasn't on-Opps!! After wait'in for about an hr I called and asked the lady-have you guys forgot about me? The dispatcher told me -honey they have gone all the way to the state line looking for you-are you sure your on 277? I was like-uh well I guess I'm not totally sure-cause I definatly have not seen any state troopers driving by. So they had me dial 911 so they could track me down-embarrassing but they found me-Yea!! He was so nice and took care of me and dropped me off at the Mariott (my choice)-felt I deserved it. Boy did those bell hops look at me funny when they saw a police officer drop me off-Ha! When I went to the front desk they asked me -Wow a police escort-should we be afraid? I told them after the nite I had had (it was now 10:00PM) they could certainly be afraid-lol!! But they were so nice to me-I was starving cause I hadn't eaten since around 10:00am so I ordered dinner at the desk and they brought it up to my suite-yes I did say suite-and it was so nice. Big king bed with flat screen tv and big overstuffed chairs-wish I could have stayed for more than one nite ....Anyway that was my nite-my hubby came and picked me up the next morning-he was so jolly!LOL I don't know why my car picks to break down when I'm two hrs away from home but it did. Well we found out it was the transmission and would cost around $4000.00 to fix so anyway I had to find a another car like fast. My husband drives an hour in the opposite direction from where I have to go so it wasn't like he could take me to work in the mornings. Luckily my managers husband works for a car dealership and he found me a wonderful deal on a nice car-Yea! the Lord does look out for me in spite of myself! So that is why I have sorta been busy this month-lookin for a car and oh yeah we are tryin to sell our house and we have been showing it on the weekends-which is hard work when you have two kids and two dogs and one small house and we are all messy people-sorry but it's true if you come to my house-love me --not my house --is all I ask. Life is too short and I'm definatly not a showboat. Another thing.. my darling son has been having passing out spells which is worrying me to death-so he had an MRI yesterday and he was acting so wierd afterwards real quiet and just would not talk for awhile unless you asked him a direct question and then he would just answer with a yes or no-he laid down for a couple of hours and said he had a headache-but he is back to his normal self today. He has an appointment with a neurologist next month--keep us in your prayers-I know first hand the power of prayer and I know there are alot of wonderful people out here who read these so please pray for my baby (who is 12 years old but will always be my baby ).
I am now in the process of waiting for approval-how long is this supposed to take? I am such an inpatient person-if I call the ins company once a week is that too much? It will be 2 weeks in two days-so I think I'll call them today-I think....Will let you guys know later how things work out. Remember Pray for Us!!! HUGS!
4.26.06-
Okay I called my Ins company (BC/BS Anthem PPO) and asked if they have received all my information for determination of benefits and they have and they have forwarded everything to the nurse for her to review. They said it could be another week or so-Yuck! I am glad it's gotten this far but-you know-double Yuck I wanna know NOW!! Okay I will try to be patient and good but pooey I just hate the wait'in- that really is the hardest part. I guess I just hate it when something I want is so out of my control and depends on the decision of other people. I'm so scared of being DENIED -I know it happens to alot of people and I have tried to cross every T and dot every i but there are always loopholes....So I guess I will do what I have to do.....wait and wait and wait......
5.4.06
You know, I can't believe this process has been going on for 5 months now-and here I am down to the nitty gritty. Well I called Anthem to see how things were proceeding and she told me it is now in Medical review-soooo I guess I'm still waiting-she told me that it can take up to thirty days so I am counting them down. They received everything on 4.21.06 so they have till 5.20.06 maybe it won't take that long--pleeeeaaaazzzzzzzzzz! I soooo scaaaarrrreeeedddd I try not to be a baby but I am. My son is doing well by the way his MRI came back negative and he has an appointment with a neurologist in a couple of weeks. Hopefully they can figure out what is causing these passing out spells. It is so beautiful outside and tomarrow is Friday thank goodness!!!
I just wanna stay home this weekend and clean and cook and play in the flower garden-Hey to Kim if you are out there-I'll be emailing you soon!!!! HUGS!!!!
Well I really didn't want to to write in here again till I heard something and today 6.12.06-finally I found out I am approved. I am so relieved. I am also so thankful for the wonderful people on this board that I can tell my good news too and get wonderful cheerful responses from. No condensation just happieness and joy for someone going thru this very emotional process-I feel so blessed to have all of you guys for support. I love this site!!! I am floating so it's hard for me to type right now-later.....me
6.26.06
Well I found out on Friday 6.23.06 that my date for surgery is 7.24.06-I thought I'd be all nervous but I'm just so relieved...Finally. I feel like I have been on an emotional roller coaster ride and now I'm on that last hill coming down and everything is going just as it should. I feel like everything is just falling into place. Now I don't have to worry except for the well wishers who look over my shoulder and watch everything that goes in my mouth between now and July 24th--I'm trying so hard not to let it bother me and to be patient with "those people". I swear though I hate to be micro managed I'm an adult and I know what I am supposed to eat. Every time I put a bite in my mouth they ask Arn't you supposed to be eating this or are you allowed to eat that-the list goes on.... I guess I just need to put up a list of approved foods that my nutricianist gave me and just point to it when they start hounding me-Ha!! I know they mean well-at least I hope that is true-but who knows? I actually have this one person who looks at everything and picks it up and reads the back label and "approves" what I have-as if!!!!! These people give me a kick though-I guess it's better than no one caring at all-right? Then I would complain about no one paying any attention to me-Ha! Now that the getting approved process is over with and I have gotten my surgery date I just want to enjoy the rest of the ride even the not so pleasant things like the 2 week fast-this has just been so long in coming and I just want to be grateful and happy that it is actually going to happen and to make the very best out of it. I'll keep ya posted!!!! me
7.3.06
Well I have been sampling the protein shakes-I'm really not that thrilled with anything I've tried so far-but ya gotta do what ya gotta do-right? Some taste okay but the consistancy is just off-like too thick and then the other ones are just like drinking a crystal lite drink-am I supposed to feel full? cuz I don't.....I've started drinking them for b'fast and lunch so my body won't go into shock when the 10th gets here and all food comes to a big shrieking halt. Tomarrow is the 4th and I've about decided that I will eat normally but after that back to the protein shakes for morning and noon. I keep going to my account page and looking at all the before and after pictures to keep myself motivated-I keep thinking to myself look at how great they look and they had to do this and so can you!!!! It's so inspiring to see others that have gone down this same path and have come out looking terrifc-- My main goal though is just to feel better-I just can't imagine my feet not being all swollen that will be worth it right there-to not have ugly swollen ankles -I just retain so much fluid in my legs and they ache so bad. Oh well that's all that's going on for now......me
7.5.06
Weeelll here I am back at work tryin to suck down one of these protein drinks OHHHHH it is so gross!!!!-I mean just plain nasty-this is one thing I will definitley have to conquer within the next couple of weeks-I've gotta find somethin I can tolerate!!! Yesterday I ate normally-I didn't eat a lot-- just no protein shakes. The one I'm tryin today is SPIRU-TEIN and it's strawberry flavored and it's just sooo thick-I just about gag with every swallow-I think I'll go back to the Nectar after this at least it's not thick and the taste isn't bad either-maybe I'm just expecting too much from these drinks--I know one thing for sure---I'm definitely going to stock up on some jello and broth-only 4 more days till I have to completely do without all food of substance---for 2 weeks....HELP!!!! This is really gonna be a strength of wills thing...till later.....me
7.10.06
Day 1 of liquid fast
Well I went to a vitamin store and spoke with someone who recommeded Twin Labs protein shake-and I've been sipping on it all mornin-it really isn't that bad-it's strawberry flavored-I think I will put a little ice in it next time cuz it would be better colder-but it's not too thick or anything and quite tolerable and I'm not starving at all. I've also been drinking crystal lite as a chaser-Ha! I must say I'm really getting excited. I really want this. This is part of the journey and it's not bad at all. I am now drinking a designer whey chocolate shake and I added some Davinci gourmet kahlua to it and it's not bad at all. I think the biggest part of this is mental-you just have to stay focused and remember why you are doing this and all of the great things that will come out of it. It's a disiplinary thing too. You have got to be disiplined in an area of your life that you really haven't been before except of course for those diets we have followed and lost weight with then of course go off of and gain it all back plus some. I think the biggest challenge for me today will be when I go home-but hopefully not-I'm just going to keep myself hydrated and not let myself go very long with out some type of nutrition-shake or bullion soup or somthing. Toodles till tomarrow!!!! me
7.11.06
Day 2 of liquid fast
I was right about the hardest part being at nite-but I had a cup of bullion last nite and a chocolate protein shake and just drank gallons of water. Needless to say I was up a lot last nite going to the bathroom. Today is going well-I'm really not too hungry-I occasionally get those queezy feeling in my tummy-but they usually don't last over 10 minutes-it reminds me to drink some more water too. Another thing I'm noticing is I feel deprived-I'm trying to stay positive and when food enters my head I just try to think of something eles-but when I see other people eating it hurts my feelings just a little bit...Yesterday I went to Cold Water Creek after work because I still have a couple of gift certificates from Christmas and let me say that helped out tremendiously with the liquid fast-after looking at all those beautiful clothes-I don't want to eat for a month--ha!! Well I just felt a hunger pain so I'm off to drink some more--can't let myself get hungry or all bets are off!!!Toodles me
7.12.06
Day 3 of liquid fast
Well things didn't go too well today. I had a complete emotional breakdown--who would have thought? I am so excited about this surgery and didn't think I was nervous about it-but I guess with no food to turn to-not that I thought I ever really turned to food to begin with-I just melted-ha!! It started with a real bad anxiety attack and the more I tried to calm down-the worse it got-then the crying started-I was like what in the world is happening to me???? So I did the only thing I knew to do--got on the message board and asked if this is normal or not--sooo many helpful and insightful responses helped me make it through the day--you guys are just terrific--I cried all day and got off work and cried some more and then I just started to feel better!! I still feel emotional but not like I'm going to come through my skin with anxiety--I just had to come to terms with the fact that I am scared and nervous and excited and worried all balled up together--who wouldn't be emotional-plus no food on top of that--I was expecting to go thru the blues after surgery it just threw me a little bit to have this before surgery. Well I got my tissues and if I cry I cry--ha!!!
7.13.06
Day 4 of liquid fast
Feeling much better today after my emotional cry yesterday-still drinking the protein shakes-my daughter Caroline is sooo sweet every day when I get home she serves me a different type of SF jello that she has made for me--I love that baby!!!! Thank the Lord for my wonderful family-who loves me in spite of myself. I had CIB no sugar added this morning with some skim milk--it was soo good!! I still feel emotional today-probably will go thru some ups and downs till surgery day 7.24.06--Oh well I've figured it out and it's all good and normal-I called my Memaw yesterday and cried to her and she just recently had knee surgery and she told me that she had a good cry before her surgery too so that made me feel better knowing I'm not totally losing it-or eles it just runs in the family???LOL Well till tomarrow!!!! me
7.14.06-7.17.06
Day 8 of liquid fast
It's now day 8 of liquid diet--I'm getting there-slowly but surely!!! I had my pre-op surgery appt. on Friday the 14th-and everything went just great--except for them taking blood-I'm sorry needles don't bother me in the least but when they are inserted for the purpose of blood to be let out of my body--I just lose it--I guess it's cause they can never get the blood out anyway and I just start to get nervous on top of nervous and finally I thought she had got it and then she says Nope not this arm either--so she tried getting it out of my hand--I don't know why but this was so much easier and better--even though-don't laugh-tears were streaming down my face- I just get so sick to my stomach and I just feel faint and ...I know I'm a big crybaby-this is the first time I have ever had tears though--I think it's because of my nerves being all rigid right now anyway--but yea it's over with!!!! Went to my mom's this weekend and dropped my munchkins off for a couple of weeks--I miss them already... Well toodles till later ....me
7.18.06
Day 9 of liquid fast
I feel hungry...what can I say-I WANNA EAT--but I'm not gonna-
only what? 6 more days to go-eek!!! I'm starting to get excited again-Yea!!! I can't wait to go home and eat some SF Jello--something besides a shake-ya know? I really enjoy these ISOPURE's protein drinks. I like the fruit punch and the grape the best. bye for now....
7.21.06
Day 12 of liquid fast
Well okay surgery buddies--time is clicking away soon off we go----hopefully on to a healthier happier way of life in a new body. Just know though that if something were to happen and I get to go to Heaven---I'm gonna be a real pissed off dead person for starving myself the last 2 weeks of my life--LOL!!! I'm just saying--Ya know??? Gotta have humor!!! I won't have access to a computer for a while because mine at home is spy wear clogged--so good luck to all of you guys and I wish all of you the very very best. I'll say a prayer for each of you and can't wait to hear from you after the "big day"!!!! Thanks to all of you for the support and encouragement and just for being there thru all of this emotionally charged time. I'm sure I'll be on the message boards pestering all of you guys afterward-with all of the same o'l same o'l questions all surgery newbies ask--I can't wait to start!!!!LOL
Love and God Bless-you guys are truly the BEST!!!! me
8.8.06
This is my second day back at work-it's not as bad as I thought it would be... Last week I was really sweating it cuz I was still soo very weak. I have a sit down position so it's not like I'm running around alot. I was getting real tired of daytime tv too-lol!! The only bad thing is housework-I really can't do that yet-the kids are really helping out as best they can but you know, I really need to get in there and scrub and it's just not gonna happen any time soon. My hospital experience went very well-I went in that morning at 5 am and everything went fast after that. They put me in a room and gave me one of those sexy open back gowns to put on-lol!! They also gave me this real purty hat to put on and some slippers then it was off to the surgery floor. They wheeled me in to this room where there were other people laying on stretchers all hooked up to IV's "getting prepped". My anesth. came in and spoke to me and then they started my IV's and then Dr. Vollienger came and spoke with me and I asked if he got plenty of sleep and was well rested and he said that he did really well and cut the party short at 3am so he was very rested-ha ...ha!!! The next thing I remember was them wheeling me into the OR and that is that-no count back from a hundred or anything-just snap! I was out..
I woke up of course in pain with tubes coming out everywhere. I just wanted to go back to dreamland!! I really don't remember much more about that day. I remember I got up and sat in a chair the next day and started getting up and walking-no one pressured me too though-they told me I needed to walk 3 times a day but no one enforced that so I had to make myself do it. That was hard!!!! I knew it was important because of this site and that in order to get my strength back and not get any blood clots it was important. I stayed till Thurs-so I was in there a total of 4 days. The nurses were nice except for waking me up all hours of the night-lol!!! I couldn't wait to get home so I could sleep! When I first got home I couldn't even sit up for very long- I couldn't even carry on a conversation for very long--I never realized I would be that weak. It's amazing how far I've come in just 2 weeks. The most important thing I believe is getting in your fluids and protein and WALKING even if it's just up and down the hall 3 or 4 times-it has really helped me out so much. I am eating mushy stuff now-mashed potatoes scrambled eggs anything soft. Each week is gonna get better!!! It's an adjustment relearning how to eat but at least I expected this and it's no big surprise. I'm down 20 lbs so far. I can't tell it yet but I'll take it anyway!!! me
Well it's now 9.22.06
My energy level is going up and I'm starting to feel normal again. I have started walking and that has also really helped my energy levels tremendously. I still get nauseated when I eat--don't know what's up with that. I figure it's just because my stomach is taking it's time in healing..I've lost around 30 lbs in all maybe a little more..I now understand other peoples flustration at feeling they are not losing fast enough-but my clothes are really getting loose so that makes me feel good. It's just hard when you feel like you hardly ever eat and you see others loosing at such a greater rate than you are..I know, everyone's different I'm just impatient!!! I've been a little antsy lately--like a smoker who hasn't had a cigarett--I get real unnerved over hardly anything at all--people will just piss me off and they haven't even done anything to deserve my inner wrath--I think I may be having like some type of food withdrawals or something--that's the only reason I believe I should be feeling this way--I feel like I need a fix--and food doesn't do it for me anymore so I'm just out there ya know???? Like an addict!! It's funny I never thought I ran to food but I guess I do--something else I've learned and discovered about myself!!! The walking has really helped me get a hold on it though-I always feel better afterwards. I'm a lot more verbal too--I've gotta watch myself-I don't want to ever hurt anyones feelings especially when they have no idea they are burning a hole in my brain just by being in my general vicinity-heh heh--just joshin it's not that bad--yet...Hey if anyone ever reads my dribble please email me especially if ya know where I'm coming from--or even if ya think I need professional help-ha!!! I'm sure everyone goes thru an adjustment phase and I'm in it right now. I'm very happy I have done this for myself and in no way regret it--I've just gotta learn to deal with the changes that are happening within myself. I'll update later!!!! me
10.12.06
Well nothing much going on-I weighed this morning and now am down about 41 lbs--from 307 down to 266-YAY!!! I am happy with that. I still need to work on that protein-that's my hardest thing right now. My clothes are starting to get real loose and I guess it's going to be time soon to go and buy some new pants--I'm able to get in an extra large now--that's a size I haven't seen in a while--I don't know if it was just that brand or what because I still have a LONG way to go. I don't know how it is for other people but it's like I won't lose any weight and then all of a sudden I'm down another 10 or so pounds-it's very flustrating in the meantime. It's almost been 3 months since surgery-I would love to be down 50 lbs by the 24th--I just want to get rid of this weight soo bad!! I want everyone to notice at Thanksgiving ya know? Not that they -being family-would say anything. My daughter's birthday was last week and my in-laws came in and they just kept telling my husband how WONDERFUL he looked and how much weight he looks like he has lost. Well I love my hubby very much and I plead with him all the time to please watch what he eats and he refuses--if anything he has put on 10 or more pounds. Do they say anything at all to their daughter in law who had lost about 35 pounds and had weight loss surgery--NADA!! Oh well, can't let it bother me. Well that's all that's happening in my corner of the world--God bless you all-till later, me
Member Interests:
Click here to see interests of other ObesityHelp members.
Surgeon Info:
Surgeon: David C. Voellinger, M.D.
My first impression was that he was just so nice and answered all my questions. He told me everything to expect and all the risk involved with the type of surgery that I have chosen. His office staff is just exceptional-they have been so kind and helpful throughout this whole process. They never made me feel like I was wasting their time or bothering them in any way. He has a very structured aftercare program to help me keep in line with the program and to reach my specific goals.
Insurer Info:
Anthem Blue Cross and Blue Shield, Anthem National
About Me
Mebane, NC
Location
20.4
BMI
Surgery
07/24/2006
Surgery Date
Jan 10, 2006
Member Since
