KellyAllen27

Send Message

Block

Add Friend

I've been really doing good and following the high protein diet.  Yesterday for the carry in here at work, I made some lettuce wraps with the turkey, cheese and tomatoes instead of having sandwiches.  I stopped by my closest gas station and bought 5 beef sticks for snacks (they're locally made, $1 each, and taste AWESOME!), and I've been having my protein shake and a protein bar every day!  So, I feel great about the choices I'm making... and it's funny that since I had a small bit of dessert at the carry in yesterday, my stomach has been letting me know that it was the wrong choice!  So, I've put this equation together:

A good, high protein diet + dessert = BAD ANGRY TUMMY

So, I'm gonna stay away from that equation and just eat some fruit when I want a nice dessert :)

Still looking forward to my soy marinated grilled pork chops this weekend!!!

Sometimes I wish I could just down a huge cheeseburger, but other than that, I'm feeling more motivated and really gung ho about eating a lot more protein.  (Yes, I just said Gung Ho.)

I'm searching online for high protein meal ideas, and FINALLY, my husband is going to start supporting my food choices (instead of asking me to always make Mac and Cheese for dinner), and I honestly love to cook anyways, so this is going to be so much more fun :)

This weekend is going to be Grilled Pork Chops marinated in soy sauce and splenda brown sugar, brown rice, and garlic green beans.  Sunday's dinner is parmesan crusted tilapia with steamed broccoli and cheese sauce, and for dessert: homemade strawberry shortcakes.

I can do this!!!!

So, I guess I get to wait a week to see how much more weight my body is deciding to hold.  Dang it.

I'm hoping the lap band god will shine on me for a bit and help me lose weight!

I'm so irritated with myself!! I just am so baffled as to why my weight is fluxuating so much!!!  I'm eating small portions, yet my weight went up from last fill, of 205 to 210 so far...  what in the hell am I doing wrong?!?!?!?!?!?  

I guess it's time to start journaling again.  I HATE JOURNALING!!!  I never remember to mark it down, and I get so mad!!!

AAARRRGGGHHH!!!!!!    I hope I get that 1/2 cc.... hell, make it a full cc.

I can tell I need a fill! That 1/2 cc they put in last month isn't doing it's job all the way!  Don't get me wrong  - I was stuck on pizza for about 90 minutes on Saturday night, but I can tell that I'm not having the best restriction.  I think I just didn't chew that pizza up all the way because I was so stinkin hungry when I ate it!

This coming weekend:  Birthday party on Friday night where I'm making the cake (A triple stacker!), Saturday is a full day in Muncie Indiana at IRCHA, and Sunday is FINALLY a day of relaxation before I go to Dr C's for a fill on Monday.  

I'm honestly a HATER of all people who can't stand to see others happy.  That also means the gay community, as well.  Today, I'm overjoyed that Prop 8 got overturned!!!  I can't believe this country, that is supposedly so amazing and so wonderful, and is the Land of Opportunity, wouldn't let Gays and Lesbians get married.  Is there REALLY any reason why they can't? I mean, is there a medical problem??? Is there a terrorist problem about it???

No?? really?? huh.  Could have fooled me, with the way people bash them.  People act like if the gay community has the rights to be married, the world is one bit closer to Armageddon.  And how people say that Gays and Lesbians shouldn't be allowed to adopt children is about as absurd as single people should be thrown out of the idea of adopting children. 

Bigot:  "Well, it's not right for a child to have two moms or two dads."

Me:  "Well, bigot, should we reject single people from the adoption process because there isn't two people involved in a child's life??"

So, my closing thoughts in this short blog are :

If it doesn't directly effect you, which it doesn't,.... then shut up about the whole thing.  It's like the no-smoking in public places law now.... it doesn't directly affect non-smokers (and it really truly doesnt, since non-smokers don't have to follow those new, specific rules), so shut those pieholes!

Congrats on the overturning of Prop 8! We are one step closer to being a better country!!!

To quote Lady Gaga:  "Reject any person, any thing or any law that has ever made you feel like you don't belong,"

With my inner selves fighting a Civil War telling me things about how I need to do things for me... "should I stay or should I go?" ---- etc....  This is how I've been feeling.  John Petrucci and Dream Theater are musical geniuses.




"Love, Just don't stare."
He used to say to me Every Sunday morning
The spider in the window, The Angel in the pool
The old man takes the poison
And now the widow, makes the rules

"So speak, I'm right here"
She used to say to me
not a word, not a word
Judas on the ceiling, The Devil in my bed
I guess Easter's never coming
So I'll just wait inside my head

Like a Scream but sort of Silent
Living off my nightmares

Voices repeating me
"Feeling threatened? We reflect your hopes and fears."
Voices discussing me
"Others steal your thoughts,They're not confined Within your mind."

Thought disorder
Dream Control
Now they read my mind on the radio
But where is the garden of Eden?

I feel elated, I feel depressed
Sex is death, death is Sex
Says it right here on my crucifix

Like a scream, but sort of silent
Living off my nightmares

Voices protecting me
"Good behavior Brings the savior to his Knees."
Voices rejecting me
"Others steal your thoughts,
They're not confined to your own mind."

"I don't wanna be here, because of my suffering, because of my illness.
Only love is worth having, only love is what matters, loving every
people on equal terms."  "You've got to know who you're dealing with because,
like a stranger, just might come in through here with a gun.... and then, what
would you do?"  "Everything is immaterial." " 'N you know that reality is
immaterial?"

"This is not reality."

I'm kneeling on the floor, staring at the wall
Like a spider in the window
I wish that I could speak
Is there fantasy in refuge? 
God in Politicians?
Should I turn on my religion?
These demons in my head tell me to

I'm lying here in bed
Swear my skin is inside out
Just another Sunday morning

Seen my diary on the newsstand
Seems we've lost the truth to quicksand
It's a shame no one is praying
'cause these voices in my head keep saying "Love....

just dont stare."
Reveal the word when you're supposed to.
Withdrawn and introverted.
Infectiously perverted.
Being laughed at and confused
keeps up pleasantly amused enough to stay.

Maybe I'm Cassandra fleeting
20th Century icon bleeding
Willing to risk salvation
To escape from isolation

I'm witness to redemption
I heard you speak but never listened
Can you rid me of my secrets?
Deliver us from Darkness?

Voices repeating me
"Feeling threatened? We reflect your hopes and fears."
Voices discussing me
"Dont expect your own Messiah
This neverworld which you desire
is only in your mind."

I'm not sure where I want to be in my life right now.  I'm 28 and I've been really happy with my slow and steady progress.  I feel a lot better about myself, which makes me kinda upset with myself, too.  My husband is morbidly obese, and doesn't want to do any weight loss surgery, or diet of any type.  I'm still trying to figure out how he's going to lose weight without any work.

Which brings me to another point in my life -- is he really the one I should be with?  He's not a good support system, and hasn't been since he's seen how I'm losing and feeling better about myself.  This past weekend, his acoustic band played out, and I bought a really nice dress, which was very slimming (my first size 14 dress, too!), and I LOVED it, AND the price (only $20! WOOT!).  Well, he didn't like it because I apparently didn't look "good enough" to be wearing it.  I ended up resewing a button on it, that he thought my fat roll pushed out, but I saw the button needed resewing before I bought it, and since it's a minor fix, I thought that I should still buy the dress anyways.  Well, he didn't like the attention I was getting from my friends (the guy ones) and the strangers at the Pub.   It's like he can't stand the fact that I am successful ... and he just wants to bring me down for it.  

I'm torn. Severely.

Guess I can just sit here at work and listen to my music to drown my sorrows.  

It's been so long since I blogged, and not much has changed.

Work is pushing my limits.  Since it's the summer months, longer hours are needed, so I'm starving by the time I get home, which is anywhere from 1am-4am.  So, I eat late at night, which I know is a no-no... but I can't help it :(  So, I've gained since my last fill, and it doesn't help that my right knee is acting up so much that I can barely go up and down the stairs at home, let alone work out!  

For a while there,  I was doing great with exercising and going bike riding.  I even said "to heck with it" on waiting on my hubby to go with me, and I did it by myself... and I was so proud! Until that last day, after a great bike ride, my knee gave out at work and I could barely walk out of the building to the truck.  I had to bend at the waist and push on the outside of my knee just to make it feel stable enough to walk.  It was actually so painful and so bad that my friend Cathy had to push me in a chair to the bathroom at work.  So, I'm slowly coming back from this.

I just got a fill today -- .5 cc.  I SHOULD be at 4.7 now... but I've had so many discrepancies, it's hard to know where I really am, even after Fluoro fills.

I go back again in a month.  My goal - to lose that 5 lbs I gained.

My husband, who is unemployed, thanks to General Motors and DMAX, is a professional ass-sitter.  He sits on his ass all day, making dirty dishes, changing clothes for no reason, and making a fort out of water bottles.  Of course, his mom would sit back and tell you he's just depressed.  I tend to call bull shit on that.  He's not depressed.  He goes out with his new hobby, radio controlled heli flying, quite frequently, wants ME to pay for his expensive hobby AND give him the gas money every week to go to the field, and yet, I'm struggling to pay my bills and when I tell him that I don't have the money, he acts like I've crushed his spirits, and then proceeds to ask my brother to get the money from the account that my dad left for my brother and myself.

1 -- that makes me so irate I want to divorce him immediately.
2 -- find a cheaper hobby, or get a job.  Don't act like there is not one place in Dayton and surrounding areas that isn't hiring.  I see signs every day.
3 -- I'm so aggrevated that he will go to his mom's house and stop everything that needs done at our house and do everything she wants.  Her grass gets mowed every single monday.  My grass gets mowed whenever I can do it because it's too much of an inconvenience for him.  But when his mom calls and needs a lightbulb changed, it's a 4 hour process.
4 -- I pick up his water bottles, dirty dishes, and used to pick up his dirty clothes.  All I would get from that is, "well, if you would keep it cleaner...."  WTF.  This is a bunch of crap, and he knows it.  He has no right to say that at all, especially since he's the only one in the house that doesn't seem to know where the dishwasher is, and I've stopped doing his laundry since he can't seem to land all of his clothes in the basket.  If he wants to know where his favorite black shirt is -- it's on the floor with the rest of the dog haired covered clothing.
**NOTE - he is the only man in America who seems to think Camo shorts, an Ohio State jersey, and a bright orange bucket hat match -- and that he looks good.***
5 -- He wants to have his family over for a get together on 10/10, and I set it for 4pm, since I work nights, and my work schedule varies on when I get off... but now, his dad says that getting started at 4pm isn't going to work  since everyone wants to do a cornhole tournament and starting at 4pm is too late.  Really... if that's a problem for YOU, then forget the party.  I'm not going to get up after getting only a couple hours of sleep to cook, clean, and prepare for a party (oh, and probably mow the 5 acres we have before it starts, too!) without help, and just to get it all done by 1pm, I would have to get up at 5am.  Forget that crap.  His suggestion/solution to the problem is either bring the women in early (wtf... how mid-century of you) to help me cook (in a cramped kitchen), or have everyone bring side dishes (which I don't like because if you're my guest, you're not supposed to bring food.  I'm the one providing it to you!).  And he claims that he would help me cook and clean.  I'd believe it when I see it.
6 -- The new puppy we have is awesome, but it irritates me that it's always ME who has to take him out in the middle of the night because "it would effect his sleeping schedule."  Yeah, because you have a job, right??? Wrong.  So, at least twice in the middle of the night/early morning, I'm taking Jake out, waiting for 15 minutes because he has puppy ADD, and then I have to try to go back to sleep.  And the crap about "not hearing him" when he barks, or purposely taking so long to put on a pair of shorts and a FREAKIN BUTTON UP SHIRT and taking so long that Jake pees in his cage is all done on purpose.

What in the hell is wrong with me??  And why did I have to marry the only man in the area that's stuck so far up his mom's ass?