the last leg standing

Feb 21, 2012

Still here. I haven't been back in the 140's in the past month or so, but was 149 in December, I believe. Today, I was 158. I also was in the office of Dr. A for consultation on my lymphodemia and other issues regarding thighs and legs. It, of course, is the last stand for me - what keeps me from feeling normal. I wish there were one reconstructive genius with thigh work. I know it is a difficult balance- being safe and knowing any results are also going to have extensive nasty scars...or worse, poor results, difficult recovery and then STILL nasty extensive scars.  My veins are also problematic, and my vein doc told me that he wanted to wait to address the pain and issues after any leg work for the skin and lymphatic issues... what a mixed up bundle of mess it is!

In a few days I am 7 years post-op. Am I thankful; definitely. Am I starting to feel anxious about my eating - yes. I have been eating when I am not hungry and eating too much lately. I have seen the slide from my 'normal range' 153-158 and hit 165 last week. I have to be in constant vigilance.  I know how I gained weight - 5 little pounds a month and emotional eating years ago, and thought I was over that. However, the recent gain slippery slope and my constant thoughts of food don't bode well, but I need to keep the faith! God has taken care of me thus far, I need to stop worrying and start trusting.

It saysdo not worry or be anxious, but I believe recently with work and  everything else, I have been prey to anxiousness. I am worried about this surgery. I don't want to have it, but yet, it is necessary. :(  Last leg standing, as it were.

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