Killer_Dimples

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I finally got my Psych evaluation all scheduled. I am going to have to pay 300 bucks. Oh well. My appoinment is on the 26th. I am done my 6 month diet and haven't done well on it at all. I have gained back like 5 of my 11 pounds lost. I need to work still work on it. Just have been soo stressed and I just haven't been doing all the best at handling it with out food. But anyway, I am just happy that I will be done with all my testing after this. Then I call the doctor's office and I go see him again. I am still going to be working with my dietician on losing weight. She has been understandable and nice. That's always a plus.

Well it's been awhile since I have last update. I went to my doctor's appointment and it turned out I didn't her for the referrals. I need to learn and call and ask these things. Also I have gone on vacation. I went to Arizona and California. I had a great time. I can say the only time I felt really fat was on the plane ride over. I had to request extensions for both US Airways flights. On United Ted I was fine even had more room. Oh and in one restaurant I was kind of large for the booth. I just dealt with it.

Now I am in my fourth month of my diet and I have to be honest I am not doing all that well. I have only lost about 11 pounds. I haven't been really trying since my boyfriend moved out. I am tired all the time and I am the only one that deals with my son. I don't have enough me time. I have no time to go to the gym. I have no one to watch my son. So ten bucks a month is being donated to the gym.

I just have been so stressed out and tired. I finally booked my appointment for the sleep apnea testing. I have the consult and the test booked just in case. I am going tomorrow for a consult with another surgeon. It's not that I don't like Dr. Pohl, I just want to see who else is out there. I jump into everything so quickly it seems. I guess somethings need some time.

I am going to Six Flags next weekend with family and friends. I am kind of worried about what rides I will fit on. I am like 40 pounds heavier than I was last time I went to Disneyland and I had some issues with a couple of the rides. We will see. I am to try to go with some optimism. It kind of sucks that my boyfriend can go on all of them without me if he wanted to, he is so thin.

On a brighter note, my teeth are doing wonderful I have no gap in my front two teeth anymore. Yay me!

Well it's been awhile since I have updated. I haven't had any testing done yet. I go to see my PCP on July 3rd. I am going to ask her for referrals to get my testing all done. I know I need referrals for insurance purposes. I also have lost 11 pounds since I have gone to see my dietitain in the past 3 months. So that's something. I really need to get on the ball. This past month I have been bad. There has been a lot going on. My mom had my boyfriend move out and that has been hard on my son as well as me. We are adjusting but I still don't like how he gets so upset when his father has to go. Things will work out in the end for all of us I hope. I really hope I get all I need to do done so I can get approved for surgery.

Well I had my consulation yesterday with Dr. Pohl. My mother and I both seemed to like him. I decided that the Lap Band was the surgery for me. Dr. Pohl agreed with me, being that I am a little bit anemic. I don't want to put any more problems on my plate. Plus I am a bad pill taker. I have all good intentions of taking them but I tend to let life get in the way. Well I am not going to continue my journey and start scheduling my other tests.

I have studied.  I have decided.  I have undecided.  I have gone back and forth.  And again I am at this cross road to which surgery I want done.  I read people's profiles and really listen to what they have to say on the boards.  I see before and after pictures and get really excited.   I say to myself I want to be like that.  I want to really lose.  But what do I want?  Should I go Lap Band, because I am a volume eater and I can't be counted on to take pills that I am suppose to?  Or should I get RNY and have my world completely rocked and finding out that now with this new stomach I can't eat chicken or have milk anymore?  Whoa, no more chicken?  Or even have to worry about dumping?  Dumping sounds HORRIBLE!  I know they are both a lot of work.  They are both tools.  I know if I want a quicker fix, than RNY is the way to go. That Lap Band has a slower rate of loss for most.  What I do like is that it's adjustable and if I do have a child and I won't be starting off lacking so much vitamens to start with.  I like the fact that in the future if I need it to be tightened it can be.  I do know I need help, I need something.    [I know that this just might not make sense, I tend to ramble and jump around.]

Also, this morning I came to work with all my food for the day minus dinner.  I open my yogurt to find it's half gone.  My boyfriend had feed half of it to our son instead of giving Elijah his baby yogurt.  So I had to have a half dose.  I didn't think it would be so bad.  But man am I hungry today.  I can't wait for lunch everyday.  Especially today I can't wait.  I am going to have a lean cuisine and a luna bar.  YUM!  For my afternoon break I am going to have an orange and that is the last thing I am going to have before dinner time.  I don't know what I am going to have for dinner tonight since I have to babysit for my cousins and I don't know what is going to be for dinner. Plus I will be eating after 6:30 because I have to drive from Warwick to Cranston to get my son and then my mother, and then up to Boston.  All during rush hour.  Oh and I can work out right now because I have some kind of spur in my ankle or heal.  I just know that my ankles are killing me all the time and my left one goes out on me because of all the pain.

I decided to make a list of things I hope to achieve either by the surgery or by my calorie budget.

[01] Be able to shop anywhere and know they have my size.
[02] Be able to ride a roller coaster without worrying about fitting in the seat.
[03] Be able to tie my shoes without my tummy getting in the way.
[04] Go up a flight of stairs without having to pause at the top to catch my breath.
[05] Be able to wear cute belts again.
[06] Be able to wear high heels again without extreme ankle and toe pain.
[07] Not buy an XXL sweat-shirt and stretch it out so that it will fit.
[08] Not feel that I have to wear a body shaper under my clothing.
[09] Feel confident that when I interview for a job that my weight will not be an issue in their hiring consideration.
[10] Not look at pictures of myself and delete them from my computer because I don't want anyone to see me that fat.
[11] Not be told, "Oh you have such a beautiful FACE."
[12] Not have to use Gold Bond powder for unmentionable rashes.
[13] Be able to wear a bra that doesn't roll up into a ball under my arms.
[14] Get rid of all my fat clothes and only use them when I have another baby.
[15] Not try to hold my breath for an entire flight because I am taking up my seat and a small portion of the person's seat next to me.
[16] Be able to admit my weight and people not say, "Wow you don't look that big!"
[17] Be able to have a sexy Halloween costume and not get second glances because I am large.
[18] Have cute pajamas and fit in them correctly.
[19] Be less than 200 lbs.
[20] Focus more on my son and my life than my weight.
[21] Be able to run around with my son with out getting winded.
[22] Not have lower back pain from carrying all this weight.
[23] Being able to exercise like I want to instead of just thinking about it.
[24] Be able to just sit in a chair and not be nervous if I am going to break it.
[25] Be able to buy cuter shoes.
[26] Wear a jacket because I am not running so hot.
[27] Not take up so much of the bed that my son, boyfriend and I can all sleep comfortably on it.
[28] To be the person that I know I can be and suppose to be.
*[29] To be able to walk in a store and have them carry my bra size.
*[30] To not feel like everyone is watching me eat because I am a big girl. 
*[31] To not be known by my son's friends as the fat mom.
*[32] To look how I feel sometimes and not have a shock when I pass a window or a mirror that I am as big as a house.

OMG!  I am hungry, like straving by the time I get home from work.  It's only the second day.  I think dropping from 2100 - 2200 calorie intake to 1500 just like that my body isn't liking it so much.  I know I need to drink more water.  I use to be so good at it.

I started my 1500 Calorie Budget today.  I rather call it a budget than a diet.  If I look at it that way I hope that I can make it through the 6 months and for the rest of my life.

Some words I came across from this site:

The first 6 months the weight loss is 90% the surgery (tool) and 10% me.

By 12 months out it's 50% the surgery and 50% me.

By two years out it's 10% the surgery and 90% me.

Luckily, by 2 years out you should be willing and able to do the 90% it takes.

You have to learn the rules and be able to follow them to be successful. 

It also points out that although it's easy for most in the beginning, it's work later on.