Kim Meeks
Today is 3-30-07
Mar 30, 2007
i cant even believe it yet!
i am very happy and very excited
maybe a little nervous!
i cant wait to start losing wt
i remeber when i dieted a few years back
and it was like i
was running lines
( i think they call them suicides)
do you remember running lines in highschool?
like you start at the end of the court and run to the first line
and touch it
then back to the start and touch the line
then you run to the second line and touch it
and run back to the start and touch it
well, that is what it has been to diet for me
i ran all the way down to 199
and ran back to the start (250) but instead of touching it -
i sat down and collapsed
i am so excited to be under 200 pounds.
i am having surgery in 10 days
and i know this time when i reach 199 -
i wont have to run back to the starting
line and collapse
I just took my Aunt Bren to the airport so that she can fly back to
She never got to process my mothers death
and have closure and neither did I since
I could not really remember the details of the funeral etc.
So, she came in this week and stayed 4 days
We had a "funeral" for my mom.
We talked and laughed and cried and slept
and ate and drank And slept some more and
laughed some more etc etc
The past 4 days we have been no more than
2 feet from each other (except when showering).
It was so healing for me.
I am embarking on a new part of my life -
and I am ready to leave the old "bad"
things behind.
I am able to see my mothers death
through "adult" eyes for the first time in my life.
I have always seen her through my "child" eyes - does that make sense?
I have always been the "victim" of the circumstances - instead of realizing that they
Are uncontrollable circumstances and
I don’t have to be victimized by them.
On Monday April the 9th I am going to have Gastric Bypass surgery.
I go in at noon. And will have surgery that afternoon.I will go home the following morning
after my CT scan.
I will be off work for a couple of
weeks and will be on light duty for a total
of 8 weeks. In preparation for this surgery -
I was asked to see a psycho-therapist.
I was like "ok - no problem"
Well, God intervened and I ended up with a wonderful therapist!
A Christian therapist!
We have talked a lot about my mother's death, and it was actually my therapists idea to have a "funeral" or remembrance ceremony. When I mentioned it to my Aunt Bren she said that she
would like to participate and that she could get
some healing too. So, she booked a flight her and we did it.
It was beautiful - we each wrote a letter to my mom and went out to
My mother loved that park - and that was where my dad scattered her ashes after her death. He asked me to go with him - but I didn’t. I was still too hurt - so, I didn’t go.
We went to the spot that she loved the most - the place that I knew that he had spread the ashes - and we read our letters.
We rubber banded them to the flowers that we took with us and pitched the softly into the edge of the water at the lake. As we watched them float away - we said I love you to my mom and walked away.
We came home and cried ourselves to sleep.
It was very healing. I needed to move on.
My Aunt Bren left back to
and I am working on getting the "Dortha"
out of my life.
I have started a letter to her. Not sure if
I am going to send it to her - read it to her
or burn it, whatever my therapist suggests
is what I will probably do.
The reason my surgeon asked me to go to a
therapist to begin with is because eating is
so closely tied to our emotions
(in most - but not all of us)
but definitely for me.
He just wants me to have the most successful outcome possible and does not want me to
suffer from emotional eating or addiction
transfer - so, he wanted me to at least
start to work through these issues before my surgery.
I am looking forward to having my old body back - and a new chance in that regard.
But, I have had a very unexpected outcome
at the same time - and that has been to shed
all of this trash. I have always been pretty
good at letting the bad stuff roll off like water
off a ducks back as my dad would say - but,
these two issues have plagued me for years.
My therapist has been so good for me.
And I know that my surgery will be more
successful because of this.
