I'm Switched

Apr 25, 2010

It has been almost three weeks since my BPD/DS surgery and I'm not sure I'm "in love" with my DS yet. I've had a hard recovery. I had some pain that the surgeon was unable to help with. It was the worst pain I've ever felt and I could get no relief from it even with strong pain pills. I finally let my chiropractor work on it with a cool laser and some ultrasound therapy and finally I am getting some relief. I can move about more now and I"m not stuck in the recliner watching HGTV all day wanting to remodel every part of my house. I am still sleeping in the recliner as I'm not comfortable in the bed yet with the soreness I still have. It's not pain now, it's tightness in my stomach around my largest incision. 

Anyway, I was struggling on fluids only for two weeks and kept thinking I just wanted to be able to eat something. Now that I am on soft foods/pureed foods, I wish I didn't have to eat anything. It is uncomfortable to eat. It takes me forever to get 1.5 ounces down and then it takes so much time and then so much time to recover from the uncomfortable feeling that I'm having trouble getting my fluids in. I'm up late tonight trying to finish up my 64 oz of fluids.

I had a mini meltdown this evening because of frustration and wondering why I did this to myself. I feel like I'll never be able to eat normally again. I know I won't be able to eat what I considered normal again but what a new normal might be and I never imagined it would be like this. I hope it gets better. To make matters more frustrating, I hit the first stall in my weight loss. I knew it would occur and relatively soon but I didn't know how long it would last and how frustrating it would feel. My weight hasn't moved since I started eating the pureed/soft foods. It makes me wonder even though I know this is common, what if? What if I have gone through all of this and this surgery does not work for me? I think I would hit an all time low if that happened. 

Anyway, I am trying to keep on keeping on. I have to go back to work in two weeks which I'm a little uneasy about and I'm going to go back to yogurt and refried beans for a day or so and see if my stomach feels any better. I am hoping, really hoping, that I too can say that I love my DS and hopefully really soon.

Alecia 

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