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SLEEP APNEA TEST (Night 1):

I almost missed my sleep apnea test. I thought it was on April 5 & 6th and hadn't received any info on it, up until April 4th. I called the docs office to check on my info and turns out I had the wrong the start date and the girl who sends out the paper work had been out sick and didn't get a chance to mail me my info. Well I had to run home, cook, dinner, clean up, shower, pack, and run down to the hospital.

Since this was the first night, they said they would let me sleep normally. If normally was being hooked up to 20 million wires; I mean they plugged up my whole body and told me to try to sleep on my back. It was extra hard because I usually sleep on my stomach. The air was extra dry, so I was coughing up a storm. The bed was so uncomfortable. It was frigid in the room and they only gave me one thin (I won't even call it a blanket) piece of mesh or something. I couldn't get comfortable and I kept knocking out the wires hooked up to my legs. I eventually had to give up and turn over on my stomach. I also have been drinking a lot of water so I had to go to the bathroom every 30 mins, And you know I just can't get up and go they have to unhook you. I felt like I was up the whole night. 1 night down, 1 more to go.

I decided to tell some more people in my family over the weekend. Their reactions varied, some were happy, some questioned it, some doubted it, and others were sarcastic. One relative said “she’ll never be that small.” My family has always known me as being big and has really never saw me as anything different other that the “fat girl.” Many times that I’ve gone to family events, I’ve left crying. At my grandparents’ 42nd anniversary party last April, I was the MC, so after I finished speaking a lady that I don’t remember from Joe, came up to me and said, “Oh my, you’ve gotten so Fat,” with her thick Jamaican accent. I said Thank You and walked away. At my cousin’s birthday smash in Ft Lauderdale, FL, my aunt came up to me and said, “You gotten so FAT, I hardly even recognized you, what happened?” I’m so tired of people making me cry. Actually, it’s my fault because I let them get to me. I’m stronger than this.

Anyway, on the exercise front, I have been exercising about 2-3 days a week for about an hour of two.  I’ve been doing the work out mode of that Dance Revolutions game. It’s actually really fun. It keeps me from thinking that I’m exercising. I even challenged my little cousin to a Dance Revolutions competition. It’s so sad that I’m challenging my little 10-yr-old cousin, but I’m going to dance her little booty into the ground…..hehehehehe(evil smile.)

This is my fiance' and I in the Summer of 2004. Ugh, I look a mess.

I had my psych eval on 3/16. It cost $200. This is my first out of pocket cost other than $10 co-pays. All I can say is if that was a job interview, I GOT THE JOB....HEHEHEHEHE.......I MEAN I'VE BEEN REFERRED FOR SURGERY.  The psychologist was really nice and friendly. We were laughing and telling stories...actually I was telling the stories of my life and she was laughing. It just went really well. I felt good after I talked to her. The main thing that I stressed on was my need to be healthy and that I'm too young to be like this. She said that she completely understood.

Still waiting..... I've found that it's harder and harder to be patient. You know what it is...I DON'T FEEL LIKE THIS IS REAL YET! It's like with no surgery date this is not really happening. I had my psych eval on Wednesday. While waiting, I met this lady who had her original surgeon consult and insurance approval after me, but she was already penciled in for a surgery date. I'm going to wait until Wednesday and ask my surgeon's secretary what is going on?!?! It has almost been a month. I have been thinking about whether she may be purposely holding my record back. I was originally part of this support webpage with my surgeon's office and one person posted that the secretary told her not to call the office back again or else!!! I posted a reply that said that the secretary probably had gotten 100 calls before her asking the same question, but it didn't really excuse her taking to her like that. There were also a couple of other people that replied who had mean secretary stories. So after those messages went up, the surgeon's office threatened to shut the support board down, because this wasn't a place for complaining. Eventually the office agreed to leave it up, but that it wouldn't be supervised and regulated by them anymore. So now, I'M PARANOID THAT THE SECRETARY IS HOLDING UP MY SURGERY DATE FOR BECAUSE OF THIS POSTING THING?!?!? I don't know but on the 26th it will be 1 month since I was approved.

UPDATE: The secretary called today to schedule me, but I missed her call. Can you believe it! And what was I doing...I was moping to a coworker about how I'm not scheduled yet. AAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

UPDATE2: OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH MY GOODNESS!!!!!!!!! I FINALLY HAVE A DATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MAY 26, 2005!!!!!!!!!!!! It's the most wonderful day of the year!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My Psych Evaluation is today. Good luck to me. Still haven't gotten a surgery date yet. It's been almost 3 weeks since my insurance approval. Waiting is a downer.....

OK, I go for my crazy test tomorrow. Its a little nerve racking knowing that one doctor can call you crazy and s/he is supposed to be the single determining factor. THE POWER! Well hopefully he won't discover my little secret....THAT I'M CRAZY! I've actually never thought I was crazy, I justified my actions and feelings by saying, "Someone out there thinks the things that I think, someone feels the way I feel." Also, I know a couple of Looney Tunes and I sure don't act like them. Well, I wish myself luck.

SLEEP APNEA DOCTER

I finally started telling some of my family. I had already told a couple of my friends, so here are some of the reactions:

*Relative M: Complete support. She said that she noticed the severe weight gain and was happy that I'm going to do something about it. She knows people who have gotten it done and she's happy that I chose to go this route.

*Relative F: Complete shocker.....HE WAS OK WITH IT. I was going to tell his last because I would have expected him to totally be against this and to get on me about exercising more. He did the complete opposite. He said, "If this is what you need to do to get healthy, than that’s good." This is completely out of his character. Thanks.

*Relative S: She's been really supportive but I can tell that she is trying to push me towards dieting more. She keeps sending me all of this weight watchers stuff. I take it all and tell her that I'll try it, which I will. But I have already gone through all of these diets and they do not have long term effects for me. She has been pushing the diet stuff even more, since I told her I was approved.

*BF: She's been the best. Completely supportive even helped me do some research. She offered to come to appointments with me and said she would take a couple of days off of work to stay with me after surgery.

*GF: Not that much support. She's completely against it. At first, she would tell me about all the people who died from it, which in the beginning she made it seem like so many, but later I found out that it was only one who she didn't even know, but had heard from her sister-in-law about another friend's friend. She didn't even have any facts. Although it was a little tough it the beginning, she's more supportive now. BUT I can still feel her hesitation.

Well... I've been thinking about whether I've been exercising or dieting or what. At first I was like maybe I haven't been doing enough than I remembered how it used to be. In high school I weighed between 191 and 200. That was while I was doing Tae Kwon Do three days a week, Tennis 5 evenings a week and Saturdays, and dieting via my father and stepmother. AND CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT I ONLY GOT DOWN TO 191. In college, I went to the gym 4 night a week and walked every where I went. Gained 30 pounds my first year. Than it was up and down from there on. I've tried LA Weight Loss, Weight Watchers, Low Carb, No Carb, restricted calories, etc. The most I've every lost was 20 pounds from LA Weight loss, but ended up going to the hospital because of the pills they had me taking. That weight came right back. After the no carbohydrates diet, I had no energy, no drive, tired all the time. After I stopped that diet, I gained the most weight back.

SO after debating with myself........I have justified why I need to have this surgery.

I GOT APPROVED!!! My insurance company approved me for the surgery. I'm so happy! I received a letter over the weekend. Oh, IT'S MY BIRTHDAY TOO!!! I'm 25. My fiancé made me a cake that fell in and he made me a pizza that he burned. He so sweet, but can't cook for SH**. But I love him anyway.