lachica

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wow, its been awhile since I've been here. alot has been going on. 
weight loss has come to a stand still. nada, zero, zilch! 
three weeks now and I lost it. Have not walked, I'm eating junk food, I'm hungry, eating like a pig. I just cant seem to get back on track. I need to get motivated again and just feeling lost right now. I should probably go in for a fill, but am not even interesed.

My oldest sister is in the hospital, she suffered a stroke at 58. she is rehab. paralize on left side. she's expected to recover fully.

my poor mother is getting so old, she is in pain and cant do much. she is 76 years old and suffers from schledoma. I know she is tired, but none of us are ready to let her go. we are being selfish. we still need her here on earth with us.

friday, other sister told me her colestrol is over 400. what the hell, she diabetic, smokes and now has high colestrol

Dear lord, I pray for your guidance. I pray for my sisters and mother. I pray to you, my father, that you bless them with good health. I pray  in Jesus name. Amen

When my Supervisor came into work this morning she went straight to her office, bad sign, already I am aticapating a slow day. Thank goodness I had a meeting for the first part of the morning. I was hoping by the time I got back the Super. would be in a better mood. Wrong, she had the 3 head teachers in her office. ( I later heard she was displining them on who knows what)
she came in and out of my office, not saying much. after lunch she asked me to come into her office.  I was informed that we needed to discuss some matters of concern. "confidentality". (I work in a state-funded daycare program, and know about confidentality) 
there were 3 items to dicuss. during her monthly staff meetings she is told things like, "oh, I know that already" or "Sandy already informed us" I asked for specific details and of course she had none (my blood pressure is rising) after a few quite moments she came up with one. 
Re: sub-list, that she would like to inform staff on sub-list. that it was not my duty to inform them before hand.I then informed her that when I add to the sub-list (per her request) it is posted and that all staff has access to the information. Ok, one down. no big deal
Next, sharing information with other daycare center (same program, same agency) she had wanted a change in parent handbook and asked for my imput in wording, a week goes by and I recieve a phone call from District Office asking if I had made new copies of handbook, No, not yet. Good I was told, there will be a slight change to only one page. that same morning the other center secretary ask me what changes were made. I told her nothing major, just a few small changes. thank you , end of conversation. So I Thought.
these are my Supers words. Sandy I already told you not to share information with other center. they never share any changes with us. I ask what is this about. "Why did you tell Lucy about changes in parent handbook" Hello, we use the same handbook. Blood pressuring overboiling. I told her I was tired of this petty stuff, what ever issue you have with other supervisor needs to be resolved. I am tired of being in the middle and have never experienced this cramp anyvhere and am disappointed in both thier behavior. she continues on blah! blah! blah! these 2 women are very competive and always trying to out do each other. 
Well! Guess what, your both are  worthless and dont do SHIT. both I and Lucy do everything. you both use information compiled by us and add them to your Freaking monthly reports. 
If I didnt need this job and insurance. I be gone. this has been going on for 2 years. What the Hell, I thought we were suppose to work as a F***ing team. thats just a bunch of b***S***t.  
Ok, feeling better,

My week has been going preatty normal. I did have a my first stuck day
I was eating some chicken with brocolli and BAM! I knew right away, something was stuck. I tried walking around the house a little, I even sipped a little water (a big no no) I started feeling the excessive saliva (ugh) and next thing you know, up comes a small piece of brocolli. It was over in about ten minutes. since my fill I need to focus on my chewing, its difficult at times and I do forget, but I know I need to slow down. but all in all, I am quiet happy. I still feel the joy of knowing I can eat only so much. Oh! believe me I've had my pig out days, expecially with cookies and of course they go down with no problems. NO MORE COOKIES ALLOWED IN THE HOUSE!.

I did have an other slight case of food stuck this morning, I had beans and chorizo with eggs and a low carb totilla, I guess again I was not concetrating (eating and watching TV, not recommended) and just as I was on my last bite of totilla, I felt the slight pain in the stomach, I already knew what the problem was and after a little saliva action, it went down. Oviously I havent learned my lesson and concetrating.

I have continued with walking and have even alernate with jogging, its a slow jog, but its jogging the same. I alternate every other block. I am aslo doing weights. 2 small 5 lb dumbbells for arms, am up to 2 reps of 15, 4 different excerxises. it feels great and I hope to see some changes in my arms. I should measure them to have a camparsion #. I will do that today.

I finally did it, I had a fill.
I was undecided about getting  a fill. as you know I love my food. I was not looking forward to any side effects (slimming, pbing or anything else take could possible go wrong) but I told myself, lets do it, get it over with. Wow am I glad I listened to that inner voice today. after discussing my options with my favorite Doc. we decided on a 2cc fill.

1. I was told to lie down on the table
2. my favorite Doc started pushing and prodding
3. told me my port was deeply enbedded (just my luck)
4. Doc. was reassuring, told me to relax, everything would be ok
5. Darling Doc. had to exchage the needle, it needed to be longer
6. and that was it.
took all but a few momemts.

I feel fantastic, a load has been lifted off my shoulders. that fear can keep us from any goals we have in life. I've always been like that. but today I have been freed from burden ( wow. at least thats how I feel at the moment) lol
I also lost another 7.5 lbs mmm my scale said 9, but whos complaining.

after my  visit, I decided to do a little shopping at the Avenue ( was planning on stopping for a little bite, but couldnt, liquids for the rest of the day)
I tried on a pair of pants, ugh! walmarts tend to fit me better and tried on a few blouses. mmm too big. tried on 18/20 perfect thank you very much
it was indeed a very exciting day.

damn, I am feeling so bummed out lately, I hate this feeling, I have no reason to feel depressed. I'm doing well at work, my family is doing well. my post-op is going great. damn!!!!!!
I just want to hide under the blankets and cry my eyes out. 

I've gone through depression before, years back and I was on meds for 1 year. until I started going physco and Dr. took me off them. 

maybe I need to just cry and get it over with, I would probably feel better. 
I have continued to walk and am watching what I eat. food has always been my friend and ali from day one and now I cant even fall back on that because of this damn band, I'm not only depressed, I'm pissed off to.

now I'm laughing at myself as I typed this insanity out. I hope my hubby doesnt have me admitted. LoL.  

feeling better for now, just needed to vent. tomorrow will bring sunshine and flowers.

right on, no fill needed at this time.
I was scheduled for my first fill today. the needle and saline were out on the counter, I'm trying to ignore it but keep looking at it. I am trying to pysch myself out and telling myself I just need to get it over with.
 as you know I have been dreading the thought. I dont want to slime, pb , vomit  or get food stuck which seems to be the norm.  doc ask me a few general questions how I was doing, want I was eating and if I felt any restriction.

 I told him during the day I'm not hungry and snack on yogurt (ugh) cottage cheese, protien drinks, soup basically soft foods. but when I get home I am starving and eat a normal dinner until I feel full. I have been able to tolerate all foods except pizza, yes I had a small slice and paid for it with gassy bloated stomach for the next 4 hours, wont do pizza again.

Your not going to believe where  I went after my appt. my hubby and I went and had chinese food down the street. I had fish, with no breading, chicken mushrooms, a little bite here and there. I would normally had overloaded my plate and gone back for seconds and to top it all off thirds.

my goal is to eat like a normal person, not eating myself into a food coma
I thank God everyday for my lapband

I was very excited to return back to work, I was very fortunate that I was able to stay home for about 2 weeks to recooperate. I work for a school district, so my actual last day of work of 12/21/07. My surgery date was perfect, during the christmas holidays, (3 days paid holiday) so I only had to use 7 sick days.

I'm surprised by the soreness I felt within a few hours of returnung to work. I'm a school secretary, answering phones, completing attendance, making copies, normal secretarial duties. but I dont just sit there all day, I am up and down often throughout the day and my first day back I was  up and down more than usual. 

I continued my liquid protien diet, had a protien drink midmorning, cream of wheat for lunch, I forgot to take jello or cottage cheese for snack and was feeling hungry by 3:00 p.m.

when I got home, I had my chicken cream soup and sat on the sofa to rest. I was knocked out in moments, thats how tired I was. I dont know how alot of people can return to work within days of surgery. again I was caught off guard by the soreness I felt.  I know it will get better.

Ok, first let me let you all know how excited I am. I have lost an additional 12 pds since surgery. what the Hell.  
My recovery has been fantastic.  I took  a week off from work (saved up the sick leave)  and will be returning on 1/7/08.  that really helped, not having to worry about work.
I still get a little pain at the port site if I get up to fast or sit down on a hard chair. Yesterday was a buzy day and I was in and out of my car, so I was a little tired and sore.
I am on the protein liquid diet stage and can have cream of wheat, creamy soups, protein shakes. at this time I can only have about 2 ozs, I get full very fast and have to wait an hour to have a little more. 
I'm just not hungry, drinking plenty of water, but Doc wants me eat. it feels good to get full on such little food, I mean , before surgery I could eat a six dollar burger large size and still want more. 
I dont know how long this feeling will last, and am sceduled for a possible fill on 1/30/08. I already informed the Doc, that I do not want to be agressive with the fills. time will tell

Well, I did it. had my surgery. I was in total control of my feelings and was mentallly prepared. I prayed silently to Jesus for guidence and comfort. 
Dr. Coiring and Memorial staff were fantastic. surgery at 7:30 a.m. recovery by 9:00 tossed out at 11:00. I had no nausea, no pain,just a little gassy. (gas-x strips work wonders)

I am on clear liquid diet for the rest of the week, I am not hungry yet, I know it will hit me next week. the night before I was going over my diet plan for the next few weeks and my eyes teared up. (I will miss eating myself into a food coma, lol) but that thought quickly passed.

I had my first shower today, had to wait for 48 hours. and will be heading out to walmart to stock up on a few items I will need for the next few weeks

We will see want the furture brings

started the pre-op diet Dec. 12th. hasnt been that bad. day 3 I felt lightheaded and had a headache. left work early to rest. 
Saturday, I attended a quincenera, its like a sweet 16, hispanic girls have a coming out party on their 15th.   wow, it was great. I had a very small portion of beans and carnitas, no totillia or soda. of course everyone was offering me booze, I finally releted and had a cranberry with Vodca.danced the whole night. I have been feeling great so far, no more worries. looking forward to surgery on 12/26.
I have a pre-op appointment tomorrow and will finally meet Dr. Coirin.