12 Days Young, My new Life: Surgeon Followup appointment toda

Oct 06, 2013

Well tomorrow is my first follow up with my surgeon after surgery. I am currently down 30 pounds from Surgery day,  and my incisions are healing very nicely. No redness, swelling or leaking at any of them. No fevers, and very little nausea (mostly from eating too fast/much/quickly, which is expected as I need to learn how to feed myself again) Which All point to no sign of infection! YA!   For me that is a very big step, as I have been prone to infections in the past (hell they almost killed me). My weight loss has been very controlled and steady another good sign, and I have slowly progressed from liquids to a puree type diet. So far my biggest fear (knock on wood, the floor, the wall, the table, etc) has not been realized, as I have had no sign of a new lactose intolerance. I have been able to drink small quantities of milk, a sip at a time, as well as having milk based meals/puddings/deserts. Yeah its a small thing, but anyone who knows me, know I like my milk. I know going forward I need to moderate my milk consumption, as well as everything else in my new lifestyle diet.   I am hoping also that I will be able to change my meds and be able to start back at work. Right now my meds make me sleepy and tired. So hopefully that will change and I get cleared for work. I really miss work, and I am looking forward to returning, I am finding that I am having a lot more energy and everything seems to be getting better physically, emotionally and mentally for me. Before my surgery, I really did not realize how much of a downward spiral that I was on. Mentally and emotionally I was extremely depressed and scatter shot. My memory was unreliable and emotionally I was a wreck. The smallest things, which a few years ago would not have easily been brushed off, caused severe distress and depression. Now things are becoming clearer and easier to handle.   So many people think that obesity is just a byproduct of a person being lazy and weak. That the only problem is that they cannot stop eating too much or eating bad foods. Usually Obesity is actually a symptom of many other larger problems and issues. For me, I had always been 'Husky' 'Big-Boned', lets face it FAT. I loved food, I loved cooking it, and I loved eating it. While I never was a sneaker, or a sorrow eater, or a binge eater, I did eat larger than a normal diet. After joining the Navy, they helped me get under control and I lost a good amount of weight through diet, exercise and activity. Things were going well, until my accident. A Day that changed my life drastically, and to this day affects everything I do. The resulting emotional distress and depression only exacerbated any underlying emotional problems I had with co-dependency and depression. As I recovered from the accident, I realized that I would never fully recover, and it would haunt me until the end of my days. This haunting caused me to go from being a promising up and coming sailor, to a washed up and used Navy reject. Something that to this day I regret highly, as my worst failure... While there have been high points since the navy, I have felt like I am on a gravity fed roller coaster, I can go up a hill, but then I come crashing down. Each new high is necessarily lower than the one prior to it. And I have been slowing down dramatically over the last few years. My health both physically, mentally and emotionally was rapidly deteriorating. I hate to say it now, and I never could have said it before, But I really did not expect to see 50. The prognosis was dire and my outlook even worse. While; I have a great job and the best bosses, my quality of work had begun to slide recently. I just couldn't seem to stay focused and concentrating all the time. I have a truly wonderful wife who supports me unconditionally, I just have not been able to maintain the healthiest relationship. And while I didn't do anything wrong or bad, I just haven't been able to do enough good, It's hard to explain. How I wanted to do so much more, but either thru apathy, depression or fear, I just was not able to live up to my own standards. It is said that our harshest critic is ourselves, well in my own eyes, I was become a massive failure in most every way possible. And I honestly wasn't expecting to last much longer.   Sad I know, but true. When I contracted the Flesh-eating Disease, it seemed inevitable. But somehow, I stuck around. I made it out of critical condition and recovered again, slowly climbing the next hill. But then it hit again, another Cardiac scare. As I lay in my hospital bed again, just wondering how many more times I was going to have to endure this something happened...   The door opened to my room, and a tiny little blonde covered head popped around the corner of the door. Bright blue eyes looked at me, and opened up as wide as dinner plates. A huge smile opened up on her face and I think everyone in the NW wing heard that 'POPPA ED!' had a visitor. The door slammed back against the wall, and a tiny little blur crossed the floor jumping into bed and my arms. Wrapped around me, her little arms stretched out wide, and with all the strength she had she hugged me, and gave me the tenderest kiss. "When are you coming home Poppa Ed?" I could hear her say barely thru the tears filling my eyes and the blood racing thru my ears. "Soon baby" Was all that I could say....   That day started me on this journey. It focused me as much as it could on renewing my life..   While, I do not have any kids of my own, Miss Jordin is the biggest blessing in my life. She fills me, and anyone who meets her up with hope and love,.. If there are truly Angels walking amongst us, I believe that she is one.   Looking forward to my new life, I needed to do it for Her(Miss Jordin). I needed to do it for my Wife(Terri Stroud). I needed to do it for my Mother (Marge Ennett). I needed to do it for the rest of my family Grandkids(Hunter, BB, KK, Ryan, Liam), my Kids(Amber, Christina and Jeff, Michael and Melanie) My Brothers and Sisters (Doug and Julie, Tracey and Michael) My Nieces and Nephews (Dante, Piper, Parker, Serra, Kiera, Peyton) all my Aunts, Uncles, Cousins both near and far. I wanted and needed to be around for a long time, in good health and spirits. ... I also want to do it for all of my friends who have supported me and encouraged me in good times and bad...   To everyone who has believed in me, even when, and especially when I didn't believe in myself.... This is a very long road, and there will be many twists and turns, highs and lows... Looking forward, I am hoping for many more Highs than lows, and I want those Highs to progress forward and get higher and higher. MY old life is behind me, It is the past and I have learned a lot from it. My future new life is ahead of me and I look forward to every single day of it, to learn and grow as a better person, a better friend, a better Poppa, and a better husband . ...   Today, I am 12 Days Young. I look forward to counting many more days, weeks, years and decades :)  I am looking forward to seeking out all of you, and thanking you for your support and understanding... Used for many programs, I think this sums it up very well...    God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference.           I love all of you, thanks to all of you, and because of all of you, I am here now.                                                                                                                                                                          

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