laraloulou

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So i'm over 2 years out.  I've gone from 282 to 150lbs.  My life is amazing, I have a great man. I'm healthy and I feel great!

So, this was the 1st thanksgiving with Sally (my pouch).  I thought I was going to be sooo sad not being able to eat what I love this time of year.. but it wasn't so bad.  I did make a Pumpkin Delight pie from a recipe I found on allrecipe.com site.. it was AMAZING!!  Didn't dump either!! WOOT!  the best part.... I lost 5 pounds thanksgiving week!!  YAY!!!!!!! That's a 1st!

Well, i'm doing well (weight wise).. I'm able to zip up a size 18 pant (althought its tight and i'm not quite ready to wear in public!).  My clothes continue to get bigger and bigger and i'm about to drop another pant size (have dropped one already).  My arm skin and thigh skin are starting to sag a little and my hair is coming out.  

I feel great!!  I know i'm losing weight.  I am battling with emotions and negative self-talk.  One side of me thinks about the weight i've lost and another side of me is very negative thinking that i'm not losing enough, not working my tool correctly.. the thoughts just pick pick pick on things I am or might be doing wrong!! I can't stop!! Its soo frustrating because I literally freak myself out! 

There are days when I will eat fast food- like 1-2 chicken nuggets and I think WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING??!!  What the hell is wrong with me!? 

My hormones are all over the place.  I've been feeling paranoid about what others close to me are thinking and I twist every word they say to me around to make it sound like its an attack on me.  I get angry and irritable for little things. 

I need a therapist....   I'm getting myself worked up again

So I haven't posted a blog for a while.  I'm doing well now.  Had some problems with an ugly abscess that decided to pop up about 2 weeks post op.  I'm back to work and feel great!  I've lost approximately 40lbs so far.  I feel lighter and lighter every day I wake up.  Its really awesome!   

Ok i'm totally losing it!! All I think about is this surgery.  I have horrible stats at work (supposed to take 1.5 calls an hour and i'm at 1 call an hour!!)  Holy CRAP i'm getting so nervous!!  I am dreaming about McDonald's quarter pounders, fries and last night about chocolate cake!  I wake up in a panic wondering if I actually ate it!!  I can't fall asleep until almost 2am because I lie in bed just thinking and thinking and thinking about the surgery (good and bad).  The wait is just killing me.. I need to get this over with.  Hope the time starts to move a little faster!!!!

SO I started my pre-op diet on Saturday (June 13, 09) and i'm noticing how sick i'm feeling.. I have lightheadedness, very loose BMs, and i'm just overall tired (even though i'm getting plenty of sleep).  I can't wait for this to be over with.  UGH.

So I went to the surgeons office on Friday (June 5, 2009).  Later that afternoon I received a call that my surgery date is going to be on July 2!!!  I was soo excited!  Later my roommate kept saying very negative comments about my abilities to pay back my loans (knowing that I am prone to anxiety) I had a MAJOR MELTDOWN.  I am a little stressed about the loans, but like my family says this is for MY LIFE.  It is going to be stressful crunching numbers to make sure all my loans cover the surgery costs having the appropriate paperwork filled out and sent to the loan managment company AND getting the appropriate paperwork filled out for receiving FMLA and extended sick leave from my work.  In the end I KNOW it will all be worth it.. until then i'm trucking along with my anti-anxiety medication in hand. HAHA

Met with the nutritionalist and the exercise consultant yesterday.. was hoping to get my surgery date, but was told I have to meet with the surgeon again to review my labs.  Why he can't do this on his own.. i'll never know... So I meet with the surgeon again on Friday (06/05/09).  I want to know NOW when my surgery date will be.  I am tired of thinking and planning and stressing and freaking out and being happy and being anxious.  I cannot wait to begin my journey.  I need to get to a computer and add in some pictures of myself while i'm pre-op.