LavenderLilies
I was born and raised in Oregon. I deal with general anxiety disorder and panic attacks on a regular basis. I've dealt with them for as long as I remember. I didn't have the best time growing up and used food as a way to comfort myself during my parent's divorce and the drama that followed it for many years.
As I got heavier, my anxiety deepened and I found myself stuck in a cycle of wanting to change everything about myself but being too anxious to do it. So I'd stay in and eat. My mom and step-dad worked nights and it afforded me the oppurtunity to spend a lot of time by myself.
I chose to homeschool during my high school years. So I spent a lot of time on my own from the age of 14-16 when I graduated high school. I found myself in college that fall. I spent a year really doing well and then dropped the ball and spent the next year signing up for classes and getting so anxious I would withdraw.
A very long story short, my boyfriend and I were invited out to Little Rock, Arkansas by a sibling. We packed everything we owned, sold what wouldn't fit, threw the dogs in the car and haven't looked back since. That was two years ago and we are doing well here.
We've managed to get decent jobs, and although we're still in that 20 something struggle of making paychecks stretch farther than is comfortable we're doing it. I am in school and am planning to go into dog training and animal behavioral work. The only area of my life that allows me a completely anxiety free mind set!
I've spent too much time being obese. I hate it. Some days it makes me hate everything about myself. My boyfriend and I are both obese and it disgusts me not to be able to do the simple things others take for granted. I feel trapped in this addiction to food and an inability to change it.
So, here I am, hoping to find the tools to change it. I want a life. I want something much more than I have right now. I've never been the type of person to let my feelings show. I always figured the way to be strong was to never let anyone in. They can't hurt you, if they can't reach you.
I don't want that. I want to unlock my heart and be able to take the good in with the bad. I know the key to healing is to heal my physical self. That starts here.