LindaS64

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OK so I made it through pre op testing.  I am sick to my stomach realizing that two weeks from today I will be in the hopsital.  My nerves are shot.  Pre op testing was no fun either - had to have blood drawn twice by two different technicians - hospital policy- very strange policy if you ask me.  I have felt sick all day - I really think its my nerves - I am so scared to have the surgery and so scared not to.  I hope I don't freak out and have a panic attack at the hospital.  I keep telling myself people do this everyday and so can I but my brain is not listening to me. 

Well I was scheduled for surgery today - that is until I decided to fall down the stairs on July 10th and after one ER visit and four specialists later they determined I damaged my sciatic nerve.  I am happy to say that one month later I am feeling better and finally walking normal again.   In light of all that, my surgery is scheduled for August 31st.  A strange calm and anxiety feeling at the same time.  I am just so ready for it to be done!  I had a big party this week and did terrible eating.  So bad that I actually feel like crap.  Down 50 pounds during my six month diet but really feel like I probably gained a few back.  Back on program today in anticipation of the big day. 

Yesterday I went to my doctor, lost another 7 pounds this month for a total of 46 pounds in the last six months.  He looked at me and said you are compliant, dedicated and ready to go. We are going to submit to insurance company for approval (I was supposed to lose 69 pounds for insurance company but he feels he can get them to approve it based on having lost every single month and showing compliancy).  I was totally stunned!  I thought I still had 25 more pounds to go and time to prepare.  Now suddenly I am faced with having surgery in the next month.  My head is still spinning.  I can't believe this is happening so fast.  I am a flood of emotions right now - scared about the surgery, excited about the surgery, worried aobut work being covered, scared of complications. .  the list just goes on and on. 

Well I have not been feeling so good this month.  Lots of stress and anxiety.  I am sitting here tonight feeling overwhelmed by what is going to be happening to me over the next few months.  I have to get my psychological exam, that doesn't scare me much, but the nuclear stress test scares the hell out of me.  I posted a question about it and one of the responses mentioned my heart racing and feeling like his arteries were going to explode.  Wow, that is something I don't know if I want to experience.  I go next week to get weighed and am not feeling positive about my weight loss this month.  I have been suffering from alot of depression and that leads to bad behaviors.  I have not been terrible but bad enough that I am worried.  How do I know if I am doing the right thing???

Wow!  I am now down 39 pounds - lost 9 pounds this month.  Only 30 more to go and I will be ready for surgery.  I had a really good month weight loss wise.  I assume its because the weather is nicer and I am able to be more active.  Had my highs and lows at the doctors office.  Was so happy to see that the doctor reduced his fee from $5500 to $3000 (copay) on his webpage but when I went to the office and brought a new patient with me he would only honor it for the new patient.  I got upset and was about to give up on the whole process.   (I have been on an emotional rollercoaster lately)  Anyway I sent an email voicing my feelings and he agreed to do it for the new fee.  Needless to say that fee is no longer advertised on his web page.  I am sure he had alot of unhappy patients.  My first week into this month's cycle has not been good at all - very emotional and stressful week and really poor eating.  I need to get back on track!

Well, I have had my ups and downs.  Lots of stresses at work and home with my daughter.  All in all somehow I have managed to not gain any weight and have managed to continue to lose although not as fast as I was early on.  I am now down 30 pounds!  I have 39 more to go until surgery.  I have a really hard time imagining that that day will come and I may actually be able to fit into normal clothes and shop in normal stores.  I am going to schedule my psych eval this month and try to work on the cardiologist test.  I really think the warm weather is going to be more positive for helping me to reach my goal.  I have not been going to the Y lately - we had to fire our secretary and my classes were on Tues and Thurs and unfortunately I have no coverage those days.  I will be opening my pool soon and know the routines and will work out in my pool.  I have noticed the weight loss and some people are starting to notice as well.  That is a motivation in itself.   It's really hard when people around me are eating all these yummy foods and I am eating a protein bar.  I manage for the most part but fall every now and then.   My husband has been an excellent support person for me.  I will make it - My goal this month is to lose 5 pounds - seems pretty realistic to me!

Well I started my journey in late November.  I finally decided I had to have WLS and regain my life.  Hiding inside my house and sitting in a chair all day was not the answer.  I felt as if I was just sitting here waiting to die.  I am too young for that.  I have my first beautiful grandson and I want to be able to do things with him.  I met with Dr. Mehta and  I really felt comfortable with him.  I was put on a high protein, low carb diet and wow the first two weeks of that was absolutely horrible.  I was sick and had terrible headaches and cravings for carbs but I stayed determined.  It seemed a small price to pay to get my life back.  Christmas week was the worst!!  I fell a few times but got right back on track after the holiday.  As of mid January I was down 16 pounds and very proud of myself.  One small step in the right direction.  I joined the YMCA and started taking water aerobics classes three times a week.  I do find myself very tired affer each class and generally end up napping somewhere mid day on those days.  I am sure I will adjust soon.  I am basically going from a non active life to working out 3 hours a week.  I am starting to notice my clothes drooping a bit and I can't wait until weigh in day, February 19, 2009.  I have a feeling I did good this month.  I have a six month wait for my surgery and have to get to a BMI of 60.  That means I needed to lose 68 pounds from my original weight of 418.