April 4, 2005
This is me. Or - this was me in all of my 254lb glory. Guess where I carried most of my weight?



Pretty glorious eh? Those Phen/Fen pics below were about 7 years old when the Pre-Surgery photo was taken. Thanks for discontinuing Phen/Fen. Those of us who gained it all back - and then some - appreciate it.





But I didn't just gain weight, oh no. The first diagnosis was liver disease. I went to see the doctor because I was having major bouts with fatigue again. I'd been previously diagnosed with CMV and EBV so I figured that was it. She ordered liver tests - they were bad. An MRI, CT Scan, Ultrasound and Liver Biopsy later, I had NASH (Non Alcoholic Steato Hepatitis). It's like Fatty Liver - but worse.


Then was the Sleep Apnea. This came about when seeing the Pulmonologist for sleep meds. I've always taken Sleep Meds. Chronic Insomnia is a genetic thing. But he made me take a sleep study before he'd give them to me. That too, was dismal. Now I'm on a nifty CPAP every night. This is awful. It's uncomfortable, I've gone through 5 masks to find one I can sleep with. I hate it. When the mask shifts it wakes me up.


But the fun doesn't stop there. Oh no. I'm Diabetic. But of course. I feel fine but the labs my doctor seems to love to run say something isn't right. A fasting test and A1H test later, I'm definitely Diabetic. Doctor recommends their weight loss (Health Risk Management) clinic. My Gastroenterologist recommends it too. He's quick to point out that they have soup and muffins on this plan. It's a plan that gives you teeny tiny portions of crappy tasting food and touts "You'll never be hungry!" Obviously written by a thin person who's never been on the diet. I've done this before, I know I'll be hungry, I'll be bored, I'll be disenchanted in about 3 days. Pass.



I keep thinking of Carnie Wilson. God she's amazing. I was never into their music but I admired the crap out of her for getting out there and doing it anyway. When I heard she was having the surgery I thought "Good for her!" But then I saw her a few months later. I didn't recognize her. Damn!! I had five words for my Internist when I saw her the next week: "I want a Gastric Bypass". She didn't argue, she didn't try to dissuade me. She said "Okay" and gave me a referral.


I'll go into details later on about the seminar, the process, the surgery, the recovery but now I'll show the pics.



I've had a few major periods of weight loss in my life. They were always brief and wonderful. So wonderful that being heavy was like a prison sentence. Pictures of me during my Phen/Fen period haunted me. The little black dress here is a Junior Size 10. I got down to 138lbs and I'm 5'8" tall. To give a better idea of how repulsive I had gotten, my husband couldn't look at these pictures of what I used to look like. I wasn't this thin when I met him but I wasn't much heavier. I weighed 165 when I met him. I weigh 166 now.






Two Months Post Op










August 25, 2005


Those clothes.. How many times have I happily thrown away all of those "fat" clothes? Every time I've done it I've sworn I'd never need them ever again. But I always did. Funny, I always held onto the thin clothes because I knew I'd be wearing them again. But the fat clothes I always had to buy new. And I HATE shopping for fat clothes.



I've been donating my fat clothes. They go into a box next to the dresser with a kind of wonder. I don't understand why I'm doing this. I know they don't fit. I know I'll never wear them again. This time I know it where before I hoped it. It's really weird knowing that I'll never be fat again.


I am now 12 pounds away from 100 pounds lost which was also my goal. In 4 1/2 months. Amazing.








Six Months Post Op - 97lbs gone - 3lbs from goal. I still think I look fat :(




















December 4, 2005


Seems I've been derelect about updating my profile. Well, since my last update, I met and passed goal. I'm at 146 now (goal was 154). It hasn't sunk in yet though. I buy tiny clothes at thrift stores for my daughter and am stunned when they fit me. I think about plastic surgery from time to time, but aside from my Sharpei thighs, I don't think I really need it and don't think I want to bother with painful recovery for something I probably don't really need. I basically feel healthy, This site has been such a great gift for me. The support, information and resources are invaluable. Hugs to everybody








December 24, 2005


I will not fail. I cannot fail. It will not happen again.

I read a lot of posts about people who sabotage themselves with candy, cookies, cakes... Why?? It's like "Curiosity killed the cat - satisfaction brought him back". I don't have to test my dumping syndrome, I trust that it's there and there's nothing I have to eat so badly that I'm willing to sacrifice everything I've done up til now. I have refused to allow myself to touch sugar and I've banned it from my house. But see, I know what can happen.



I took Phen/Fen for 2.5 years. It was glorious. I wore tiny little clothes, I felt wonderful. I have pictures of me (above) from when I took it. Those are Frederick's of Hollywood shorts. But then they outlawed Phen/Fen and the weight came back. Fast.


So I've been here before. I had the chance to stay skinny - no matter how difficult it would be - and I blew it. I gained all the weight back and more.. Now I have that chance again. I will not fail. I can't go back there. The taste of thin and healthy is far sweeter than any temporary gratification I might get from the very foods that were killing me. I only have to look at my before and after pictures. I pass by the over-decorated cakes, the marvelous smelling bakery departments, the incredible foods and I don't give them a second thought. I refuse to dwell on food. I refuse to mourn sugar. It was never my friend. It tried to kill me. It made me fat, it took away my self-esteem, it deprived me of energy. I will continue to watch and think about every bite I take. I will make good choices. I will not succumb to sugar. Or I will die.





February 26, 2006 - Disney World


Well, I did it. We'd planned to do it for years but I was always too tired, too sore, too sick, too disinterested and TOO FAT to do it. But I ran out of excuses and we planned a trip to Disney World as a Christmas present to the family. What a lot of walking! I ended up losing 3 more pounds which I guess I should have expected from all the walking around. Difficult to find stuff I could eat, especially late, but overall did okay. Here's the photo of all of us at the Coral Reef Restaurant at Disney World. I am now 139 lbs - 15lbs under goal.










April 4, 2006


Well this is a big moment. It's my one year anniversary/rebirthday. I've lost 115lbs - 15 lbs more than I had to lose and So far so good. My husband measured me tonight. We'd measured on the evening before surgery, and now, one year later, here are the figures.







Time has literally flown.. it hardly seems like a year. It's been mostly good and pretty much complication free. I feel pretty good, I've got my routine down for protein and calcium and vitamin supplements and I really have no complaints. So.. happy rebirthday to me! :)

About Me
Leander, TX
Location
21.0
BMI
RNY
Surgery
04/04/2005
Surgery Date
Feb 22, 2005
Member Since

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