livekindly
My name is Kristy and I am 26 years old. I have been struggling with my weight since the day I can remember. I believe WLS is the only solution for me to be able to lose my excess weight and keep it off for life. My goal is to be a healthy young woman that will eventually be a healthy old woman. Oh yeah, and looking my best would be nice, too.
4/7/05
I'm hoping to get the Lap-Band surgery sometime in June at Saints Memorial. I attended the WLS seminar at SMMC on Tuesday 4/5/05. It was very informative, although I had already researched everything and knew most of what they talked about. It mostly helped my fiance I think. At first, he didn't like the idea and was worried. After the seminar he got a better understanding of it and I think he feels a little better about it now. He's very supportive and I believe that is one of the most important things when someone decides to take this step. My friends and family just want me to be happy and I'm sure they trust that I'll make good decisions for myself.
I'm very excited and I just wish time could fly by. I have my first appointment on 4/12 and from there I should know what referrals I'll need and what appointments to make. I'm so anxious and I want to get everything done ASAP but I know it will take a few months before I actually have the surgery. I think I'm a perfect candidate so I don't see any reason why I would be denied. I already called my insurance company and they do cover the surgery, however, you have to meet the criteria, but I know I do. I'm 280 now which is the biggest I've ever been. Struggling with weight is the story of my life. I was about 260 when I was 14! I have been on diets since I was 12. Up and down, up and down. I did manage to lose 95 lbs. on my own from 10th to 12th grade. I never ever in a million years thought I could lose that much weight. I did it though, but it was the hardest thing I ever did. I was able to keep it off for about 3 years then the weight slowly came back. I really started to gain when my mom was diagnosed with Breast Cancer in 2002. My mom took a turn for the worst in November and passed away on December 18th, 2004. She was 49 years young. I miss her very much. I've gained over 30 lbs since then because I've been stuffing my face to comfort the hurt. Now, I'm ready to make a change and move on to my life's next journey. I know my mom is watching over me with love and support.
4/12/05
So I had my first appointment today with the Nurse Practioner. I was able to get all my referrals from my PCP today AND I've scheduled all but 1 appointment. I'm all on top of things that's for sure. I want this to happen ASAP more than anything I've wanted in a long time. My weight is at an all time high and I feel awful. I'm ready to do this. The NP said I need to lose about 14 lbs before the surgery. That's fine with me. I've got to start now, especially so I can just feel better and function better. That 14 lbs will come off I guarantee.
The appointments I have scheduled so far are:
May 3rd - Cardiac Echo, Abdominal Ultrasound, and Upper GI. I was so glad they said they could do these all the same day. I'm going to try to get all the other tests done that day, too. These I don't have to make an appointment for though. Lab/Blood work, EKG, and Chest X-ray. If I get all those done then I should be all set when I see the surgeon.
May 9 - I have an appointment with the Psychologist but I might have to see one of Harvard Pilgrim's Psychologist so that's not a definite.
May 16 - First appointment with the Nutritionist
May 27th - Appointment with the Surgeon, Dr. Shen!
Hopefully after I see the surgeon they will submit an approval request to my insurance company and they'll say YES! If they don't, I will definitely appeal. This is really important to me now and it's my only hope. Please wish me luck and pray for me. I'm so excited! Tonight, Ray and I will attend our first support group meeting. I'm such a geek, too. I've got all my paper work and everything pertaining to this program in a neatly organized binder. I'm prepared and ready. Oh yeah, I'm ready!
4/20
I'm getting so anxious now. I have all my appointments lined up. Fortunately I'll have all my appointments and tests done BEFORE I see the surgeon on May 27th. HOPEFULLY by then I'll have everything squared away, the tests will be fine and I'll be good to go. I'm hoping I can set up a surgery date THAT DAY assuming that the insurance will approve. I just can't wait! I can't wait to go shopping and feel good and be able to buy some fly outfits.
I've been trying to eat better and exercise more. I've cut out carbonated beverages and I'm trying to cut down on caffeine (I only have 1 cup in the morning). That's kind of hard though because with the nice weather, I love to have Dunkin's iced coffee in the morning. I'll have to swith to decaf. I've also been trying to chew my food better and eat slower. Last night I didn't drink anything until an hour after I ate. That was a little difficult. I was so thirsty! Other than that I guess I'm just waiting. The only thing I can do for now is try to get that 14 lbs off, go to all my appointments, and wait to get that surgery date. I'll feel so much better after I get the "O.K." from my insurance company and get that surgery date. I'm on my way!! Thank God!!
5/3/05
I'm really getting anxious now. I just wish this month would hurry up and be over with so I could see the surgeon, get approved, and get a surgery date. Yesterday I got ALL the tests that I needed to take DONE. I won't have to worry about that at all. The main thing I need to concentrate on now is eating good and getting moving so I can lose that 14lbs before surgery. It's so hard to do that especially knowing that in a couple months there are some things that I'll never be able to eat or drink again. That just makes me want to eat everything! I'm really going to try hard though.
I'm so pooped today. I think all those tests really drained me yesterday. I'm just plain tired though. My back has been really bothering me lately, too and last week it was unbareable. I ended up going see the Doctor two days in a row. He gave me some meds and now I have to do Physical Therapy for it. I didn't do anything specific to it either. I'm positive it's because I'm so overweight. I'm too young to feel this way. Hopefully the PT will help and in a few months from now I'm sure I'll feel a whole lot better. I feel trapped in my fat body and I want OUT!!! I want out NOW!!!
Well till next time, I hope I stay strong and lose those pounds!
Ooh, Alicia Keys concert is tonight. I hope my back doesn't get sore from sitting in the seats. Uhhgg
5/5/05
Gee, did I mention that I'm anxious? HELLO! As much as I want to cherish everyday of my life, just this once I wish I could fast forward a month or two. I went to the Alicia Keys concert last night and could the seats at the Arena be any smaller? God was watching out for me last night though because Ray had seat 1 (on the end) and I had seat 2. In seat 4 there was a very large guy and thank the good lord, there was no one in seat 3. I was so relieved. I would have been so uncomfortable and so would have been the person sitting in 3, but no one, the whole night. It was really awesome. I mean, I was uncomfortable anyway, but it was such a relief not to have to worry about being squished next to someone I didn't know and having my butt spread over on their seat. It made the night that much better. It was a truley amazing performance. I never enveyed or idolized anyone so much in my life. I just sat there and observed every move and listened to every note she sang, fantazing that it was me up there. My ultimate dream is to perform, sing for people. I want to look glamorous while standing in front of microphone singing a sweet jazzy song. I picture myself in a jazz club singing on top of a piano in an old style 1930's type dress. That's what I long for. Someday, maybe oneday, I can live that dream. That would be way too awesome.
Well, tomorrow I have physical therapy to strengthen my back and Monday I see the Psychologist. I hope all goes well with her. I think I'll enjoy talking to someone and telling them the things I've been through in the last few months and just about my weight issues in general. I'm looking forward to meeting with the nutritionist on the 16th, too. I've met her already. She seems like a really nice lady.
5/10/05
Yesterday I had my Psych evaluation and the woman was very nice. She seemed to think I was ready and that it was a good time in my life to have the surgery. She mentioned that I might want to attend her support groups Post op to meet with other post op patients that are "emotional eaters" like me. I think the support would be good and sharing information and experiences with others really helps me anyway. Especially since I'm still grieving from the loss of my mom. Geez, I think I'll be grieving forever, but having support to help deal with it instead of eating everything will help. Sunday was mother's day and my dad and I took my Memere out to Chinese. I ate SO much AND I had a scorpion bowl. It was a rough day. We went through some pictures and stuff. It was nice to reminise but it was hard, too. I miss her more than anything.
I also saw my PCP today and he got my bloodwork and tests results back and everything looks normal so that's another plus! I just really hope everything goes as I plan. I'm really hoping that I will have the surgery NO LATER THAN the second week in July. HOPEFULLY it will be the end of June but I'm trying to be realistic. There's only two surgeons at Saints Memorial and I know they must be super busy because there are LOTS of people who are in this program. The support group meetings are always packed. There's one tonight and I'm going to try to get there early to get a seat up front.
Next Monday I see the nutritionist. I really wanted to lose a few pounds before I saw her. I'll have to be really strict from now until Monday! This month is moving fast! I love it. I'm so glad the sun came out today! Come on Lapband!!
5/17/05
Now I'm really getting excited! I saw the Nutritionist yesterday and it went great, except for the fact that I gained 4 pounds from my first weight in at the center. I'm at 287...yikes! The nurtritionist thinks I'll be really successful with this though. I told her about all the diets I've been on and how I lost 100 lbs before so she knows that I have the discipline and the drive to do this. I started eating really good on Sunday the 15th and I'm writing everything down. I HAVE to lose that 14 lbs but I know it will happen. I'm motivated now and I know its got to be done. I know I'll feel a hell of a lot better, too. The Nutritionist told me I need more Iron which I knew because sometimes I can't give blood because its too low. She also said I need to really try to get at least 60 grams of protein a day but that 80-90 would be better. I think the protein helps with the Iron. So, I'm going to go shopping today and get all my vitamins and stuff and I just ordered some really good tasting protein supplement. It's call UNJURY and you can mix it with just about anything. I had it this morning with some Simply Smart milk. It was chocolate flavored and it tasted just like chocolate milk. It didn't have that usual protein shake chalky taste, you know.
Well, I feel like I'm on my way. May is going by so fast and I only have 1 more appointment until I see the surgeon on the 27th. That is going to be so exciting. I just can't wait to get a date. Things are just going good. My hubby Rudy Ray just got a new job with a great pay raise so things are looking really good for us. We really deserve it though. I've had it so rough the past few years with my mom being sick and passing away and Ray's been such a great support. Everyday I just wish my mom could be here to see our accomplishments. I wish she could come over my house and give me some decorating or cleaning advice. Man do I miss her. But, I know she's proud of me and she always was. It's time for me to be happy and move forward in my life and do the things I've always wanted to do and have the things I always wanted to have. I'm almost there and I'm only 26. The things I've always wanted are pretty simple and I never knew I could exceed my expectations but it seems to be happening. I have the love I've always wanted and a beautiful house that I've always wanted. It's amazing this life, and no matter how shitty things can get sometimes, I still love it, and cherish it, and want to make the best of it.
05/19/05
For some reason I feel really good today. Is it because I've been eating really good? Probably. I feel like I'm really ready now. I'm motivated and I haven't been able to get myself motivated since before my mom passed away. Everyday I would say I was going to start my diet but I just couldn't do it. It was like I was addicted. I was addicted. I'm a food addict, plain and simple. I love food A LOT and I always will. I mean, who doesn't anyway. It's like my best friend and my worst enemy at the same time. I don't want to fight food anymore. It's for survival and that's how it should be. I mean, I'll still be able to enjoy something delicious once in a while, but this tool, this LapBand will allow me to control myself and not overendulge. From here on out I refuse to fall victim to my addiction. I'm so ready for this change. I WILL get what I want! I will succeed! I'm ready for my rebirth people! Let's get it on!
5/25/05
I had my last mandatory appointment on Monday with the cardiologist. I have a good heart! When I told my fiance I have a good heart he said "well I already knew that"....awwhh, he's so sweet. Anyway, I also found out that I lost 4 of the 14 lbs. I need to lose. Yippee! I better have lost something with how good I've been. I even did a 2 day puree food only. It really wasn't all that bad. Well...it wasn't that great either, but I just brain washed myself into thinking that I already had my Lapband in. I seemed to get full off just a little food, too. Maybe it was my brain washing or maybe it was just because I ate REALLY slow and puree food isn't that appealing so I didn't really want to eat it that much. So, on those days I only had about 800 calories. Now, if I only eat 800 calories a day after I have the Lapband then I'll definitely lose. I've been counting my calories, my protein, and my liquids. I'm trying to stay under 1200 calories a day, and 75-90 grams of protein a day. I have no problem getting my liquids in. I always drink water and stuff anyway.
I seem to be pretty motivated, huh? Well, I just hope it lasts because it will still be another month or so before I have the surgery, if all goes well with insurance of course. Maybe I'll even lose more than 14 lbs before then. That would be awesome! My first goal is to lose 50 lbs by Christmas. That will get me to my plateau weight, which I'm expecting to hit a plateau at this time, too. For the past 3 years or so every time I diet I seem to hit a plateau at about 225-230. Maybe it will be different this time, but I'll just keep in mind that I'll have to work really hard when that time comes.
So, in two days I finally get to see the surgeon. Since I have everything else completed I'm hoping he'll tell me I'm ready and can set a date. I just can't wait to get that date. I'll be sure to post as soon as I know.
5/31/05
I finally got my chance and saw the surgeon. I thought it would be a little more exciting then it was. He just informed me of some stuff I already knew about the procedure. The thing I was concerned about was getting a date. That didn't happen though. I guess the team has to go over everything and then they'll call me. Hopefully in the mean time they're submitting my request to insurance. SO, more waiting begins. Lots and lots of waiting. I was discouraged to find out that the scale at the Weight Loss center said I had only lost 1 pound. The scale at the heart doctor said I lost 4 lbs. I hate that! So, I cheated a little over the long weekend but I'm back on track today. I'm even going to hit the gym. That should be interesting. Well, next time I post I should have a surgery date!
6/7/05
Yup...just a waitin... Come on, let's go. I'm ready! I saw the nutritionist for the second time yesterday and she's really pleased with my progress and my diet. I lost another 2 lbs, so I know I can get to 273 by the time I have the surgery. I'm currently 279. I've been doing so good lately, too. But, my body always does this. I have to be on a diet for a month or two before I see any real results. It's always slow at first, I think because my body thinks it's starving and then after a while it says, "oh, this again, so you will feed me, but I just have to adjust to the new diet." So, obviously I'm anxious and I can't wait until I can write the words "I've been approved" and "I have a date". That's going to be exhilarating.
I'm just a tiny bit stressed about the summer and all these cookouts and parties I have to go to. I'm so uncomfortable at this weight and I just don't feel like being social at all. My friends and even my fiance are telling me I need to get out more and stop being shacked up in the house all the time. Well, I just don't feel like it. I'm uncomfortable and self conscious. I hate feeling that way but I know it will get so much better. I'll have my surgery and I'll be at home for 2 weeks losing my first big pounds. Then, I know I'll start to feel better and go to the gym more without feeling so embarrassed. I hate going to the gym now. I go straight for the women's only room and I'm still self concious in there. Well, whatever. It will happen sooner or later and before I know it I'll be 180 lbs and feeling good! By the way, my goal is 160, but I'll feel plenty good at 220-200-180, any of those!
6/10/05
O.k. my friends, the day has come. I HAVE A DATE!!!!!! July 5th BABY!! I'm so excited. I mean, I was hoping it would be no later than the first week in July but I didn't think I'd actually get what I desired. They're still finishing up on one of my reports but they said they should be submitting a letter to insurance on Monday the 13th. Everyone at the Center has told me that they never had a problem getting approval from Harvard so I'm hoping that goes smoothly. Hopefully I'll have an answer by next week. SO, no big food eating cookouts for me this 4th of July weekend. I'll be resting, drinking lots of fluids, and preparing myself for surgery. I'm so absolutely thrilled that it's finally going to happen. It's less than a month away. It will come quick I know it. This is just awesome! I hope I can make the 14lbs loss that they wanted me to do. I'm sure if it's only 10 they're not going to cancel or anything. We'll see I guess, but I have been doing SO good. I do need to up my exercise but I've still been moving. I'll make it! Till next time. PEACE!!
6/16/05
Well, I'm still waiting to hear if I've been approved from Harvard Pilgrim. I'm really hoping to get a phone call tomorrow. I can be patient though, but I'm just paranoid that I might not be approved. I mean, if I wasn't I would appeal, but that might push my surgery further and I just want to get this done so I can recover and enjoy the rest of the summer. August is a big social month for me with parties and Ray's family reunion. Yikes! I'm nervous about that. I really want to look my best when I meet some of his relatives that I haven't met yet. I'll probably look the same to the ones I've already met since last summer I was 40 lbs less than I am now and I'm hoping to lose that much by Labor day.
I've lost 8 lbs. of the 14 lbs. that the nurse practioner wanted me to lose before surgery. So, I have 6 more pounds to lose in less than 3 weeks. I'm not so sure if it will happen. I've been doing so good and counting all my calories and protein. I rarely ever go over 1500 calories a day, however, most of the time I only do 1200. I could still do some more exercise but I do get at least a little everyday. You know, situps and leg lifts and stuff. I just have a slow metabolism. That's why I always get discouraged on diets. I'll lose 10-15 lbs and it takes me so long that I just say SCREW IT and go back to my old habits. Not this time though. This time I know that if I lose the weight, I will keep it off. I'm not really too much of a junk food eater, I just eat too much. My portion sizes at meals have just always been TOO MUCH ever since I can remember. I remember being the last one at the dinner table, except for my dad, still eating. And I was only 5 years old! Just me and Dad having our seconds. I'd eat all my veggies and drink all my milk, but I'd always want more. I'd ask for more of everything. With this Lap-Band, I know I can't over eat and that's why I chose it over Gastric Bypass. My life is going to change dramatically but I'm ready. I'm ready to eat like a bird and still be happy. As long as I feel full I'm good. I just have to make sure I keep track of my restriction and make sure I'm restricted enough. I'm so ready! Bring on the holidays this year! This will be the first year in Kristy's history to not gain weight over the winter month's. The future is bright!
6/17/05
O.k.....WELL, ALRIGHTY THEN!!! I'VE BEEN APPROVED PEOPLE!!! ANDDDD, my surgery was moved up a week!!! I can't believe it. I'll be banded on my BIRTHDAY - June 28th!! The lady from the center called me today to tell me I was approved and she asked me if I wanted to go earlier. I couldn't believe she said the 28th. I thought it was so ironic that I could be "reborn" on my 27th birthday! What better opportunity than that. So of course I said I'll do it that day! I'm so excited!! Now I'm a little tiny bit nervous but I see the surgeon and stuff on the 24th and I'm sure I'll be more at ease when I get all the details of what I'll be doing those couple days pre-op and the morning of.
So, no more worries now. I'm approved and I'm good to go AND I've been realing starting to feel good. I feel the difference in my body from the 9 lbs (as of this morning) that I've lost. I mean, I can tell a little when I look in the mirror but I just like the way I feel from eating healthy again. For a while there, I was addicted to sugar (donuts mostly) and I would always get the "crashing" feeling during the day and then need more sugar. I've cut out all caffeine and soda and don't get much sugar at all so I'm feeling good.
06/20/05
My love is gone on travel to Mississippi till Friday. I hate being without him. I slept on the couch with the dog last night. I missed him as soon as I dropped him off at the airport. He's so silly though. He's called me like 5 times already and he says I love you over and over. He's such a wonderful love. I'm a very lucky woman to have a man like him. There's no way I could ever take him for granted.
Anyway, I'm sure this week will go by quick and then it's party time for Jen and I's birthday Saturday night. I'm not sure if I'll be able to drink because my surgery is Tuesday. I'll find out Friday if I need to be on a certain pre-op diet. Hopefully it will just be the day before or a couple days before so I can celebrate big time.
Yesterday I went to my Dad's and I saw my brother and my sister came over and we ordered some really good greek food. It was yummy. I totally cheated this weekend and last night I had the best Baklava I've ever tasted. It makes me want MORE!! BUT, I know it's a no no. I'll be weighing in on Friday so I've got to be really strict till then. I hope I can at least lose another pound which will bring me to 10 lbs lost pre-op. The way I ate this weekend though, I may have gained a pound or two. I just couldn't help thinking that this would be my last chance. Ray and I went to the movies and I had a hotdog, fries, AND Reeces Pieces!! I ate so many Reeces that I felt sick. My body wasn't liking all that sugar. I'll never do that again!
7/6/04
HI friends! I know it's been a while but I was a little tired after I was BANDED on the 28th! Everything went great! It's been a week and I feel pretty good. Not too much pain anymore and I haven't really felt hungry. I've lost 6 lbs already! I'm very pleased. Now I need to get moving so I can burn more calories. I've been doing a little walking but now that I'm a week out and feeling good, I need to increase my activity. I want to thank everyone that sent me those great messages. I'm greatful that there's so much support on this site. So, I'm doing great, feeling good, and have had no problems so far. I better go make a protein shake! ;-))
08/09/05
I know, I know. I've been slacking on my entries. But I just got back to work yesterday and I took a break from the computer while I was home. That 6 weeks off of work was NICE! I was definitely ready to come back though.
So, how am I doing? I'd say pretty good so far. I'm now down to 260, which makes a total weight loss (from my highest weight of 287) of 27 lbs. I'm down 15 lbs since the surgery which seems perfect since I'm 6 weeks out and with the Lap-Band, they recommend about 10 lbs a month. Now that I'm back to work it's a lot easier to eat on a regular schedule and eat less, too since I'm not bored really. I'm a boredom eater for sure.
I had my first fill exactly a week ago and they gave me 1cc. I didn't feel much of a difference at all so I'm going to call to get an appointment for another fill since I have the option of getting another one 2 weeks after if I feel it hasn't helped. I think I'll just make that call today.
So, all and all everything is great so far with my Lap-Band experience. I've had no vomiting, no nausea, and I've been feeling fine. I've had some constipation but Milk of Magnesia really helps for that. Also, a little bit of cramping once in a while, mostly when I walk for exercise. Nothing too bad though. I would definitely recommend this procedure to anyone that needs it. It's hard to stay away from "bad" foods like cookies and chips and well, you know. But it's just like any diet, you have to eat healthy. This just makes it easier to control your portions. And of course exercise is key, and walking is easy and that's really all you need to do initially. I plan on getting back to the gym soon. I still don't feel comfortable doing sit-ups or lifting any weights yet. I want to make sure my body is fully recovered before I do that. Maybe in another month or so.
Well, now that I'm back to work, I'm sure I'll keep my updates updated more often. Till next time!
08/16/05
Yesterday I got another fill because I was really feeling hungry and could still eat quite a bit. They tell you to do liquids only for the first 24 hours after a fill. I waited only 20 hours because I was feeling hungry. I only ate a half of a ham sandwhich on pita bread and I was full. I did have to take it really slow and chew really good because I could feel the tightness on the first few bites and it was uncomfortable. It feels kind of like you have a big burp bubble stuck or something. As long as I take small bites and chew really good, it doesn't happen. I'm 258 now and I'm pleased with that. The goal is 10 lbs a month and I'm pretty confident that I'll be 253 by the 28th. That will make it 20lbs lost since surgery and 34 total from my highest weight. I will be one happy woman if I can make it to 173 by my one year band-a-versary. I know I will be happy at a weight between 170 and 180. I would be more than happy actually. They say my ideal weight (I guess some person made up some chart for people's "ideal weight") for my height is 138 lbs. HA! Yuck, I think I would look sick at that weight. My face would be all skinny and my waist would be like 24 inches. My bottom half would probably look normal but all together I just wouldn't look right. I'm just not built that way. They also say that bariatric surgery patients should set a goal of 70% of that "ideal weight" which would take me to 179. I think that's a realistic goal and I've been there before and although I didn't know it then, I looked damn good at that weight. So, I'm gonna keep on pushing, stick to my plan, and use this tool that I've been given to reach my goal and succeed in this journey I've made for myself. Hopefully, in the next year my life will be filled with more joy than the previous has. I'm sure that it will and I'm looking forward to moving on in my life.
08/19/05
O.k., I had my first bad experience with having the band. The other night I was eating some grilled chicken and it was SOOO good. Well, I must not have chewed good enough and I couldn't eat for like 15 minutes. The chicken was STUCK. It was so uncomfortable and for a minute there I thought it was going to come back up. I went to the bathroom and luckily it was only burbs. I said to myself I'll never do that again and that I just have to remember to take it slow and chew GOOD. Well, it happened again this morning. I just must have been eating too fast and didn't chew enough and all of a sudden I got that "stuck" feeling. This time it was really bad. I went to the ladies room and this time I actually threw up. It just wouldn't go down and it had to come back up. There's definitely more tightness in the morning it seems. I think I should just go with a protein shake or yogurt for breakfast and leave it at that. I like to have fruit in the morning but I think it's too acidy or something. I always have to burp a lot too when I eat fruit. So, lessons learned I guess. Now that I have had 2 fills and am at 1-1/2 cc's I need to be more careful and chew, chew, chew.
Other than that, everything is going good. It seems like weight loss is slow and that 10 lbs a month just isn't enough, but I know that's not true. At that rate I can be at my goal in a year or so. I'm not going to stress myself out or get discouraged this time. It's definitely easier mentally wise than any other time I've dieted because I know I have this tool that will help me to keep the weight off for good. I'm not going to deprive myself either. My best friend Jen brought me some Cheesecake the other day, but it was low carb and had no sugar so I guess it's better than having the regular kind. It's definitely o.k. to do something like that once in a while. If I didn't, I think I'd go nuts. I don't know if it's just with woman, but when you get a craving, you have GOT to have that something to satisfy it. Good thing is, these days they have sugar free chocolate and stuff. I mean, sometimes you just need the real stuff, but every little bit helps.
08/22/05
Didn't I say that I would have to take it easy with breakfast and eat yogurt or cereal or something. Well, I forgot so soon as Saturday morning and tried to eat some scrambbled eggs. NOPE! Not happening. I yacked it right up. I felt so much better after I did, too because the pain in my chest was aweful! So, I guess it takes some getting used to once you get a couple fills and have that restriction. It's so hard to remember to take it slow and take small bites and chew a lot but I'm sure I'll get the hang of it. Good thing is I'm down another 2 lbs which takes me to 256. Like I said before, I want to be down 20 lbs at my two month mark so that's 3 more lbs to go and I have less than a week. If I don't make it, that's o.k. but this week I am determined to exercise way more. Last week I totally slacked and didn't go walking at all. My plan is to go every night this week. It works out good when I take the dog around the neighborhood because she gets the exercise too, plus my neighborhood has a lot of up and down hills. I really feel like I've gotten a work out after I do that.
I still haven't been to the gym though. It's such a waste of $25 a month but I can't cancel it, plus, I want to be part of a gym. I just hate going sometimes mostly because there's lots of people. Also, I joined this gym specifically because they have a pool and do you think I've ever used the pool...NO! The stupid pool is behind these huge glass windows that are right infront of where all the body builder types are working out. Now, why couldn't they make the pool a little more private. I mean, do they think I want everyone to see my lard butt in a bathing suit. Yikes! Not a chance. Ray says I really just need to get over it. I love to swim and I shouldn't care what anyone thinks. I don't know why I do either. Why should I care? I don't need to impress anyone. I have my love and he loves all my jiggly wigglies. That's it, you know what? I'm gonna get in that pool. For the first time since I joined this gym, like a year ago, I'm gonna get in my bathing suit and get in that damn pool. I can't back out now. I'm going to do it for all the people on this site. I'm gonna do it for all those who have shown their support towards me and for all those who I may help with these posts. Im gonna get my ass in the damn pool!! I'll let you know how it goes. :-O
08/25/05
O.k., I haven't gone to the gym yet to get into the pool, BUT that is one of my goals for the next month and I WILL do it. However, I am very pleased with my progress. I've lost another 2 lbs and now at 254. I'm only 1 lb away from my goal of 20 lbs lost in 2 months. The 28th will be 2 months so I have 3 days to lose 1 lb. I think I just might make my goal. I'm very excited about it! I'm extremely happy with my band. I've gotten used to the restriction and I'm really learning to eat slower and chew good. It gets easier. I'm sure I'll have to be extra careful after each fill but I'll get used to it. I have another fill coming up in a couple weeks. At this point I don't think I need much more restriction though. Maybe another 1/2 cc and I'll be good for a while. We'll see anyway.
So, I'm doing good and I'm feeling good. I hope it continues through the winter. Yikes! Winter is so hard for me. Between the holidays, football season, and just being plain lazy from the cold weather, I gain every year. I'm determined not to this year though. It is possible that my weight loss slows down a little, but by then I'll probably be at my plateau weight anyway. For some reason every time I've dieted in the last 4 years or so, I just can't get lower than 225-230. I just teeter-totter for months between those 5 lbs. My goal is to get to 225 by the end of this year. It's a pretty reasonable goal that gives me 5 lbs to play with if I'm trying to stay with 10 lbs a month. No matter what, the holidays are never going to be the same without my mom, but I'm determined to make it somewhat happy and I want to be happy with myself. I want to bring in a new year with a new attitude. I got to make it happen.
09/07/05
Well, I'm still at 254 but I obviously know why. LABOR DAY WEEKEND! We went to Delaware for Ray's family reunion and I knew I was going to be in trouble. His favorite Uncle's wife made all the food. She cooks unbelievably good. Her baked beans and macaroni and cheese are to die for, AND YOU KNOW I had to have me some of that!! I mean, I still had to make sure I didn't eat too much and I had to pace myself BUT I did eat all bad stuff. For dessert I had the best banana pudding I'd ever tasted in my life. Man, it's a good thing I don't know how to make any of that stuff! I also had pizza on Monday to celebrate Ray's daughter Morrigan's 5th birthday. I skipped the ice cream cake though so I get kudos for that.
Things could have been worse though. I didn't gain any weight, so that's good. I have another fill coming up on Monday the 12th. I feel like I'm ready for another one because last week I had the hungry horrors. Maybe some of it was PMS, but I still ate more than I should have last week. But now I'm back on track and hopefully I'll be down a couple pounds by Monday. I still haven't gone to the gym, BUT, my car has been in the shop. Hopefully I will get it back tomorrow and make it to the gym sometime this week. I walked last night but tonight I start school. I'm taking one class this semester because I want to take singing lessons, too. I'm also taking a Real Estate class with Ray this weekend. We're going for our Real Estate license. All exciting stuff coming up. I should be busy this fall so that will help. I just have to make time for exercise. Got to do it!
09/14/05
I had another fill on Monday, the 12th and now have 2cc's full. I was a little disappointed with my weight loss this month but the Nurse Practioner said I'm doing great. She said I should only expect 1-2 lbs a week. Of course, I'm shooting for 2 lbs a week but I'll take how my progress is. It's so much easier than just being on a diet without this tool so I can't complain at all. I'm down to 252. I think this fill is going to make a bigger difference though because I can feel it already. I'm not as hungry and even though it's only been a couple days, I can tell my restriction is more and I get fuller sooner. I still love my band. I'm sure I'll love it even more with the more weight I lose. Lately, I've been getting a lot of compliments from people and they're really starting to notice the weight loss. I keep thinking about the weight loss to come. I'm hoping I can stay strong this winter and not enter into my "hibernating" stage! I've got to stay active.
I still haven't gotten to the gym yet but I've been really busy! I started my class for this semester and I also took a Real Estate "crash course". Ray and I went last weekend. It was 12 hours on Saturday and 12 on Sunday. A lot to learn! But, Ray and I want to invest in Real Estate and I decided that I want to get my Real Estate license. I've got to study the book thoroughly before I take the test, but I know I can do it. I'm going to try it out part-time and see how I like it. Real Estate can be tough so I want to keep my full-time job, plus my company pays for school. Some people still make $20,000-30,000 more a year doing it part-time. Hey, I'll take that! Plus, if we invest, that's even more $. We're pretty determined to make a really comfortable life for ourselves, and it doesn't happen without determination. So, we're gonna try! Plus, we're gonna need the dough so I can get my plastic surgery after I lose all my weight. Main thing I really want is to get all the extra skin off my arms and stomach. Tummy Tuck is a definite, but I'm shooting for a total body lift! Not that I'm vein, but I've lost a lot of weight before and all that extra hanging, flabbing skin is really discouraging AND uncomfortable. I can't wait to get my arms done. One thing I've always wanted to do is wear sleeveless shirts and look good. I'm hoping I can get that done in a year or so. It's definitely the first thing I'm going to get done.
Well anyway, hopefully my weight loss will speed up a little this month. I've got to get my ass moving though. I've been slacking BIG TIME on the exercise!
09/20/05
I'm a little sore today. I actually went to the gym last night. I didn't get in the pool though. I kept debating in my mind whether to bring my bathing suit or not and of course, it was just a lot easier not to bring it. I did make an appointment with a trainer though. I still have 3 training sessions that I already paid for like a year ago. So, I'll use those up to get me going and by then I should be back into the swing of things. The gym makes me so self conscious though. I actually had an anxiety attack when I first got there and had to sit on the bike for a couple minutes before I actually started working out. What's my issue with that, Geez? It's going to be a while before I feel comfortable enough to go out into the real gym and not stay cooped up in the woman's only part either. I'm making a little progress though, at least I'm there.
Good news is I'm down another 2 lbs and am now 250 even. I can't wait to get into the next 10 lb range. The 250's will be gone forever and I'll be tackling the 240's. I just got to push myself to get in the damn exercise. This nice weather lately is great, too. I took Kola for a walk after I went to the gym. You won't catch me out there in the cold, but hopefully that won't be for another couple months. I think this has been the best September weather wise that I can remember. It's great! I think I'm going apple picking this weekend. I usually make pie every year. Last year I used a 1/2 sugar, 1/2 splender blend and people seemed to like it just fine. I mean, it's still fattening with the crust and stuff but it's a little better. I'm not going to deprive myself either. I'm gonna have at least one caramel apple this fall. A big one, with nuts. I love those!! Of course, I'll have to be extra good that week. That's my philosophy. If I'm really good that week, I can reward myself. It seems to work, too. I still lose but I don't feel deprived like I did on every other diet. It's great! Let me just say one more time that I love my band!
09/29/05
I've realized I'm a pretty good baker. My sister and my nephew and I went apple picking on Sunday and I got a whole slew of apples. Forty pounds to be exact. I was baking up a storm the other night. I got all kinds of different apple recipes online. Of course I had to alter them a little - add some more of this here, add this here. But, that's what makes my pies that much better. Good thing is after you spend all that time cooking, it's really not something you want to eat. I just enjoy doing it for other people. I have to try a sliver of something though. Maybe this weekend.
Anyway, I got another fill yesterday and I'm at 2.5 cc's now. I'm hoping this is where I'll have a lot of resistance. I was feeling like I could eat more than I should be able to. It's hard to get over head hunger though which happens to me all too often. It's 1,000 times better now after the surgery though. I only get it like, when I have PMS. Sometimes you just can't fight it then. I still can't pig out though. Never again either. That's my saving grace because before boy...I could really pig out and just stuff myself silly. It would mostly be at parties or the holidays or something. When there is a lot of food everywhere, I felt like I just had to try everything and then some. The holidays are coming up soon, too. It should be pretty interesting, and I'm sure a little frustrating not being able to try EVERYTHING. BUT, I'm sure it's something I've had before. I'll probably enjoy the control I'll have. It will definitely be different though because no matter what kind of diet I was on in the years past, I ALWAYS still pigged out on Thanksgiving and Xmas. I was never on a diet those days. And this year, I'm sure I'll eat something bad, but I won't be pigging out on it. This is a good thing...right? I'll worry about it when the day comes. I just have to make sure I don't get STUCK!!
So, today I'm going to see the trainer at the gym again. I wish I could afford a trainer all the time. If I could have one once a week, that would be too awesome. Maybe someday. I lost another pound so I'm at 249. Hippy, the 240's. I'm hoping my weight loss will speed up after this fill. I do still need to increase my exercise and if I do that then I should definitely get moving more.
I've been addicted to tomato soup lately. Anyone else out there just LOVE tomato soup? I'm sure I'll get sick of it and maybe it's because it's so cold at my work and tomato soup is so yummy AND hot. I don't know, but I've been drinking the stuff like water. It's probably not too good to have too much since there's a lot of sodium, but it's just so good to me. I don't understand it. I never felt like that before. Weird!
10/03/05
O.k., I'm feeling really good after this last fill. I'm at 2.5 cc's and I can really feel the restriction now. I've already lost 2 more pounds. So, I'm at 247 as of this morning. I've been hitting the gym at least 2 times a week but really haven't been walking. I know I won't want to walk when it gets cold so I have to keep up on the gym and do at least 4 times a week. I'm so excited that this is working so well. I mean, I know it's because I'm eating healthy and staying active, but I would have never made this progress without the surgery. I've been doing a lot of research on plastic surgery lately. I know it will be a while before I'm ready for that but I'd like to know all I can about it and find a good surgeon. I'm hoping in a year I can get my arms done. That's definitely going to be my first priority. I haven't worn a sleeveless shirt since I was 12. I can't wait to get that done. I've seen some before and after pictures of people that have had that procedure and the difference is incredible, and the scar really isn't that bad.
When I think about all the possibilities I have I get so excited. When I lost 100 lbs in high school I always thought of how awesome it could be to get my hanging skin cut off. I told myself I would do it someday. After I gained the weight back I didn't think it was going to happen but this surgery has given me that hope again. It is possible that someday I can wear a 2 piece bathing suit in public. It is possible that someday I can wear a nice dress without sleeves. Things that I've only dreamed of may be possible again. It's a good feeling, and that keeps me motivated, too. And I don't want to sound vein and that it's all about the beauty. I feel I have a much healthier future. I see myself as a vibrant and active old lady. I'll be the coolest old lady around.
10/21/05
Wow, it's been a while. I've been feeling pretty good. I lost another 2 lbs so I'm at 245 now. If I lose another 2 lbs by the 28th then I'll have lost 30 lbs in exactly 4 months. I had my surgery on June 28th (also my birthday, remember?) Still, I'm not going to the gym enough. I'm not discouraged at all though. I cheat once in a while and I'm not a slave to exercise and I still lose. I eat healthy and not as much as I used to and that seems to be doing it for me so far. I know I will soon have to increase my exercise though and I have to stop making excuses. Although a big excuse was my car issues but that's all worked out now. I finally got a new car. Well, it's a 2003 but it is MINT! I just love it. I got a black Acura TL. It rides so good and I feel safe and comfortable. I've always wanted a really nice car and not have to worry and now I have it. It really feels good. It has motivated me because I want to look good driving in my new car.
I'm really happy with my progress though. I couldn't have lost this amount of weight this quickly without the band. I mean, compared to someone that has had the Gastric Bypass I may not be losing that quickly, but I'm fine with it. Sometimes I think, maybe I should have gotten the Gastric. I could be down to 200 by now. But I chose this because I thought it was the safest way. My family was also concerned. I don't think that much about it anymore. I'm glad I made the decision to get the band. In the long run, I know I'll make my goal anyway. I'm losing at a comfortable pace and I'm really happy with it. I've still had a few instances where I had to throw up because I didn't chew enough and sometimes when that happens I get concerned that the band might slip. But, I know Dr. Shen is a great surgeon and I have had no problems so far. Hopefully it will stay that way. Even if it did slip, Dr. Shen would fix me right up.
I've also moved to a new building at work. I love it. Our old building was so grungy and smelly and this building is brand new. I love my new cubicle (it's bigger) and the atmosphere is just so much better. I think it will really help with morale, too. So, I'm really feeling good with having a new car and a new work location. And if I keep losing 30 lbs in 4 months then that's 90 lbs a year. I'll damn sure take that! I'm hoping to be at or close to my goal in another year or so. I'm sure I'll hit some speed bumps and plateaus, but I'll be ready to tackle them. This feels great!
10/26/05
I feel kind of sick today. Good thing is I'm going to the bathroom...ya know? My stomach has been upset all day and I feel like I drank 10 cups of coffee. I'm beginning to think I get low blood sugar sometimes or hypoglycemia. I went to this health fair a while back and had it checked and at the time it was 67 which is pretty low especially since I had just eaten lunch less than an hour before. Today I felt like I was going to pass out and I had just eaten like 15 minutes before. It was only soup but still. So, I started to think, well maybe I need sugar or something so I sucked on some candy and sure enough, I started to feel better. Lately I have been eating a little bit but more often and it keeps my metabolism going. Maybe I need to make sure I do that so I don't get this low sugar feeling. I guess I should mention it to my doctor, too. I have an order to get blood work too so I guess I should get that done.
Other than today, I'm feeling great. I lost another pound so I'm at 244 now. I can't wait to get into the 230's. I usually hit a plateau at 230, which I mentioned before, but I'm thinking if I work really really hard and work hard at the gym then maybe I can fly right by the 230's and be in the 220's by Christmas. It's definitely a possibility. I just have to stay away from the Halloween candy this week. I must admit, I had a couple little chocolates over the past couple of days, but it's o.k. because it feels good to just be able to have one and be satisfied. I'll still lose weight and I don't worry about it.
I have another fill next week. I've been feeling a little bit less retriction then I did when I first got my last fill. There is a big difference now though. Now I realize how great of a decision it was to get the Lap-Band and not Gastric. I'm confident I'll continue to lose at a steady pace. And I just know I will reach my goal...and stay there this time!
11/08/05
O.k., it's been a couple weeks but I've been pretty busy here at work. I like being busy though. It keeps the day going. So, I had another fill last week and I've lost 3 more lbs since my last post. I'm at 241 now. I just can't wait to get into the 230's. I'm hoping I'll be there in another week or so. I'm still going to the gym but not nearly enough. And I have to admit, I still haven't gotten in the dang pool. What's wrong with me? I said I would do it! Well, I'm sure I will someday...in this lifetime...maybe.
I feel good after this last fill although there really isn't much more of a difference. It's very slight but it's good enough for now, especially with the Holidays coming. I do want to be able to enjoy myself. They only added .25 cc's this time. I guess once you get to 2.5, they slow it down a bit. That sounds good to me. I see Dr. Shen after xmas and I'll have my blood work checked and all that. If I feel like I need a fill then, I'll get one. But I have 2 months this time without a fill. I feel good at where I'm at though. I even had some Halloween candy and I still lost weight. I was very surprised at that though because I did eat quite a bit of it. I think my body is definitely getting the hang of this and my metabolism is keeping up. I think it appreciates the normalcy of my eating now. No more ups and downs, no starving and purging. I feel good!!
11/21/05
O.k., I'm not feeling too great today. But, it's not because I've gained weight or anything. Well actually, here's what happened. I got a fill on Friday, the 18th because after my last one I was still feeling hungry. I didn't really feel much of a difference at all after a week or so. So, that's why I decided to get a fill on the 18th. I had also gained back the 2 lbs I lost and went back up to 243. Well, I felt fine on Friday after I had my fill and a bunch of my friends and I went out to The Comedy Connection in Boston and then out dancing. We had a lot of fun. Saturday morning, I still was supposed to be on liquids because it hadn't been 24 hrs yet. I took it slow and had some Chai Tea and felt good. As the day went on I got hungry but still wanted to take it slow, so I had some yogurt. I even took a good 45 minutes to eat it. Not soon after, I felt that knot in my chest and it had to come back up. For the rest of the day I tried taking it slow trying to eat something. I was able to have a teaspoon of hummus and a piece of cheese but it took me a good hour to eat just that. That night I had some tomato soup, however, half of it came back up. It took me 4 hours to finish the bowl. So, by then I'm thinking that my band is just too tight. Well, you think? But, then I thought, maybe it will go back to normal tomorrow. Sunday, the same thing. I could barely hold my liquids down. I managed to eat some Chicken noodle soup Sunday night. I took it extremely slow and chewed those noodles till they evaporated in my mouth. But, since I was able to eat the noodle soup, I thought, well maybe I'll be fine. Maybe I don't need to go back to get some taken out. Until this morning when I couldn't even drink some milk. I mean, if I took it a tiny drop at a time, but that's just not normal though, even for having a Lap-Band. So this afternoon I'll go have some taken out. Maybe just half of what she put in. She only brought me up to 3.2 cc, so maybe 3 cc's is my "spot". Maybe that's where I'll be confortable yet not hungry (and still be able to eat solid food). Yeah, that would be nice since Thanksgiving is in 2 days. Good thing is, I lost the 2 lbs I gained back and then some. I'm down to 238! Yeah baby! Was it worth not being able to eat for 3 days? Hell yeah! I mean, I know it can't be good to not be able to eat OR take all your vitamins for 3 days (I did get in some childrens chewables), but I'm in the 230's and I'm happy about that. Hopefully today when I get some taken out, I'll be right where I need to be. I'll have just the right amount of restriction and still be able to eat enough to stay healthy. I know I'll lose those 8 lbs by Christmas. My first goal was to be at 230 by the New Year and I think I'll make it. Man, I sure can't wait to eat something though, even if it's more soup. I'd just like to be able to eat it in an hour or less. If I only need to reheat it once, that would be good!
Well, I hope everyone has a good Thanksgiving. Remember, don't eat TOO much. I got some Sugar-Free Low-Fat pumpkin pie for Thursday! The stuff is delicious!
11/22/05
Wow, I feel so much better today. I got some saline taken out of my band yesterday. I'm at 2.9 cc's and it feels good. I can drink things fairly normal and it goes down smooth. I had to stay on liquids for another 24 hours after the de-fill or emptying - whatever you would call it. Anyway, it's been over 24 hours but I'm still going to take it slow for the rest of today. This afternoon we had a Thanksgiving bash at work and I did have some food finally. I was able to eat a little bit of turkey, a few green beans, and some oh-so-yummy mashed potatoes. It felt good to eat something and not get that uncomfortable knot.
So, they had a Karaoke contest here at work after the dinner and I won! It was so nerve racking to be infont of everyone from work but people keep coming up to me telling me how awesome I was and that they loved it. That makes me feel really good. I won a Butterball turkey and a cheesecake. The stinky thing is, I was on last and had to set up for a meeting right after I sang so I had to leave. They had judges that picked the top three and then the audience chose the winner. I wasn't even able to be there to accept my winnings and say Thank You or do an Encore. I really wished I could have but, I had work to do. All well! Anyway, I had a fun day today and I feel so much better. I'm getting in enough of water and stuff, too. I think I was starting to get a little dehydrated the last couple days. I'm much better now. I'm looking forward to my lightest Thanksgiving meal ever, or at least since I can remember.
12/07/05
Well, Thanksgiving was good. I did have some bad foods and have been totally slacking on my exercise. I think I've been to the gym once in like 3 weeks. I even plan on skipping class tonight and I should go to the gym, but it's so damn cold, I don't want to do anything. I just hate that I waste $25 a month. One of the things I would like in the future is an exercise room with all the equipment I need so I don't have to go out to exercise. I am so all set with going out in the cold and I avoid it as much as possible. I know for a fact that I would work out AT LEAST 4 times a week if I could do it at home while watching t.v., of course. That would be so awesome! I can only imagine how awesome that would be! I think it will be a necessity for me to stay successful with this weight loss. Really, I need to make this happen. Well, it won't be for a few years, but it's got to be done!
Anyway, with that said, I've only lost another pound since my last fill, or shall we say de-fill. I did managed to keep off the 5 pounds I lost by only being able to drink for 4 days. The Nurse Practioner said that I would gain it right back once I started to eat, which makes sense and I may have gained a couple and lost it again but I stayed away from the scale for a while. I don't want to be obsessed with "the number". Still, all and all I think I'm doing great. I cheat at least once a week and it keeps me happy. I feel normal. For the first time in my life, I feel like I can control the way I eat. It just feels normal. There are days where I have cravings and I feel like I just got to have chocolate or I just want to eat everything. So, I may have some chocolate, but I definitely can't just pig out and eat everything and that is just so awesome to me. It's my saving grace, this Lap-Band. I do know for a fact that it doesn't work for everyone. You have to be able to control WHAT you eat, too. If you're like me and you can eat healthy for the most part then it's right for you. You just have to make sure you get filled when you're eating too much.
Now, I have met a milestone that I feel pretty good about. I have now lost - in total - 50 lbs since my highest weight of 287. I have a goal to be at 230 for the New Year, but I'm not obsessing over it either. I want to try to enjoy the Holiday's as much as possible. That really won't be as easy as most think since this time of year will never be the same without my mom. It will be a year on the 18th since she passed away. And it's 2 years since my cousin passed away from Cancer also. That's another battle that I have to deal with and try not to literaly "feed the pain" like I did last year. It really is ironic though. I'm actually glad I ate all that food and gained all that weight. I don't think I would have gotten WLS if I didn't. Perhaps I would have eventually because I had thought about it, but I may have just kept on yo-yoing like I have been for years. Even if I get through the holidays without gaining weight, it will be a success for me. I can recall only one winter of my adult life that I didn't gain at least 10 lbs. It won't be easy to resist all the goodies at all the parties I'll be attending. And it won't be easy to get in the exercise. And it won't be easy to use food to ease the sadness I feel. Nope, nothing about fighting an addiction is easy, but I'll get through it. I'll do my best.
12/19/05
Ho, ho, ho...Merry Frigin Christmas....Bah Humbug! O.k., o.k...I'm not serious...really. It just kind of sucks, you know. I get so mad sometimes thinking about how unfair it is that my mom isn't here to spend this joyous time with us. The family gets together and we have fun opening gifts and laughing about old times. I'll never forget singing 12 days of Christmas at Nana's house (my mother's mom) and Aunt Diane doing "5 golden rings". Oh man, those were some good times! Now it's just so hard to be happy around this time of year. Our family lost two absolutely wonderful people in the month of December to the same damn disease. My cousin Brian (my mother's sister's son) was only 31 when he passed away from Cancer in December 2003 and my mother, only 49 passed away from Cancer in December 2004. Cancer sucks! I just want to scream to the top of my lungs at how much I hate it. I'm ashamed to have it as my sign. Yes, I'm a Cancer - June 28th, but I prefer Moonchild. I'd just rather not say the damn name! I'm really trying not to be a scrooge though. I always loved Christmas and so did my mom. Decorations, food, family, everything great. We have a great family and we always enjoyed getting together with the extended family and friends. Sometimes Christmas was the only time we'd see some of them. Well, I hope my mom is there...somehow...watching us, knowing that we're thinking of her.
I'm also trying not to eat my face off when I'm feeling down. So far, I've been pretty good about it. I haven't lost anymore weight, but I haven't gained either. It's mostly because I haven't been exercising. I'm just wicked lazy these days. Winter just does it to me. Plus, I've always got some excuse that I have to do something else after work instead of go to the gym. But really, I just hate having to go back out in the cold. Of course, I could be trying to do some things at home, too. But no, most I do is clean. No sit-ups, no push-ups, nothing. I guess I should get my butt in gear! I see Doctor Shen on the 27th. Nice, right after Christmas I weigh in with the surgeon. I think I'll be alright though. I just have to stay away from Aunt Gail's goodies. I mean, I'll have something, but usually I have EVERYTHING. Not this year though. It is a good feeling, however. I made dinner on Saturday for my friends. There was lots of food, but I couldn't stuff myself. It was great. I even passed