LizMeh

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So, regardless of the efficacy of BMI as a tool to determine health...I have officially fallen from Obese 1 to the overweight category! 

Pretty excited! 

So, it has been awhile. Things were rough for a bit after the hospitalization. It really pissed off my boss. She at one point was berating me over the phone while I was in my hospital bed. So, I quit my job.

It was a hard decision, made harder by the fact that we're not exactly financially stable. However, I couldn't take care of myself in that environment and it was making me sick. Luckily some circumstances aligned in such a way that I was able to get some consulting work just as I was leaving and an unexpected small infusion of cash have made things fairly smooth and made me feel llke I made the right decision.

So now I'm doing the stay at home mom thing until something else pops up. I've been applying for jobs like crazy and I've gotten a decent amount of bites, even a few 2nd interviews. I was 2nd choice twice. However, almost doesn't pay the bills. So while the job situation is getting worked out I've been finishing up the semester of school- being ill really did a number on my ability to keep up- but I am all caught up and just about finished. I've been working on my garden- my salad greens and kale are looking pretty awesome. I'm really working at showing my daughter where food comes from and helping her appreciate vegetables more. She really enjoys ripping off little bits of the lettuce and chewing on it while 'helping' in the garden.

I've also been doing some crazy cooking. A favorite new thing is making frozen yogurt out of frozen fruit, honey, and greek yogurt. I just blend it up and throw it in the freezer. Because of the low fat count and the fact that its not made in an ice cream maker it gets quite hard when very frozen, but if you just let it sit out for an hour before serving or nuke it for a minute it's very ice cream-y when you eat it.

This week we've had enchilda lasagna, stuffed shells (I do zuccini rollups for myself), stuffed baby bell peppers, and thai peanut noodles (bulked up with crazy veggies since i'm avoiding the noodles).

But anyway, back to the title. Yes I'm 90 pounds out. Hovering at about 95 actually. I don't really see it in the mirror which is crazy. I see it in photos. I still have about 80 to lose. I do have a lot more energy. I can just up and go on a walk with my daughter without calculating how far it will be and trying to figure out if I can make it. My feet actually don't hurt at all anymore. Everytime i started to exercise before they would start acting up after a day or two.

I have had a few unfortunate incidents with food. I think rice is definitely going to stay out of the picture. I had several successful outings with sashimi and 1 little sushi roll piece. But the other day I went out to lunch with a friend and ate a roll first. After only 2 pieces of sashimi (which was not too much based on the other experiences) I started to feel quite sick. I only lived 5 minutes away so I figured I'd be fine driving home and throw up when I got there. I made it to the 2nd stop light before it came up. Luckily the to go container was handy.

Anyhow, the only thing I can think that was different was eating the roll first. Pasta and bread don't feel good either but I only nibble at them here and there.

So that is where I am. Feeling more and more comfortable with eating at the correct pace and portion. Very comfortable with the types of foods I should be eating and slowly getting to know my body in its much saggier but smaller state. 

So I spent most of my third week in my local hospital. Apparently my bowels decided to move so slowly that my stool became so compacted that it blocked everything up. Nothing could make things move. After going several days without passing anything and starting to experience extreme cramping and anal pain I went to the closest ER. What followed were 4 hellish days constantly telling and retelling the nurse and doctors that I'd just had bariatric surgery and no I can't take pills by mouth, no i can't eat that slab of chicken, no i can't drink that carbonated laxative, no i can't have any NSAIDS, no you can't force a sugary drink down my throat just because i have low blood sugar, i have low blood sugar because you are giving me things i cannot eat!

Anyhow, they had exhausted all of the options up to actual surgery for removal when things started to loosen up a bit, they are still not normal and I'm back on a liquid diet with the addition of that vile pre-colonoscopy drink. But they let me out, I went to my surgeons and we determined that if things haven't passed and/or I start feeling bad I will go directly to the hospital next to my surgeons office where my surgery was performed. The only reason I didn't go there initially was because it's about an hour away from my house and there are about 15 closer hospitals. Well that was a huge mistake, but luckily it's mostly over now. I also get a free pass on not worrying about my protein intake, calcium, or iron until my next appointment. Apparently calcium and iron are binding and I need to avoid dairy (so sad) so that pretty much ruins the only thing that makes protein drinks palatable for me.

What a week. Still not sorry I did the surgery, but I am beat up and tired. Also, my butt hurts. A lot.

I've lost 32 pounds since I started optifast on 12/8. I feel pretty good with the exception of when I lift and stretch a little too much.

My office is in the midst of a move and I have the happy job of coordinating it. This is driving me crazy. My boss is also extremely demanding and I'm finding it hard to have the mental space and time to remember to take my vitamins and stop drinking 30 minutes before having my lunch - because when I do she always interrupts me and stretches it out so it's 2-3 hours before I eat once I stop drinking. And then that pushes my drinking and protein shake down to even further. I've also had to work late quite a few nights so by the time I get home I have a headache and feel ill until I eat.

I guess this is what happens when you need food but don't feel hunger. Anyhow, I'm trying to do better everyday. Today I got my protein shake in fairly early but my lunch only got pushed 30 minutes back from when I was hoping to have it. So now in 10 minutes I get to start drinking again! 

I am soo parched all of the time, I miss gulping down my water. I never had any trouble getting in my water before, because I gulp it down in a few minutes. Now, sometimes I forget and take a huge swig and then get a little ill getting it down. But I only forget once during that sipping session! My tummy makes sure of that.

I made my old standby basil and goat cheese chicken the other day and surprisingly it still tasted pretty good as a pureed glop of food. It's the easiest recipe ever and is amazing. Shoutout to the Barefoot Contessa. I stole her bone-in version and made it my own.

Here's what you'll need:
Boneless Skinless Chicken Breasts or Thighs
Plain or herbed Chevre goat cheese.
1-2 basil leaves per chicken piece
Olive Oil
Salt
Pepper
Parmesan (optional)


If you're doing thighs you'll want to pound them out and and then salt and pepper the inside, put down the basil leaves and spread goat cheese to coat. Then roll them up. Salt and Pepper the outside and put them in the casserole dish.

If you're doing chicken breasts, cut a slit in each breast, stuff in the basil leaves and then a medallion of goat cheese. Make sure they are salted and peppered well.

Once they are arranged in a casserole dish drizzle olive oil over them and if wanted a sprinkling of parmesan cheese.

Put in a preheated oven at 350 for 45 minutes.

Always start with fully thawed chicken for best results and juiciness.

If you're doing this pureed style add a tiny bit of broth to your blender to help it get going, it will still have all of the fabulous flavor.


Keep on keeping on! Your blogs keep me motivated! My crazy boss will not cause me to forget to take care of myself. I am worth taking care of!

I'm 2 weeks out today. The pain has pretty much subsided. I still have some sore spots and I get tired more easily but I'm feeling pretty good. I'm really happy about moving on to mushies. They make me so full! It is so much easier to be happy about this surgery when I'm not pouring broth down my throat trying to get full. It's not that I was hungry post surgery, but around day 6 or 7 I started to miss the feeling of fullness. It's a comfort thing I suppose. Regardless, now that I get full from a few spoonfuls of mushy food I have zero interest in food when I'm full and it has really made me feel like maybe this surgery will work for me after all.

I've felt good enough to get back into the kitchen which makes me happy. I really love to cook and don't want this surgery to affect that, I just want it to help me make better choices about how much of it I put into my body. My favorite part of the process is feeding others anyhow.

Yesterday I made this fantastic split pea soup. I started with a little pancetta (I couldn't resist when I saw it already chopped up in Trader Joe's and I had planned to make this anyway) with my onions, carrot and celery. I let those sweat up a little bit the veggies got nice and soft and the pancetta got crispy and then I added some garlic while I got the stock out. I'd made the stock a few days before with a frozen chicken carcass I'd been saving and a bunch of odds and ends of veggies that I'd saved and frozen until I was ready. I threw in the stock with the leftover hambone from the Christmas Ham and brought it to a boil. I threw in the bag of split peas and let it boil again and then put it down to a simmer. I threw in some leftover chopped ham and 2 hours and a few seasonings later a fabulous soup. I used the immersion blender to blend it up a bit and then took my portion and blended it even more.

Oh it's extra amazing if you finish it with sherry but I was out so I put in a little white wine vinegar to give it a little bit of an acid. So Satisfying.

Today I had a soft scrambled egg with herbed goat cheese melted in for breakfast. The 4 tablespoons kept me full until about 1pm while I drank up my protein drink. When I finally felt like tackling lunch I had some avocado mixed with greek yogurt to make it nice and creamy and layered it with some tuna with a tiny bit of mayo and a little greek yogurt mixed up well. I had about 2 tablespoons of each layered in a bowl. It was pretty good. I think I'll add it to the repertoire with 2 saltine crackers to scoop it up. I need to make another trip to the store but everytime I go I come back with more than I meant to get and I've been bleeding money as a result of this surgery with the huge copay for the hospital, the optifast, the nurtritionist fees, and the big initial outlay for vitamins - first the liquid which were vile and impossible for me to deal with and then the chewables which were are slightly less vile but quicker to deal with.  I need to conserve money for the next few months to make up for it.

Oh well at least we'll no longer be paying for the random fifity dollars a week on lunches/breakfasts/coffees that I ended up buying at work because I was hungry and too worn out to pack my own lunches.

So how am I doing? Not so bad. Not so great. I'll give you the run down.

The pain is no longer PAIN! It's now more more along the lines of discomfort unless I am up and moving around for too long. I wiped down the kitchen table today and got a little ouchie when scrubbing the film of gunk that built up on the toddlers area. The husband is notorious for missing this stuff and it's been driving me crazy from my post at the couch. Yesterday we went to Whole Foods in search of interesting water mixers and broths.

I found some starter pho(awesomely flavorful well seasons vietnamese beef noodle soup) broth and thought it would be the perfect thing. I couldn't find any mixers for water but found some vitamin water zero that seemed to fit the bill and it made the days liquid requirement finally get where it needed to be, well 2 oz's short of the 64. pretty impressive compared to the previous days 30. The day before that I made it to 50 but I fell back in a few ways on day 4 due to stress related to my mother providing child care and the threat of her leaving early due to her crazy husband.

Anyhow, at the store I also picked up some beautifully ripe avocado in the hopes that I get advanced to mushies soon and a bunch of food to feed the baby and the hubby. Mom helped but by the time we got to the checkout I was not feeling well. So I sat in the eating area and waited. The bouncy ride home was no better so I was pretty well tired for a while. After nursing the vitamin water for a while I got the craving for something warm and tried the pho broth. It was pretty terrible on it's own. So I used it as the base and chopped up some onions while sitting at the table and got them to carmelizing, chopped up some ginger and threw that into some cheesecloth with star anise and cinnamon and threw it and the broth in with the onions got it to simmering and threw in the other necessaries for pho - fish sauce, a tsp of sugar, a little salt and pepper. With all that I decided to just make the damn soup for everyone else and dine on the broth. So I shaved up some beef and threw in some rice noodles (there was no way I was making them separate with the limited energy I had) and viola.  A steaming pot of pho! I showed my mom and step dad how to eat it and was pleasantly surprised that they liked it. They are meat and potatoes good german stock from wisconsin. I strained out my broth, put in a tiny bit of hoisin and siracacha and omg. I must have gotten down 6 oz the first time and 8 a few hours later. It really got things working downstairs but it was totally worth it, besides things have been pretty crazy down there just a little bit less often than after broth spiced it up.

I think this broth may have been a little close to not clear liquid with all the seasonings but I strained it through cheesecloth and I finally got in my daily limit.  Also I didn't put in the fresh herbs which was sad, but I was too afraid I'd get something a little too solid in my pouch. 

So feeling rejuvenated from something that resembled a meal I may have eaten pre-op I was feeling good enough to go for the ride to the drugstore across town to get the medication that the drugstore I normally use was out of.

Side Rant: Even though they had a week and a half to order the damn stuff. Seriously. I drop off a presciption for pick up the next day, come back and they say they are out but can order it. 7 days later I come home from surgery and try to pick it up and they still don't have it! Then once I finally got it my insurance wouldn't approve it because it wasn't a preferred drug. Though none of the preferred drugs were sublingual or liquid and since it was Christmas the surgeons office wasn't open to prove its necessity so I still didn't get it until Tuesday.

Anyhow I came home and decided to finally make the homemade stock that I've been meaning to make the last few months and pulled out the frozen chicken carcasses and all my frozen veggie cast offs that i've been saving and the leftover dried up herbs from thanksgiving and threw it in the crockpot with water. I let it run all night long and it's just now about dark enough for me to strain up. So I'm feeling pretty accomplished even though I'm still spending the vast majority of my time sitting on the couch.

I was feeling so good I decided to do my measurements and weight. Disappointed that I haven't made it under 300 yet - been hovering at 306 since the day before surgery but I it's ridiculously early to worry about it. Then doing the measurements was a little disheartening when the measurement tape I got in the hospital from the bariatric team ran out of inches on my bust and hips. So those are somewhere over 60 inches yikes.

Anyhow - thats basically whats up. I'm already dealing with head hunger, though trying to fill up my pouch with protein and vitamins makes me feel uncomfortably full enough that I know I'm being absolutely ridiculous. I sure would like a mushy pile of avocado or cottage cheese, or egg instead of broth though. Realizing how when dealing with pain or family stress something sweet or savory just really helped take the edge off. I KNEW I had food problems but not being able to indulge a tiny bit is making it all the more clear. Till next time. I'm sure it'll be no time at all till I have a few more ridiculous rants about the food I'm making for the family that I can't eat and the 'food' i'm making for myself that i can.

So I'm 4 days out and it hurts. A lot. I haven't been able get down my 64 ounces of liquid yet but i've been trying. I have been able to get down all of my vitamins and at least 40 ounces of liquid. I see my pain medication dwindling and it's making me anxious. It definitely won't last for more than another day. However the Doc's office opens up again tomorrow morning so hopefully I can get a refill. Weightwise - I'm approximately 17 pounds down from my pre-liquid diet weight. My toddler is being pretty good about "Mommy's ouchie" she comes and sits next to me and points to my tummy and says 'mommy's ouchie, tickles!" and then wiggles her fingers without touching me.

Depsite the pain and focus on drinking Christmas was really nice, my mom has been here helping out and we had a great time opening gifts on Christmas morning. Afterwards I took a dose of pain meds and took a nap while everyone ate Christmas
Ham and other goodies. I feel so uncomfortably full drinking my broth and protein drink that I can't even think about trying to eat solid food. In my mind I remember how good it tastes and I would like to eat it again but the idea of putting it in my mouth makes me shudder.

I'm hoping the pain goes away pretty soon because other than that the drinking is fairly manageable. I'm sure it will go away eventually, let's just hope sooner rather than later.

So as luck would have it the morning I began optifast I also got my period. Awesome. All I can do is think of food. My stomach is crampy and hungry. And I can't take anything but tylenol EVER AGAIN.

I suppose it's good that it started out so miserable. It's gotta get better.

My daugher thinks the shake boxes look like juice and the bars look like candy bars so she is way upset that I won't share. She doesn't understand that I would much rather be chewing on whatever it is that she is. Or any thing. At all. In my mouth. Well anything that is solid and not sweet.

Anyhow - hopefully I can take my mind off of it for a while with christmas shopping!

Woo! One major thing out of the way! The only thing that I have to worry about causing trouble is weird test results from the pre-op testing, but I'm pretty certain that will go well. So it looks like this surgery thing is really happening. I might finally be able to do some of these things I haven't been able to do in over a decade. How about that?

Liquid diet starts tomorrow. I'm very excited. I'm sure I'll be back once I start getting annoyed with the reality of it but for now I'm so happy to remove myself from food.

I have a surgery date! 12-22-11. I am just waiting to get the official confirmation that insurance approved everything. I also have so many appointments over the next 2 weeks to get all of my pre-op testing out of the way. I start the liquid diet on Thursday. I'm so excited, but terrified that something will happen in pre-op testing or with the pre-authorization that will take this away from me. I can't even imagine being thin. I can't imagine not having to squeeze into my clothes, and not being afraid to go shopping, go out to dinner at a place with booths, or do anything physical with people I may be embarrased in front of.

Meanwhile I haven't really felt the need to go crazy having last meals which is good. I'm happy I'm going to be on a liquid diet leading up to the holidays as it's an easy out. For me it's that first taste that kills me, I can't stop once I start. I just continue to feel empty until I'm sick.

Being faced with an addiction like food and still having to eat it everyday is so excruciating. I think the break from food will help me to reset and be a welcome break from the internal struggle I have every day of trying to be responsible and struggling with every bite to make it something healthy, or not too much, or just enough to fill me up. I have internal dialogues at every meal time - actually I have internal dialogues just thinking of my next meal that could fill a book.

So on that happy note! I'm glad to not have the holiday food be an option and I have my optifast all laid out and ready for Thursday morning! Can't wait.