Lauren M.
I’ve wanted to be thin as long as I can remember. I’ve also been fat as long as I can remember. Some people are overweight and it doesn’t seem to bother them, more power to them, I’m not one of those people. I’ve hated what I see when I look in the mirror my whole life. I have vivid memories of crying my eyes out in the dressing rooms of department stores from as young as eight years old. My mom would just hug me and sometimes cry with me too. She took me to a dietitian, Weight watchers meetings, everything she could think of. I was a picky eater growing up and this made it hard to make healthy choices. For some reason I was addicted to food at a young age. I remember comments from my father, whom I know loves me and was only looking out for me at the time, like “are you really going to eat that,” and “Lauren you really don’t need that,” and “oh Lauren if you get any bigger you won’t fit in the loft of the play house anymore.” It didn’t help that I had a little brother that worshiped my father and copied everything he said.
As I got older I tried to diet over and over, never with much success. My weight yo-yoed so much I've probably lost more than my entire body weight, it's just that it comes back again and again! When I was successful it was because I was engaging in behaviors that you would associate with an eating disorder. As everyone knows that only lasts for so long until you get too sick to continue to do things that way and gain the weight back or you continue down that path of self destruction and end up with a sever eating disorder. I used to wish I could have the type of self control that the girls with eating disorders have to abstain form food for so long, or to vomit after ever small meal. I eventually got my wish and landed myself in an inpatient eating disorder unit. My 200 plus pounds next to the barley 70 and 80 pound girls made me feel that much more like a failure. How could I be diagnosed with an eating disorder at this weight!!!
Not that I'm on the road to a new me, a healthier and hopefully happier me, I am committed to making good choices no matter how hard it is!
