Dining out, staying in

Nov 12, 2011

This weekend my sister and her husband came to town for a visit. She had a full agenda, but this evening I was planning to join her and her husband, along with my brother and his wife, for dinner. I say "was", because I cancelled. They wanted to go to Buca di Bepo. For those not familiar with this restaurant, it's a local Italian place that serves "family style", entrees that feed 3-4 or 6-7 people per serving.

Since I wasn't sure I'd find anything on the menu that would meet my nutritional needs, I decided to stop by Buca while I was out running errands early in the day, just to take a peak at their menu. Sure enough, not a single thing on there that I'd be willing to toss out all my healthy eating and dedication to splurge on. Just a lot of dishes loaded with cheese, heavy cream sauces, and tons of calories and fat. I just couldn't do it. I thought about eating at home and just meeting them there to nibble on a house salad while they tucked into their mouth-watering pasta, but it just felt like such a miserable way to spend the evening, that in the end, I couldn't do it. I cancelled plans to share a meal with them, and stayed home to eat a salad with grilled chicken and lemon viniagrette. Don't get me wrong, I love salad, especially one with lemon viniagrette, but I knew I was missing out on a lovely evening.

Does choosing to live a healthy lifestyle (of which bariatric surgery is a part) mean I'll never dine out again? I've chosen not to announce my surgery plans to the world, but how do I explain why I can't  - scratch that - why I WON'T eat that kind of food any longer? Tonight I just said that heavy Italian doesn't agree with my digestive system, and my sister let it slide, but she knows I used to virtually inhale Italian food, so it's not like I fooled anyone. Food has always been a large part of socializing for me, and I don't want to lose all the joy of family and friends, but the process of creating balance doesn't come easily.

So how do bariatric surgery patients handle the challenge of explaining this new healthy lifestyle? The changes I'm making in my life are about me, not  friends, or family ... but me. The only people I've shared it with are the people I know will be completely supportive because they've always been supportive and accepting of me as I am. My sister isn't among those people, so I haven't shared it with her, and I'm planning to keep it that way. But that does kind of leave me in a pickle, no pun intended.

Maybe it's all a learning process. Maybe the answers will reveal themselves slowly along this path. Maybe I'll have some epiphany and just magically "know" what to say the next time I'm invited to a restaurant I can no longer indulge in. All I know for sure is that tonight, I felt left out and uncomfortable, and I don't like that feeling at all.

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