Losing2Live
I have no idea where to start and yet I have hundreds of thoughts where this could end! Ugh. I have never really wanted to discuss MY weight (privately or publicly)...but this forum allows me to be comfortable talking about the ups and downs, and all that comes with being overweight.
I joined this site to meet others, gain insight, share in others' ups and downs, and record my my own feelings that come with undertaking such a big task (i.e. losing about 150 pounds). I’m not going to pull any punches…you will be privy to the raw emotions I go through as I change my way of thinking, my habits and ultimately my life.
So what should you know about me?
I'm a 36 year old SWF that loves laughing, comedy, being creative, helping people, shopping, movies, times w/ friends, fine dining (ugh...this could be how I got here...lol), girlie stuff (hair, nails, etc), decorating, music, and technology. I have a bachelor’s degree in Business Management. Currently, I'm a casualty of the poor economic state. I was laid off from my job after the real estate development company I worked for went belly up. Since I have some free time...I thought this was the perfect time to research and plan on getting WLS.
So how did I get here??
I wasn't overweight growing up and didn't start having weight issues until I was 21. At age 21, a specialist I saw told me I had serious hormonal issues. This was the first time I was diagnosed with poly cystic ovarian syndrome and insulin resistance. I didn’t even know what the heck those were! Ok…time out…this was before the days of personal computers, webMD, and being able to Google everything and get detailed (and often WAY too much) information!!
Sure, the doctor gave me a 30 second explanation but all I understood from the convo was my hormones were severely out of whack (which I thought maybe they would self-correct??), but I was young, broke and uninsured. I didn’t know anything about my condition, didn’t have the money to pursue testing and treatment (and if I had the money – not sure I would have paid for additional testing, at that age the mall was a bigger priority), so I ignored it. While I was living in my ignorant bliss, my body was going haywire. I gained 65+ pounds in less than 6 months even though I hadn’t changed my eating habits. Next up, I stopped getting my period…not just for a few months…but a few YEARS (sorry if this is TMI…I gotta set the scene). It was like my body was giving me every possible sign and I was still in la la land. Don’t get me wrong I was frustrated with the weight gain, and didn’t realize that a hormonal imbalance could do that to one’s body. I ignorantly thought it was something I was doing, something I was eating, maybe just bad genetics (obesity is in both sides of my family)….I didn’t know that diagnosis was the start of a very long road.
So at age 24 (and after a MAJOR break-up with my high school sweetheart), I decided I had to do something radical!!! I lost 60 pounds by going on an extreme diet and daily work out plan. After the weight loss I felt great, even though I still had monumental hormone issues. I lost the 60 pounds by eating one meal a day (approx 400-600 calories). This was the only way I could maintain my weight. Again, HELLO…instead of saying this is unhealthy and nuts – I thought well…obesity is in my family – maybe this is all I can eat without gaining weight….another red flag. I managed to keep this up for 18 months but little by little I began eating a little bit more and then a little more….well, big shocker folks. I gained the 60 pounds I had lost and another 60 pounds on top of that….which brings me to where I am now. I have been overweight for the past 9 years.
I am under no false pretense this is going to be easy. I have also never publicly talked about the inner pain and shame associated with being overweight. Most of America assumes you are overweight because you sit home eating bon-bon's...this wasn't my story (don't get me wrong, after I gained weight because of hormonal issues - it seemed like it didn't matter what food I ate - I still gained weight...so yes that was when I started eating poorly and eating whatever I wanted.)
Which brings us to TODAY and my decision to change my life FOREVER by planning to get LAPBAND surgery. I am very, very excited and pretty nervous. I am researching doctors in NC and hope to find someone perfect for me and my needs.
So that's my story so far...can't wait to change MY ending!!!!