Lostandfound2012

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Well life is slowly going back to normal.  I am able to take on a bit more around the house.  I have to stop myself from doing too much because I am very stubborn.  Not being able to do stuff brings out a weird compulsive part of me.  I have also realized what a massive control freak I am through the healing process as I had to step back and let my husband handle everything.  I guess I just think my way is the best way...for everything.  What a pain in the butt I am.  SO many times he has had to tell me to back off and go sit down or lie down.  I thought I would be able to handle being out of control of the household, but it is proving to be way harder than I had anticipated.

Almost all of my pain and discomfort is gone except for on the left side where they did most of the work out of.  I keep worrying that I have some sort of hernia, so if it is not improved in a few more days, I am going to go to the Ottawa clinic to get a requisition for an ultrasound.  I was doing too much last Wednesday and it has been hurting more since then.  When I called the clinic they said it was unlikely that it was a hernia and to see if it improves in a week.  We will see.  It just hurts so much if I bend over, like something is being pinched or something.  Aside from that, things seem to be progressing very well.  I feel a decent amount of energy. 

I have been filling a lot of my time with online Christmas shopping and have my kids and family almost all done.  I love doing it online, it saves me so much time, money and stress.  I am not good with crowds.  I always try to start off patient and kind, but after I get cut off 40 times or bumped into a few times, I start feeling really mean and nasty.  So I avoid all of that and I get everything delivered to the UPS store in Ogdensberg and then a couple of weeks before Christmas, I send my husband to pick everything up.  Easy peasy and I still end up liking humankind.

Well that's about it for now.

This has been an indescribably difficult mental and physical challenge.  Especially, in the first five days.  Every day since then has gotten better and better, thankfully.  In the hospital, immediately after surgery, I was in so much pain.  I kept not believing that I was okay.  The surgery, being elective ultimately, really started playing against me in my mind.  I was wondering if I had made a terrible mistake.  I was worried that I would feel nauseous and vomit every time I sat up or woke up for the rest of my life.  I felt like I was exploding from the inside because I  could not pass any gas, which made me convinced that I had some sort of problem.  I was afraid of taking the pain meds because I thought they would slow down my bowels even more.  I was afraid that I could become dependent on narcotics.  I was in a lot of pain and I felt crazy.  I really started to feel better by day 5.  Now I am doing much better on my protein and supplements, am feeling no nausea, and am eating lots of great soft foods with no difficulties.  I can do this!!!