Kathleen L.

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I despise my time of the month.  I truly do.  I get hungry, want to eat the kitchen sink, and grouchy, cramps, ugh.....!!!!!!!!!!    I weighed 143 yesterday, now 144 today.    LOL Frustrating.  Anyway, it is stormy and windy today.  I went to the gym, only done a mile and a half on the treadmill.  Will try to get on during ER, my favoritist show of all time.  I have NEVER missed an episode (lol tells you about my serious lack of a social life eh?).    I am just hormonal, it will pass.  Thanks for listening lol. 

WOW!  I weighed myself this morning and I am at 145!  That is awesome.  I have been working out all week, eating and drinking my protein first, and walking alot.  And of course, the good ole Crystal Lite.  I cut all my hair off.  That for me is a milestone.  I always thought longer hair made my face look thinner, but now, I do not have to worry about that anymore.  It is amazing how much this surgery has blessed me.  When my hubby left I was in the 160s and he said I was getting too small then.  I wonder what he will say now?  lol  I am getting alot of yucky rashes with all this extra skin.  Dr. W gave me some medication so I am sure it will get better.  ANYWAY, have a great weekend everyone! 

I am going through an experience right now in my life that is probably the scariest I can imagine.  It is so frustrating to love someone, see them associating with people who want nothing to do but hurt and use them, and be powerless to stop it.  I am trying all I can to help this person, but will it they just go back?  I sure hope not.  Because this time is the last time for me.  This time, if they go back, I will step in and protect someone so dear to me.  I will NOT let her be put into the dysfunctionalism and madness that is that family.    I need strength, not from within, but from GOD.  It is rough with my hubby not being here.  It is rough because my crutch has always been food and I cannot do that anymore.  Well, I can try but get sicker than a dog.  I guess with all of this going on it has taken me off of my weight obsession so maybe that is a good thing.  I decided not to work...there is just too much going on and I need to be the head of this family right now while my husband is away.    Hopefully he can come home for three weeks in August.  I am living for that time.  Still seems so far away, but I know it will go quickly.  Anyway, 148 yesterday.  So, I did not lose, did not gain.  My goal is 132 so I have 16 lbs. left.    That is pretty obtainable by August.  Thanks God, for all my blessings.  Just give me the strength to have class, dignity, and decency. 

What a week.  Only went to the gym twice...I am going hell or high water tomorrow.  I have been eating pretty sensibly.  I think maybe I hit the Wheathins Reduce Fats too much lol.  I love Laughing Cow Light Cheese too.    Will be interesting to check  the weight.  Seems like my tummy is toning up more.  People tell me I look too thin (bbull lol).  NEVER!!!  I want to at least get below 135.  Then I will be happy.  Man, I cannot eat Peanut Butter anymore...dunno why.    I guess my labs were all good for my six month check up.  I never got a call and it has been a week, so coolness.  I miss my husband.  My oldest daughter moved again this week, and of course, I helped her.  I am bone tired.  Just wanted to say keep the faith, my friends, and tomorrow is a new day!!

Well, my bossman says I have to maintain my weight and not go lower than 140 for two months.  If I can do that, he will remove the skin.  If I go below 140, he will do a revision to make my pouch a little bigger.  um>>>NO WAY!!!  So now, very strangely, I have to eat to stay above 140!  That just totally and completely blows my mind.    SO now I have to change my whole mind set and instead of working to lose lose lose I have to work to maintain.  It is going to be really really rough lol.  My mind is blown now, so I will write later.  I know I am blessed to be at my goal, and I am happy.  It is just really overwhelming. 

Well I am off to see the Great Dr. Warnock.  I wonder what he will say...remove the skin or wait longer.  Shall be a very interesting visit to be sure.  I have to drive an hour to get there, and I have to bring the crew with me (Spring Break and hubby deployed so no choice!).    At least the weather is good...hopefully I do not get lost too bad.  My hubby is calling all worried about me driving, bless his heart.  Hmmm, trying to pick the lightest clothes to wear lol to not bump up the scale...anyway, have a wonderful day!!

Wow.  I am busier now being a stay at home Mom than I was working fulltime.  It is ok though.  My children are all worth it.  I think the older ones that are adults require more attention that my two little ones.  I am feeling well better today.  I just had a little dumping episode.  I guess I cannot eat peanut butter anymore.  I could at first but now, every time I do I dump.  Anything with sugar makes me dump.  It is good I guess, but sometimes it sucks.  I have just resigned myself to the fact that sugar is pretty much out of my life.  I really am having to make myself eat.  I weigh 148 now, but if you take off the skin and fluids, that puts me in the high 110s or low 120s.  I have ALOT of skin.  My personal goal is 132 less the skin so that would be about 105.  I am only 5'1, so I guess if I can keep it below 132 (my max weight for normal bmi) I am good.    My older two say I am too skinny.  That just blows my mind...anyone calling me skinny.    I go see the Dr. tomorrow.  Part of me wants him to say lets remove the skin now but I am scared.  I tell you I will not do it unless I can have my hubby here.  I miss that man so much sometimes I feel like my heart is going to burst.  We have been together 21 years this August already.  Of course we have had rough times but I tell you, this is the most wonderful man you could ever imagine.  I am so lucky and so blessed.    This is his last deployment before he retires, and that is all that I keep thinking about to get through the next 11 months.  I cannot wait until he is here every day with me.  I do not care if we have to sell the house and rent an apartment.  As long as I can spend the rest of my days with him, I will be happy.  I worry so much about his health and if he is taking care of himself.  He is a good good man.  The best.  And I miss him so much more than words could ever express...one day at a time, right.  One day at a time.  So wish me luck at the Dr. ....

It is Sunday.  The weekends are always the hardest when my hubby goes.  I miss him terribly.  And being that time of the month, I am bitchy and cranky anyway.  LOL So beware.    My daughter got moved into her apartment.  Sometimes, I close my eyes and remember her as the sweet little person she was, and I cry.  Children grow up so very fast.  Treasure them, every single minute.  I do now with my littlest one, but I truly did not with my eldest two.  I sure wish I would have.    I guess with age comes alot of very hard earned lessons.  The flowers are once again starting to bloom.  My little ones fever finally broke last night.  I feel badly, but I am making her rest today too.  It is beautiful outside, but she is STILL coughing.    Maybe tomorrow, we can go to the park.  I have to rotate the van tires and change the oil for the drive to see Dr. W Wednesday.  It will be good to finally find out what is going to happen.  I am going to just be honest with him, and follow what he says to do.  He is one awesome Dr. and I trust him thoroughly.  Anyway, have to return some movies.  Have to make myself eat...just do not feel like it.  Not hungry AT ALL...at least the period cravings are over.  I hate hate that.  Good thing it only happens one time a month.    Hopefully I can get to the gym sometime soon.  There is noone to stay with the girls, and no kids are allowed at the gym, so I am stuck.  Spring break is all next week too.  I will figure out something.  Anyway, life is a blessing, and I am truly blessed. 

Well, it seems my weight loss is slowing way down.  He told me this would happen.  I know I should be happy I lost most of it so quickly, but I am scared I am just going to stop now.  I weigh about 149 (Dr. goal weight is 145 to remove skin).    I would like to get to 132 but I guess after the skin is off I will be around there anyway.  It is always the hardest to lose the last of it I have been told.  I have been eating a little more too, especially when it is my time of the month.  I cannot eat sweets at all...man do I get sick.  That is my saving grace I think.  Sometimes I even dump with peanut butter.    I have not been drinking enough water either.  I am always running around doing something for one child or another.  But that is my job, and I am blessed to do it.  I miss my husband.  Deeply and completely.  My heart hurts.  When he is here I feel safe and complete.  Now I just feel well here.  I know I need to be really strong for my children, and I am.  This is his last deployment before he retires so I can do this.  Geez, I have done it over 12 times in the last 20 years...I should be a pro.  Never gets easier though, does it?    I am scared Dr. W will say it is time to remove the skin.  I am scared without my hubby here to take care of me and the girls.  That is why I did so well the first time...He made sure I followed Dr. W directions completely.  My little one is not feeling well...poor baby.  I hope the antibiotics kick in soon.  I cannot even take my sleeping pills when he is gone, because I have to be alert for the girls.  So, I have not been sleeping too well.  A prominent Dr. in our community died this week.  She was 47.  She passed on from lupus.  Such a terrible tragedy.  I guess I am thinking of my mortality too.  I am such a big woosy.  Anyway, boohoo poor me...now pick myself up and drive on.  LOL  Have a wonderful week...gonna go hold my little dear heart. 

OMG I fit into a size 8 (ok with elastic waist but still lol).   Went to Wallyworld to get some smaller pants since mine are falling off, and I fit into an 8.  I actually went out to get another 8 just to make sure it was not mislabeled or something.  That is so weird...trying on and buying clothes.   Big tees and sweats have been my life for 20 years now, and to be able to fit cute stuff just blows my mind lol.  Am I a dork or what?    My daughter says I still buy old lady stuff, but I am 39 and a Grandma.  And, I do not want my boobs sticking out (they are down to my knees anyway lol).    Does anyone know if TRICARE will lift the ole boobs?  Man mine have some serious issues ok.  And I have wings that could fly me to Alaska.  The legs are not too bad, but I lift weights everyday.  My stomache is flabbbbbbbbbbbbbbyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.  I betcha there is a good 20-30 lbs. of skin there...hopefully he will cut it off soon.  Anyway, lookin forward to OBAMA winning tonight...I hope so anyways.  OK...I have eaten the following:


Protein Shake    120 cal. 20 gr.
Protein Bar         180         20
Yogurt                    70           6
Salad                     15
Turkey                    45           6
Fat free Cheez      45           9
Totals                    475       61

So pretty good day so far.     I worked out at the gym for 30 min and have walked two miles on the treadmill so far, burning 300 calories.  Really not too hungry, but the dreaded period is coming next week...man that is the time I want to eat everything lol.  Anyway, have a great day!!!