PRE-OP BMI=40.7
Surgery Date 04/07/2004
November 2003
I have been lurking on this website for the last month. I am committed so much to this journey, that I have decided to quit smoking. I used to be afraid of the weight I would gain, but now with the support of my PCP, family and you guys here......I am determined to be a non-smoker!! I have been clean and sober sence 10/04/90. Yes I am currently 13 years sober. Got sober @ the CareUnit of Orange when I was only 21 years old. My journey here included getting addicted to amphetamines to get thin and almost killed me. My whole life has been about my size, and the size of my family. When people talk about their addiction to food, smoking or whatever...I know I suffer too. I get so much inspiration from all your profiles, that I sit here at my computer and cry tears of hope...not something I have ever had with my weight... One more private thought. EVERY time I made a wish on a star, you know what my wish was......? You got it...I wanted to lose this weight...I would plead with God to help me....then I discovered you ( my new WLS family) and I know that my wishes have been answered. Wish me well, I need all the positive thoughts I can get.

11-25-03 Picked up my "packet" at Dr. LePort's office. Have appt. for general info meeting 12-04.......I just told my family and I working through lots of emotions. I have battled my weight from the age of 9 years old. I have yoyo'd my last diet. I can no longer lose weight and maintain the loss. I have tried EVERY method of weight loss. and have always gained it back and worse. I am a 34yr old female, married with 2 lovely girls (5 & 3 1/2) and come from a BIG Italian family....literally and figuratively. I am very happy, everything looks good with my insurance, but scared of the reality. I am waiting to quit smoking when my insurance approves the procedure.....I have always been afraid of the weight gain, but will no longer have the excuse!! I quit with each pregnacy and it only made my weight gain more ( an extra 80lbs) and I was overweight to start......Now I want to quit FOREVER AND LOSE WEIGHT. I can and will do it....God willing. Talk to you soon.

12/16/2003
Found out CCN ins will no longer be covering WLS after 12/31/2003.....when I found out it only gave my 5 weeks to get approved and HAVE the procedure completed by 12/31..NOOOO WAYY!! But the good news is, They have opened enrollment with Pacificare because of all the changes in the new year. So I have already changed my family over and our PCP will be the same. She already wrote a beautiful letter of medical nec. and will re-date and resend to Pacificare after my next appt on 1/07. I have been collecting alot of info from this website, and compiling a great folder to accompany my request. I have desided to quit smoking after I am done with this last carton of cigs...Thursday is DOOMSDAY!! I am starting to take WELLBUTRIN to ease my way, but am so scared. My hubby said if I gain 20 lbs he won't mind (more to love). They only thing not freaking me out is the realization that I have WLS to look forward to....I will do what ever I need to have this procedure and now my parents and siblings are happy because I am commited to quit smoking before the procedure to improve my quality of life....That's the whole point right??? (I quit with each pregnacy and started the day after I stoped nursing). I smoke out side on my patio(rain or shine). My poor dogs are going to wonder why I don't visit any more.....WISH ME LUCK!!

12/19/2003
Well I am 30+ hrs. smoke free, I feel like I lost one of my best friends.....It is a good thing I don't have to lose weight yet, I don't think I could do both!! I composed a great letter to PacifiCare. I will have my PCP send it in with my referal. The nurse likes me and wants to help (it is a good feeling to have their support). Anyways, I like not smelling like smoke, If only I could hurry and get approval, I would something other than smoking to obsess over.

12/23/2003
I am still smoke free. I quit last Wed @ 9pm. I am slightly CRAZY....My dog died two weeks ago and I am still grieving her loss. And with-in the last 6 days, my Fridge broke down and almost everything went bad....I totally freaked out and ran to my room and made my husband call the repair guy while I huddled under the blankets (gosh I wanted to smoke).....After $200.00 we didn't have....our washer floods our garage and we had to bring my husbands wash to my in-laws. I actually took care of getting the repair guy out the next day....but cried all night because I couldn't use my regular coping tool (my cigs). Another $200.00 later, every thing is fine (for now). The only thing is I am having Panic Attacks because I am so used to just light up and puff my troubles away....well I guess it is time I grew-up and learned how to cope. My little ones are happy mommy doesn't go outside anymore to smoke and my husband likes that I don't reek like an ash-tray. I have made a commitment to my health by deciding to pursue WLS for a healthier life....so I couldn't contradict myself AND have my family's support. My Husband, Parents and siblings are more supportive of my decision to have WLS, with the understanding I will not be smoking anymore. I am lucky to have so much support. Wish me luck and send me happy thoughts of a smoke free future!!

12/28/2003
Still a non-smoker....but I've put on 5lbs in last 10 days. Gosh I hope I have a smooth approval process. Still waiting for my apptment w/PCP 1/7/2004. Wish me luck!!
ps the Welbutrin didn't work cause I started it too late so I had to cold turkey the smoking! So make sure you start it at least 2 weeks before your quit date (if you are going to use it!) Good luck.

1/05/2004
Still a non-smoker (quit 12/18/2003 after 16 years), but as a result I have gained 15lbs. I expected it, but it is very hard to look at my reflection. It looks like someone else. I don't like it. Pray for me...wish me luck...or send me good vibes ( what ever you like).....I want this sooooo bad it hurts. There was no way I could quit smoking with-out knowing for sure I would get WLS, but I didn't want to wait till last minute to quit. And the extra lbs help my BMI.....And from what I have read some surgeons don't want to work on smokers. I have to keep telling myself to be positive, that is the only way to MAKE POSITIVE THINGS HAPPEN FOR ME!!

1/06/2004
Went to see Dr. that is taking over while my reg. Dr. is on Maternaty leave. He was not really excited about the referal, but once he opend my chart and we reveiwed my medical & diet history he loosened up. Then I handed himm a letter I wrote to Pacificare & my IPA and he really loosened up. By the end of the appt, he had me doing blood labs and said he would support me and send in the papers for the referal. He relly liked the "Past Diets" section I composed in my letter. Anyways......if you are reading this please think positive thoughts for me. I should know in a week what they are going to do. PEACE OUT!!

1/07/2004
waiting for approval...........

1/08/2004
Still waiting.......(and not smoking!)......

1/09/2004
Still waiting.......and gaining from not smoking. How does it happen, I have been careful about what I eat, but my weight keeps going up. I must be sleep-eating or something. THIS is why I never liked to quit smoking......I now have a definite 2nd chin...before it wasn't too noticeable...now it just sits on my neck mocking me :-( .... Oh well this is just the beginning of this journey. WISH ME LUCK!!

1/12/2004 Got sick of waiting, so I started calling around and bugging people. Well the person in-charge of referals from my PCP office & IPA got my file today and after 2 phone calls, found out that she is approving me for a consult w/surg. and now it is up to Pacificare (They are easier than my IPA!!). I am so HAPPY. The first obsitcal has been past!!

1/13/2004
.....calling and bothering people first thing in the morning, what a pest I am. Need to get copy of apprvl. letter from PCP faxed to SMART DIMENSIONS so I can schedule the meeting that needs to be done before they schedule my first consult. WOW this is happening.

1/15/2004
Nothing is that easy....I found out yesterday that I am approved from my Dr. office case manager to hand in my file to the main IPA. They need to OK her OK. Now I have to wait till Monday to call (right, I'll be calling Friday @ 4pm.) My husband said to be careful that I don't piss anyone off by calling too much. WHO CARES I am bored!! My weight is bothering me lots now that I've put on the last 15lbs from the time I quit smoking. My bmi went up too....I am sleeping like crap and have no energy. They only thing giving me hope is the idea of WLS. Pray for me, I want this more than ANYTHING I have ever wanted.

1/17/2004
Well, yesterday was a busy day. I found out my PCP is putting me on medication for my cholesterol because tha labs came back and he is worried. It is @ 275 and my triglycerides very elevated. So now I have to add 3 more meds to my daily routine. I have depression, eczima (?), reflux and now this. OOh well this could be worse, I might have never heard of WLS. At least I have bright future with Dr. LePorts office. Friday also brought me calls from St. Jude's (my IPA) customer service. The board has decided to let me have the consult with Dr. LePort's office and now it is in the hands of PacifiCare. They have the same criteria to apprtove as my IPA, so I am not worried. I am just impatient. I have come in contact with a wonderful rep, her name is Elinore ( @ St Jude) and she has been following up and calling me with info. Thank you obesityhelp.com for your never ending support and information.

1/19/2004
Well, it's official, I have approved to be refered to a surgen for WLS. Yahoooooooooooooo

1/21/2004
I am going to the required first meeting tomorrow. I will turn in the "packet" and wait for the Dr. talk before I can schedual a consultation. Hope this process is smooth.....my nerves are terrible..... WISH ME LUCK!!

1/24/2004
I went to the meeting for Smart Dimensions and really liked the staff there. Mirum (sp?) is the BEST!!! She made me feel important...I got the feeling that is just the way she is. All the info was the same stuff I've been reading here. I already schedualed my "Dr.'s talk" and the Dietician class for this Tuesday the 27th (back to back). I like to get things out of the way. Also they collected all my info to send my letter to insurance **crossing my fingers**.

1/26/2004
This week I have a "Dr.s Talk" (small group Q & A with a surgen at Smart Dimensions). I have a dietician (sp?) class AND MY CONSULT WITH THE SURGEN!!!! YIPEEEE.
I love the girls at this office they all have a great sense of humor. I'll let you know how it goes....the way I schedualed the appointments, I get out of cooking dinner two days in the same week. :-)

1/29/2004
I go to my consult today. I am very excited. I went to the Dr. Talk the other night and felt very comfortable with the surgeon I choose. I really like how this group stresses after-care. I also went to the Dietician meeting and found that all the info was the same as I have read here. It is encouraging to see that my support system is in place and I am getting good info. I met lots of great people at these meetings, I really hope to keep-in touch with some of them. I am SOOOO ready for this. One of the students in my daughters class thought I was pregnant. How great did that make me feel?? Out of the mouth of babes......
I used to be really pretty, now I am just the depressed pile of fat that hates to leave the house. My husband has been with me thick and thin....he just wants me happy. As long as I "put-out" **wink-wink** :-) he is happy....it works out. We do love each-other very much but I don't like myself right now. I miss smoking. I sometimes get mad I quit. I get mad that I can't smoke forever, but if this is a trade-off I'll take the WLS every time.

02/10/2004
The wonderful Mirium from Smart Dimentions faxed my file to my IPA this morning. Now I am waiting for the board to reveiw and approve me for surgery before they send it to Pacificare, Cross your fingers for me. I talked to that wonderful rep at my IPA, ELinore, she is so great and caring. It is almost strange how all these special people (angles) show up in my life at such an emotional time. Their support and positive words have been getting me through this crazy time. Will find out with-in this week about approval. Husband is so supportive, so is the rest of my family. I am lucky to have so much understanding. BTW I am going to Fedonia, New York next week to visit my husbands family. I am at a ALL TIME HIGH for my weight, I can almost hear the comments about the size of my @ss. I am NOT looking forward to flying, but I will put up the arm-rest to get more room, between my daughters and husband I will have enough space.
Wish me luck, Please......Talk to you guys when I find out!!!
-BYE-

02/12/2004
I am "In Review" at my IPA **crossing my fingers**. The rep told me to check back tomorrow.

02/14/2004
As of 5:30 pm Friday the 13th, I was still "In Review". I have 2 reps with St. Judes keeping an eye on my file. Thank God St. Jude employes such wonderful people.....Anyone else might have been bothered by my constant calling. I hope to hear whats going on Monday.

02/16/2004
It is 5pm and Elinor (the awesome customer service rep) from St. Judes just called and said my file just changed to approved!!! I am in total shock. I should get a surgery date with-in the next week!

I am approved!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

02/24/2004
I have a sugrey date!! 4/12/2004
I am elated but strangely scared. Everything will be fine, I picked the best surgical group in my area, but I am a little worried. Pray for me and my family please, send me your positive vibes or what ever....You guys have helped me this far! I guess I better take this to the boards in the next day or so.
BYE for now.

3/01/2004
I was able to get a hold of Wendy, the wonderful, beautiful surgery scheduler for Dr. LePorts office. She said I could change my date to the 7th. That is MUCH better for me. I was concerned about driving my kids to school after spring break ended. Now it should be fine!! Wendy is sooooo great, now I don't have any worries as far as my surgery date. I am such a planner.....everything needs to be just so. MY parents, and my brothers & sisters are ALL supportive and happy for me. I am happy and excited for me. I found a picture of me and my husband on our honeymoon back in 95', I looked so pretty and young, you'd think I'd aged 20 years in the last 9 (because of the drastic weight gain). Well I'll talk to you guys later, Bye for NOW!!

3/08/2004
Hello all, just thought you might like an update from lovely Anaheim California. Well let’s start it off with this crazy off-season weather…….where the heck did this 90 degree day come from. Unfortunately I had offered some visiting family a trip to Disneyland. I have an annual pass….so off we go. I can’t remember a time when I was more uncomfortable with my weight. Sometimes I feel invisible, other times I just wish I was. I endured this day, but just barely. My 60year old relatives were in better shape when the day was done than me….a 35 year old. VERY SAD. I am at the weight I was 9 months pregnant with my second child. Okay enough of this pity party that you didn’t want to come to. I have 4 weeks and a day till my surgery. I feel soooo lucky, like I won the lottery or something. I am so excited I am afraid something crazy will happen, like my insurance will say “oops, we made a mistake, you are not approved!” or some other stupid thing. I am a big believer in thinking positive, so let’s just plan for a happy, healthy and QUICK month. I have received a few emails from fellow AMOS members about my smoking….No, I am still not smoking. It has almost been three months (I quit 12/18/03)….It was one hardest thing I have ever quit…and I have “quit” a lot of things. Time to tuck the kids into bed and I made an appointment for a massage in the morning. I think all the walking I did today, will be the death of me when I wake up in the morning. I want to wish all of you the best of everything!! Thank you for being here for me and also to my Angel, Dawn (who’s also my Angelette)… you are so funny!!

03/17/2004 Saint Patrick's Day!
It's me again.....boy o'boy I had my pre-ops today. Can you say sick? I hate needles, not just squeamish, but shake and cry scared. I was very lucky that the ladies of Orange Coast Mem. hospital, made my pre-op day easy but you can not take the unpleasantness out of it!! On my way home I threw up at 3 of the red lights in my car. It was 1pm, I hadn't eaten (forgot to bring $$ or food), I had a BAD headache and I was still sick to my stomach from the Barium they gave me at 10 am. I found some change in my car, so I bought a burrito......I must have eaten too fast because I didn't make it 2 lights before I was looking for a bag. I SURVIVED!! and my tests are DONE. I got to see the girls of Smart Dimensions!!! They are the best group of people. LOVE EM! (they read these **wink-wink**). Surgery is scheduled for 7:30 am on April the 7th. I met 2 other nice ladies with surgeries the days before me. I am collecting things to make my hospital visit restful. I have ear plugs, a sleep mask and a cd-am/fm headset. Life has been good, I am busy hugging my little ones and spending time with my husband. I am making lots of plans for the summer....I am so grateful for my journey. Thank you for sharing it!

3/23/2004
Well all, my friend and Angel/Angelette (Dawn) is in surgery as I type. It is strange kinda wishing it was me but scared at the same time. My surgery is in 2 weeks, and I don't know how I feel about it. I know I want it, but am scared. I figure if God wants me he'll take me where ever I am, right, right??
I am all cleared for surgery. My labs and pre-ops came back good and my PCP signed me off. As a thank you to my PCP and staff I brought A veggie tray, flowers and a card....you'd think the way they acted, no one has EVER done a kind thing for them....Also, I need to say....the gals at Smart Dimensions are really the best....they are ALWAYS NICE AND PATIENT. If you ever have the opportunity to use this group...please give them a try...they help every step of the way and are very clear with instructions. They made it easy for a dork like me (I need to be told things twice!). Okay goto go and start dinner....see you later or on the boards!!

03/27/2004
Hi, me again. Wow I am moody.....even on medication. I guess life sometimes is way more than medication can control. I am about 10 days from surgery and I am scared, happy, nervous, excited and confused. I know I am making one of the best decisions in my life, but I just wish it didn't include needles and an IV. Can you believe, I am more afraid of the IV than the actual surgery. I am really looking forward to the Disneyland get-together for Obesityhelp.com on the 24th of April!!
Well, I am doing good.....so is my little family.
Talk to you later!

03/28/2004
Why am I so mental lately?? I have been sleeping really bad lately and my kids won't let me sleep in!! GGrrrrrrr....what does a 5 & 4 year old understand about BEAUTY SLEEP!! I have dark circles under my eyes and I am always yawning. Breakfast is over-rated anyways!! I rather sleep my days away till surgery. I can't wait till I lose enough weight so that my energy increases. This pile of laundry has a life of its own.....I have been working on the house so my DH won't have to deal while I am in the hospital. My lovely older sister is coming down from Santa Clara to watch my two manic kids at my mom's house. They will probably feed them spoons full of sugar and let them rule the roost, so that when they come home they will act like spoiled royalty!! Today I will tackle this beast call laundry...I WILL WASH DRY FOLD and PUT AWAY....the first 2 are easy but the "fold & put away" is the tricky part. Wish me luck or say a prayer...cause I am going in!!!!!!
With my time coming so close, I've been reading peoples profiles and looking at their pictures. I feel like I already know all of you. It is nice not to have to do this alone. Okay....I need to get this laundry moving. PEACE OUT!

04/2/2004
Surgery is in 4 1/2 days!! I couldn't be more ready. I JUST broke my 3rd chair (with-in a month). I am getting excited scared happy and worried!!!................SOON!

04/07/2004
Surgery day!! It is 4:30am and I am waiting to leave. I just answered several nice emails from my AMOS friends and had an awesome dream last night!! I am scared but, only of the needles not the surgery. Wish me well and I hope to be updating real soon. I will be going to Orange Coast Memorial Hospital and I should be there till Saturday. I am so happy I found this web-site and all the great friends I have made. THANK YOU!

(at the hospital)
-My friend Loretta (3 years post op) picked me up at 5am. We got OC Memorial at 5:15. As soon as I sign in they take the 3 of us back who have surgery at 7:30. I was prepped for surgery by a nice nurse who was very gentle putting in my IV. I had a real bad headache from not eating and couldn't wait for some drugs ( I was shaking). I was wheeled in the or and don't remember a thing after they put the mask on my face. I woke up a little sore, but sooooo very happy I woke up! Everything for many hours was a big dream. I got phone calls from AMOS friends and visitors every day (they saw me LOADED!!). It was no secret I do not tolerate medication well, so I was loopie and ditzy. I felt so loved with all the visits and calls...thank you Mary Strum, Dawn Scotto, Rachel, Gina Heather for the visits & Christie, Scott for the calls. If you visited or called and I didn't mention you let me know, I probably think I dreamed you!! :-) To be honest I had buyers remorse for the first 5 days (because of the pain), but once the pain passed and I realized I was on "the other side" I was rejoicing! I am so happy and grateful. God is good. Just 6 months ago I was so depressed about my life that I suffered panck attacks almost every day and cried so much. Now I can't stop smiling. What a gift this is.

04/14/2004
One week post-op, I have lost 12.5 lbs. I must say that if you are scared of this surgery and you picked Dr. Ali, put all your fears aside, he is one of the BEST surgeons you can get for this procedure! He is amazing. I did have a lot of pain for the first 5 days because I am not good at administering my own pain medication (my fault, it is scary when you are sober to GIVE your self drugs), Just because I am clean and sober does not mean I need to suffer and I could have had an easier recovery from surgery if I took more pain medication. Orange Coast Mem. Hospital is great and the staff is so nice.
BMI 37.6

05/07/2004
Hello again. I am a month post-op and down 22lbs. Not great, but not bad. I guess I am going to be a slow looser. As long as it is gone for good I don't care!! I have been a little tired lately and wish I could just lay back and relax, but I have a family to take care of and I am the only one doing the house work. I am lucky in many ways so I am not complaining. I spend lots of time on the California Message board...so stop by and say "HI". I'd write more but I prefer to go lay down on the couch and sip my drink!! So long!!
BMI 37.3

05/09/2004
Happy Mothers day! I just got back from brunch at my In-laws country club (South Hills CC in West Covina). WOW that was the true test of will power. I ate only scrambled eggs as everyone gorged on the delicious foods from every kind of fruit, breakfast meat, tasty brunch items to every kind of desert you can name ( I mean it!! ) This place has the most incredible food and all I ate was 4 bite of eggs....but my eyes feasted on all the goodies. I had to keep telling myself not to cry, that soon I will enjoying the rewards of this new lifestyle. It is hard living in this skin and trying to appreciate not eating. AT least if I was thin I would have looked good while drooling......I know I am lame but that is me. Anyways I am down 23lbs and 4 1/2 weeks out. I have made lots of new and great friend here and am glad I stumbled along back last October! Bye for now!

05/14/2004
BMI 36.8

05/19/2004
BMI 36.5

05/22/2004
BMI 36.3
OLA!!!! I went to my 6 week check-up and Dr. Ali said I was doing good. I was on track and the reason for losing so slow was that I am a "light weight" LOL!! We discussed my goal weight and I have 75 more lbs to lose. Not bad. I love Dr. Ali, he is so humble and nice. He sat an answered all 20 of my questions and smiled through the whole visit. I have been having a few problems with lack of energy and food getting stuck, I was advised to make an effort to increase protein, chew better and wait 10 minutes between bite....DUH...I am so brain dead...turns out I wasn't chewing and things are getting better!! I have been really happy lately. I actually look foreword to each day instead of dreading it. I love that the scale numbers are getting smaller instead of larger. I like looking in the mirror to see the slight changes taking place. I hug my kids more and they tell me they love me all the time. My husband has been such a pillar of strength and love. He has loved me no matter how I looked and is happy because I am happy. I am truly blessed and am so happy I found this website and the friends it put in my life. I am becoming the girl I used to be before this shroud of fat and despair covered me. I am truly grateful that I had the courage to make the change and commit to a healthier life. Even my "old country" Italian mother is supportive.....remember, food is a WAY OF LIFE for us Italians. She now understands how important this change was and now supports me a 100%...INCREDIBLE! Especially because the day I broke the news about my surgery she cried and prayed all day.....NOW she tell me how brave I am. I am loved. Thank you everyone for your emails and such I am truly grateful to have such wonderful friends in my life...YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!!!

05/28/2004
Down 30lbs. People are starting to notice. I am starting to actually feel good. Okay got to go....peace-out!!
BMI 36!

06/04/2004
I've been losing the same pound for a week! How very annoying! Anyways, I am doing good. I am starting to feel like my old self and have been venturing out of the house after my DH gets home from work. I actually go, with-out the kids and shop. It is a strange feeling. I have almost never shopped with-out my kids for the last 6 years. It is a free kind of feeling. I don't have to repeat 200 times "keep your hands to yourself" or "Get down from there!!" or the scary one "what the heck is that in your hand?!?!". My youngest Claire is such a monkey that she manages to keep the employees of our local shopping stops entertained!
Okay, for those of you that were at the conference in Anaheim. Remember how Bariatic advantage was there giving free samples of the new Protein crystals called "iso Crystalin". It came in these little packs and I was lead to believe that (the little packs) had 20 grams of protein per each pack. WELL I go to GNC and bought it tonight and was so excited that I opened it in the car. I saw that the packs were 10xs larger than that little pack we were given AND that the 20 grams was the BIG pack....so I try a mouth full as I am driving, it was so dry and nasty so I started to puke, and puke and puke, .....all through the parking lot. When taken in little teeny tiny doses it was okay, barely tolerable but the ACTUAL size is so large it would take longer than a protein bar to consume...so moral of this story is, IT SEEMED TOO EASY AND TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE and it was. This large bag of powder is way too gross. Good thing GNC takes returns. I don't know, maybe you are reading this and thinking "How dumb can Louise be to think that little pack was 20 grams"....but I SWEAR I was lead to believe it was "EASY and potent"..............BLAH Now this is a great product, but it takes too long to eat, drink (cause you can mix it in water also) or whatever and I am just a total idiot!! Okay thought I would share, incase you were in the market for it too....save your money. Back to my Odyssey protein bars, at least I am safe with those!!
Two mommies from my other daughter's school noticed I am "getting skinny".....like that word would EVER be used to describe me!! I can truly tell you that I feel blessed. I have a wonderful support system and a loving family and best of all some new great friends. I met Mary Strum from this site and she lives right around the corner and is a LIFESAVER. I love the fact that she is so positive and full of loving advise. Top it off she is beautiful. Her daughter is amazing too (post-op also!), she is spunky and pretty (kinda like how I used to be, the spunky part!!). I am amazed at how my life has change in one year! Last June I was dreading the summer. I was gaining weight and smoking almost 2 packs a day. I hated the heat and stayed home to hide from the world. I had panic attacks daily and eventually in Sept. of last year sought help. Who would have thought I could have been freed from that very sad person I was last year. I hope you are given the same opportunity that I was. If you are reading this feel free to email me, I love making new friends and will pass on the help that was so freely given to me.
TAKE CARE!!
BMI still 36

06/07/2004
BMI 35.7

06/10/2004
Today is a very sad day for all us at ObesityHelp.com Mama Angel passed away today. I am truly sad for our loss. I remember the very first message that was left for me, I thought I was so special. She had a way of making us all feel we had "found home". My good friend Cindi called and left the message on my machine and I can honestly say I started crying immediately. She is one angel I will always keep close to my heart.

06/19/2004
BMI 35.4
I have been smoke free for just over 7 months and have been fighting the urge to smoke. I am 10 1/2 weeks post-op and only lost 36 lbs. EVERY other person who has had surgery with-in a week of me are already at 50lbs lost. I don't think I am eating enough. I don't want to eat, it is too stressful. I get sick very easy from not chewing well or I get very gassy. I have yet to find a high protein drink that I like. If I could just get my protein in I would probably lose faster, but it is easier said than done. My tastes are so different than pre-op and they change all the time. I need to buy some sugar free syrups so I can play with my drinks. Everyone can see I am losing weight so I guess I should be grateful. I have to lose 65-70 lbs to be at goal. Don't get me wrong I am so happy to be post-op but it is just like me to be hard on myself. BTW things are very good at home. My DH is taking the girls to the river this coming week and I will stay home and relax!! I will go next year, once I am not so big, it is too hot there, for me at this weight!! Please wish me well if you are reading this I really want to succeed and move on. TTFN!

07/04/2004
BMI 34.9 (OBESE!!)
I am obese. What a laugh that I am so happy to be obese. I am down 37 lbs and have 63 to goal. Dr. Ali is such a doll. I saw him yesterday for my 3 month visit. Everyone says I am doing fine. I wish I could have lost more, but I am doing what I should. I get about 65- 80 grams of protein ach day. I drink my water, and I walk a mile, 4 times a week with my family. I take a liquid Multi, calcium, iron and B-12 each day. I don't think I have ever been so good at taking care of myself. I still struggle day to day with the desire to smoke. I just don't. This whole big change of lifestyle was about living healthier and my family would be so disappointed if I started again. I have been struggling with a bit of depression in the last 2 weeks and need to remember to take my meds. Well, got to go, we are off to my in-laws later today and the girls are very excited to swim. Have a safe holiday!!

07/14/2004
BMI 34.5

07/16/2004
Here is the deal. Yes, I have been down in the dumps lately and I haven't been posting on the CA board as much cause I find myself getting jealous when I see posts like
"Am I a slow loser?? I have only lost 50 lbs in 10 weeks!" I have NOTHING against these people...as a matter of fact they are friends....... but I try not to let it bother me that I have lost 40 lbs in 3 1/2 months. Okay, I know because I am a "light weight", I will lose at a slower rate than others, but I redefine SLOW. I don't like these jealous feelings I get, they are ugly and not like me....I can't explain what is happening and don't like how it makes me feel. I don't feel comfortable posting about it, because some of my dear friends have been struggling for months just to get approved....how petty for me to complain for what others would be grateful for. I SHOULD be grateful I didn't have to take test after test and fight appeal after appeal. I guess I carry some kind of guilt that doesn't let me complain about this gift. Yes I am sad. Yes, I am jealous. Yes I am worried that I will some how fail and never get to goal. My dear friend Rachel posted that I was down and I got a ton of emails and a few phone calls from all my beautiful friends I am lucky to have such a wonderful support system and love all my friends. My friend Laura said that it world be good to put his in my journal so others can read what I am going through and I might help someone else in the same spot. I guess, it would be nice to be reading this in a year from now......100lbs lighter....thinking wow what a nut-ball I was. I learned one thing....I have many people who care for me. That is a blessing. Thank you for sharing my journey.

07/25/2004
BMI 34
OMG I am losing hair by the fistfuls. I am almost afraid to shower because that is when it happens the most. I have to wear a ponytail when I cook or fix food for the family because it gets in their food too!! GROSS!! My weight loss is moving slowwwww, but moving all the same. My DH can NOT keep his hands to himself!! He was always a horn-dog...I just don't have the energy to keep up, LOL...actually I have never had enough energy to keep up with him!!! Talk to you later!

08/09/2004
BMI STILL 34
I just got back from Lake Havasu last night and am wiped out. I got an awesome tan even tho I wore 30 spf....can you imagine a sun soooooo hot that you can cook on sidewalk. The friends I went with have a very cool ski boat and a bunch of toys (wake boards and tubes). We found a nice little beach and camped out under the "easy-up". ****MOMENT OF PURE JOY**** Getting in the boat and cruising the lake with the wind in my hair and the sun on my face. I had tears in my eyes.....I spent 8 years in a self-imposed prison of obesity and I released myself this weekend. Yes I still need to lose 40-50 lbs, but these friends are the ones that were happy to drag me out "kicking and screaming" because they missed taking me. My DH would go but not me.....well we all went and had a good time. Now, don't get the wrong idea......I did not like walking around because I didn't want to draw attention to myself, but I did enjoy watching the fun everyone had. Buona Notte

08/11/2004
BMI 33.5
Thanks to my friend Cindi, she suggested I try the "Isopure Dutch Chocolate" @ 50 grams of Protein per servings I am getting over 100 grams a day and have lost 3 pounds in the last 3 days using this product!! I went to GNC with a page from an internet site selling it for cheap and they matched it!! I got a 7lb tub for only $64.00!!!!! This stuff is pretty good, especially when I add my SF Syrups (Vanilla, Coconut or English Toffee). Are you jealous yet??? Get some and let me know if it works for you too!!

09/06/2004 Labor Day
BMI 33.2
I am with-out DSL service and had to buy a new computer today....I guess when it rains it pours. I do have a new dial-up service, but it just ain't the same. I miss all my friends on the CA board. First I was gone visiting my sister in the end of August, then my phone lines go down, then my DLS modem takes a crap and last but not least Earthlink pissed me off with a rude rep so I quit them and went to SBC Global and in the process of changing. I will survive....Prozac!!!
Okay got to go, see you all soon!

09/24/2004
BMI 32.9
Hello all......I have been running around being a mommy. School has started and I have many things to do! Between my DH and 2 girls, I am the last on the list to get "taken care of". I have been good lately. It is weird being happy after being so sad for so long. I feel like I am walking out of a "black period" of my life and I wasted 6 years waiting to be saved. I almost feel like that pretty girl I used to be, but I am older and don't think I have much "pretty" left in me. I feel very weird about my changing body and not sure why. I have conflicting feelings and hope it is just a passing phase. I am still waiting for DSL and am so mad a EarthLink. I miss my friends from the CA board.....I wish I had $$ for the convention so I could spend the weekend in LA, but I will check into getting a 1 day registration for Saturday and drive up in the morning and leave at night. I miss everyone so much...talk to you all soon! ((((HUGS))))

10/10/2004
BMI 32.4
Wow, I can’t believe I waited so long to update…..just goes to show how life changes post-op. Life is good and I feel great. I had my 6-month check up 2 days ago and was down 52 lbs. I am aprox 50 pounds to goal. I no longer smoke and am 14 years sober. What a change…I am actually a HEATHY person living a HEALTHY lifestyle.
My marriage is great, my children are doing good in school. I just wish I could get this house clean!! Amazing how my life has changed from a year ago. I thank God for the blessings that I enjoy on a daily basis. Good luck to you, hopefully your journey will be as happy as the one I have been blessed with.

11/05/2004
BMI 31.6
Lots going on here in Anaheim. A week ago today my house was burglarized and we has lots of things stolen.....I wanted to smoke, but didn't. I wanted to eat, but didn't I had no other crutch to lean on other than sob uncontrollably......I am sure the Deputy loved that.....he spent half his time here trying to calm me down. PROZAC!!! We now have an awesome alarm by ADT and are fully ready for some asshole to try it again!!
In other news, I have an ulcer. I had an endoscopy (EGD) yesterday. It was so weird and I was so high....it was nuts!! I have an ulcer and am waiting for the biopsy results. They should have them by next Friday. Oh well, looks like decaf for me for now on.
I am 3 pounds away from "ONE"derland!! GO ME!!
Life is good, aside from the obstacles, I am grateful.

12/04/2004
BMI 31.6
Time to update the journal. I am doing okay. I am on yet another plateau. Who cares….I am now using an Elliptical (Norditrac) work-out machine almost every day (got it for X-mas from my loving husband!!). I get on and put it in cross training mode for 20 minutes. I have used it for 6 out of 7 days so far and my legs are starting a revolt!! I am getting old! My body is no longer the easygoing body it was when I was in my 20’s. BUT, I am working to getting it back. I have noticed that I do not want to snack on the days I workout…. Hmmmmmmm could be a good thing! I really don’t eat a lot but I do still enjoy a good meal. Like last night we went to a 5 star French restaurant and I enjoyed a wonderful meal with my husband. Yes I brought most of it home, but I was able to enjoy it all the same.
Losing weight has been such a life-altering event. Along with the obvious improvement of health I have noticed how people treat me different. I no longer have problems being ignored by sales people or being treated rudely by a majority of strangers. People are quick to help and perfect strangers smile at me….could I be a happier person and this just be a reflection of that or is it a combination of my improved appearance AND my better attitude?? Who cares what it is….I am happier and healthier than ever before.
Update on the ulcer. The biopsy came back negative for bacteria. So we are treating it with Priosec twice a day. I go back in for another EGD on Dec. 23rd. Just incase you are wondering…would I do this surgery again??? YES!! I would fight tooth and nail. I feel my spirit smiling and can't but be happy each day. Sometimes I need to pinch myself because I can believe I am already a “post-op”. I am blessed. I love my family, friends and wish you the same on your journey. TTFN!

01/06/2005
Happy New Year!! I am currently unable to weight myself because it makes me too emotional. I have been working out everyday on my Elliptical for 35-40 minutes (started dec 16 with upping the time). I do a 5 minute warm up, then for 25-30 minutes work it hard, getting my heart rate between 135-149 so I am at a optimal fat burning level.....then I do a warm down for the final 5 minutes. I really like doing it and burned an AWESOME music CD that has exactly 40 minutes of tunes that are perfect for motivating me. BUT I know this plateau is going to be the death of me.....why is it people are so interested in my failure......why put me on the spot to ask my weight in public.....I don't like HAVING to share it at EVERY get-together I go to.
So I put the scale in the Garage....next to my DH weight set.
Home is good life is nice. My family is healthy and happy this new year and hope the same for you and yours.....thank you for reading my profile, I wish you all MUCH SUCCESS!!!

01/23/2005
$hit I still weigh the same F***ing weight. Everday I do 40 minutes on the Elliptical and then do another 15-20 minutes on legs and abs. You'd think this kind of dedication would yield some results.......I THINK NOT!! I will continue to keep on keeping on. If you are reading this and going to Mexico soon, pick me up some Lime "CLight" it is a no-calorie drink they only sell down there and it is made by Kraft....IT IS DAMN GOOD!! I will pay for shipping and whatever!! I AM HOOKED!!
Lately I have been wanting to smoke....SMOKING IS THE MOST ADDICTING OF DRUGS!! I have done LOTS of drugs (LOTS)....I am must say that when I came out of rehab I didn't have half as many drunk/using dreams as I have smoking dreams. To all you smokers out there...I am still jealous. I'll get over it some day.............I hope.
I am LOVING the "Power Crunch"
bars.http://www.executive-nutrition.com/
The guy from Executive-Nutrition.com gives OC people free shipping on orders over $50.....that is not hard to spend cause they are F****ing GOOD!.
Okay, time to sign off, I am dropping the f-bomb way too much and need to work out!! Peace out and much love!!!

02/02/2005
Well finally I am losing weight and am officially under 200 for the first time in many years!! I weighed in @ 197 this am. The only change is I have doubled my water in-take...and waa-laa. I now am losing a little weight every day and am no longer constipated. I guess fluid intake is WAY more important than most think. So there you have it...the end (I am hoping ) of the plateau from hell!!
Sunday @ 2pm I got a call from my daughter's school, we were the winner of the raffle and won first prize.........
a 2005 Ford Focus. Can you believe it??? I am still trippen.
We used the $$ as a deposit and got a new 2004 Ford Expedition.....OMG that thing is HUGE!! My DH LOVES IT....so that is what we got. I am very blessed and know I need to continue to share what I have, to keep the "good karma" going.
Dude......we won a friggen CAR?!?! WOW!
Also my dear friend Melissa made me the CA board POTW...I do not usually participate because it is about "popularity"....I have learned 2 important things that week....(1) some people really liked me and that made me feel "warm & fuzzy"....(2)some people don't care for me( they just ignored me)....I guess the only thing that counts is my friend love me and that we share a good relationship. I don't "hate" or "dislike" people here....I just let them exist and mind my own business. Some people "scare" me and I find it easier to just stick with people I "know". I do love this sight and many people on it and if you are reading this.....just remember to share the love and keep your profile current to help others here. Bye for now!

03/18/2005
OMG where has the time gone. I have no friggen idea, but here is a quick update; I now work-out every other day 30-40 minutes on the elliptical on cross train mode then do my floor exercises like 100 crunchs and 75 leg lifts on each side and bunches of other things to make it interesting!! I do all the things I should and am doing okay. I have been very busy with family and friends and don't have the time to hang with my friends on the boards but do check in with them as often as I can. A year ago (this week) was doing my pre-op testing and getting final clearence for sugery. It is amazing how 365 days can change a life-style. Okay, I got to go pack for Cabo San Lucas...I am going the week after Easter!! WhoooooHoooooooo!!
Gonna get a suitcase full of CLight and get harassed at customs in LAX!! Stay Cool and see you soon!

04/02/2005
I found like 8 packets of CLight in Cabo....someone must have hit that town before I got a chance!! LOL!! We got home last night and had a good flight. We had Nicole Richie with her fiance that "DJ" guy and Incubus guitarist Mike Einziger on our flight out of Cabo. I will update more later....but I did have a nice time and lots of insights of the change in me "post-op".
TTYSoon!

05/26/2005
**in my funny Seined voice** HELLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooo!! That was a funny episode. I think the name of the girl Jerry was dating was Claire. She made him choose between dating her or using the "voice"...at first he chose the voice, but then changed his mind and wanted to date her.....suffice to say she ended up being hit with a big water balloon filled with oil. Anyhoo...I love saying hello like that....HELLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooo!! How the hell are you!! I know I should have come back sooner but funny how I can find time to post but not time to update my profile. SOoooooooo here it is. I promised my observations on the way people treat me now compared to pre-op (M.O.)...people acted like I was contagious and wouldn't even make eye contact pre-op . I found this to be true on my vacation...Complete strangers were helpful and when-ever I had a problem or needed help, I had lots of assistance. When I was MO...I had to fend for myself...people didn't talk to me unless they HAD to. So that is my "observation". It is a very general one, but accurate enough to get my point across!
I continue to work-out. I now do it every-other day. It is awesome how far I have come. Do you even know how hard this would have been 2 years ago....smoking a carton a week (10 packs) and weighing 250-265...please let me give you a visual......me doubled over trying to catch my breath for 15 minutes cause I tried to do 5 minutes of exercise. The only thing that got me off my ass would be to get another pack of smokes if I was on my last one. Ahh progress, you got to love it!!
I have been blessed with some awesome people in my life (you know who you are!!), things are good. My attitude is better and I have no REAL complaints. I am looking forward to a busy summer with my little family and in the fall my littlest is starting Kindergarten....I better start stock-piling Prozac cause it will be a very difficult month. I am a mommy first and foremost. I am the room mommy for my older daughters 1st grade class. I help my family run smoothly. I cook breakfast & Dinner and pack lunches every day. I make sure we have toilet paper and clean clothes. I work a full-time job with no days off but lots of love and hugs as payment for all the over-time. I am lucky to have what I do and I thank God. I could have never have done this on my own. I love working out and now have a since of pride. I pay attention to what I eat and remember that the success of this surgery and lifestyle is up to me.

06/26/2005
Hello you guys...well it is time once again to update. Things are good. Life is good. And mostly, I feel blessed.
Lets talk protein Supps....I have tried and LOVE UNJURY..My friend Melissa R came over and made me a strawberry smoothie and I was friggen amazed at how you couldn't taste the protein. I bough some and am still loving how easy it is. So I guess I thought you might appreciate the tip. Now about my health....I had my blood panels done and everything is normal. I have been feeling funky lately and must attribute that to the hypoglycemia I have developed. If I don't eat good enough I get get dizzy and weak and it is not a pretty picture. I had to slow down my work-outs cause I was starting to pass-out on my elliptical machine. I have increased my protein and hoping this will pass. My labs look good so it isn't something major but enough of a problem for me to slow down and take care of. Also I am in physical therapy for a bad left rotator-cuff (my shoulder). Don't know when it happened but it is getting more painful. Thank goodness for St Jude's..they have a great physical therapy department and are helping me with it.
Summer has started and I intend to FORCE myself to go out and have fun.....so I want to wish YOU well on your journey.

07/01/2005
Things have been difficult for me and I was scared something was wrong. I was having severe low blood sugar episodes and had to slow down my activity in fear I might get hurt.
Well, I think I found my problem. The carbs I was allowing myself were the issue (even though it didn't take much). Little as it was, it was enough to cause me serious episodes where I was almost passing out and had no energy. I had my blood labs done and it was perfect ( I was fasting)....all of them. After talking to my Dr. and doing some research I found what exactly what I was suffering from. I searched "Reactive Hypoglycemia" and found page after page of awesome info. What especially caught my attention was the fact it will not show up in a simple blood work-up if you ae "fasting". The last 3 days I have restricted as much of the offending carbs and have started feeling better. I am NOT A DR, so if you have lots of these symptoms see a Dr.
I am sharing this cause it has been a problem for me since November and I am so happy to have found that it is easily treated and I am "normal" for the most part. I guess the little that we do eat needs to be watched closely because of the major impact it has on our health.

http://www.opinions3.com/reactive_hypoglycemia.htm
http://www.mts.net/~baumel/hypoglycemia.html

Hope this help some of my friends out there having the same issues.

08/04/2005
Hello...time to update! Blood labs all came back in the normal levels. My hypoglycemia is only okay when I watch my glycemic intake and am careful.
I am looking for work. The youngest is starting school in September. I need something to do to make $$$ for plastic surgery. I am hoping to get it (boobs and a tummy tuck) next year~ God willing~.
I am grateful for my friends and family, I am blessed and I just want to tell everyone that I can honestly say I made the best decision for me and my family to have this surgery.
Please say a prayer for 2 of my friends...ones B-I-L is very ill with cancer and it is so hard watching her hurt. Also the other dear friend might be divorcing her DH and it is very scary for her....so I almost feel guilty that my home is good and I am enjoying good health. I guess we all get our crosses to bear and no one knows when the good will change to bad, or easy to hard.
So I know this is a weird update but it is where I am right now. Good luck in your journey and see you soon!

10/20/2005
Wow, I have been so busy and stressed out. I am looking for work for the first time since I have had kids. I am being picky and it is driving me insane. Money is very tight and it makes me scared how badly I need a job. BUT I am not willing to lower my standards or reduce the amount I want just to work for someone. You know,
If I had not have lost the weight and went around interviewing @ my highest 270, no one would have wanted me....I was sad, and lacked self-confidence. Today I can't keep up with all the calls and running to meet with different companies. I would have NEVER done this pre-op....but now I have been given something priceless, PRIDE and SELF-ESTEEME. I am learning not to SETTLE for less than I deserve. Wish me well and send me your positive thoughts cause me and my family need them. Talk to you soon!!

10/23/2005
I know it is Sunday but I thought I'd come back and tell you the news.......I got a job. I got the money I wanted. The hours I wanted and I didn't have to lower my standards or wants. I will even get a dollar increase at the end of the 90-day probation period. I had so many calls Thursday from people trying to get me in for an interview that I just started asking the salary range right up front before I even made the appointment for the interview. It was kinda funny...the cheap job offers acted offended that I would inquire the range...and the good jobs were right up front and told me. I weeded out the cheapskates and I got an awesome opportunity! MY ADVICE= Post you resume online on Monster.com & HOTJOBS.com. Well that was my update. Life is amazing. Doing the footwork and staying positive really does work. Thank you for being here for me.

12/02/2005
Hello friends! Miss me??? Things are going well for me and my family.
I am loving my new job. I only work 4 hours a day, but I still am running around dropping off kids and picking them up. My days are very full and I so look forward to going to work to get away from the tediousness of mommy-hood. My weight has not changed so I am resolved to stay in size 14 forever. I wanted to lose 20lbs but realize that I may never get there. For the most part I feel normal....I still have "fat" days were I feel like a blimp, but I am sooooooo much better than I was 2 years ago. I am always on the go and doing something. Sooooooo different from my old existence.
I am happy. I guess that is what we are all trying to achieve. Thank God I can enjoy this wonderful life, finally.

01/06/2006
Happy Freaken New Years!!!
I am such a spazzz. I spent the New Years asleep. I was so tired and worn out from Christmas that I was just plain pooped.
Things are finally slowing down and the girls are back in school. I am still working a little bit more than usual because people are still on vacation at work...so I am picking up the slack. I must say that the extra money is as nice as the feeling of fulfillment I get from working again. No one knows I am a "post-op" and I am glad. I don't feel at this point in my recovery that it defines me like it used to. I am VERY aware of what I eat and am always drinking fluids. They even make fun of me because I get to work with 2 large bottles of 1/2 frozen Crystal Light (actually "CLight"-Lime). I bring them everyday and I also keep almonds and beef jerky at my desk. I never "eat" a meal, but rather snack. They know I have Hypoglycemia and that is all I share. I really do feel like the girl I used to be….all except for the gray hair that keep sprouting up…damn those suckers.
Well, thank you for reading this far in to my journey…. I remember like it was yesterday when I used to sit here at my computer and read profile after profile. I will never make it to the 100+ gallery but I am so happy in many other ways. So, best wishes to you in your journey, may all you dreams come true!

02/23/2006
Time flies!! I have been working and dealing with my family and time gets away from me so easily now. I am doing well. I scheduled an appointment with my PCP to have my blood drawn and checked. Yes there will be a needle involved and I am not looking forward to it. It is a necessary evil for a “post-op”. I’ve been a little tired lately but I don’t know if I should attribute that to my working or what.
I have decided to go see Dr. Kent for a consultation for a tummy tuck, breast lift and augmentation. It won’t hurt to see how much money I need to raise and be prepared if that is the route I am going to take. I am trying to convince my husband to come with me. He looks like if I ask him one more time he might go……so I will ask him 10 more times to make sure!! I KNOW once we start talking “BIG BOOBS” he will soooooo help me to get the $$$ together!! LOL.
Take care my OH family….miss you on the boards but I think of you all often!

03/17/2006
Hello my dear friends, how are you!! I am a year older since the last time I updated!
I turned 29 AGAIN!! Anyways, for my birthday my husband made me the cutest “gift certificate”. It was enclosed in a birthday card from him. The gift certificate was for the consultation with Dr Kent….and as part of my gift he agreed to go with me. That was my birthday wish and he went. The consultation took a while because my boobs, they need lots of work- - -dude, I could have told you that! How sad when an AWESOME plastic surgeon looks at your boobs and says it will be a “challenge”. Sooooo lets skip to the good part, I did schedule my surgery (and it is not for a while) but am keeping the info private till I am post op. I haven’t told all my family and don’t want them to stumble on it here.

07/15/2006
Hello OH family!! Long time no update. I bet you all missed me soooo much-NOT!
I will be having my plastic surgery soon and will let you know of my progress. I haven’t updated my board friends’ cause I don’t want to get all excited. I don’t have very high expectations cause I am afraid. I got my hopes up with the gastric bypass and the reality never lived up to the fantasy I made in my head. Yes I don’t regret the surgery and I am happy I lost weight but not happy how hard it is for me. I have to work at my eating and activity level everyday….I just thought I’d have gotten smaller. So with the plastics now eminent I am concerned about my expectations. We are not rich people and yet are paying 100% out of pocket for this. This also plays into level of expectations-.
Dr. Kent is confident I will be happy-so I will have to just ride this ride to the end and see where it takes me. Life is good. My family is great and my little part-time job is the best.
I have been in a really shitty mood in the last few days and wondering if I am PMSing or just stressed over the money thing. God is good and I guess I need to have faith that as long as I make an effort to better my situation, my situation will get better.
Email me if you miss me and want to know what is up! TTFN.

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I am Kip Dynamite Kip: Napoleon, don't be jealous that I've been chatting online with babes all day. Besides, we both know that I'm training to be a cage fighter.
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