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4/11/06
I've been a bad, bad girl when it comes to posting! I promise to update shortly, but all I can say that when it comes to wls life, things have never been better! I've lost 104 lbs in 6 1/2 mos, only 60 more lbs to go! More to come, promise, love O.

7/31/05
So yesterday my sweetie proved to be a man so sweet and caring and loving that I was in amazement and happy to be with such a tremendous man and I love him more than I ever thought was possible. So I was going for my walk last night and I didn't want to ask him because he didn't have the right clothes for walking with him. He offered to go and I gladly accepted. Once we got out he said that it was a little too hot for him to walk in the clothes he had (jeans and a tunic) on so he sat and helped me count my laps around lol. Once I completed my 2 miles he walked 2 additional laps around with me (3 around is 1 mile). Then we went back to my house. I told him that I was planning on going to the wls cruise next year and he offered to go with me. Of course I said yes, I love spending any time I can with him and think this would be a blast. So I did all that worrying and stressing for nothing, better safe than sorry I guess, I do feel bad for underestimating him and his reaction to me. Then later I showed him my OH page and he read all my posts and then was like, what else ya got? He never ceases to amaze me and I have one more in my corner. Woo Hoo! Giving him that letter and me pouring my heart out to him allowed him to see me from a different angle and see what I�m about, and it also allowed me to see him in a different light and see what he's about. The outcome was definitely positive and has strengthened our relationship. I'm so ready for the next step together in our lives. I'm so very much in love, O

Later on 7/30/05
Well, I couldn't have asked for a better boyfriend! Shortly after my post this morning my sweetie said that he wanted to start the letter. He said that he would read page one, eat his food then finish, he ended up reading all 7 pages at once. After page 1 he said that he didn't want me to have the surgery, but I told him to read everything and then we would discuss it. At page 2, he was giving me lots of hugs and kisses, I didn't realize it but he was crying too. Just seeing him cry and knowing he cared so much made me cry. He apologized if he was ever an a$$hole. He kept reading, and was very affectionate while he was, rubbing my back, and holding my hand. We discussed it later, after he ate and he kept telling me he loved me very much and that he couldn't have asked for a better girlfriend. He said that he was only concerned for my health but my weight didn't really bother him. He said that he only cared about how I treated him and that no one had ever treated him the way that I do and that that meant more to him than anything. It was also reassuring when he reminded me that there are much worse addictions to have, drugs, alcohol, etc. He said that he fell in love with me and didn't want me to change but that he understood. He said that he knew that when I get to the other side that with the type of person that I am that I would maintain my weight because I would really get into working out. (I'm enjoying it already now). He just kept stressing how he didn't want anything to happen to me. We cried again together and talked some more. I'm so happy he's on my team and just wanted to share it with everyone. I fell in love all over again today! That's it, O

7/30/05
Good morning everyone! It's been a couple days but I haven't been on here bc my wls info hasn't been moving too much right now. I found out that my so-called eval doesn�t count after all bc my dr's not a phd. I'm not upset but I spent 2 weeks on something that doesn't even count, oh well, they're still scheduling for august. I did go back with my girlfriend on the 28th to the seminar bc she didn't want to go by herself and plus I had some questions to get answered and I wanted to step on the scale to see what the difference was. I was very impressed to see that w/o changing my eating habits, in 2 weeks I had gained 5.5 lbs of muscle, lost 7.5 lbs of fat, gained 13 lbs of lean body mass and increased my total body water by 9.5 lbs. Not bad, I also wanted the dr to see that I had been faithful to my walking, and on days when I have time, I always do more. My girlfriend had cooked some chicken and I was in need of hot sauce, crystal hot sauce, so yesterday I walked over 4 miles (taking the long way) there and back to the store. I was proud of myself because even though I was really tired, once I got back into my neighborhood, I still made myself take the long way back to my house. I'm having fun with it because I like competing with myself to do more. I've made a lot of contacts through oh and Julie hedges support group on yahoo, so I'm building up my support system. I wrote thank you's to 4 nurses. 2 of which were from other offices but just went out of their way to be really sweet to me when I called, one of them even included a lil' note that said happy birthday to me bc their seminar was on my birthday. If it was based on customer service and money was no issue I would definitely have gone with either of those offices, but you know what, I've been blessed my dr's awesome, his staff is great and I feel very confident in my decision, oh yes and my insurance covers me for 100%! I will have to pay $150 for my eval, but that was my choice, I figure its my birthday present to myself. I say my choice bc the psych that my insurance covered, well I'd have to pay 20% but she can't get me in until the 12th and then she said it will be another 10 or so days to score it, I'm trying to do this in august, not September so as my birthday present to myself, I'll pay. I did get my notary commission in the mail and I got registered for my loan signing class on 8/21. I also got registered for school, with the exception of my English 1a class which I'm having to fight for but I won't bore you with the details. Anyway my honey still doesn't know, but I have the 7 page letter for him. He's snoring next to me so he'll get it when he wakes up. I'm to the point though that I don't care what he thinks, I still gotta do what I gotta do for me and if he doesn't wanna be a part of it or support me then he can beat it! I think he'll be fine. I did order 2 books about wls, 1 hasn't gotten here yet though. I got april hochstrassers patients guide to wls. I was going to get Susan Maria's book but it didn't get good reviews. I heard the best thing about it was the recipes the rest is her rubbing her so-called fabulous life in our faces, I'm not interested so I got aprils book and she recommended a book by brian g woodward but I can't quite remember the name. That's all for now folks. Love always, Me!

7/23/05
Nothing really going on here, my mom told me that she doesn't want me to have the surgery, she doesn't think I've tried hard enough. Then she gives me an article from usa today about people not getting jobs, etc because of their size! What the heck is that about! Then she went out with her friends and I was helping her get ready and she kept complaining about her belly. Mind you my mom went from a 16 to an 8 with the blood type diet, and she's had lipo twice so she's really cute. But I wasn't trying to hear it about the belly, I mean gimme a break, I wear anything between an xl and a 2x on top! I have no sympathy, at least right now lol. She told a friend of hers that I'm planning on having the surgery and shes against it, a real advocate for diet and exercise, although this woman is supposedly gaining weight and making bad decisions and wants to buy some dresses from me because she can't fit into her clothes anymore. If the diet and exercise has been so great, then why is she in my closet? Now she's telling my mom that I need to read this book instead, I'll read the book, but I'm having my surgery! I've finished my letter for sweets and its 6 pages long! I'm going to give it to him after I get my date next week. I decided I wanted to start a list of things that I want to do after surgery so here goes:



-Wear cute clothes from a non special sizes clothing store - done 2/06
-Wear high heels comfortably- everything ain't for everybody! I wear them but they ain't all comfortable! 11/06
- Be able to go out and have fun w/o being self conscious
- Not feel rolls of fat on my back - done 1/06
- Get rid of my shower to shower powder and the fire that my thighs start - done 12/05
- Be more explorative sexually - done 4/06
- Wear more than just tops from American Eagle, though my tops from there really don't fit anymore - done 3/06
-Not have to put on lotion to prevent stretch marks - I haven't for mos, but they're still there. 11/06
- Look cute in a bikini - almost 4/06
- Would love to wear a single digit size - I can as long as its not pants, and they're 12's 11/06
- Weigh less than my boyfriend, dad and brother - brother 11/05, dad, 3/06, bf to come.....  -weighed less than honey for months! 11/06
- Not be at risk for tons of sickness - done 2/06
- Not to be told you'd be pretty if....
- Not be afraid of things squeaking when I sit in them - Seems like things squeak more now! 11/06
-Salsa dance in heels all night
-Not to have to sit with my arms a certain way to try to cover my stomach
- Not to have to wear big, maternity type tops to cover the gut
- Fit comfortably into a coach seat on the plane. (I can already fit into first class seats, at least on delta).
- Not have my stomach hang like a sack of potatoes when I bend over
- Be able to take the stairs everywhere w/o feeling like I'm gonna collapse - done, can u believe I actually prefer the stairs now?!?! 2/06
- Share clothes with my mom - done 3/06
- Be someone that I'm proud of physically - more and more proud everyday 4/06
- Weigh under 200 lbs. I have no recollection of being under it, except for at 10 after I lost 40 lbs - Been under 200 for mos, in fact as a reward, pierced my navel in july..... 11/06

7/21/05
Nothing really new to report except that my girlfriend that first prompted me to have the surgery is going to go to dr. frye�s seminar on the 28th and she wants me to go. I figure this is a good chance for me to go and get my questions I�ve thought of since the 14th answered, get on the scale and see if my body fats changed any since I�ve been walking over 2 miles since the 14th, that 67% still haunts me. I�m extremely excited! My moms kinda trying to be negative asking me what I�m going to do if this doesn�t work and telling me (like I don�t already know) that I can�t eat the same way any longer. I kindly told her that I only want positive energy around me bc again, failure isn�t an option. My sweetie keeps asking me what I�m up to so I told him I�d write him a letter and that he�d have it in 2 weeks or so. (I want to wait to tell him after I get a date). I can tell a difference already with the walking with my energy level. I don�t feel as sluggish during the day. I�ve been drinking more water and starting to make changes now so I don�t have such a hard time, although Dr. Frye kinda scared about not eating properly lol so I think I�ll be ok. One of the ladies I was talking with at the seminar made me think of something I haven�t thought of in a longgggg time. I thought that my food issues started at 10 when I was on my first diet but one of the things that got me to that point was when I was about 8 years old and we were moving, my mom moved my toy chest and I had stashed candy wrappers behind it. Don�t ask me where or how I got them, bc as a child I was always given sugar free things. I don�t know why an 8 year old would have issues with food but I do suspect that it had something to do with my parents divorce. I�m not using it as an excuse but up until that point I had otherwise a pretty good childhood. Anyway, that�s it for now, I won�t stay away for so long and will come back and post after my eval. I love the world and especially obesityhelp.com and Julie hedges! BTW how do I get an angel? Thanks Love, Me!

7/19/05
I have a really cool nurse helping me, Laura Murray at UHC. Laura if you ever come across this, you've been the biggest, bestest help ever! Lol. Well anyway Laura called me on the 18th and told me that I didn't have to go through the whole insurance approval thing bc I had already been approved. All they had to do was go into the system and switch over the info to Dr. Frye and then I'd be good to go! I called Bernie the surgery scheduler at Dr. Frye's and she said she found that out that I had been approved for another dr but that they still had to go through the process so I said ok and called back Laura, I gave her Dr. Frye's office� # and Bernies name. Today she called me and told me that she had found all my info in the system and switched it over to Dr. Frye's so I'm good to go now! All I have to do is get my eval which is the 25th! I'm sooooooo excited! She's really sweet though, told me she'll be voting for me when I'm on America's Next Top Model, lol. I'm a long way from that but I've always wanted to model again. (I did it as a baby/toddler). I told her like I told Evelyn the nurse at Dr. Frye�s office that ideally I�d like to be about 170-180. They both told me that I may be too skinny and that I�d probably be happier at 200. I can�t fathom being too skinny, but I guess I�ll cross that bridge when I get to it. And I will get to it bc failure is not an option! More later, Hugs, O

7/17/05
So I placed a call to my therapist and I have my psych eval appt, 7/25 @ 9:30 am! Woo hoo, I am on my way! So I decided to tackle my wls from all angles and am now getting paperwork from all kinds of places including the office one of my drs referred me too. They�re going to make me jump through numerous hoops so I think I�m going to pass on that. I have a really good feeling about tempus and Paul Frye and am going to hold on to paperwork from other offices I recv�d but I�m essentially going to put my eggs in that basket for now, bc after I have my psych eval I should have a date for surgery that week. Otherwise, I�ve told my mother about the surgery and she�s going to be my support person. I haven�t told my dad and don�t plan to do so until I�m on the other side. This may sound harsh but my dad feels that if I walk and eat right everyday that I�ll loose the weight, and for 2 weeks I followed what he wanted me to do and I lost 20 lbs, but as soon as I ate something else or didn�t exercise I started ballooning up again. He�s really proud of me for walking right now, hopefully he will continue to be proud of me. I�m also trying to figure out how to tell my sweetie. He�s never had a weight problem and I don�t tell him about what I go through with my weight so to just come out and tell him he may not understand. I�ve decided to brainstorm it for a week or 2 and make sure I have all my thoughts together and then I�m going to write him a letter. I�ve decided this will be best. I think he�ll understand once he reads the letter. Around him I try to hide my fat lol and act like a regular girl. When we met I was about 40 lbs lighter (I was doing the master cleanser liquid fast) we met out one night, so he had to have found something attractive about me but I don�t know what it is lol. I went off the fast bc I was getting terrible cramps and the magnesium wasn�t helping anymore. Then the scale started to shoot back up like it always does but this time and for the first time I�d found myself over 300. My weight doesn�t bother me like it used to bc I know that its not going to be this way much longer. I would love to have the surgery on my birthday (8/18) and the surgery scheduler told me that surgerys are currently still being scheduled for august so I haven�t ruled it out as a possibility. Boy would that be the best birthday gift! More later, Love ya, O

7/15/05
Ok its been wayyyy to long since I�ve posted and I�ve got lots of things to update in the world of wls, well probably in general but at any rate here goes. So as far as wls is concerned I�ve changed doctors and am no longer going through Dr. Leport or fountain valley as it is 5 hours away from me and the $2300 is going to take to long for me to get. I then switched to Dr. Marvin at obesity surgery specialists in Houston, Tx. I fired them because they take too long and they lie to me. The story behind that is that I was working with Robyn who never returns calls and never seems to be available when I call and for a while was the only one that could help me. So she checked on my insurance benefits and found out that I�d have to pay $315, and between that, my hotel and airfare I�d be looking at under $1000 which is still really decent. So anyway she told me that the dr. had reviewed my information and that he would take me on as a patient. She said that he was at a conference and that he would have my letter of necessity ready in about 2 weeks and that I should call her back in 1. She said that if she was on the other line to tell whoever answered to let her know that I was calling from California bc most of the time whoever she was on the phone with could be called back. I�m feeling pretty good about things bc she�s talking about surgery in august/late September. So I call back the next week but the California trick doesn�t work, I constantly get her voicemail and she never called me back. She told me I could talk to Kathleen but when I asked for her she had no idea who I was or what was going on with my file. So finally she figures it out and talks to Robyn who tells her that the dr hasn�t taken me on as a patient yet. WTF? Robyn told me the previous week that he had. I tried to be patient and understanding but was beginning to get very frustrated. I then began searching for places within driving distance of home just in case I have any complications I won�t have to hop on a plane if I�m in misery. So I called Western Bariatrics in Reno which is 2 hours away from me, I was trying to see if they would take my insurance before I went up there for a seminar which is on the 22nd. No one ended up returning that call. I actually ended up going to the Tempus Wt. Loss center in Fresno with dr. Paul Frye. The seminar was last Thursday the 14th. It was Awesome. I really got a good impression from Dr. Frye. He�s good but strict which is fine bc being lazy and lackadaisical about things is part of what got me to this point in my life where wls is what I have to turn too. He wanted us to start walking @ least 2 miles a day, that day. He told us that in the last 100 ft of the 2 miles a fat burner turns on that stays on for 6-8 hours but that when you eat something or drink something sweet during that period that it turns off. Very interesting, and walking the 2 miles hasn�t been that bad I�m kind of starting to enjoy it. The seminar was great bc they weighed us, and the scale was awesome! It tells your body fat, mine is a whopping 67%!!! It tells how many pounds of fat you are, I�m 204, I have 99 lbs of bones, eyes, teeth, etc., and 73 lbs of water. They also measured us. Then we had the seminar and then 1 on 1�s with the dr where he had us fill out a form saying that we understood the risks and everything that he covered in the seminar, he addressed any questions we had and looked at our stomachs to see if it would be an open or laparascopic surgery. Mine will be laparascopic, woo hoo!!! And he said I won�t need a tummy tuck afterwards! So that�s is, I get insurance approval, my psych eval (which my therapist can do, and I only have to pay her my $15 co-pay!) and then I get my date! I go down a week before surgery to do my labs and then its straight to the other side! The other thing I really loved about his office is that my letter of necessity goes out the very next day! Ok this post is way tooo long, more later! Love & Kisses, O

6/8/05
I�ve been to the site nearly everyday, but I have radial tunnel as a result of my job and had surgery 3 weeks ago on my right arm, my left should be in about a month. Due to that, I haven�t really felt like going into a book about myself although I�ve had so many emotions and things going on. So, at this point the only thing holding me back between me and my surgery is $2300. I�m going through Lite Dimensions at Fountain Valley Hospital, and they require that upfront. I�ve applied for a loan so I�m waiting to hear back about that. I�m very positive and know that god will make a way for me. Another big concern for me is that I�m able to get this done while I�m off from work so that I don�t have to be off w/o pay. I�m going through tons of emotions just because I�ve been doing so much research and talking to so many people. Right now my biggest concern is what I�m going to be like during and after my metamorphosis. I read a wonderful article about just this issue and the bottom line was basically that as obese people we feel inferior and that we�re not deserving of the success and to be thin and happy. I fear that my personality will change bc I won�t need to overcompensate for my fat body any longer and will have to deal with all the issues that were stored in my blanket of fat. I�m truly happy to be so close to having the surgery and can�t wait to go through with it I�m just very curious to see what will happen along the way, who will support me and want to continue being a part of my life (as I have only told 4 people in my life of my upcoming plans) who will badmouth me and who will be jealous. The biggest thing that I have to understand is that all of that is outside and I need to focus on Olivia for once and taking care of me and my needs. I�m also very excited to see what I�ll be like and what awaits me on the other side. I already have people nagging me about my weight right now, and honestly it really doesn�t bother me bc I�ve had comments made to me all my life about my weight so I can pretty much brush it off my shoulder. All it makes me want to do is have surgery yesterday and get out there and bust some ass to reveal the new me. I�m determined to succeed. Failure is not an option! Well, I have so much more to share but its late and I should be in bed. I�ll definitely be better about posting. Goodnight all, Love & Kisses, O.